‘Sodomite Suppression Act’

What do you guys think about this proposed law?

Do you think it has anything to do with us as BiWives?

Lawyer In California Proposes Killing Gays With ‘Sodomite Suppression Act’.

SOUND OFF BELOW!

-Jay Dee, Founder

So Now What?

I’m gonna beg your indulgence and ask you, dear readers, to take a little trip with me, if you don’t mind.  When it comes to a bi wife, I learned to understand some (or maybe even a lot) of the things that plague these magnificent women, from accepting their sexuality to getting their man to accept it  and, yep, right up do doing something about their sexuality… or not being able to do anything about it because being monogamous is like wearing handcuffs and shackles that can’t be unlocked.  So, for the purpose of this writing, let’s say that our bi wife – let’s call her “Pam” – has petitioned her husband – “Phil” – to be able to find a girlfriend and explore the ways of Sappho with her which, of course, breaks the rules as far as not cheating is concerned.

Pam hasn’t quite been “hammering” Phil with her petition but she’s been pretty smart about when to bring it up because she understands what her needs are in this and what she wants to do about it; she also knows that while they say it’s easier to beg forgiveness than to ask for permission, she’d rather ask for and get his permission to change the rules just enough for her to be fulfilled as a person and as a woman.  Let’s say that after months of having this discussion with Phil and effectively and logically pleading her case, Phil finally relents and sees the logic of what she’s proposing and tells her, “Okay, baby – whatever’s gonna make you happy…”

So… now what?  Should Pam run right out and go hunting?  Oh, and for this intellectual exercise, let’s say that Pam hasn’t already had someone set up and ready to go once she got permission, okay?  Given this, the answer is no:  The next thing Pam should do is to sit down with Phil and establish the rules and conditions under which this divergence from the norm is to take place and, no, this isn’t – or shouldn’t – be one of those things that gets done in a matter of hours; indeed, if she does, in fact, give a damn about Phil’s feelings (and she should), Pam should be prepared to take as much time as necessary to hash this important factor out and, oh, yeah, with the awareness that there’s no such thing as a free lunch or Phil might want something in return for giving his blessing and if he does, um, you should be ready to give it to him because while Pam’s sexuality is about her, their marriage is about them.

One of the things I’ve seen has been bi wives getting the require permission to explore their sexuality (or to pick it up where they left off before they got married), gone through the rules and conditions phase so that things will continue to run smoothly between them, and then she doesn’t do anything… after making it known to her man that she needs to do something about the other side of her dual feelings.  I’ve seen – and have had women tell me – that because they never thought that they’d get that permission, they were in limbo because they just didn’t have a plan in place for what to do at this point.  Some women find that finding that woman to be a girlfriend/lover is harder than they thought and I’ve seen some women become totally frustrated because, for some reason I’ve never pretended to understand, they seem to expect a girlfriend/lover to fall into their  laps and without any effort on their part.  Some I know have… self-esteem or self-image concerns and to the point where they’ve gotten the permission they so badly needed but now thinks/believes that no other woman would be interested in them.

Okay, here’s the problem – again.  If a bi wife is going to petition her man for permission to proceed, she’d better have everything planned out before she says to him, “Baby, there’s something I need to talk to you about…,” from laying out the proposal to him in a logical way, through anticipating that he might wants something for himself if he gives that permission, to the rules and conditions that have to be in place before the fact – and along with the understanding that these rules are subject to change or renegotiation as needed because situations change – and, finally, the bi wife who has successfully done all of this isn’t even done with the work that’s necessary because she has to have a plan for finding that girlfriend/lover she needs in her life.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot something very important:  Doing the deed itself (and provided she hasn’t already had some experience with this).  I know quite a few women who have gotten through all of this very intensive work, have gotten a girlfriend/lover and, in the moment of truth, found that making love with her isn’t as doable as originally thought.  It’s one thing to think you can, say, go down on another woman; it’s another thing to think that you would enjoy it immensely; and it is something entirely and completely different to have your face right there and find that, um, it’s not that simple.

Just like men who have gotten to the moment of truth and have found that they couldn’t pull the trigger and go through with the things they’ve only thought about and have chickened out, I’ve known women to do the exact same thing and, from what they’ve told me, it’s because they never thought about this particular possibility.  I’ve had them tell me that they’ve pretty much said, “Fuck it…” and gone for the gusto and even like they’re old pros at making love with women… only to have Guilt show up and kick their cute asses all over the place because (a) they had sex with a woman and (b) they’ve now officially “cheated” on the man who gave his permission and all the things that go with this.

So before “now what” ever comes into play, please believe me when I tell you that before you bi wives even think about asking your husband for that permission, you’d better have a plan in place and have thought it all out from the beginning all the way through dealing with yourself after you’ve done the deed.  I don’t honestly think you can leave any part of this to, “I’ll deal with it when I have to” because there’s no telling when you’re gonna have to deal with this or that.  Sadly, I also know women who have never gotten to the moment of “So now what?” because they innately understand that it is just way too much hassle to get there.

And they’d be right – because it is.  Still, I’ve seen women get to “So now what?” and totally screw the pooch because it never occurred to them that even though they’re now free to act, the conversation between her and her husband never stops – and it can’t stop… it should never stop.   The husband should continue to be involved and invested in this and as much as he needs and wants to be and, no, you don’t get to decide this for him.  I know some hubbies who have given their permissions and didn’t want to know anything else afterward while some want and need to be kept in the loop because, again and forever again, her sexuality is about her… but her marriage to them is still about them.

KDaddy23, Contributing Author

 

Bellaelena| a Bisexual Married Blogger

Just memories and wishes now | Bellaelena.

Another article I think you guys NEED TO READ.

It’s about love between two married women, from one woman’s perspective.

Check her blog out, she’s one of us, a biwife struggling through this bilife.

I love her thoughts and how she writes. That’s what this blog was supposed to be, a platform for my thoughts.

Then again, I wanted to meet other people, bring us all together to share our thoughts. Now here we are 🙂

-Jay Dee, Founder

Accepting Bisexuality

Hey… do you wanna know the easiest way to accomplish this “impossible” task?  The answer actually isn’t as simple as it’s gonna sound but for all of you bisexual women who haven’t quite come to grips with this and for the men who are with them, here it is:

Just accept that this is how humans behave and that they’ve always behaved like this.

Simple, right?  No?  Well, how do you go about accepting this fact of nature?  Well, um, you pretty much have to set aside everything you’ve been taught, believe, or have been led to believe about bisexuality; you have to ignore the current hype that bisexuality doesn’t really exist and the other social crap being thrown around and look at the nature of the beast, that is, the way humans behave when it comes to things sexual.  Forget all the theories, all the dire warnings, one’s religious beliefs and other such factors that create bias and prejudice and, yes, even within yourself.  Don’t give much thought to how you or your partner sees bisexuality while you’re trying to accept this; set aside all that stuff about it being a choice or not being a choice because, just in my opinion, there are too many people who don’t understand the whole process of choice.

If you think you understand things like attraction and chemistry, guess again – it is very different from what you’ve been led to believe because what you believe is what the gestalt says it should be and not the way it really works.  You have to learn to be as objective about this as you’re able to and not be so much subjective; momentarily set aside your notions of what sex and even love is supposed to be like and the notions of others and, if you can, look at the undeniable facts where humans and sex (and other behaviors) are concerned – and I say they are undeniable because a lot of people are going out of their way to deny them and that even includes bisexuals.  Know that while this bisexual thing is “new” to you and your partner, it has been around like forever and that sexuality identities, as we understand them, is more of a social construct and one that says, “Everyone has to be straight… or else.”  You have to accept that this is about as wrong as it gets; you even have to try to understand why this construct exists in the first place and then do your best to understand that the people who created this construct did it with the information they had at hand at the time… which, when compared to what we know today, says that they didn’t know one damned thing about this or anything else for that matter.

Accept that it is what it is and that it is what it has always been and once you do that, you can say to yourself, “Okay, wow, I see it now…”  Then you begin the rather arduous process of trying to figure out how all of this applies to you by saying to yourself or to your partner, “I am bisexual and this is why I feel the way I do.”  Even in this, you have to be aware of what others are gonna say about this and that most of what they will say will be negative and based on the fact that they believe what they were told about everyone having to be straight… but keep your own council in this because what they think and what you know ain’t even close to the same thing and maintain an awareness that a lot of us will make accepting our bisexuality harder because of what other people think about it.

Forget all that crap about not being bisexual because you haven’t had the sex; forget the insanity that bisexuality has to be validated by having a same-sex relationship and then keep in mind that a lot of what people are saying against bisexuals and bisexuality is being said by people who are not bisexual as well as by those folks who tried it and found it not to their liking and even by those folks who would never be bisexual even if you threatened their life.  Yes, there are social scientists whose job it is to make sense of this and even they don’t all agree on the “evolution of the bisexual” because when they look at the history of human sexuality and behavior, some tend to form their own opinions of what the available data means… but the one thing they are all correct about is that, um, damn, this is how humans have always behaved and some of it is emotional, some of it is physical and, overall, a part of our biological processes.

Way, way back in the day, anything that resembled homosexuality was kicked to the curb for one simple reason:  You cannot procreate in a same-sex situation.  Well, um, yeah, that was true back then and, technically, it’s still true… but those early adopters could not foresee in vitro fertilization or even being able to adopt children who were unwanted by their nature parents for some reason.  Accepting bisexuality calls for one to realize something that I think is obvious:  If it was prohibited way back then, uh, there was a reason for it and the simple reason is that there were a lot of people who were doing things and not in the boy/girl way that makes babies and, thus, perpetuates our species.

It is what it has always been… and now you and your partner are a part of this thing.  Here’s something that’s obvious:  You can ask or otherwise demand that someone not be – and by this, I mean act – bisexual because it goes against everything you believe in… and none of that changes the facts that (1) you don’t have the right to tell someone not to be something they know themselves to be and (2) um, just because you tell them not to be bisexual will never, ever change the fact that they are bisexual because, as you will learn – and if you haven’t already – that bisexuality is more about thinking than doing.  It is not cause and effect, i.e., your partner tells you that they’re bisexual and why they feel this way and them doing something about this is always going to happen and if you believe this, well, stop believing it because even I know bisexuals who are perhaps more bisexual than I am… and they’ve never done one thing about what they’re thinking and feeling… and not because someone forbade them to but simply because they don’t feel the need to do something about it.

Are you thinking that this particular rabbit hole is a very deep one?  That’s probably because it is when you apply all the things I just asked you not to think about when accepting bisexuality.  Despite what’s being said today, it’s not about gender or even the complexities of gender identity and when I see people defining bisexuality in these terms, well, it makes me shake my head and more so since gender, as defined, is a social construct that defines a role, that is, being male or female and trying to get your head around this can make one brain-dead pretty quickly and more so since when bisexuality reared up, this social construct didn’t exist until much later in our evolution.  And here’s something obvious about this and something our minds can “overlook” – biologically, you’re born male or female and, on occasion, both – hey, genetics is some interesting stuff – but even if your mind tells you that you’re not really male or female, um, you’re still either male or female by design and, yes, people have changed their physical form to match what’s going on in their head… and they’re still male or female, aren’t they?

So, no – not everyone excepts the role of being male or female but the role is only a part of what attraction and chemistry is and how it can play into being bisexual because at the end of the day, this is really about the person and what it is about  them that attracts you emotionally, physically (who among us don’t like having sex?) or both.  Thus, you can look at a male and you feel that attraction emotionally, physically, or both – and this is the way we’re told it should be – but then you look at a female and feel the same things – and we’re told we’re not supposed to feel it like that… which does not ever change the fact that this is how you’re feeling and even if you don’t understand why you’re feeling these things…

Yet.

Look at the facts; look at the nature of the human animal.  We’re a social animal, i.e., we need to be around our own kind – other humans – but this interaction takes place in ways that isn’t covered by the social contract that was created to “stop” us from doing what is really natural for us:  Some people are straight, some people are gay and, damned right, some people are bisexual.  How do we easily accept this?  By understanding that we are bisexual because we want or need to be and that it is in our nature to be this way.

At least in the opinion of this writer, accepting bisexuality is easy – explaining your acceptance to others, well, that’s not as easy as it can be but accepting bisexuality begins with you and your ability to be objective more than subjective.  Wow… I’ve prattled on about this for a while haven’t I?  I suspect and accept that you can read this and find it disagreeable but I challenge you to figure out why it is – then take a look at how you went about figuring out that I’m just talking out of my butt and I don’t know what I’m talking about – and perhaps you’ll see why accepting bisexuality is harder than it has to be.

I figured this out because I wanted to know why I was bisexual and even why I don’t quite fit the general description as written…and what I found was just the tip of the iceberg.  Yeah, it’s my “opinion” but, please, do some deep digging of your own and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find what I found and whether you accept it or not, of course, is entirely up to you and your ability to be objective – but think about Occam’s Razor – the simplest explanation is often the best one – and looking at the nature of what we are is about as simple as it gets.  I’m just trying to put it in a way that kinda/sort makes sense… I hope.

KDaddy23, Contributing Author