Bisexuality, Pansexuality, Labels & More

For those of us who are a bit into the research aspect of our sexual identity we know there are TONS of labels out there all grasping at defining a behavior, thought or action set of a group of people’s sexuality.

I believe in a clamor to be unique there are people who must have these labels to stand out, gain attention, define who they are and the list of personal insecurities can go on.

There are other people who are die hard label whores. Of all sorts but in the sexuality aspect I mean. Their sexuality becomes their identity. They can’t ‘be’ without ‘being’ something with a title and meaning, with a circle and label attached to it.

I am not one of those people in the least. I don’t announce my sexuality to the world like “Hi, I’m Jay Dee. I’m bisexual.” For what?

Like, “Why?” is my question.

Now, if there’s a pretty lady around or if I’m in a sexual environment or at a sexuality event then my sexuality and this blog come up of course.

Outside of that I really am just me and in some ways you can see my sexuality.


I’m masculine and feminine.

I wear both gender clothing at times.

I am perceived as ‘aggressive’ even a fem stud for those who like labels.

Does that make me a lesbian and I don’t know it? Nope, did that. Nixed men, stuck to chicks only for a long time. They are just as bad as dudes if not worse!

I just say I’m my mother and father’s child thus I am a blend of both genders and that is what one plainly sees.

I would consider myself pansexual if I had to choose a label, not bisexual.

I can sexually be with a man, woman, transexual female to male or male to female easily.

It all depends on the person. I prefer those who are transitioning be passable and pre-op down below.

Well isn’t that still bisexual just with people who appear to be the opposite gender? Sheesh. Or would that be multi-sexual or omni-sexual or tri-sexual?


Why go through the labels and then scream them to the world. Sexual self expressionism is very common now. There’s no uniqueness in alternate sexualities anymore. I don’t know about anyone else but I’m a Ny’ker and nothing really shocks me. Especially when someone says “Hi, I’m so and so” and then identifies their sexual preference outside of a sexual environment. Usually I silently ask myself why did this person feel the need to tell me private sexual information and they don’t know me?

Sure there’s always going to be sociopolitical bullshit attached to anything other than the so called ‘norm’ but damned near no one is straight anymore!?

To top it off fashion as of mid 2014 has blended the gender lines to the point I can’t tell who’s straight, bi, metro, pan, gay, lesbian, who’s a boy, who’s a girl, or whatever when I walk down the block!

Sheesh, this is all so confusing if we over think it.

I’m me.

I know what I like sexually and it’s a shame I feel I have to take on, use and wear a label to attract the people I like to be around…but it’s true.

My physical appearance would indicate I am a feminine female at most times which gives the presumption I must be straight, then my wedding rings confirm it in most people’s minds.

How far from the truth is that!? Ha. Don’t let me get into appearance and presumptions. This is how BiWives are hidden, how we are so easily forgotten and very rarely, usually not even mentioned in LGBT communities.

If we label ourselves, we’re then well sorted out for the picking 😉 which is a major reason why people announce their sexualities. To find kindred spirits.

Here’s a really good article describing the difference between bisexual and pansexual.

What are your thoughts on sexuality and labels?

-Jay Dee, Founder

New Year’s Eve Fashion Tips

I’m not sure if you all know or not but I am married to a Fashion Designer.

With two degrees in Fashion and 20 years experience as a freelancer I kind of hit the jackpot. 🙂

I consider myself a Manhattanite Fashionista with a touch of my home The City of Angels thrown in there.

To top it all of I am definitely a Retro Queen.

I have a deep love for all things vintage, regal, upscale, fashionable.

That’s not to say I don’t do comfy and relaxed well 🙂

This year my husband is designing my NYE 2014 gown.

Going with the basics I came up with the design for my gown, he’s constructing it and I’m doing DIY studded shoes, a tip given by our very own Stephanie Elise 🙂

Hubby n I went fabricating and I decided to go with a black and silver body hugging material.

2014 was my year to slim down and tone up. I fell short in the toning up department so I had to find a fabric that flattered my slimmed down, out of tone shape. -_-

Originally I wanted to go with all sheer see through fabric but he didn’t feel comfortable with me going that far for now.I thought just the sillouette beneath a sheer fabric would be hot and hide my flaws (we’re going to an indoor fashion event, at night) but again, hubby said he didn’t feel comfortable so we got creative.

I want an upscale, vintage look and so far it’s come along nicely.

My gown is almost done and I’m so happy with the final design & overall look I’ve put together! 🙂

Here’s a few tips on picking out the best NYE outfit/look for you:

#1 Decide what kind of look you’re going for before going shopping.

You can be overwhelmed with options but here’s a few: classic elegance, short and shiny or warm and fun. Think of where you’re going and ask yourself what would you look best in. From there plan your outfit head to toe. 

photo credit:
photo credit:

For the sake of this article we’re going to assume you’re buying a dress.

The design of the dress/gown is very important.

Make sure it fits! Fit is the most important thing with any piece. Not everyone looks like the lady in that picture up there. If you know you don’t look right in something like that, don’t buy something like that! There are a ton of designs out there to choose from.

It’s always best to shop with a trusted friend that will tell you the truth in your choices and help you out pulling pieces and trying stuff on. If you don’t have anyone to go shopping with you enlist the help of a personal shopper. Just don’t do it alone!!!

Make sure the colors you choose are for you. Some people just don’t look good in the same colors everyone else may be wearing. Go with whatever color combination you think flatters you most. You don’t have to follow trends, you can be the newest trend!

Don’t be shy, glittery is fine! It’s New Year’s Eve!!!

Make yourself shine from head to toe if you like!

It’s all about being brand new in a brand New Year 🙂

glitter dress pinterest found on
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1. When choosing a gown make sure it flatters your curves and not highlight your flaws

2. Wear a body shaper if necessary, there’s no shame in it 😀

3. Make sure you wear stockings that compliment your gown.

4. Don’t forget about your nails and hair!

5. Nails should match your gown’s color.

6. Up do’s are more upscale, wear your hair down for a sexier carefree look. (like in the sparkle picture above)

7. Shoes & bag/clutch should always make the dress pop. Don’t be dull, be daring!

Check out DIY shoe/bag/clutch enhancements on pinterest and youtube if you’re the creative type.

8. Accessories can make or break an entire outfit. Choose carefully, don’t overdo it. Sometimes less is more. Sometimes more is just right. Again, that trusted friend or personal shopper should be there to help you figure it out.

9. Makeup makes the look. Remember the flawless natural look is in now but please, don’t pile it on. Flawless should be even and clear with subtle feature enhancements. Too many layers make wrinkles. You are beautiful, no need to over do it.

10. It’s okay to highlight that beauty with a shimmery strong eye or shimmery body glitter.

photo credit:
photo credit:

Hope these tips helped a bit. Tell us what you ended up wearing. 🙂


Michael Sam’s Story, Social Perception & Sexuality

On Oprah Winfrey Network Television (OWN Network) tonight was the premier of the Michael Sam story.

Here’s a Link to the Preview

I watched and experienced so many raw emotions through the entire documentary showing and the post documentary interview.

I also saw before my eyes confirmation of all of my LGBT societal perception thoughts.

Sexuality and societal perception can make or break a life.

The media can make or break a life.

The choices we make, the people we involve in those choices can make or break our lives.

It was such a very real, raw cycle of ups and downs watching his story play out.

I literally cried along with him.

As a pioneer within this sexual revolution by simply just being very outspoken bisexual married woman I totally identify with some of the struggles he faced in dealing with society’s judgement and perceptions.

One of the biggest questions through the entire story was “Did coming out hurt his career?” We all know the answer is “Yes.”

The answer is not yes because he came out alone but because of when he came out and who he came out to. 

He came out to the entire world just at the pinnacle of realizing his career potential.

The world wasn’t ready for his revelation.

No NFL team was ready to deal with the media attention of having the first openly gay football player on their team.

The world is not that open minded yet despite what may be ‘politically correct’ to say in public.

The world isn’t ready to deal with married bisexual women or men.

‘They’ are still adjusting to gay and lesbian men and women.

The fact there are married and bisexual people is too much for some to deal with.

The fact Michael Sam is a gay man and a football player is too much for some to deal with.


Truth is ‘They ‘can’t deal with anything that doesn’t fit into the societal norms & traditional ideals laid out for us by ‘them’.

Because ‘they’ can’t identify with our lifestyles it is taboo for our lifestyles to be public or even visible.

Who is ‘Them’ & who is ‘They’?

Why is it ‘They’ have so much power and control over our lives whether we allow them to or not, whether we go against the grain or not?

It seems ‘They’ Rule the world and we just live in it.

Why is there even an ‘Us’ and ‘Them’ thing?

Aren’t we all humans?

Why does it matter what I do with my private parts?

So many questions on societal perceptions and influence were answered and arisen with this film.

It’s pioneers like Michael Sam that inspire me.

It’s women like Oprah with the courage to address these issues publicly that motivate me.

Keep on Michael Sam, the world will one day see you are an AWESOME football player.

Your sexuality shouldn’t matter when it comes to the game.

-Jay Dee, Founder

What is Sexual Freedom?

With a New Year rapidly approaching, only days away as a matter of fact energy in the atmosphere is changing rapidly.

The power of mass thought is real and strong I believe.

So many people are pondering making life changes right now, at this moment.

People are planning their next year in career, family, love, relationships, living situations, health and so much more.

Winter can be a time of isolation, hibernation, reflection and emotional whirlwinds. I say emotional whirlwinds because people experience such a wide range of emotions during the winter holidays which in turn leaves people looking forward to change at the end of the year.

Everyone’s focused on change.

Well, one thing I’ve been pondering is sexual freedom.

Like true sexual freedom. What is it? It’s definition is different to everyone that’s for sure.

For me I think it’s freedom to be bisexual, straight, gay, wear panties, boxers or not. Wear a bra or not. Not being afraid to be who you are sexually be it a very private person or a very public person.

Freedom to just BE.

When you’re married sometimes it’s just not possible. There’s someone there to tell you what they like, will stand for, won’t stand for and their opinion has impact on your life.

I’m not talking about dysfunctional marriages just plain ole regular marriages require consideration of your spouses thoughts and feelings. Especially regarding your sexual tastes.

Being married in and of itself is difficult.

Having outside of the norm sexual tastes such as bisexuality makes it all the more difficult.

I am not a relationship expert by education.

I am a relationship expert regarding my own life experiences and learning what worked and what didn’t for me.

Relationships are complicated.

There have been times when I thought relationships just weren’t for me.

With men or women.

I’m married to someone now.

Can we really be sexually free, and married.

I believe so, depending on who we married and what our definition of sexually free is.

So, with that being said, what does sexual freedom mean to you?

Are you sexually free?


-Jay Dee, Founder

So, I came out, now what?

A woman’s wonderful perspective on being a bisexual married woman, her self identity and experience with coming out to family & friends. Awesome post.
Kudos to you Bellaelena!

-Jay Dee, Founder


2014 has not been a good year for me. I came out of the closet as being bisexual this year. It took me 46 years of my life to finally accept it, and acknowledge it. I’m not sure if it changed my life at all. I’m still married to my husband of 21 years, so it’s not like I could jump into the female dating pool.

I’m a shy introvert who is not what “society” calls beautiful. I can attract people online, because they only see my personality. But the online me is so different from the in person me who has trouble talking to strangers. So, even if I was single, my looks, shyness and introversion would work against me.

Coming out has brought a certain freedom. I can accept myself for who I am. I can admit that I am attracted to women instead of hiding that fact…

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Here’s how it works:

Just like the rest of the site! 🙂

You can either send me a private comment using the form…


You can share your thoughts, insights and feelings with everyone using the REPLY BOX.

BiWife Spouses Page is a place to talk about your experience as the spouse of a bisexual woman.

What has it been like for you?

Has it been difficult? Is it the best thing in the world? Do you ever get jealous? What issues have arisen? What is the best thing about being married to a bi woman?

You asked for it, you’ve got it.

BiWife Spouses, you are one half of our whole dream come true and we love you for being bi our side!

Kudos to all of you!!!

-Jay Dee, Founder

Looking Back…& Forward

2014 was a great year for BiWifeLife

This has never been a stats thing to me. It’s always been about who we are, the fact we are here and bonding with, sharing with other biwives like myself.

BUT our numbers skyrocketed in just one year without paid advertising, SEO or anything!

In 2013 we had 9,000 views & 3,500 visitors.

In 2014 to date we have had 59,400 views & 2,600 visitors!!! 

That says two things to me.

#1 We are a blog that people need.

#2 We are a blog that people come back to.

My BiWifeLife in 2014

Jay Dee
Jay Dee

A lot has changed in my life since I began blogging in my marriage and my life as a bisexual woman.

When I started this blog I was dealing with a woman I wanted to be with but couldn’t because she didn’t fit me. I was still hurt by my ex girlfriend before her and was hoping to find someone like or better than her…while dealing with the woman who didn’t fit me.

She was a ball of drama but her body was addictive. Through her actions and our own we left her alone. Finally. Period.

I have not been with a woman in a few months, I do have the desire but not the energy.

Being married and bisexual it’s very hard to find someone who will become a part of my life. Through frustration I gave up and just put the energy into the universe I am ready for ‘Her’. I pray the Universe hears me and she comes into my life organically.

I have met a wonderful woman online I’ve yet to meet. We plan to meet in the New Year. Who knows? 😉

My marriage is as any other would be. Good times, bad times. Marriage in and of itself is not always a easy journey. God willing in Feb we’ll be celebrating one of our wedding anniversaries. We had two ceremonies, one religious to make our relationship right in the eyes of God. Another at City Hall a year and a few months later. Year after year only God knows will we see another year married. Death, illness or divorce could claim any marriage. We can only pray for forever…

BiWifeLife & The BiWives Club 2014

love knows no boundaries

As far as the BiWifeLife goes I’ve experienced so many emotions with you all. I’ve read comments and stories from such a wide variety of people through the year. I’ve laughed, cried, followed stories and have been allowed to be there for some of the most intimate thoughts, feelings and emotions of so many wonderful people.

The community has growing a lot. Readers are very active browsing, commenting and even connecting.

I have been informed of other complimenting online outlets to enhance BiWifeLife & communicating with each other by a few wonderful souls who were willing to give me advice on how to make the site more supportive and functional for readers. I’ll be working on those things in 2015.

The foundation has been set. We are here. Now, it’s time to let the world know it!

The goal for 2015 is to really move forward with exposure and establishing ground meetings.


We’ll see what 2015 has in store for us 🙂

All my kindred spirits I wish you all much happiness, peace, prosperity, love and joy in your marriages.

May 2015 bless you with all you dream of for yourselves!

With love in my heart,

-Jay Dee, Founder BiWifeLife & The BiWives Club (ground meetings coming soon!)

Getting Over Your Crush…

5 Practical Realities Of Getting Over Your Unrequited Crush

This has been such a hard thing for me to deal with lately. I had a crush on this girl for a solid year and a half. We spent time together here and there, but never got close. I never broke down the wall around myself that both protected my true self from being judged and kept me from being close with her. Vulnerability is the only way to achieve intimacy, and that is downright terrifying sometimes. She was always friendly with me, but I felt she was holding back as well. I felt hurt when I was always the one to initiate plans, and sometimes it would take her weeks to even respond to me.

Two weeks ago I finally got so sick of carrying the weight around with me and decided I had nothing to lose by spilling my guts to her. At best, she would say she felt the same. At worst, nothing would happen but I would still be relieved of my burden. The latter happened when I sent a short but well-composed text telling her how I felt.

I found this article about a month ago. I wasn’t quite ready to let go of her then, but reading these brutally honest words certainly helped.


Meredith, Contributing Author