When I hear love songs…

It’s funny because a lot of love songs are written from men professing their undying love and appreciation for the woman they love. Us as women love these songs (I’m not so big on mushy songs anymore) and usually we change the words from the feminine context to masculine context to sing these songs either in our heads our aloud to the man we love.

Don’t act like you don’t get what I’m saying here…a song comes on, romantic and slow, you picture him in your head, you think of him in every context the singer sings you either sing your heart out when nobody’s looking or sing along in your love filled dream state visions of Him hazy in your head.

Thing is I see Her, just as the singer describes her. Infinitely beautiful, loyal, loving, intelligent, dedicated, sensual, sexual, whatever he’s singing about her that’s so deep and romantic I see “Her” in my head. She dances to the music in her flowing dresses, skin glowing in the sun, her smile capturing me and creating the beautiful music in the background of her hazy glow. I’m mesmerized, hopelessly in love and I’m singing my heart out to Her.


That’s how I know I’m bisexual. I’m hoping she’ll jump out of one of those visions in my head and somehow miraculously stand right in front of me…and smile…even though she can see my wedding ring.

The Stigma of Being Bisexual

I’d like to thank @ http://creepingcommonsense.wordpress.com/ for her comment on one of my previous posts.

JUNE 7, 2013 AT 9:34 AM  “I don’t think the fight is yet over for bisexuals; there’s still a lot of stigma surrounding them, like the associations of promiscuity.”
She is absolutely right. I’m a fighter, the one to break the status quo, jump outside the box and yell for the world to join me. I haven’t had a cause in a long time and I’m not looking for one but her comment sparked something in me. The old flame flickered just a bit and I felt that old anger. The anger came because the reality of the statement was monumental. She’s absolutely 100% correct there is a strong stigma associated with being bisexual still.
The stigma associated with being bisexual is a muted but very real stigma. Party girls who like girls, metro guys and twenty somethings having sex with both sexes in collegiate, post teen fun is just that-fun. When we’re married, settling into a relationship or even dating someone long term we’re expected to be with that one person only. Well, for bisexuals it doesn’t work that way. We can’t be with just one sex. It’s against our very nature. One person may like strawberries, another bananas, another both. Each person has their preference sexually but society’s structure says there’s no room for loving more than one sex. Either you’re gay or straight, we haven’t gotten to bisexual and pansexuals (love for all genders) yet.
When I meet a beautiful woman and they find I’m married the initial reaction is usually along the lines of assuming I’m cheating, he doesn’t know, I’m a sleep with lots of women, I’m confused about my sexuality, I’m a lesbian hiding in a straight marriage, I’m a sexual high risk, I’m not a good wife, what about my kids?, the list goes on.
Sure I’ve slept with a woman recently and she’s not my girlfriend. I don’t have a girlfriend! Does that mean I can’t have sex with another woman without being a slut or some type of sexual monster? How many gay/hetero people sleep with persons who they are not in a relationship with? My straight side is married. A man stands no chance to even flirt with me. Not Tyrese Gibson himself can take me from the man I married. Tyrese just can’t be him.
My bisexual side is single, committed to no woman and hoping to one day meet Her.
I feel this of myself: there’s a masculine side of me that needs a woman in his life. He loves the way a woman smells, feels, tastes, sounds. He loves making her smile, watching her walk, hearing her voice, spending time with her (and the kids if she has any). If he actually finds Her he’ll spend his life loving her and making her happy. No other female can capture his vision, her beauty is too bright.
Despite my outer feminity I do have a very strong masculine side-and it’s real.
My feminine side needs a strong man, good provider, father, god fearing, educated & intelligent sexy man with great stamina and an open mind; a man who knows how to handle a strong woman gently and lovingly. Well the Good Lord placed him right in my life. My prayers were sincerely answered All Praises Due! Yaaaaaay! Many women don’t find their perfect mate. I’d like to think I did, at least my perfect male mate.
Why can’t I love, marry and give my life to a woman as well as man? Because the stigma of how we have sex, how we date, what our marriages must be like, who we have sex with and how many people we have sex with has not been pondered by society enough to have a clear decision on how to deal with us. Either we marry a man or a woman. Period. If we choose to have sex with the same sex outside of our marriage assumptions are made about our character and lives in general.
The stigma has been created and it hasn’t been lifted yet.
If the question’s ever been imposed-what about bisexuals-are we equal? Well, now that the Gay rights movement has succeeded maybe someone will pioneer the Bisexual & Pansexual Rights Movement.
It’s through education stigmas are destroyed!
What can you do to educate and abolish the stigma around bisexual married women? Come on…comment-you can do it!
Don’t forget to hit the follow button on your way out & share the link! I follow back 😀
-Jay Dee
(thanks commonsensecreeping, great topic!)

Pride Month…is it for bisexuals?

So, here we are again, the month of June. Not only did I celebrate  my son’s birthday today, father’s day next week and my husband’s birthday toward the end of the month but the month of June is dear to me for other reasons.

It’s Pride month!

In New York countless tourists fly in from around the world during the month of June for Pride events. Pride events range from parties and galas to fundraisers, benefit balls and 5k runs, parties in the streets and on The Piers.

Our annual Pride Parade according to http://www.hopinc.org over 1 million people attend the New York City Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgendered March; over 350,000 people attend Pridefest; and a total of 15,000 people attend Rapture on the River and the Dance on the Pier.

English: Annual New York City LGBT Pride parad...
English: Annual New York City LGBT Pride parade, June 2007 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Pridefest, Rapture on The River and Dance on The Pier are events some people spend all year preparing for. It’s a LGBT holiday month!

We are not gay, we are not lesbian, we are not transgender, we are bisexual. We are the B in LGBT but it seems we are an afterthought in the LGBT community in many circles.

Although in recent years we have gotten more exposure we still aren’t easily identifiable, we don’t act a certain way, look any different than heterosexual and people-some of us are even in “hetero” appearing relationships.

We “pass” in society without a second glance, we don’t struggle like our brothers and sisters in the community…right? We don’t even have to participate or acknowledge Pride month, right?

Many bisexuals aren’t immersed in the LGBT community because we can lead “straight” lives and continue on undetected through life. We never have to come out if we don’t want to. We don’t have to march behind banners declaring our independence, we don’t have to wave flags, wear rainbows and tell the world we’re awesome because we’re strong and fierce!

English: A man with a rainbow flag at the Gay ...
English: A man with a rainbow flag at the Gay Pride parade in New York City, 2008. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We can keep sleeping with our best friend, neighbor, roommate, co-worker, secret lover without having to tell the world. We can keep up our hetero lives without ever disclosing our true self to the world by waving rainbows in June.

But is that true? Is the fight ‘theirs’ not ‘ours’?

I tend to think not…

I marched every parade when I was a baby and every parade I could on my own. I went through a moral/spiritual struggle within myself and haven’t marched in many years. I don’t necessarily agree with some of the costumes & behavior of some people at some of the events and at the parade which was a deciding factor in not attending for as long as I have.

When I first started attending I was passionate and serious about ‘the movement’. This parade has always meant solidarity, strength and standing tall despite the odds to me.

When I learned the story of Stonewall I literally cried for my ancestors who did have to hide and fight for the right just live peacefully among the rest of the city. I was a child living in a world that hated who I knew I was and it was my fight too.

It was my generation(90’s baby’s) that carried the post 80’s  torch of the “Silence=Death“campaign (the HIV/AIDS awareness movement) the public safety outreach keeping our streets safe (Who’s streets? OUR streets! was our war cry, lol), LGBT Youth joined forces, and even the issue of LGBT homelessness and prostitution was being addressed.

The pioneers built the foundation and our generation was bold enough to continue the fight. “Out Loud & Proud” generation was mine. We wore our flags, our triangles, our lavender, rainbows and we wore them despite what the world thought of us, the danger we put ourselves in and the ridicule we got from strangers.


My generation and the generations before mine, our voices, our footsteps, volunteer hours, outreach, campaigning, marching, organizing & recruiting efforts all played a part in where we are today.


Although I haven’t marched since probably 2001 this month still holds a dear place in my heart.

Many of us have died for the freedoms we have today. Google 80’s & 90’s and Gay Bashing in NYC. It was horrible. We were terrorized and we didn’t back down.

We earned the freedom we have today to live out loud. You can label yourself gay, straight, bi, trans, pan, metro, whatever orientation you choose today, and declare that out loud.

interracial gay couple

My husband and I are marching this year behind the BiRequest banner.

I’m doing it for my husband, so he can see what the LGBT community is about on the inside, why the community is so dear to me and why a part of me will always be a part of this community.

We are still in the first 5 years so we’re sharing and exploring a lot with each other. This is something I think he needs to experience and he’s all for it. 🙂

BiRequest Pride Banner


Hopefully I’ll meet “Her” during my husband’s tour of Pride month NYC. That would be nice…

Although I don’t wear LGBT gear anymore I may throw on a rainbow ring or bi pride necklace from time to time still and hubby understands.


bi necklace

Those are some of the many reasons why Pride month means a lot to me, and should to you too. It IS LGBT Pride month. The B  for Bisexual is included. 😉

-Jay Dee, Founder

What am I doing?

So, I had an idea, one that made a lot of sense.

I put it together and here it is. A place for bisexual wives.

Where are they? I don’t know. We’re not hiding, we just aren’t easily seen.

I don’t want to make blogging about bisexuality into a major part of my life. I don’t want to be  some big bisexual literary star. I just want to get women all over the world together to support each other through this difficult life of ours.

I think too much. I’m not the only one. You are here-so am I. Point proven. If we didn’t think deeper I wouldn’t be blogging about it, you wouldn’t be here reading about it.

I never know what to post about. I never know what you guys want to read. I’m new to the blogging world, I’m new to wordpress and the blogger scene.

Bear with me while I cultivate this idea here. It’s not going anywhere, I’ll post regularly. I promise to keep it interesting as I can and post content you guys will enjoy.

I strongly urge your participation, pass around the link, share it with your friends, comment, share your stories, ask questions, connect with other women here.

The issue is I want this to be interactive. I want to read your comments, thoughts, stories and issues. I want you guys to connect. I want to connect with you.

The BiWives Club will have tons of great activities and meetups, stay tuned for membership details.

Thanks for visiting BiWifeLife…more great content on the way!

23 September = Celebrate Bisexuality Day
23 September = Celebrate Bisexuality Day (Photo credit: dnnya17)


USNA Out LGBT Naval Academy Alumni


We are the over 150 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender US Naval Academy Alumni and their supporters. Most of us never had any role models of other LGBT Alumni who served before us, although they were there, serving in total silence. We are here for all to see, including the LGBT midshipmen and alumni who are currently serving on active duty, their families and confidants.

English: United States flag with LGBT pride co...
English: United States flag with LGBT pride colors. Note: This is NOT a duplicate of File:USA Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender flag.svg, which uses the standard US flag dimensions. This version is horizontally cropped for uses where a shorter width is desired. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

New York Area Bisexual Network

New York Area Bisexual Network

A wealth of resources for bisexual, bi questioning and bi friendly people.

Update: My husband and I attended a BiRequest meeting in Manhattan yesterday (Thursday June 6th) and I must say it was refreshing.

We were a widely diverse group in age, race, relationship status but we all shared one thing in common. Dealing with our bisexuality. The topic discussion was on Bisexuality and Familial relations.

The stories were all unique and my husband felt welcomed, we felt welcomed as a married couple.

We look forward to attending meetings in the future.

It’s a great resource for those who would like a place to discuss bisexuality in a judgement free and supportive setting.

Stay tuned for BiWives Club meetups. Coming soon!