Partners/Spouses

This page is a dedicated space for all the long term boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, partners, fiance’s, husbands and wives of bisexual humans to connect and discuss topics related to what life is like for you.

Doesn’t matter your gender. Doesn’t matter  your loved one’s gender.

If you’re looking for a supportive environment for people involved in long term relationships with a bisexual person then you’ve found it.

Share your situation, insights, thoughts or feelings.

We welcome and value your thoughts, insights and opinions.

(REMEMBER THIS IS A MODERATED SITE. NO INAPPROPRIATE COMMENTS WILL BE PUBLISHED)

-Jay Dee, Founder

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36 thoughts on “Partners/Spouses

  1. I’m a little up in the air right now dealing with my girlfriend. I’m not sure if I’m dealing with otherwise normal behavior or signs she might be at very least bi sexual. After googling the “signs” she had all of them but there weren’t but 4 that kept reoccurring. More signs she gives is that she constantly talks about doing threesomes with me and another girl but wouldn’t take me seriously as a boyfriend after. She very clearly states what she likes and finds attractive in other women and doesn’t think twice about sexual touch with a female except when she’s committed to a relationship which she is.
    The signs pointing to “yes”-fine. I’ve actually said to her that girls don’t count as far as I go. I spoke to an old friend about the issue and she pointed out that statement was insensitive. She recommended opening a dialog with her by simply stating that we could talk about it, that she would perceive that as more genuine and less a a guy who thinks he’s getting lucky.
    I admit to fantasy about the issue but the serious side of it is that I think she’s struggling in some way with it on two fronts and it’s making her a little crazy and frustrated. First, she perceives it as cheating no matter what and therefore she doesn’t love me if she does engage in girl/ girl sexual activity. She also sees it as I don’t love her if I don’t have a problem with it.
    The second problem I think she has is somehow dealing with the label, the actual acceptance of it. She claims to be open minded but all too often I find people who think they are and what they really mean is they’d like to be. I think she is the latter.
    Her descriptions of past relationships with men have me with the impression that she has certainly struggled with self esteem issues. Men were often unfaithful or unequal so of course she didn’t feel rejection, etc. Often it seemed it justified her sexual acts with other women while she was “in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere.”
    And to be clear she has had sex with women in the past though she claims they were always the aggressor.
    My concern here is that I’m emotionally investing in someone who isn’t capable of a relationship with a man or that she won’t accept the fact that she likes women and men. She seems somehow struggling with gender roles in wanting women who behave in traditional male ways or men far more sensitive. Sexually I can see she enjoys sex with me and sex in general as she is really rather adventurous but physically at the same time she often experiences some pain during (she’s rather small).
    I know she wants a committed, deeply serious relationship and yes I believe with a man. I think she doesn’t believe she can have her cake and eat it too. After I tried what my friend suggested I think she is getting the notion that her bisexual desire is not an invitation for me to have other women. I’m having trouble, I think, convincing her that I think her issue is deeper than casual and I want her to be happy. I love her and really feel like she’s my best friend but her frustration is frustrating me! Anyone, I’m open to all points of view here.

  2. Hi guys, in a bit of a frustrating but exciting situation. I have told my wife many times it excites me to think of her with another woman. Until recently she shows no interest at all in the idea. A Very voluptuous tall black woman moved into the neighborhood just before the summer. We are a mid 30’s white couple. My wife went over to greet her to the neighborhood. She started spending more and more time at the woman’s house to the point of not cooking dinner or clean the house as much as she use to. My wife is a bit shy and reclusive and tends to listen to her friends a little too much over me. So I am happy that she has made a new friend but she is over there all the time. I met the woman and she is very nice and friendly but extremely aggressive and a “take control” type. Also she is very flirty and she makes a point to flirt with me which annoys my wife no end.

    I have been catching little things. Recently when the black woman was at our house, the woman practically ordered my wife to get us more drinks. It was our house! But what surprised me more was the meek way my wife eagerly got up and did it. And then the “telling” smirk the woman gave me as my wife did. She brought them back, gave the woman her drink first then after the woman sort of nodded, my wife sat on the couch at her feet. Later, when I left and came back into the room, I caught my wife rubbing the woman’s feet while she wiggled her toes and sighed. When my wife saw me she quickly stopped and sat on the couch. The woman is always hugging my wife in front of me. My wife’s head only comes up to the woman’s chin so her head is crushed into her boobs when she does this and she seems to go out of her way to do it in front of me because she will often look at me over my wife’s head as she does and sort of smiles and smirks at me. I have caught the woman straddling my wife on the bed holding her down and tickling her. Or hugging her from behind as my wife did the dishes. They will slow dance like lovers with my wife’s head resting on the woman’s breast and a look of bliss on her face. If the woman calls, my wife will drop everything to go with her somewhere.

    I have seen hand bruises on my wife’s wrists but my wife says thats from when she tickles her and holds her down. My wife started wearing a new perfume which I don’t see a bottle for. Then I smell the same fragrance on the woman but much stronger.

    Another time while kissing my wife I noticed the distinct smell of a woman on her. She claimed she was just sweaty from helping the woman move some things but I know what I smelled and it didn’t smell at all like my wife. Ah, I am not talking about perfume this time either.

    Heres the thing. I love it! And I think the woman knows I love it too. Just two weeks ago I had a little talk with the woman to tell her I am fine with it as long as my wife is. And while she didn’t confirm or deny anything to me, that knowing smirk was on her face the entire time. The next night in bed there were two fresh bite marks on my wife. One on her upper left breast the other on her inner thigh. I asked my wife about them and she said I was imagining things and got upset with me. The next time I saw the woman she pulled me aside and asked me if “I got her message?” I said yes even though I am not sure that I did.

    On another site the person I mentioned this too said the woman was “marking her territory” and showing you who was in charge.

    It’s just my wife that denies everything. She gets VERY defensive if I bring anything at all up about the woman. I keep trying to tell her I am fine with it but she only gets upset with me. I am so turned on and confused. Is this a game and they are messing with my head? Or is my wife ashamed or in denial or what? Some people have said that my wife might be enjoying it while it happens but ashamed of it after. Does that make any sense?

  3. Hey Guys,

    I’ve been miserable in and out of the sack for a few years – with my wife. We’ve just made 2 years married after being together for 5 years total.

    She’s a wonderful, supportive person but her nasty attitude and disposition over the years has caused me to be sexually unattracted to her. In addition, We don’t travel much, always find something to argue about, our life together is boring, she doesn’t have any friends, she’s always heavy, stressed and annoyed about something just…never happy and it’s tiring and wearing on me.

    Also, I’ve been grappling with my desire for men; there’s a desire for mind-blowing sex, a desire for romance and something I’ve never experienced (with men) before. Unfortunately, I’ve creeped…twice. The really bad part is…I don’t even feel bad about it. Before it happened, I’ve spoken with two counsellors, prayed, meditated and journaled about my feelings. I never, ever wanted to do something like this but I’ve been “sexually repressed and depressed” for the last three years of our relationship. I got married thinking it would change and that it was just me but…I can’t keep going on like this and I don’t know what to do.

    Should I get divorced and live life on my own terms…and decide what’s best for me …

    Or…

    Stay in the marriage and find a way to deal?

  4. Hello. I was introduced to your site, by my wife, about a week before she came out as bi to me (2 weeks ago). She has been internalizing this for about 6-8 months, and one night said “I want to tell you something”. I admitted, that I had anxiety welling up as she told me. She is still in the process of deciding what she wants and needs, but describes it as going through puberty all over again. She does not know yet what this means for her, but has communicated that she wants to be with me, her family, and has expressed concern over how this will impact us.

    I understand that there is still a lot to sort out, and this is about her, but I feel this is about us, too. This could change everything…monogamy (maybe), commitment, etc. If she needs to be with another woman, I currently see that as a violation of our vow to one another, but I am keeping an open mind as curiosity is a value I hold. Her definition of monogamy now leans more “monogomish”, but we are still new in our journey. I am still trying to grasp this.

    When we discussed this (it is ongoing), I explained that one of the things that was special to me was we had that part of one another that was not shared with anyone else. She said she still had the family, the household, the home and housework we shared. I interpreted that to mean, we share the work, and she (may) want to play with others. I view the house stuff as shared with the family, but we have that other aspect of our relationship as just ours.

    She has not come to the conclusion that she needs that yet, but my concern is fueling a lot of irrational, conclusional thoughts of my own. On a good day, I am open, and excited, and giddy of seeing who she will blossom into. On a bad day, I am panicked, concerned, and feel as if I have gone through, or am going through a breakup. I do not want that. I love my wife. Dearly.

    I want to be open, understanding, with arms wide open and a loving smile on my face. I want to be the man she sees as worth having, and I like to think we can find our way through this together. I told her that I will take this journey with her, for as long as I can, and that I hope that is forever.

    Her stated fear is that I will no longer like her, or that she will lose me. My concern is how will I feel? Will I love her less? I feel that to be able to share her I will have to love her less. That I will have to care less. That I will not be the best version of myself. I know. It is too soon. I know. This isn’t about me. But, I think it is about us, and as I listen with empathy, ask questions, consume information, and just lover her, I realize I have no one to talk to about this. This could change everything. Everything we discussed, everything we do, everything we plan.

    She told me that I was the most authentic person she knows, and that she wanted to be her authentic self. I support that.

    As far back as 20 years ago, with friends in the LGBT community, our bi friends were viewed by the majority of us monosexuals as “selfish”, indecisive, or promiscuous. Over the last couple of weeks I have been consuming as much information as I can, to better understand, and shatter those remnants from my mind and memory. I love my wife.

    Currently, I cannot understand how having a physical relationship with someone else is a need. Want. Yes. Strong Desire. Yes. Fantasy. Yes. Need? Not so much. But, I frame that from my perspective as I have never needed to have a physical relationship with anyone, but I sure have wanted one badly.

    Ultimately, am I being selfish? I want us. I want something that is just mine/ours, and I do not understand how directing energy, affection, and intimacy to another helps that with us.

    If we eventually get to the point where she asks me for permission, my love for her may guide me to let her be her. I love my wife. However, that means I will be left with the “work” (which she values), while she “plays” with others, and then there is nothing that is just for me.

    Please, help me understand, because I love my wife.

    1. Jim,
      i understand what you mean. i am a husband who is very much in love with my wife. she came out to me in late November after i discovered her new same sex affair. Like it or not, she needs the touch of a woman. If you really love her, you should talk to her. Hopefully she can be honest with you. If she and you both have the unwavering goal of keeping your family AND nurturing your own love for each other, than i think it can work. I do feel that each of you needs to trust each other to stay within your mutually determined boundaries. if that trust gets broke then it is likely the marriage will fail. However if you can be open and accepting with each others sexual needs (in both directions) and be honest with each other (no matter what), then you may find yourselves closer and more connected then ever in your lives. i am hoping for that in my marriage. I wish for that in your marriage too. I love my wife, i don’t just want her to be happy… I need her to be. Our family needs her to be happy. Remember your vows? …to love and to cherish til death do us part? I do not take these vows lightly. If my wife can live with occasional same sex play but remain true in her heart to me alone, then I can handle that. I believe communication… communication… communication is the key. That and total respect for each other.

  5. Hello everyone!! I am brand new to this site and I am just looking for some support/guidance/reassurance? There are not a lot of people I can talk to about my fiancé and I’s personal life. Not because either of us care sharing but more so because I cant seem to find anyone I know that doesn’t come off biased or pre-judgmental. Figure that. I appreciate anyone’s input positive or negative.

    So I am a open minded bisexual women. My fiancé and I fell in love almost instantly and have been best friends and passionate lovers ever since. Here’s the kicker, into our relationship I found out he is bisexual as well. The odd thing is I told him I was bisexual long before I ever found out he was. And when I say found out is because I literally saw a massive length text thread between him and a man talking about the sexual acts they would perform on each other. I had even told him I could see myself inviting a playmate to our bed and he still didn’t include me. Well doesn’t include me. I have caught him talking to others (men and women) at least on 4 different occasions. Each time I catch him he gets mad at me. Just yesterday called my psychotic. And then he becomes apologetic. He explains how its hard for him to bring up this topic. WHY???? I bring it up. I don’t care! We have gone out and I have almost brought a girl home for us. I love anal and I love that he loves anal! He knows I think it would be hot if a guy joined in. There is really nothing that I wouldn’t like to try or have already done. I randomly ask him if he has gotten on any sites lately because I want to make it easy to give him the opportunity to share his sexual life with me. He always denies he is. What hurts me and scares me that our marriage would fail is the deception, the lies. I don’t care he does it I just don’t want it behind my back. Like come on babe let me play too! THese lies and how he hides it makes me that he is not being truthful to himself. That maybe one day he will leave me for a man. The lies seem so immature to me. However once again he is promising me that he will not do it behind my back again. He is my bestfriend and lover and all I want for him is to be happy. We both agree we should do counseling. Do I trust him that he is really trying to learn how to become more honest with his own sexuality with himself and others? Or do I need to put my love for this man aside and give him separation from me to truly figure out what he wants. There is not one thing my fiancé doesn’t know about me but I honestly cant say the same about him.

    Thanks to who ever actually listened to my rant. Any advice would help. I truly believe he loves me and does not want to hurt me.

    1. Well, hey there Genevieve!

      You and I have a very similar stories…with very different endings. So, my husband and I met through an online platform. I posted an ad, he was one of 97 replies. The 6th of 7 planned dates. I’d had 5 horrible dates I’d gotten all dressed up for. I didn’t bother when meeting him. 100% natural in very comfy clothing I went to meet #6. Instantly, like instantly my heart melted when I saw his face. We fell in love that night and have been together from that day to this one.
      When we met I had somewhat of a girlfriend. She and I had been talking to each other intimately for about a year. I told him I was bisexual the night we met. He was cool with it, I had to find out if he would be a perv about it. I introduced them. We had our experiences over time. I asked him for 2 straight years if he had any experiences with other men, ANY. He denied, denied, denied. There were some indicators he was lying and I was relentless. He held his ground. Going into our 2nd year of marriage, 3rd year in a relationship he FINALLY admitted he had prior experiences. WHAT!!?? You guys know me, I’m this super open person who is totally about humanism and free, respectful love. Like why lie to ME after I’d been so honest. I was pissed. Really pissed but I did not attack. I supported.
      My husband and I started a year of ‘exploration’ for him. He hadn’t been with another male in any way for many years and when he did, he was drunk. Prior to he’d been assaulted as a teen and a child…and thought he MIGHT be bisexual. By his side we decided to go find out if he was and if so what he liked and didn’t like.
      We played freely as a couple for that year, into the next. We NEVER EVER spoke to a male without the other present, we NEVER held back secrets, lied or cheated.
      We talked for countless hours about everything we could related to his trauma, his prior encounters, his like/dislike for other men, where he felt he was along each phase of our exploration. We explored whatever he wanted to, we explored things I suggested, things I wanted to participate in and sit back and watch 😉
      We had fun. We experienced many emotions through the exploration that we TALKED ABOUT as they arose.
      From there once he decided he was bisexual (later he determined he’s more pansexual vs. bisexual) and he was comfortable with that, we worked on him being OKAY with not being heterosexual. He is a manly man with a very masculine image/background/presence and he comes from a long line of manly men. We marched in PRIDE parades, we attened bisexual support groups, then we began supporting other bisexual men and women in relationships together.
      Today we are free. He knows who he is, so do I. I hope something in our story can inspire you two to approach this MUCH DIFFERENTLY than how you have been doing it.

      If you need more one on one support please don’t hesitate to comment below this (I’ll see it) or email me at biwifelife@gmail.com.

      -Jay Dee, Founder

  6. Hey guys, I’m glad this site exists. My wife of almost three years has just come out as bi. Basically, she grew in a Muslim household in Egypt, so sex was basically not something that was talked about. And certainly nothing other than heterosexual sex. When we dated, she was pretty generous in the bedroom and she is really, really, an amazing, rare, unique and awesome spirit (also she’s pretty hot) so I knew that I’d be cool with having sex with just her and no one else the rest of my life. Then we got married and it’s like the old comedy routine, it basically stopped. I’m talking like once every two months after I’d force her into a fight about it and then, she’d wake me up at like three in the morning and we’d get to it. I had suggested to her about a year ago, that perhaps she was asexual. She said “yeah, that makes sense, I’m not really attracted to anyone.” And then she promised to try for me and as you can imagine, our sex life tanked even worse. She is currently in a place I won’t reveal overseas for work. I stumbled across a website similar to this one for spouses of asexual people, I read it, and a lot of it made sense. So I wrote her a lengthy email, basically apologizing for having given her a hard time about sex (I swear I didn’t, I simply kept trying to coax her into talking to me, she is… almost afraid to discuss sex) and that I’d love her no matter what even if she was asexual. She wrote back and told me that she needed to talk and how she wanted to explore some stuff when we see each other again. She swore repeatedly that she didn’t want to sleep with other dudes and I kept pushing her and pushing her to explain what she meant if she didn’t want to sleep with other men. She finally cracked and broke down just sobbing (I felt like a dog) and told me that she thinks she is bisexual, but still isn’t really all that sexual. I think sort of like she’ll have sex with me when she feels an intimate emotional connection and that she means she’d like to sleep with a woman that she felt that way about. She admitted that she throws herself into work (work, school, some online training, some languages tutoring, writing a book) as a way to keep herself so busy that she basically doesn’t have time to think about being bisexual. I honestly thought that it was wonderful that she finally admitted all this to me and I’m deeply flattered that she felt she could tell me. And she was worried I’d be, IDK angry and want to leave her and stuff, I’m not and I won’t and I let her know that. She also told me that she feels bad denying me sex (all the rejection did make me feel so bad) and that I have her permission to do whatever I want with other women, but to not let her find out. Which… I don’t find exactly fair, as one of the “perks” of marriage in my mind is not having to filter through a billion girls and convince one of them I’m worth having sex with. And being married is kind of a handicap as well. But I’ve gotten off-track, I know it’s not about me, this is about her. And what I’m seeking is advice to help her put down some of her less important “work” and take some time to acknowledge her sexual identity. To be clear, I’m not asking how to set up a threesome, because while I would love that, I think she’d kill me (she is kind of a jealous person), but how to make it crystal clear to her I don’t mind if she needs to take a night to go to GL bar and be hit on and chat with some cute ladies and perhaps even get into something with them. I’m know fool, I am pretty sure if she can feel comfortable enough to embrace her total sexuality, it will probably pay dividends for our married sex life. Which is honestly, in addition to HER happiness, all I really want is to be able to have sex with the woman I love. I was thinking I could coax her to a classy strip-club and let her allow her eyes and mind to wander. But, I also don’t want to be… pressuring her into this life. The thing is is though, if I don’t push her, she’ll continue to surpress all of this you know? Does any of this make sense to you guys?

    Please help

    -confused and loving husband who misses sex

    1. Hi Chris,
      Just wondering if you’ve had any more conversations with your wife since this post. I recently kind of came out to my husband (we’ve been married for 5 years, together for 7). Although I always knew I was attracted to women, I never allowed myself to fully explore and accept my bisexuality as a part of my being since I was raised in a very religious household where I was condemned by just about anything I did. I had several sexual encounters with girls before I met my husband but I could never find the way to tell him and he still doesn’t know (I’d love to tell him but he always shuts me down before I’m able to share those experiences…a part of me feels like he knows what I’m about to tell him and he doesn’t want to hear it) I recently joined a bisexual support group that has given me a safe place to explore my bisexuality as a married woman and although I’m still not able to openly talk about it with my husband, I’ve found others in similar situations. I’ve learned that the bisexuality spectrum is so broad and gets tricky when you’re in a committed relationship and are starting to explore, define, and accept what this means to you and what it means in/to your marriage. I also recently learned and was able to identify that although I’m in a very happy relationship with my husband and have no plans to leave him to start a relationship with a woman, I fantasize about women more so than I fantasize about him sometimes. I now self-identify as a heteroromantic bixexual that goes through cycles of attraction; sometimes I’m very turned on by my husband, and perhaps several weeks or months later I can have a period where I’m intensely attracted to women. I would encourage your wife to find and connect with a group of people that may give her a platform on which to explore her bixexuality. It doesn’t mean she will act on her feelings, perhaps she just needs to sort through the years of mush and guilt she’s allowed to build up. I’m still discovering my process but it’s been such a relief to embrace my reality and to finally admit to myself what I’ve felt and known for such a long time. I love to hear that you’re supportive of your wife in searching her true identity.

      Blessings,
      Bianca

      Not sure if this helps but it has defined some things for me recently…
      http://mic.com/articles/127096/what-is-a-heteroromantic-bisexual

    2. Did you ask her how she came to terms that she may be bi-sexual? At some point and time something happend, something clicked and when she tells you thats when you encourage her to explore it. But approach it from the standpoint tht you want to help her be true to herself, you want her reach her true potential of happiness and part of that is discovering your sexuality and the many aspects of it. Re assure that you will not judge or intrude but encourage active communication.

    3. Id ask her how did she discover she was bi? Was it an experience she had, etc? Id approach it from a team standpoint, letting her know you support her whole heartedly and want her to discover her true self in all aspects.

    4. Did you ask her how she came to terms that she was bi? Id reassure that you support her and not for the benefits you might receive but because you love her and support her and you guys are a team.

  7. Good morning spouses. Just writing to say that I myself have been exploring the other side with help from a close friend. I have also started my own blog at thewomanyouknew.WordPress.com. Feel free to take a look and post a comment.

  8. Great stories. My wife and I went out to dinner this last weekend at a nice restaurant to celebrate our anniversary early. My friend has a steak…on my mind and say it, so he was worried about me in what he was noticing about my wife spending a lot of time with her “girl” friend. So after dinner and shopping, I broached what we discussed and she admitted to being attracted to females more than guys, but she still loves sex with men and loves me. I’m a little excited, and yet scared what this means for us, but only time will tell. She is open to having group sex and for me to be with another woman when she’s there and can partake.

  9. First off let me say great site, interesting reading everyone’s different experiences. So I am posting searching for some guidance. About two years ago my wife took me away for nice weekend, While walking down the one evening my wife asks what a strip club is like. I guess I should back up. My wife was brought up Catholic, She is Sicilian and her Mother would give the mother from Stephen King’s Carrie’s a run for her money. She still fights her inner lack of self confidence poor self image. We have been married 22 years. The majority of those years have been great so If asked its easy to say I am very happy married! So back to my birthday weekend. I take her in the Strip Club she is clearly 1) out of her element 2) Clearly attracted to and aroused by the women. Well it turns out my wife is a player and has a stripper ready to meet her/us after work. This never happens, primarily because once we walk outside and I think it all sets in what has just happened and needless to say its over whelming for her. For me Hey I am a guy and it was a huge turn on. So since New Orleans we have decided that we are going to get out of the house more, We have weekly date nights no kids allowed, We do dinner and movies dinner and clubs and occasionally she wants to go to the local strip club.
    So I guess I could write a book here so let me get to this point of this post. Shortly after our weekend escape she met a bi women. They have a “Friends with Benefits” relationship. But after each of the Benefits encounters it’s like talking her off a ledge. I know that she is happy with her, I know she is happy with me. I am included in these encounters not so much as an active participant all the time but as an observer. When I try and bring up the subject she tells me it not something she spends time thinking about. But I think/know different. She has the tendency to wake me up at 3am and wanna talk, most of the time she doesn’t recall these talks, but I can tell she is fighting this. So I guess what I am asking is how do I or can I get her to accept herself. I have accepted herself, and maybe thats the problem. I don’t feel like I am being cheated on. I feel like thats who she is , she loves me and has feelings for her friend. I am just tired of the roller coaster and watching it tear her up inside.
    and Finially I hope I posted this in the right way

    1. Wow! Great story. I talked to my wife this last weekend because my best friend mentioned to me that he and his other friend had talked and thought that my wife was a Lesbian. So, on our anniversary outing this past weekend I broached the subject about what my friend said. That’s when she revealed that she is attracted to other women but she still loves sex with men.

      I’ve had some time to reflect and talked with my friend and we are going to try new things and see where they lead us. Still a little nervous and scared though. Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated. We just hit 14 years of marriage and want to continue.

  10. I know my wife is bi but still loves a man inside her, she just says with a woman it’s a different kind of orgasm.
    She has said she is bi as she enjoy having and giving pleasure with both men and women.
    I love her being bi as it’s the best of both world but she will not go with a lesbian as she says she wants me to get pleasure out of it too.
    I love it as I can watch my wife with other women and see these other women and at times have sex with both of them or at least play with both of them.

  11. What a great site! This is a question for partners of bi-wives: do you have any advice for how to break the news? Any personal experience of what did and didn’t work for you at that moment? I’ve very recently understood that my dismissal of this part of myself in 19 years of a monogamous straight relationship is the key to a host of slow burn, ongoing issues of confidence and direction in my own life and in our marital life. From my point of view it’s fantastic, finding a really big and important treasure in my 6th month of therapy, I’ve been on fire and sleepless for several days and feel a great sense of trust in the future. It won’t be news exactly to my husband (I had some tentative experiences before we met)but I anticipate mixed feelings and a need to give him, us, space – our relationship is fragile in some aspects and it feels like we’ve rebuilt trust recently but I’m wary of just chucking it his way like here, deal with this one, isn’t it fantastic… Any pointers?

    1. My wife came out to me a few months ago after 20 plus years of marriage. She had never told me of a relationship she had with another girl in high school. My wife comes from a background of emotional and sexual abuse. She is now in her mid 40’s and is tired of living a lie. Fortunately, we have a very honest relationship and have a commitment to no secrets. She was open with me and told me about her past and what she was feeling. We set some ground rules for her to move forward. The most important part is that we have a renewed commitment to each other and that our relationship comes first. We have to reaffirm that often. It has not been easy, but we keep the communication open. She now has a “girl friend” that she spends quite a lot of time with. But it never interferes with our time together. Honesty is the most important part for us and keeping the communication wide open. Hope that helps.

  12. Ok so my wife is bisexual. She recently told me that she wants to find a girlfriend/fwb. I dont have a problem with this. my questions are:
    1. She has tried the dating sites, etc. But is not interested in a wham bam thank you mamma’am thing or the sleaziness of the women on them.. any suggestions?
    2. The whole 3some thing isn’t my cup of tea. It doesn’t interest me. But I want her to be happy and want her to find someone for herself. Any suggestions on ways I can help her or if I even can without looking like a sleazy perv myself?

    My wife is extremely attractive but gets discouraged easily if it doesn’t happen in a reasonable amount of time and she wants more than just a drinking buddy or a quickie. She is on tinder butsince noone has seemed to be interested she is bummed and depressed and now self conscious. I would like to comfort her but I feel uncomfotable because I dont want her thinking that I want in or something. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Though she is experienced I am new to this.

    1. If you live in a large metropolitan areas she can probably meat people at a GL bar. The I initial contacts she meets may not offer what she wants but she may find it by meeting people through them.

    2. I’m in almost the exact same situation . What I’ve done, is take my wife to a “gentleman’s club”. There, she can get some of the physical needs met, and we can perhaps meet like minded people there. Just remind her that it definitely will take time to find the right “friend”, and that she’ll always have you.

  13. I’m glad to have found this site. My wife and I have been married over ten years, but even when dating she was open about her bisexuality and past girlfriends. I told her before we were married that I was ok with her exploring that side of herself. I was/am confident that I am a good man and a very good husband, but just as confident that I do not have the femininity she will sometimes need. But now she is seeing another woman in a more serious capacity, using the term girlfriend and talking about how they don’t get enough time together. I’ve explained why I’m not comfortable with this relationship and she knows it upsets me. She points out how much better our sex is, and it is, and thanks me for being so understanding, but I’m still a little broken hearted.

    1. Hey lonely, sorry I didn’t see this sooner! My husband and I struggled with this when I had my first girlfriend, as well. It is a completely appropriate concern for you to have, and she should be extremely careful, in my opinion. I had to let that particular girlfriend go because my infatuation with her was detrimental to our marriage and our marriage had to be primary. Yes our sex was better, yes I felt closer to my husband than I ever had before, but he felt lonely and left out. Men need to have their egos stroked just like women need to feel wanted and taken care of. It’s how their emotional capacities are met. Its a fine line I walk now, and I am super careful about it. If I ever get into a serious relationship with a woman again, she has to know that it’s an accessory to our marriage — its on top of, its part of — but it’s not the main course, so to speak. I do nothing that doesn’t encourage and strengthen our marriage in every way at all times. And anything that even remotely hints at coming between us is stifled immediately.

      Talk to her. Tell her you are so glad her needs are being met and that you are so proud that you are a part of that. However, you have needs, too. And you BOTH have to learn how to make this work. Having a girlfriend is hard because as the wife, I have to meet the needs of two different people, on top of being a mom, an employee, a boss, a daughter, whatever many other hats I have to wear! I have to work twice as hard. In the beginning, I was completely unprepared for the amount of effort I had to put forward. I was so wrapped up in how wonderful it felt to finally explore a side of me I had hidden even from myself, that I really didn’t recognize how I was ostracizing him. He came to me and expressed his concerns and needs and I had to make a choice. I had to choose to work on the marriage first, and sacrifice the other relationship (maybe temporarily… maybe forever), or sacrifice my marriage. Luckily, I have a wonderful husband who is 100% supportive of me and was and is willing to work through the difficult and hard times we both recognized were ahead of us. I chose my marriage. So did he. Yes it’s unconventional. No, there are no manuals to read to help us navigate this journey. We don’t even really have friends we can talk to about this. So we work together. And I am unbelievably cautious with any woman I feel that passionately about, now.

      I hope this helps. I hope you even let her read this… As hard as it seems for ourselves, its so important to recognize that the other side of the coin is wrestling their own struggles as well. Hopefully she recognizes and understands what you are going through. And hopefully you understand how hard this is for her as well.

    2. Hi KT, thanks for the comment and support. I almost want to avoid bringing this up since this is a site designed to help navigate the complications of a bi wife or being a bi wife. But in the pursuit of keeping this site honest, I have to report that my wife decided grass is greener on the other side and left my son and I. There were of course other issues, do let this be a warning to couples that it would be best to work on resolving your other isdues, problems and concerns before diving into something as intrinsicly complicated as either spouse dating outside the marriage.

      Good luck to everyone. I hope my experience is the exception that proves the rule.

    3. Im in a similar boat. My wife wants to have sex with women outside the home with no strings attached. Its scary but more to the point it hurts. I only support it when im feeling sexual and the rest of the time im bothered by her intense desire for this

  14. I had known, and my wife has just discovered, she is bi-sexual. We have little to no information or experience with what this means. Worse we have no idea how to approach the situation or find someone who is interested in participating. We have no want to be public about this, but here I am. Scared of posting anything like this on the Internet… Any help, guidance or information (that isnt pornographic on nature) would be appreciated. Trying to both find our way with this discovery.

    1. Hey there! We thank you for gathering the courage to post here. This site is totally non pornographic, a clean, safe & supportive space for those of us living the BiWifeLife. I strongly urge you to browse the archives, take a look at the wide variety of articles we’ve published. Also read the comments, get involved in threads, connect with other readers.
      You will find there are many, many, many stories out there you can find parallels in. There’s plenty of great suggestions on how to deal with a biwife or deal with living the biwifelife (sexually active or not).
      The saying here is browse, comment, connect & suggest. You can always email me privately at biwifelife@gmail.com if you have a private situation you’d like insight on. I DO NOT offer marital advice.
      We all wish you the best in your marriage and we’re here to support you and your wife if she chooses to become a reader as well.
      It’s never a bad idea to read through the articles together and have discussions on your feelings and opinions.
      You are awesome for being a great BiWife Husband and we’re here to support you in your awesomeness!
      Welcome to BiWifeLife! We hope to hear more from you…and your biwife 🙂

      -Jay Dee, Founder

      1. Thank you for the answer. I took you up on your offer to email you as well. We have read several articles here together.

  15. My wife began exploring her bisexuality about 6 years ago. The bisexual girl she plays with was actually a friend of mine first. We’ve been married for 15 years, and the sex has always been wonderful.

    However, since her first time with our married bisexual friend, the sex has been absolutely amazing. They don’t get together very often (maybe once a year) but whenever they do, the husbands give them some time alone together, and then they call us in to watch them please each other again (and again).

    I don’t have any desire to be with our friend sexually, and I’ve never felt any jealousy. In fact, the only feeling that I have is happiness. Happiness that my wife has finally been able to live out her bisexual fantasies and experience the unbridled passion and thrill that only another woman can give her.

    Being the husband of a bisexual wife requires a level-headed approach. Both of us enjoy the benefits of my wife’s sexual desires. She, when she actually gets the chance to experience that unique pleasure, and then later as she masturbates reliving the events. Andme, when she tells me about how much joy she gets from brining our friend to orgasm while we masturbate together, or I am inside her.

    Thank you for the section for husbands on this blog. I hope there are others in our same situation. No jealousy, just love

    1. You are such an awesome BiWife Husband. You totally rock and I’m happy you shared your story with the community. It’s inspiring stories like yours that may hopefully help a couple who’s struggling to find a middle ground. Welcome and I hope you stick around. Please, don’t forget to browse, comment, connect and suggest!
      -Jay Dee, Founder

  16. So far this site has been very helpful and scary at the same time. I feel scared, excited, and obligated about the idea of entering this lifestyle. It would seem she would have much better odds of fulfilling her ‘self’ if I were not involved yet can’t help but think that no amount of trust and communication can settle my anxiety about loosing the most important, wonderful, and fulfilling part of my life. And on the other side of the coin I want her to be happy and to find a deeper more expansive experience of who she is this life. This sucks! I feel heavy, more self focused, and more selfless than I can ever recall.

  17. My wife is bi. We have had one shared experience. She has reservations about exploring this without me there. Where do we go to meet ‘regular’ women to explore this with? She is desperate to be who I know she is.

    1. John, I’d like to first welcome you to BiWifeLife Spouses. Secondly, I’d like to encourage you to browse, comment, connect with other readers. If you’d like you can also suggest topics you’d like to see covered. This is more than a site to come and find a woman. Actually, if you find a place to find women easily inbox me! Ha, it would be a miracle if it were that easy. Browse the articles, you aren’t the only one to ask that question. She isn’t the first BiWife to experience difficulty finding a female partner. That’s why I created this blog. I do look forward to seeing you and your wife here in our pages sharing your journey through this BiWifeLife with us!
      -Jay Dee, Founder

    2. Hi John. My wife was lucky. Her best friend was secretly bi too, so it worked out very well for us. We are married over 40 years and my wife has shared her girlfriend with me for most of that time. Lucky me. Yet, in over a few thousand sexual encounters with women, both her steady girlfriend and others, she never had sex with a woman without me there, if only to watch. The stigma that existed in our day and age of her being a lesbian, since no one believed in bisexuality, left its mark on her. Today, at the age of 64, I heard her call herself bisexual for the first time.

      Both my wife and I do not enjoy sex with people whom we do not have some sort of emotional bond with, if only just friendship. That limited partners for my wife but surprisingly, all but one of her friends joined us for a threesome. Admittedly, she used me as bait. Her friends all thought I was hot. We also have happened to make friends with a couple for 2 years before they asked us to wife swap. Turns out that they were part of a small group of our neighbors who swapped and swung each month.Through them we met a few divorced and single women who are bi or bi curious. We also invited co-workers from both of our jobs to join us in bed. I was never shy about letting women know my sexual preferences like my wife was so I had no problem talking about threesomes with someone I had known for long enough to be comfortable enough with and who has shown that she was sexually adventurous. Plus my wife and I were a cute couple who liked nude beaches and were invited to join couples that we met on most vacations. My wife was a chick magnet and women seemed to want to have sex with me so for us, it was not difficult to find women to join us in bed.

      You just have to put yourself out there and I have been called a pervert more than a few times but who cares. The law of averages eventually worked to our advantage and we found a willing woman to join us in bed. BTW, the internet was always a dead end for us. Millions of couples are looking for women to join them so they do not have to look for couples online most times. Every woman we corresponded with either refused to talk/skype with us or ended up being males. All wanted nude pictures of my wife and were just playing games and wasting our time. Vacations are a great time to play with others. We hit the nude and topless beaches/pools. There are vacation destinations like Hedonism that cater to alternative lifestyles. I will admit that it is much easier for your wife to hook up with another women in a swinging situation. We attended a few where we wore colored rubber bracelets to indicate that we were only interested in a threesome with a woman. My wife is cute and very petite so we usually found a few for her to play with while the husband and myself watched them or the husband watched us with his wife.

      We lucked out and as my wife became more comfortable with women, it was easier to meet other bi or bi curious women. You have to get out there though. So many couples/men seem to think they can find what they are looking for by using their keyboard. Maybe some can but our experience was to get out there and meet people who were non monogamous like us. We considered ourselves to be monogamish. We only played with other as a couple and if one of us occasionally had a one night stand with someone, it was not a deal killer in our marriage. We realized that we are human and are designed to mate with as many others as possible and that we would be attracted to other people from time to time but as long as it was the exception and not the rule, we were OK with it. You cannot try to live your marriage like you were taught to live it if you want other women in your life. We made up our own marriage rules and after 40 years, they have worked well for us. We have a fantastic marriage and my wife has had thousands of sexual relations with women. All of them she shared with me so I have no complaints at all. 🙂 Good luck and you may be surprised at who may end up in your bed. Our girlfriend was a conservative school teacher. We also entertained doctors, lawyers, chemists, a member of the board of directors of a major bank, secretaries, hair stylist and the old frumpy divorced lady across the street. None of our sexual partners were overtly sexual outside of the bedroom and you would never know that they were freaky at night. Partners for your wife are out there, especially in the current atmosphere of acceptance of non heterosexuality. Girls in high school are holding hands and kissing each other. Songs are playing on the radio about girls loving and kissing girls. Heck, go to a club and offer a girl a free drink if she kisses your wife and the odds are that she would, if you choose the right woman, that is. My wife attracted women so all I really had to do is ask them to join us. Your wife can just look at women in a club and see who smiles at her. There are lots of bi women out there these days so happy hunting.

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