Married but…Bisexual & Single…?

I’m married.

That says a lot.

Like, A. Lot.

That ¬†says “I’m unavailable” “I’m taken” “I’m monogamous” “I’m loyal” “I’m with someone for life”.

That’s usually what people hear when someone says, “I’m married.” or sees a wedding band on someone’s finger.

Most single people look for wedding bands or ‘tan lines’ before or while speaking to someone of interest.

Most single people ask if their romantic interest is ‘involved’ with someone.

All my life I’ve been in poly relationships. Never just one human. Never was me and I was always pretty up front about it. My romantic interests always tried to change that but it never went well. I didn’t mind committing to one person above all people, even commit to being his or her wife…but I never promised monogamy-despite some trying by any means to change that about me. I did abstain from a polyamorous lifestyle through my entire last marriage…and I suffered the entire time being untrue to myself.

Aside from that tidbit I couldn’t see a life of pure monogamy because I love both genders.

Now, here’s where it gets complicated.

Marriage.

I’m bisexual.

I’m married.

I’m committed, I’m loyal, I’m with someone for life…but I’m available to humans of the same gender, cis-gender females (women assigned female at birth) only as agreed upon by my husband and I.

We’ve discussed my attraction to trans females and he’s okay with it, as long as he’s involved ūüôā

My husband and I have explored every facet of our sexualities with each other (as far as I know, but he may surprise me one day, lol) .

We have clear boundaries, clear communication and we’re okay with each other’s sexualities 110%.

Most females aren’t. That last statement may read like an incomplete thought but hear me out…

Let’s start with the rings. Females¬†see my wedding rings, they don’t want to talk.

Makes all the sense in the world. I wouldn’t talk to someone with rings on.

I would be offended and disgusted by someone with rings on flirting or trying to speak intimately to me.

I’d be pissed off for their spouse!

Secondly, in today’s times rings can mean married to either gender so there’s ¬†no way to tell if I have a wife or a husband just by presentation alone.

Either way it goes, I’m married.

If I get far enough to talk to someone intimately with my rings on and they don’t mention it, I become weary of that female quickly.

What kind of female would be willing to flirt or engage in intimate conversation without knowing anything regarding the status of those rings she can obviously see!?

In my current work I see women every day who would assume I’m Queer by the space we’re in.

I get smiles, I get hello’s but it never goes further than that.

My rings are pretty noticeable I’d say.

I love my wedding rings.

I love my husband.

I love the life we’ve built.

I also love women…

When I do get close to a female and there’s an obvious attraction immediately I hear one of the following: “Well, I don’t want to get to know your husband”, “He can’t watch.”, “I don’t want to have sex with him.”

There’s all these presumptions about me, him, us and because of these presumptions females are understandably guarded.

Most times organically meeting a woman has so many layers to it the challenge seems insurmountable and I loose the motivation to even try, killing any hopes for Ms. Right to enter my life.

The complexity of my sexuality only gets more complex with age.

-Jay Dee, Founder

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS…

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PEOPLE WITH WEDDING RINGS ON FLIRTING…OR ATTEMPTING TO?

 

 

 

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It’s Been a Long Time…

Hey everyone!

I know it’s been a really long time. ūüė¶

I’ve had to take time away to focus on career and family.

So much happened at once we just couldn’t believe it!

Career opportunities came at me left and right AND 4 of my daughters were pregnant at the same time!!!

There’s been a whirlwind of engagements, breakups, births & career climbing opportunities. I even returned to college ūüôā

A lot’s been going on but the dust is settling a bit…just about.

A few nights ago my husband and I had a very honest conversation about our sexual needs & identities again, for the gazillionth time.

We’re a family of all queer folks, as usual we’re super hyped, it’s Pride month!

As I write, one of our our daughters just turned 8 months pregnant, she’s 24 and has a 15 month old. They live at home with us.

I’m in summer classes from hell…and we’re avidly working on buying a home out of state by this coming Fall *fingers crossed* ‚̧

We are at capacity with life and there’s no leisure time, no getaway time, barely any privacy and little time to sleep.

As a result of everything going on, my BiWifeLife and hubby’s BiHusbandLife has been way blah… ūüė¶

Hubby and I haven’t had a bi encounter in months and we’re both at a point where NSA encounters just aren’t ‘it’ for us anymore, where they once fit our needs just right.

Over the past couple years, we’ve had no time for relationships, no time for building relationships.

Although we’re at capacity with life, at this juncture we’d love to have friends we could spend time with and get away from home/work/school & kids sometimes.

Our ideal situation would be a couple like ourselves, a both bi couple. A situation where the husbands, and the wives can bond over time ūüėČ

Unfortunately, it’s nowhere near that simple.

“At times it’s very uncomfortable for us because we’re not viewed in the light we view ourselves-married but looking, for the same gender.”¬†

We’re both bisexual and feel very comfortable in Queer spaces.

Problem is, we show up with this level of hetero-normalcy that makes our Queer brothers and sisters question why we’re in a Queer space.

We are a man and a woman, obviously in love and married.

We’ve discussed wearing Bi Pride gear such as tee’s, rings, necklaces or bracelets. He’s just not the kind of guy to wear Bi gear no matter how I try to convince him…so far ūüėČ

Today we discussed maybe going out separately for the first time ever. We both have no problem attracting either gender.

The problem with going out separately is, we’re madly in love.¬†

We love spending as much time together as possible. We have fun with each other. We don’t want to go out alone, as if we are single people. :/

In our experience men don’t tend to want men who are married unless it’s a DL/secret thing. Women don’t want a woman that has a husband-unless he has nothing to do with the relationship.

We don’t want to have relationships OUTSIDE of our marriage. We want relationships that are a PART of our marriage, with another male, and female. Preferably an interchangeable Quad.¬†

It would be nice to be with someone I feel comfortable kissing, him to find someone he can try new things with.

We’re both very health conscious and we both don’t want to be inhibited by protective measures, unknown variables and potential concerns.

Of course we want to be our freest selves with our partners, as we are with each other. We’re a bit unique in we both enjoy sharing our spouse with the same sex.

Our days and nights are frequently spent talking about, looking for and trying to figure out how we can find the partners we so strongly crave.

We have yet to come across a bi couple with a bi husband and bi wife who are both looking for same sex partners.

That’s our BiWife/BiHusband struggle at this point :/ Any suggestions?

-Jay Dee, Founder

LivingBi/BiWifeLife

It’s Been a While, Hasn’t It?

Let’s see… what have I been up to since I was last here, wow, almost a year ago? ¬†Well, I had to have another repair done to the implant I had installed to fix an abdominal aortic aneurysm and the repair went well since I’m writing this.

As a member of a forum for bisexual men, I’ve been busy helping newbies get their head around bisexuality, dispelling myths, stuff like that, and I find it rather rewarding even though I can’t help but feel some sorrow for these men, many of which have yet to have their first experience with a guy. ¬†Many of the guys are in a relationship with a woman who makes it nigh impossible for them to indulge themselves in their desires and fantasies. ¬†They don’t want to cheat on their partner… but many think about it as the only solution available and I’m the guy who tells them that, um, if you think you can, it might be better to ask permission – who knows, you just might get it.

Still, interacting with these guys is interesting and serves to remind me that there was a time when I was a straight-up rookie in this; they have fears and concerns and a million questions about something that I take for granted so these budding bisexuals keep me grounded in reality.

The guy I’ve been mentoring, whew, he’s been busy exploring this side of the sexuality fence and he’s learning some hard lessons that he’s been having a few issues with, from dealing with how deceptive and shady some guys can be to having to deal with the guys he’s been having sex with developing deeper feelings for him than just lust – this has been giving him quite a few headaches because they are demanding exclusivity from him and giving him much grief because, by his own admission, he’s not even close to being ready to consider “settling” down with a man.

I “lecture” him about time management because he tends to let the men he’s involved with run his life, vying to dominate his free time and when he literally and barely has time to go to the bathroom due to increased workload on his job, man, do they get upset when they want to just drop in on him and he has to tell them, “No, not tonight…” ¬†Now, I did warn him that this was gonna happen, that the pressure that’ll be put upon him to be monogamous and exclusive with a guy was going to be daunting; I’m not gonna say he didn’t believe me but I also knew he wasn’t going to take the easy route and follow the advice I gave him to minimize the impact he now feels himself dealing with.

Yeah, sometimes, you just gotta find out the hard way, dontcha? ¬†He kinda reminds me of dealing with my children when they were growing up: ¬†I’d tell them something for their own good and because I can easily see the mess they’re about to walk into; they’d say, “Yeah, Dad, I know, I know…” – and then fall into a mess that I either have to get them out of… or I’ll leave them in it so they can figure out how to get out of it themselves.

Mentoring is important and while some folks can become successful bisexuals without it, being bisexual is so horribly complicated that if you find you need a mentor, do whatever you gotta do to find one who’s gonna tell you the real deal about being bisexual and not just pat you on the behind and give you a false sense of security in this. ¬†Bisexuality isn’t just a change in your sexual and emotional habits: ¬†It’s life-altering stuff and there is much one needs to learn so that those alterations don’t become major problems.

KDaddy23, Contributing Author

Some great Bi+ resources

Hey all,

I want to apologize for being less visible for the past year.

I’ve been reading many posts on this site and just want to say that although we are not always responding to each post, we are here to support you.

I just want to say that you are all incredibly courageous for reaching out for support.  Know you are not alone and we are always here if you need anything. Coming here was a great first start.

I’d like to point all of you¬†to some resources that I think can be amazingly helpful on your journey.

Check out http://livingfabulous.org/ and https://happybisexual.com which are amazing websites (that also contain books covering the different aspects of bi-identification, trans-identification and mixed orientation marriage.

Also, note that as far as giving advice—there is no one way to live your life. ¬†It all comes down to how you (and if applicable your partner(s) (children)) decide to navigate each step of this. ¬†It can be done though. ¬†Sacrifice is inevitably a part of any decision we make because nothing in life is perfect when it involves other people.

Please take all of the time you need. ¬†There is no rush on this. ¬†Sometimes we have to live our decisions before figuring out what we want. ¬†And sometimes after we’ve made the change, we realize, it may not be exactly what we thought.

Right now, you can take the time to just be with yourself whenever possible.  Perhaps you spend it journaling (typing away on your phone or computer) or having conversations with yourself as you take a walk on your lunch hour.  Perhaps you try some online therapy (yes they do that now) to get the immediate support you need in that moment.  Perhaps you spend some time working out, praying, meditating, doing yoga, playing basketball, reading a bi positive book on your kindle.

Whatever you can do for you to nurture you during this uneasy time, please do it.  You are the most important part of this equation called life.

Rushing to get a deep seated urge met will certainly have its short term advantages but in the long term it could prove to be very complicated and lead to distrust and the breakdown of other important life relationships (be it your partner or children).  On the flip side, if you are dating right now, try to check in with yourself (and if applicable your partner and/or children) to see if things are going good at the homestead.  This journey is just as much yours as it is those important to you should you be navigating it together.

I suggest googling Tara Brach and Pema Chodron for some great meditations on life and learning to be present with the now and to live within uncertainty.

I also suggest checking out a book by Mark Bentley Cohen on how he and his partner navigated polyamory. http://www.markbentleycohen.com/confessions-of-a-bisexual-husband-is-now-available/

Also check out https://sexnerdsandra.com/ for some great podcasts.

 

BI PRIDE PICNIC EVENT IN NYC

In honor of Bi Pride Day (September 23rd) if you will be in the New York City area on Sunday, September 25th, at 1pm, please stop on by to celebrate Bi Pride!  This is a social event to just chat and get to know other bi folks for a few hours.  The New York Area Bisexual Network is sponsoring a picnic at Sheep Meadow in Central Park.  This section of Central Park is located at the West 66th Street entrance behind Tavern On The Green.  Please bring your own food/drink for yourself and a blanket or chair to sit on.  Also, you can access this map for assistance in getting there.

http://www.centralparknyc.org/things-to-see-and-do/attractions/sheep-meadow.html?referrer=https://www.google.com/

If you are interested in going and would like to get in touch with someone who will be at the event, you can do so by emailing bipride2017@gmail.com.

I’ve Returned!

It’s been quite a while (again) since I’ve written here and for that, I offer my deepest apologies… but I’ve been busy mentoring a guy on the West Coast in the ways of male bisexuality. ¬†There are a lot of men – and even women – who want to explore bisexuality, don’t really know what to do, how and when to do it, and some just go ahead and jump into the deep and murky waters of bisexuality without understanding what lies beneath the surface.

Once they’ve accepted that, yeah, I’m bisexual, the next thing they should do is find someone who can show them the “proper” way to dive in and not wind up landing on a rock. ¬†Admittedly, a lot of folks are looking for that person they can have their first sexual experience with but without someone with experience to guide them toward this epic moment, the results can be iffy because being bisexual and having the sex is only one part of the equation – that part is easily done but what isn’t so easy is understanding how your life will change.

So, the guy I’m mentoring for, wow, over a year now, had always felt the pull of bisexuality but dismissed it to focus on women, just like any other red and hot-blooded male. ¬†The pull got stronger in his college days and he told me about the many chances he had to take the plunge with his hot Latino roommate… but never did. ¬†He was now aware of his desires and, as expected, struggled with them.

According to him, five years ago, he had his first sexual experience with a man Рreceived oral sex from him after a long session of petting; two years later, he had his second experience and one that was more involved and included a somewhat failed attempt at anal sex.  Sometime after that, he found my blog and reached out to me about dealing with this, asked for my help, and I agreed to take him to school and teach him that being bisexual is much more than putting A into B and/or C; there is a history and a mindset that also must be understood.

He’s the first guy I’ve mentored in a long time and he’s proven to be an excellent and willing student; he’s smart, intuitive, and can be introspective so he can examine his thoughts and feelings so he can better understand how bisexuality has changed his life and his whole outlook on many things that have nothing to do with getting naked with someone. ¬†I’ve put him through a lot of tough challenges, have given him “homework” assignments that challenges his perceptions and ideology and have tasked him to look beyond what he thinks he knows and find where the reality lives.

He’s responded well, although I have had to give him detention at times and I’ve chastised him on occasion for losing perspective of the big picture. ¬†I know about every moment he’s had sex with a guy – he’s required to tell me what he was thinking and feeling and, um, wow, he’s been busy as he’s currently “involved” with several men who are showing him many aspects of male sexuality that keeps him in his toes, centered, and firmly grounded.

One important thing he had to learn was about the “top, bottom, versatile” labels both gay and bisexual men like to use: ¬†While he calls himself a top, in my school of bisexuality, to be a good top, you should know what it’s like to be one of the other two things. ¬†It’s a valuable lesson in understanding what is like to be on the other side of a sexual situation with a man and, equally important, to understand what men often put women through sexually.

Yep: ¬†He’s been screwed and, I can’t help it but it’s been funny as hell. ¬†He talks to me about what we call “that bitch feeling,” a particular feeling some men experience when having sex with another man (and not meant to insult any women) and he’s been learning that while you cannot make it go away, you can learn to embrace it so that the sex taking place can be enjoyed to the fullest extent possible. ¬†It hasn’t been easy for him but as I told him, he needs to know what it feels like to submit to a man’s lust and not to be hypocritical about it, like, if it’s okay for him to pound a guy’s butt and, uh, inseminate him, then it should be just as okay to experience the same thing: ¬†If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.

He’s my best “student” ever; he’s bold, less fearful and, very important, is aware of the consequences of his actions; he’s more safety conscious (not that he wasn’t before) and given the diversity of the men he’s involved with and is attracted to, he’s learning the most important lesson any bisexual needs to learn: ¬†That being bisexual isn’t just about the sex.

Being bisexual changes the way you look at life, reveals the flaws in the dogma that our morality is based upon and shows how diverse people can be when it comes to life, living, and loving. ¬†He said to me, via one of the many texts I get from him on any given day, that he doesn’t know how all of this would have turned out for him had I not agreed to mentor him and feels that he’s a better bisexual man now than he was before.

It’s high praise but I’m just happy to have been able to make a difference in his life and that being bisexual doesn’t diminish him.

KDaddy23, Contributing Author

Pride?

I’m sure we’ve all heard the old saying ‘Pride is a sin’.

Over the years Gay Pride has become a hugely celebrated holiday in the US.

For those of us who are in hetero appearing relationships this time of year can be ultimately conflicting.

Especially for those of Us who are not ‘out’ to family and friends.

It’s a time when the country is talking about the Gay community a bit more than usual.

For those of us with Bi Invisibility those conversations can be VERY uncomfortable.

I cannot count how many times my husband and I have been around conversations concerning homosexuality and bisexuality where abrasive, homophobic words and thoughts were said.

It’s easy to get fired up and ‘come out’ by ‘accident’ in a heated conversation this time of year.

It’s a time many of Us choose to come out to loved ones around PRIDE.

Many bisexual humans involved in hereto appearing long term relationships don’t feel PRIDE has anything at all to do with Our lives.

I personally wish We had more visibility, more awareness, less stigma, more respect for the fact we do exist.

Despite my husband’s birthday falling on NYC PRIDE every year he has again selflessly decided to walk¬†again in this year’s NYC PRIDE march in solidarity with all the BiHusbands of our City.

For now we will be the faces of you all who are still behind the walls of Bi Invisibility but We invite you all to march with us this and every year.

One of these years we’ll be on vacation somewhere privately celebrating his birthday, that year we hope to see you all representing while we’re away.

So far we’ve yet to break the walls that hide Us because it is you the readers who are crippled by societal stigma and fear, preventing Us from doing so.

You have not emailed us, you have not shown up, shown out or volunteered.

So many of you¬†are still so deeply hidden. ūüė¶

Our cause is not to shine a light on each of you personally but a light on Us as a whole within the LGBTQAI Community.

We do hope this year you’ll consider meeting Us in Manhattan tomorrow to march with Our signs, behind the Brooklyn Community Pride Center banner.

If not my hope in writing this article is to get you all to thinking about your own Bi Invisibility and how it hurts/helps your life & others who are still hiding in the shadows of stigma and societal perceptions.

I know my life is hurt because I am invisible and the girl of my dreams can’t see me…

Therefore I march for Our visibility.

-Jay Dee, Founder, LivingBi/BiWifeLife

I Want to Cheat!!!

Seems to be the common theme in these pages.

I haven’t written about cheating since our early days but with the high influx of comments from readers struggling with desires, urges, thoughts, feelings of cheating I feel it’s time to go over this again.

Let’s look at this from several angels.

#1- You cheat. Your spouse doesn’t find out. You win…or do you?

What’s done in the dark will come to the light. Maybe in softly spoken words in your sleep, an open, forgotten, unattended email account, a phone record, a text message, a smell, a look, an anything that can shatter your world in a millisecond can happen. Do you really want to risk your partner finding out one day…potentially?

If you’re willing to cheat also ask yourself are you ready to lose EVERYTHING you’ve built with your spouse?

Are you ready to change where you live, your friends, how your children see you, how your family sees you, how people at your place of worship will view you?

Are you ready to turn your whole life upside down because YOU ruined your marriage by cheating?

#2 You don’t cheat. You don’t tell your partner how you feel either. You become distant, you daydream, you late night internet search, you watch porn, you fantasize about your bisexual desires while having sex with your partner. Your partner notices the rift between you two, you refuse to talk about it now the rift becomes a chasm and shit gets tense in your marriage.

Why not talk about it?

How will your life change if you do talk about it?

Will talking about it yield a better possible outcome than not talking about it?

If you do talk about it how could your life improve?

If you don’t continue to talk about it will not talking about it make your bisexuality any less real?

Will your silence slowly dwindle your desires or secretly fuel them even more?

#3 You decide to talk about it and…

All hell breaks loose. Your partner can’t deal, your marriage is threatened and you feel you’ve made the worst mistake ever by opening your big mouth. In all reality, if your partner can’t love you for who you are the real question isn’t your bisexuality or your love for your partner, it’s your partner’s love for you. Nobody says your partner¬†has to accept you sleeping with other people but your partner should love you enough to hear you out, respect your feelings and be willing to have a decent conversation about what you’re going through. If not you need to ask yourself¬†are you really happy with someone you can’t talk to about your truest feelings?

OR

Your spouse listens. Your spouse asks questions. You and your spouse discuss options that fit your marriage best. You take your time and work things out and your marriage improves for the understand you’ve built.

There are SO MANY ways the conversation could go. You know your spouse, you know you. You know your relationship. You know your level of communication and understanding with your spouse.

Either way it goes, it’s wrong to cheat.

You know it, that’s why you haven’t done it yet.

You also know nothing good comes of cheating in the long run.

Cheating only yields immediate satisfaction, but then what?

Think about the ‘then what’ part.

Play the whole thing out, including the part where your spouse finds out, before you do anything at all.

Are you okay with the way the story ends?

-Jay Dee, Founder

What Does It All Mean?

Have you watched television recently? Have you listened to any news? Have you seen the world shift?

I have.

Queer, Gay, Lesbian is all around us. There are rainbows everywhere in the North East.

There are rainbows outside of businesses, in commercials, in cartoons for children…being Gay is okay today.

Is it okay to be bisexual now too?

Well, that depends on what you classify bisexual as, who you’re asking, what gender presentation you have, what gender your partner is…and the list goes on.

Huh? I thought Bisexual meant Bisexual and that’s that if I say that’s what I am.

There have been new letters added to the standard LGBT…now there’s QAI.

Politicians, Organizations, Grants, Funding, Professionals have all focused the spotlight on LGBTQAI Rights. There’s been a long standing movement that has moved many things, and created today’s ‘Queer friendly’ America.

It’s okay to be Transgender, it’s okay to be a Trans Youth today. Those who share their experiences are heralded as heroes and brave souls.

Ten, twenty years ago men were publicly shamed for being ¬†cross dressers. I was a teen when RuPaul came along and changed that perspective. Still her presence didn’t change societal perception at that time. From then to now it has been a journey for Trans Rights.

What does that mean to those of us who don’t live a lifestyle that includes all the changes the world has made?

What does that mean to those of us who could NEVER come out as anything other than straight, other than a mom, a teacher, a wife, a husband, a role model?

What does that mean when we’re surrounded by people who DO NOT accept the progression of the LGBTQAI movement in America?

What does all of this mean for those of us who don’t even know what LGBTQAI means!?!?

Well…

There is a movement of people who have chosen this field of work (LGBTQAI Rights/Advocacy) to advance efforts to balance injustices in society. Those who fought for the basic right to exist in our own skins without prejudice, discrimination, stigma & violence.

I was one of those people who fought for the right to hold my girlfriend…and boyfriend’s hand in public, at the same time, without fear.

I wasn’t sure if I was Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual. I didn’t know if I was a freak like most of society said I was or a sexual deviant like I ¬†thought I was. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a boy or I was a boy trapped in a girl’s body because I liked girls and wearing boys clothes or if I was still a girl and just a tomboy! I wasn’t sure if one day I’d catch a ‘gay disease’ and God would send me into a pit of burning brimstones because I was an abomination or not.

There was a movement of people way back before my mom could figure out her sexual identity, who were helping people work these kinds of questions out. They figured out what to call sets of preferences and behaviors so they could gain understanding from people who oppressed those¬†with ‘alternative sexualities’.

I learned from the people who taught the world about LGBT at a young age, from the 2nd/3rd generation of LGBT folks in NYC:

L stood for Lesbian. Girls who liked girls and didn’t like boys were Lesbians. G stood for Gay, that meant a boy who liked boys and not girls. Then there was Bisexual, they were nasty, confused, slutty and just liked to have sex with everyone because they had sex with boys and girls. T stood for Transgender which was a new word being implemented in replacement of Drag Queens & Cross Dressers. They were not really a presence but more so a known entity. They were men who dressed and emulated women. I didn’t see them around The Center much (where I learned all this), but I saw them coming and going to and from clubs in the West Village.

Society condemned Us all to hell fire and brimstones, considered us a risk to public health, the institution of family and saw us as a threat to future generations/human evolution and population.

This was back in the 90’s.

Since then, the culture has changed. More and more people joined the movement for equality and fair treatment, new generations became involved, schools of thought progressed, things began to change over time with lots of boots to the ground fighting for progression. In an effort to teach the world we are not the horrible creatures ‘Old Society’ made Us out to be We began to define things, make things clear to folks.

Over time, scholars of the LGBT lifestyles were born, they were the elders from and on the front lines who taught those of Us behind them about who and what we are.

Language changed, ‘clearly’ defined labels for each set of sexual behaviors were laid out for society¬†to understand.

People were beginning to be labeled because they needed to be & wanted to be. We wanted to understand ourselves so we put ourselves into boxes that looked like what we felt like on the inside and sometimes that box would change for some. Sometimes they stay in one box.

In today’s climate defining who/what you are/labeling yourself is still as difficult as it was in the 90’s when an definition other than heterosexual was unacceptable. Now there’s so many labels how do I know which one fits me?

Why do I need a label? Why do I have to wear a title?

What if it’s all not that clear cut and easy for me?

Good question…why do you?

I’m not ‘The Powers That Be’ in LGBTQAI politics nor am I a major decision maker in policy for the National LGBTQAI Community.

I do know that labels are given importance in ways I’m not necessarily comfortable with.

What Gender Queer means to me, may mean Bisexual Tomboy to you, but Bisexual Tomboy may mean TransMale to someone else.

Huh you say again!?!?!

It’s all a bit much right?

Many of the visitors here are folks searching for others like themselves. Defining themselves, questioning themselves.

It’s hard to decide what box to get into. Sometimes labels make it harder.

Saying ‘ I’m Bisexual’ can be a loaded statement. What kind of bisexual?

IS IT FINALLY OKAY TO BE BISEXUAL TOO since society has ‘progressed’ so much?

Can we say that out loud without fear of prejudice, discrimination and violence as mothers, teachers, husband’s, wives, role models in today’s society…finally? Are GenderQueer, Queer, Pansexual, Fluid more acceptable labels/boxes than Bisexual and why? What’s the difference between all those and don’t they all mean the same thing?¬†

Uuuugh! So many questions!

BUT, there is a movement of people who work tirelessly to help figure out all this confusion within Us.

They are the tireless Advocates, the front liners, the behind the scenes folks that work hard to create diversity in labeling to bring clarity to those who may not understand who We are or who They are in themselves.

These Advocates helped build the society We live in today.

In a society filled with all kinds of so called ways to ‘fit in’ labels are another way of identifying who we are and where we belong-as is human/animal nature.

For the record LGBTQAI stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Asexual/Ally (heterosexual supporter) and Intersex (Someone who’s reproductive organs/sex organs are not categorized as exclusively male or exclusively female.).

So what does that mean to those of Us who don’t wave rainbow flags and show off who and what we are…?

What does all of this mean to those of Us who are still unsure of what box we fit into if any?

What does this stuff mean for those of Us who lead ‘straight’ lives and don’t feel we fit into ANY box?

What does all of this mean to those of Us who could care less about all this stuff?

I’m still trying to figure that out. (I am a flag waving Out Loud & Proud kinda chick…but most of you aren’t…)

 

Can you tell me how society’s progression has helped you feel more clarity surrounding your own life?¬†

Do you feel it’s okay to BE BISEXUAL and a human in a long term relationship in today’s society?

PLEASE COMMENT BELOW, I’D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR FEEDBACK!

-Jay Dee, Founder