This Is For the Bi Guys…

…who are, like a lot of the women who follow here, are wondering what it’s gonna take to be able to express yourself in this way and more so when, these days, the world is losing their minds over the issue of bisexuality in anyone.  I know what it’s like to have the feelings; I worked my way through the confusion they bring and came to understand that no matter what society has to say about not being all straight all of the time, the responsibility for my happiness in things is mine and mine alone.

I know what it’s like to be with someone who, if they found out that you’re not really all that straight – and even if just in your thoughts – would tar and feather you, label you some kind of pervert and even accusing you of not being happy with them.  I know what it’s like to listen to a woman go on and on about how your feelings are so unfair to her, that you have no reason at all to want anyone other than her and your sure as hell don’t need or have a reason to engage in sexual congress with another man… and even in the odd chance she even deigns to admit that she knows that she’s not really everything you will ever need.  I know what it’s like trying to explain things to her, to get her to see the logic and even common sense involved her and that we are all human and we can have needs that goes against everything we’ve been taught, everything we’re supposed to stick with and without exception… and if by doing so you wind up doing irreparable damage to yourself, well, it sucks to be you.

What is it like to be with another guy like this?  I know what that’s like, too.  I know what the hunger feels like, to feel that inner beast rattling its cage and demanding to be released… and I know what it’s like to force the beast to be quiet so as not to upset someone else’s sensibilities.  I know what it’s like to be told that I can’t really be what I know I need to be; I know the anger.  The frustration.  I know what it’s like to feel so utter contemptuous toward the other person whose beliefs are being forced onto me and beliefs that I have good reason – and even proof – are, at best, incorrect.  Inaccurate.  So badly outdated it’s not even funny.

I know what it feels like to feel that… anger simmering and eating me alive on the inside; I’ve asked, time and time again, what is it about this that they – or anyone else – just can’t understand?  Do they not understand that we need what we need in order to feel whole and complete?  That we have desires, passions, and even needs that must be attended to and if they’re ignored, the only purpose that gets served is the erosion of self; to find yourself less than what you know you can be.  To be held prisoner by rules that shouldn’t exist in the here and now and to feel some kind of way knowing that while you have come to see the truth of things, there are those around you who do not see it, cannot see it, and don’t want to see it.

What we, as bisexual men, come to understand is that bisexual women face the same levels of denial and suppression of self; they’re subject to the same gestalt of prejudice as everyone who isn’t straight has been made to face.  I know what it’s like to sit and think… and stew in a sea of frustration… and see how all of this can be made better if the rules can’t and won’t be thrown out, they can be changed.  Bent.  Even broken.  I know what it’s like to see this and to ask myself, “Yes… but at what cost?” and the answer to that is… complicated.

I know what it’s like to be subjected to the double standard:  It’s okay for women to be this way, not okay for a man to be the same way.  I know what it’s like to see a woman who expects and demands truth and total openness at all times and in all things backpedal when you tell her the truth of yourself, whether it was something that has always been true or it’s a new truth we’ve come to be aware of and see.  I know the incomprehensible confusion and even heartache to learn that the only truth she’s interested in is the one she believes in; your truth, the truth of yourself, means nothing to her.

I know these things and much more.  I even know what it’s like for the woman you love to be going through this same dilemma and that, like you, she’s suffering in this because she believes that there’s nothing that can be done.  I know men and women who are going through this; I know their hopelessness; I know how dejected and rejected they feel; I know their anger at being denied their right to be the person they need to be.  I know the solution just as I know it’s a solution that no one agrees on because the rules must always be obeyed at all times and without question.  I know the lies and flaws of monogamy; I know that it is impossible for one person to be all that you’ll ever need.  I know that people change over time and so does their wants, needs, and desires… and I know their fear of letting these things be known.  I know what it’s like to lose loves and friends because I am what I am; I know the pain of it.  I know the confusion and even the hypocrisy inherent in these things.  I know what it’s like to be angry and to have that anger deepened to know that when you said that you loved me and you would do whatever is humanly possible for me and because you love me, that you lied because there’s something you won’t do for me and even if by doing it, you would be saving my life and my sanity.

And I know that bisexual women feel the exact same way… but what I don’t know is why we, as bisexuals, just do what we need to do even when society is against us doing that.  I know that there are ways around the rules; I know that when it’s done right, everyone benefits from it – and even if the person we’re with isn’t bisexual.  I know that it opens a lot of locked doors, not just the ones related to sex but the ones related to life itself:  It unlocks the door to the truth of what we can be and, really, what we’ve been all along.  I know that what we think and believe where love, sex, and relationships is concerns is… not so much wrong but, again, inaccurate.  It’s not the whole truth of things; it’s not the truth of what we are as a social animal and one that sits high above all others because we can think.  We can create.  We can imagine.  I know that men and women alike?  We are magnificent animals and capable of so much on our own or together if we ever get around to getting our collective heads out of our collective asses and be the way we can be with each other and, yes, unchained and unfettered by the tenets of monogamy; did you know that experts in this agree that we weren’t meant to be monogamous?  That “all of us” being heterosexual is unnatural and most certainly not the way we used to be and before those damned rules got forced onto us?

Maybe knowing that I know isn’t going to help you a whole lot, fellas.  It might not help the untold number of women who are suffering in this and, like us, being made to suppress the truth of ourselves.  I tell you all that I know so that you, if nothing else, know that you’re not as alone in this as you think you are.  I know the joys of it all.  I know the fears, too.  I say to all of you – and not just the men – to, if you can find a way, don’t be afraid.  Do not despair.  Ladies, if you even suspect that your guy is bi, believe me when I tell you that there’s nothing wrong with him and he’s not bi because he doesn’t love you, want you, appreciate you or all those other things that give you nightmares.  He does.  All of those things.  He’s happy with you but I’ll also tell you that if he isn’t, it’s quite possible that, yes – you’re the reason he’s not happy because your beliefs will not allow him to be the man he needs to be.

And guys?  You’re probably doing the same thing to the woman in your life… and you don’t even know it because she’s afraid to tell you.  You’re letting your beliefs, well, fuck up the person you say that you love; you’re causing near-irreparable damage to them and for the men and women both I ask you this:  Are you that damned sure about your beliefs in the way things are supposed to be that you’re willing to put your partner, the person you love, at risk… and all because you refuse to believe that what you believe is… incorrect.  Not the whole truth.  Rules that were invented for a situation that, today, no longer exists and, thus, is no longer relevant.

And I ask you all:  Why would you do this to the person you love?  And wouldn’t it just suck if they were to do it to you?  I know it would; when I tell you that I’ve been there, done that, been around the block so many times I pretty much own it – and that I found a way to get around the rules so I can be who I’m meant to be – I’m not joking.  Not saying it just to be saying it.  If I figured out how to do it so that I can be who I am, why can’t you figure it out?  And if you fear being cheated on or otherwise left behind, well, is it really that difficult to avoid this unwanted calamity?

Guys, I know what it’s like.  I’ll tell you what “real men” do and, yes, “real women, too:”  They let each other know that this is what I am or how I want to be.  They let each other know that what I am – what I want to be – has nothing to do with how I feel about you.  We let them know that we would prefer not to take this journey alone, that it would be much better if the person we love could go along with us.  What’s in it for them?  They get a better person.  A whole person.  A person who has learned to express their feelings.  A person that sees that, together, we can be so much more…

If only you’d allow me to be the person I need to be.  I know what you’re thinking:  You’re thinking that she’s gonna say she has no need to change the way she is, to change what she believes in, that something like this has never – and will not ever – cross her mind or come her way.  That’s she’s gonna tell you that there is nothing for her in this.  I know – I’ve heard it all before and I also happen to know that… they’re wrong; they can’t see the future anymore than anyone else can.  And I also know that if she tells you this, yeah – she could very well be lying her cute ass off and she just might know more about this than she’d led you to believe.

It’s a risk but if you can’t tell her how you feel and what you’re thinking, well, that’s a problem, isn’t it?  And if she refuses to listen, that’s a problem, too.  It never fails to amaze me how we always demand to hear the truth of things… then get all weird when we do hear the truth… and then we don’t want to deal with it, don’t want to address it… and don’t want to do shit about it.  It’s better to let the bisexual in your life suffer just to preserve your sensibilities and sensibilities that were built on lies and misconceptions.

Guys, I’m telling you this (ladies, too) just in case you get to that moment in your life when you’re just gonna have to say something about it and for no other reason than it being an act of self-preservation because not being able to express yourself is eating you alive on the inside and affecting your life – and your life with her – in very detrimental ways… and she probably sees the effects, too.  Ladies?  Do you think we don’t look at you and see you feeling some kind of way and not ask ourselves, if not you directly, “What’s wrong with her?”  Guys and gals… do we not hear this question and say, “Nothing…” and we know we’re lying to the one person that we shouldn’t be lying to?

What’s it worth to you? Only you can decide that.  What do you stand to lose?  Maybe everything and I know this is very scary.  What’s worse?  Losing yourself.  Not being who you need to be.  Standing on the edge of destroying a relationship that doesn’t have to be destroyed; ready to throw away everything the two of you have built together because you think it’s the only way.  Fearing having her go off on you and making things all about her.  The despair.  Feeling trapped.  It’s not worth it and it’s better… for her for you to just give up who you are and who you want to be.

Ladies, you know what I’m talking about because you feel the same things in the same way and for the same reasons.  I’m just the bi guy who has the nerve to tell you all that it doesn’t have to be this way.  We’re better than this and I know that, too.

KDaddy23, Contribution Author and Fellow Bisexual Who Knows Some Stuff

What Are the Benefits?

That’s a good question, isn’t it?  A lot of women in relationships already are eager to let their bisexuality out to play and they need to do this like they need air to breathe… except, damn – there’s this guy who ain’t feeling it, is being territorial and, yeah, sometimes, when it comes to, “What’s in it for me?” their thoughts just travel to the one thing most bisexual women just aren’t interested in, aka, the much-dreaded threesome.

To me, the one main benefit to letting her be the way she needs to be means that you’re not living with someone who, uh, who needs to have a house dropped on her.  “Happy wife, happy life” isn’t just a saying and as many a husband/boyfriend has learned once they get a taste of the high degree of pissed off an unhappy woman can bring to the table and I’ve said to many a man who were totally against their woman being bisexual, “Well, hmm – you must be a glutton for punishment and you enjoy living with one of the most evilest and meanest creatures on the planet…”

Bisexual men go through this as well, just in case you were wondering.  The bad part here is their unhappiness is a slow, simmering kind of thing – other than the initial explosion of unhappiness after being abjectly denied.  Now it’s about… “revenge.”  Some women get their mind straight into “revenge mode” while others can get there without really thinking about revenge so much but now they are so totally and completely unhappy that their mood – and their now very bad mood – will eventually infect everyone and everything around her.  Men – and being the often clueless critters we can be – will see her in that bad place and ask, “What’s wrong with you?” and, sometimes, I think, totally forgetting that she’s in this very bad state and it’s his fault that she is… or, yeah, sometimes they do know why she’s qualifying to be Queen Bitch of the Universe… but they’ve resolved to do nothing to keep that from happening.

So the biggest benefit is that she’s gonna be happier and even more so if she can go about this without any interference from you, fellas.  Chances are – and I almost hate to say this – but your sex life with her will greatly improve because her mind – and desires – won’t be all clogged up and shut down because she’s wondering why she can’t be allowed to be who she needs to be.  I know way too many guys who say, “Why should I go along with this?” and the answer, at least to me, is easy:  If you love her, if you care about her well-being, those two things alone are reason enough to go along with it.  And, yeah – if you don’t wanna find yourself sleeping next to the newest Queen Bitch of the Universe, well, do the math here.

And, sure; a benefit could be that she’d share with you – but I wouldn’t count on that as being some kind of automatic thing and, of course, making this a condition for your approval is a mistake… unless she’s let you know that she’d be interested in the group sex thing as well.  But even if she is, you still gotta give her time to get her… uh, girl-legs?  Yeah… that’s sounds silly but I can’t think of another way to put it.  Some women have been bisexual all along but suppressing it and for them, being free to act can be like bike-riding – once you learn how to do it, you never forget how to do it.  However, for many women, this is some new stuff and stuff they’re gonna have to learn and get adjusted to and there’s no set time for this period of acclimation to take place – she’ll get into the swing of it when she gets into the swing of it… and that includes the usual problem of finding someone they can be with and the way they want to.

If having a happier woman by your side isn’t enough of a benefit, I don’t know what is.  Now, some guys give their blessing… but get into protection mode; they want to have a say in who their lady interacts with and when she can and I even know of a guy who told his lady that he insists on picking out the women she can be with and, of course, the poor woman went from being happy to be “set free” to being even more miserable than she was before the fact.

Another benefit you may be interested in is, in a way, kinda obvious:  She’s not gonna cheat on you because you’re not giving her what she needs to be happy with herself… and you.  Another one is something a lot of women seem to innately understand:  Just because you can do it doesn’t mean you have to.  Just being free to act – if/when she wants or needs to – can be good enough for her.  Ah… I know what you might be thinking:  What about you?  Okay… this is the “bad” part because her need for this has nothing to do with you… unless you keep denying her what she needs.  You’ve gone from not being part of the problem to being the problem… and I’m pretty sure you do not want to know how she’s gonna solve it.  By holding on too tightly, you’re gonna push her away.  If you were having lots of sex with her, um, well, you still might have sex with her… but she’s not going to be enthusiastic about it – and you just might wind up getting cut off for the duration.

And for some guys, it’s not like they’re incapable of understanding why she’s changed so much and it’s not like they can’t figure out what it’s gonna take to reverse things… but a lot of guys won’t and they really do expect this evil, spiteful, totally pissed off woman to go about things like there’s nothing amiss or wrong going on.  What about you?  Dude… do you really wanna know what she’s gonna think and feel about you after you’ve shut her down and kept her from being the woman she needs to be?

Happy wife, happy life.  Not just a saying and this benefit alone, for many guys, is enough to take the chains off of her so she can be a better person and in every aspect of her life.  I mean, what guy with a woman wouldn’t want this for her?  What guy doesn’t understand that if she’s happy, it’ll rub off on him and benefit him?

You don’t have to believe me… but these things are something I know for a fact because, as I’ve written, I’ve been there, been through living with the QBOTU and one who, intentionally or not, made my life miserable until she took it upon herself to end her misery.  It didn’t take me long to see the handwriting on the wall even though she had said, “I’m gonna do this with or without your blessing!”  And, fellas, I’m telling you that is it way better to know what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with… than not know either of those things.  Afraid of her cheating on you?  Thinking that she once said that she’d never cheat on you and that it’s “impossible” that she’d change her mind about that?  Afraid of losing her to another woman?  Okay… it happens but I’m the one who’ll tell you that the moment you started a relationship with her, you took on the risk of losing her to someone else and I will forever be the one who will remind every- and anyone that if you don’t take care of your man/woman, someone else can and will.  In this?  Even if no one else gets to take care of her, you can expect to be living with your own personal QBOTU.

Does that sound like something you’d be interested in?  Or would you prefer her to be a happy camper and, return, making your life with her happier and easier?  And ladies?  I can tell you that having a bi guy who isn’t free to be bi is not a nice person to be around so if you have a bi guy, you can realize a lot of the same benefits I’ve mentioned here and, mainly, he’s gonna be happy just to be free to be himself and that doesn’t mean he’s gonna run out and start doing stuff with other guys because some of us do understand that just because we can do it doesn’t mean we will or have to; sometimes, just being free is enough.

Finally, one of the bigger benefits is that you get to learn some stuff, not just about each other, but about life itself and that a lot of the stuff you might believe in tends to set a couple up to fail more than it helps them succeed.  Again – you don’t have to believe me… but trust that I wouldn’t be telling you this if I didn’t know it – and know it for a fact and even personally.  But you don’t have to believe me but if you find yourself dealing with this issue – and many of you here are, in fact, dealing with it – well… what’s it gonna take to make you a believer?

I know the answer to that, too – but I’m gonna leave you to figure that one out.

KDaddy23 – Contributing Author and Fellow Bisexual

I Want to Make Something Clear

For a lot of years, I was married to a bisexual woman and, yeah, it’s really something to be married to one and to be aware of her needs and how those needs can and will impact things.  I don’t want anyone to think that she was, well, all fucked up in the head because she really wasn’t… but a lot of the things she went through were some of the same things I’d come to recognize in other bisexual women and, to be honest, I see a lot of bisexual men go through similar thing whether they’re free to act or – gasp – they gotta take things to the DL to be able to express themselves the way they need to.

One of the things I know that bothered her wasn’t just being rejected; that’s a very hard thing for a lot of people to deal with.  What bothered her the most was being frustrated; she’d get around to taking care of getting her “girl itch” scratched albeit in a one-time way and she’d be good for a day, maybe a few days before her frustration would return with a vengeance because what she really wanted and needed was a girlfriend and in every way the word means… and her biggest issue was that a lot of the women she was interested in weren’t interested in having a girlfriend or even an FWB lover.  Oh, they’d take her to bed if they could look past the fact that she was chubby (and despite having lost weight) but, okay, she had really big tits and ass and that would almost automatically get the attention of a lot of women (and men, too).  Her personality wasn’t quite “out there” nor was it “subdued” or overly laid back.  She’d ask me, “What’s wrong with me that no one wants me?” and, good Lord, trying to convince her that while she had her faults – and like everyone else does – there’s nothing really wrong with her, that and the fact that if there was something seriously wrong with her, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with her and married her… let alone stay married to her.

Truth is she was defeating herself.  It wasn’t that she didn’t know or understand that when it comes to sex, people are seriously funny about who they have sex with and it seemed to me that she managed to forget that women “lead the league” in being funny about having sex… with anyone.  They have their… preferred types just like men do and, well, that’s just the way it’s always been.  Whenever we’d have this discussion, I’d ask her, “Well, have you ever bothered to ask someone why they didn’t want to be with you and in the way you needed them to be?”

Uh, hmm – apparently not but I understood that; it’s bad enough to get rejected and even worse to know why you were rejected and who really wants to hear why they were deemed not to be good enough?  Still, I realized – and pointed out to her – that she was being her own worst enemy in these things; she got it into her head that nobody wanted her for sex or anything else and it stuck… and I could never get that out of her head and couldn’t get her to understand that this is something others are gonna pick up on and, as such, something they didn’t want to be bothered with.  She really didn’t make it difficult for another woman to bed her; it wasn’t like she didn’t know what to do or anything like that… but her near-constant frustration at not having a woman the way she needed not only dragged her down but dragged everyone around her down.

As a husband and fellow bisexual, I felt… inadequate when it came to dealing with her frustration.  When she met a woman who she fell in love with – and even invited her to join our family – wow; I didn’t see that coming but I did see that the woman she fell in love with, well, she wasn’t bisexual and she even told me – and I don’t know how we got on the topic – that she’d never been with a woman, never been approached by one, never gave any thought about it.  Oh, shit… was this gonna be a problem and one that, under this new arrangement, was going to be my problem to deal with?

Turns out it was.  Don’t get me wrong:  They were in love with each other big time and our new girlfriend took to being made love to by my wife like a duck to water, something that surprised the living daylights out of me but she had what I’d call a common problem:  She didn’t want anyone to think she was a lesbian and that really messed with her head and, as such, it made her very reluctant to reciprocate.  She wanted to but that lesbian thing was something she couldn’t get her head around and no matter how much the two of us talked about that.  And my wife’s frustrations began anew even though she now had the woman she could truly love in the ways she needed to love a woman… but a woman who also had some… issues.  It was… interesting to watch them interacting with each other.   They knew they belonged to each other but our girlfriend would get totally pissed when my wife would have to go get with another woman because our girlfriend wouldn’t want to have sex with her without me being there.  I spent an untold number of hours explaining to her that, simply, if you don’t like the idea that some other woman is getting “your pussy,” well, doesn’t that mean you need to make sure that no other babe is getting it?

She said that she knew that… but.  I’d tell her – ask her – “If you’re not gonna do it, who’s supposed to?” and instead of answering, I’d just get “that look” from her and one I knew all too well because it was a non-verbal answer of, “No one is supposed to.”  I’d sit them both down and literally make them talk about this and making it clear that this issue they had between them was affecting the whole family and in some very bad ways – and ways that I’d wind up having to deal with because they were both too stubborn to change things.  One was still worried about being a lesbian, the other completely frustrated to not be able to express her love for her/our girlfriend in the way all of us knew it should be expressed.

I’m telling you this to illustrate some stuff that’s very important, that in these things, being your own worst enemy – and because you refuse to see what needs to be done and hanging on to stuff that, really, doesn’t make a lot of sense – well, that’s gonna kill some stuff that would prefer not to be killed.  Again, don’t get me wrong:  When they made love to each other – still with me being right there – it was amazing; these two were made for each other and I knew it… and they knew it… but let their thoughts and feelings pretty much destroy whatever joy they found with each other.  The problem?  If I wasn’t at home – and my job was a huge reason for me not to be there – my wife would want to make love… and her/our girlfriend wasn’t having any of it because she kept believing that it would make her a lesbian.

To any and all bisexual women reading this, don’t be your own worst enemy and to the husbands of a bisexual woman, dude, I gotta tell you that if she’s way too deep into her own head about this and she’s highly frustrated, it’s gonna frustrate you even more and logic, such as it is, stands little chance of breaking through the emotional turmoil your bisexual lady can be feeling.  You, as a man, can’t just say, “Just deal with it already – damn!” because it sends the wrong message to her – you don’t give a fuck about what’s bothering her and once she gets that thought in her head, well, you’re gonna be in for a rough time that makes having a bisexual woman look easy by comparison to deal with.

To the women looking for a girlfriend and lover, I say to you do not ever give up.  Do not start thinking that there’s something so wrong with you that no other woman is gonna want you.  Understand that rejection is just – and still – a part of the whole thing and understand that some women will only want to bed you… and nothing more than that.  Yeah, guys are like that, sad to say, but women can be, too.  Know it.  Understand it.  Don’t let it get in the way of whatever goals you have as a bisexual woman.  And, fellas?  Let her be bisexual!  Her need to be has nothing to do with you because if it did, um, she wouldn’t be with you… well, unless you’re of a mind to not let her be the bisexual woman she needs to be.  I am the one who will tell you that if you don’t – and she cheats on you – that’s not her fault so much – it’s yours and because you failed to take care of her needs… and even the ones you can’t do anything about because you’re not female.

What you believe is what you believe… and I’m saying that what you believe isn’t the truth of this.  Women in a relationship – and for whatever reason makes sense to them – find that what they need in addition to you is another woman and because you’re not a woman, you’re not really going to understand why she has that need and, perhaps, you’re gonna be “stupid” enough to tell her that she shouldn’t have that need and, by rote, there’s no reason for her to want anything or anyone other than you.  That, gentlemen, is a mistake.  Do you wanna know why people cheat on each other?

It’s because of the abject failure for someone to not being willing and able to take care of someone’s needs.  If you don’t take care of your man/woman, someone else can and will and by “taking care” of, I mean even if there’s nothing you can actually do about it, you can make it possible for their needs – and the ones you can’t do shit about – to be taken care of.  And, really:  If you love each other as much as you say you do, why would you not do this and make the person with the “extra needs” a happy camper?  And know this:  Couples with bisexuals do make it work and even the non-bisexual in the mix can benefit in this. It’s not a rarity – it’s now more of a “matter of fact” kind of thing because many, many people are realizing that it doesn’t make any damned sense to be living with someone who’s gonna make your life miserable… and all because of what someone doesn’t believe in as well as that bisexual who is being their own worst enemy.

Ya don’t have to believe me… but you should.  I learned this the hard way and, yes, in a way, I failed to resolve their issues… but it wasn’t for a lack of trying.  Oh, boy – did I benefit from this and in ways that a lot of men would give their arms and legs to be able to benefit from… but even then, I understood that this wasn’t about me – this was about my wife, what she needed in her life, and my dedication to doing my level best to get her what she needed.  Why?

Because I loved her and, as such, going along with breaking all of the rules of marriage and relationships was no big deal for me and, besides:  I preferred to know what she was doing and who she was doing it with over not knowing.  Yes… I know that before we came to this agreement, she cheated on me and while many would blame her for this, it was my fault because I didn’t know and, yeah, not because she didn’t come out and tell me but I also failed to ask the questions I had on my mind about her – and I did suspect that she was bisexual and had suspected for a very long time.

Don’t make the mistakes I made or even the ones my wife made.  Don’t let your beliefs and fears undermine the love you have for each other and if/when you tell her that you’d do anything to make her happy?  Mean it.  Then do it.  Encourage her.  Support her.  And if she starts being her own worst enemy, let her know that this is what she’s doing and how its affecting her – and you, too.

I just wanted to make some stuff clear in this and I do hope y’all can learn something from it… because I sure as hell did.

KDaddy23 – Contributing Author and Fellow Bisexual

It’s Not Always a Slam Dunk

Hi there!  Good to be back again and I hope that everyone is doing their best to survive all this coronavirus stuff!  Let’s get to it.

There are some guys who, upon discovering their lady is bisexual, has found the holy grail because, hands down, there is no one who is more erotic and sensual than a bisexual woman.  Having said that, I’m reminded of a blog I read last week written by a bisexual woman who was pretty pissed about guys and our fascination with bisexual women; she went off about feeling objectified and a lot of other things I’ve heard bisexual women complain about over the years and, well, they’re right about that… but they don’t know or understand why men react the way they do about bisexual women.  I responded to her by saying, “We get all hyped about a bisexual woman because it really is cool, hot, etc., to know that woman knows the same thing about pussy that men do.”

That’s my take on it and I stand by it but being with a bisexual woman isn’t always the slam dunk one might think.  Like with my first wife, my god, I gave her gigantic props for demanding and standing up for her right to get and have the sexual/emotional comfort she needed from other women… then spent a lot of time scratching my head trying to figure out why she wasn’t taking full advantage of her freedom in this.  It wasn’t that she gained that freedom and then did nothing with it – she most certainly did… but there were way too many days when she would mope around the house, would be edgy and on the wrong side of being moody and it actually took me a while to figure it out since, when I’d ask her what was wrong, I got the usual response.

“Nothing.”

One day, she was admittedly getting on my last good nerve and I said this to her:  “If you were a man, I’d know what was wrong with you!”  As I said it, it hit me like a bolt of lightning – she was in this horribly funky mood because – to be blunt – she wasn’t getting any pussy.  I confronted her about this, not in a bad way, but in the “why aren’t you doing something about this?” way; she’d shrug and start talking about what she wanted and all that which would get me to ask her, “Well, okay – what are you gonna do about it?”  And she really didn’t have an answer – but she had lots of excuses as to why she wasn’t availing herself of the freedom that most bisexual women want… but never get.

“You act like some babe is gonna fall out of the sky and into our bed with you,” I said.  “If you don’t do anything to get what you want, baby, you’re not gonna get it!”  I would encourage her to get off her butt and go on the hunt; to go get that list of phone numbers I knew she had (and the list she didn’t know that I knew about) and, if she had to, call one of the many women she’d been with before and had a good time with.  Go to a bar and either try to pick some woman up or just sit there and wait for a woman to hit on her – do something other than rampaging through the house and everyone in it because you’re not getting any… but not doing one damned thing to get some.

She’d talk about the times she’d been rejected, stood up, etc., and I’d acknowledge that it happens; you don’t put much into this and you sure as hell don’t give up the pursuit of that which you really and truly need, operating on the premise that there will be that one woman who will say, “Let’s do this!” and when she does, you go with it, enjoy it, and if you can arrange for more of the same, don’t hesitate to put that out there but if it’s a one-time shot, okay – fine.  There are plenty of women out there who would want to get into your panties… or wants you in theirs… but it remains true that if you don’t actively pursue this, you ain’t getting any.  Period.

When she’d take my advice, my goodness – she was the happiest of campers and she’d be on a roll… then, for some reason I never understood, would fall back into that pit of despair and the cycle would repeat itself and I’d hear – again – about her supposed inability to find someone – anyone – who’d go to bed with her.  She was suffering from a lack of confidence and I couldn’t get to the bottom of it no matter how hard I tried to get to the root of it.  I know she had body image issues – she wasn’t a “little girl” – and she’d often speak to this but I’d point out that, hmm, it didn’t seem to be that much of an issue with other women since, when she was putting forth the effort, she was getting more pussy than I was and, under our arrangement, I was getting a lot of pussy and dick since, you know, I’m bisexual, too.  She was convinced that no woman would want her, that she couldn’t find a woman to be with and I just couldn’t get that out of her head.  I even went as far as to make a bet with her:  I’ll bet you that I can find a woman you can take to bed and it’ll be easy for me to do it.

She took the bed… and lost; it took me all of thirty minutes to go online and find a woman and another twenty minutes to get her and bring her home to my wife.  And I gotta tell you… the noises I heard coming from our bedroom were… delightfully alarming; I was sure they were in there killing each other and when I was told to get my ass up there and join them, I was very, very leery and kinda feared for my safety… and with good reason, it turned out.  They made “quick work” of me and turned on each other again… and I spent the rest of the night on the sofa.

I told you this… to tell you this:  If you have permission to act, if you do nothing to get what you want, you’re never going to get it.  If you don’t have permission and you need it, if you don’t keep working on getting it, you’re never gonna get it and no matter how much your guy might resist; this is you standing up for yourself more than anything else and a kinda backhanded way of reminding him that it’s his job to provide that which you need in order to keep you happy and all that.  If you’re sitting on your cute asses and doing nothing toward this most pleasant goal, well, why are you sitting on your cute ass and doing absolutely nothing?  Worried about being rejected?  Again, it happens but you can’t let being rejected get in the way of doing what you know you need to do for both your satisfaction and peace of mind.

If you don’t try, you can never fail… and if you don’t fail, you will never learn how to succeed.  Some women say that us guys don’t understand – and some guys really don’t.  They think we don’t “really” understand the allure and desire for a woman… when, in fact, we know this better than anyone because, um, we’re guys and the all-time “pussy fiends.”  I tell women – or I try to – that some of us are way over the moon to know that they’re bisexual because we know that they know the same things about women that we do… and that is very exciting to have this in common with our woman and, okay, yeah – watching two women making love and one of them is your own woman?  Doesn’t ever get any better than that and, as a man, I’m never gonna apologize for that sentiment.

It’s not easy… but us guys know that, again, better than anyone ever could.  But when we’re chasing women, we don’t give up… and none of you bisexual women reading this should be of a mind to give up, either.  My wife?  My god… she was a very miserable human being when she couldn’t be with a woman and many of the reason why she couldn’t be were ones that she imposed upon herself.  She even asked me one day why I didn’t have similar issues getting cock to suck that she had… and I explained to her that guys, in this, are a bit different (or they were at the time); we don’t usually put much stock in looks/appearances, not usually concerned about the emotional aspects; it’s like – and I’m oversimplifying this – “Hey, I wanna suck your cock – you game?” and either the guy is or he isn’t.  If he is, let the sucking begin… and if he isn’t, there’s always another guy out there who will be.  You just gotta find them and you’re not gonna do that by sitting around and doing nothing other than bitching and complaining about not being able to find someone you can have some sexy fun with.

I told her that, yes, I get rejected… but, as a guy, I’m used to it and I don’t let it mess with my head; I’ll even go as far as to say that if someone rejects me, well, that’s their loss.  I also pointed out to her that if you lack confidence, you’re pretty much hosed and while I can easily point out all of the good things about her that makes her desirable, if she doesn’t believe them – doesn’t believe me – then, yep – hosed.  Assed out.  Ain’t getting any.  Ever.

I say to you bisexual women out there, don’t be like my first wife was.  Don’t get yourself into a snit about being objectified in this and, if you can, try to understand that the reason why a lot of guys think you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread is, simply and bluntly, you know about pussy and women just like we do and, um, we’re kinda jealous because y’all are better at sex with women than the best of us are.  Once you get it into your head that no other woman is ever gonna want you, you are screwed… and not in the good way you want to be.

If you want and need it, do what you gotta do to get it… unless being miserable and unhappy is something you find enjoyable.

KDaddy23, Contributing Author and fellow bisexual