Mental Health- Clearing Your Mind

“Whether we call it prayer, meditation, or “me” time, we all need that moment in the day to clear the clutter of our thoughts, even if only for a brief moment.”

For me, there are days when 10 minutes of quiet and stillness can energize me more than sleep, food, or exercise.

I take a quick break, clear my mind, and take deep breaths. And when I return to my task, I am always amazed at how much more focused I become.

Here’s my simple, 10 minute routine to clear my thoughts and reset my mind:

  1. I find a private, quiet corner of a room and sit comfortably.
  2. I close my eyes and take deep breaths on a count of five.
  3. Breathe in…2..3..4..5. Breathe out…2..3..4..5.
  4. I then take each part of my body, from head to toe, and focus on relaxing that part of my body.
  5. Then one last cleansing breath, and I slowly open my eyes, focused and ready to tackle the world again.

What do you do when you need to take a quick mental health break?

Post your comments and suggestions;  I love to try new things!

-Stephanie Elise, Contributing Author

Exploring Your Sexuality Pt. II – Jay Dee’s Experiences

In the previous article we explored a few questions. A reader suggested I share with the Community how I dealt with these situations in my life. Below are some of my answers.

These are my views, my life choices and experiences. They ARE NOT ADVICE!!!

I have been married three times with long term relationships before and between marriages. I do have extensive experience as a wife, I have had knowledge of my bisexuality since I was 6 years old, I’ve always been bisexual. Each husband was drastically different. In this blog over time and in telling my stories I will mainly refer to my ex husband who I was with 7 years who impacted my sexuality heavily. He wanted me to change, I tried, I couldn’t. It affected our marriage seriously in many ways.

After the initiation of our divorce I vowed to be free after freeing myself from him. I swore I’d never remarry if I couldn’t be 110% myself at all times. Within months of my divorce the Lord blessed me with everything I prayed for in my private meditations. I prayed for hours daily for everything I wished my ex husband would have been but couldn’t be to me. The man sent to me loved me, all of me, as I loved him, all of him flaws included. We vowed to spend a life of love together. It’s been almost 4 years since the day we met and we haven’t left each other’s sides. He does not judge my sexuality, he does not cause me drama or heart ache regarding my bisexuality.

He is my husband today and he is BiWifeLife’s #1 supporter. These are the two marriages I will speak of in this blog and in my stories.

For the purpose of showing both sides of my experience I’ve referred to my current husband and ex husband in my answers. 

Before embarking on making a major life change such as declaring your sexuality and/or exploring your bisexual side there’s a few things to consider:

  • Are you ready to deal with your bisexual side right now? I was born bisexual. I know no other way.
  • Is this a good time in your life for this journey? My entire life has been this journey.
  • How does your spouse feel about your sexuality? My ex husband hated anything homosexual including bisexual women. He thought it an abomination and assured me I was going to hell if I didn’t change who I was. My current says he loves my sexuality and in ways I can see he does. Other times he says it doesn’t bother him but his vibes say it does. Most times he’s happy when he sees me talking to a female, ‘hollering’ at a female, meeting a female or having sexual relations with a female.
  • What’s kept you from living a free biwifelife all this time? When I wasn’t free I was kept away from my bisexuality by my home life. My home was a religious home. Religion and a religious man of the house kept me from being with women. My role was very traditional, he was homophobic, I was financially dependent on him as a housewife, fear of divorce, he was physically abusive and I knew he’d beat me if I slept with a woman. Before him I had always been free. He is no longer a part of me and I am once again free 🙂
  • What will change in your life if you open this door? I have had drama, pain, break ups and the likes in my life due to living a biwifelife.
  • What will be worse, what will be better? Does not apply.
  • Will you really be happy? I was truly UNHAPPY when I led a ‘straight’ life. I am only happy as a free biwife. I am really happy in my life now with my options open.
  • How will your husband deal with this life change? My ex husband would have divorced me immediately should I had decided to practice bisexuality during our marriage, he would have not dealt with it. My current husband is dealing with my accidental metamorphosis into this LGBT Pioneer with happiness and support. He’s so proud of BiWifeLife and where it’s going. 🙂  He was my encouragement to write initially.
  • Will he be on your team? My ex husband no. My current husband is my team 🙂
  • Will he react horribly? My ex-husband would have beat me then told everyone we knew I was a horrible, promiscuous slut that couldn’t resist the devil and was unworthy of marriage.  He would have dragged me to our religious institution where they’d verbally lash me and grant him divorce immediately. I’d be ostracized from our religious community and would have to leave his home and my entire life. It wouldn’t have pretty. Even talking about how I felt sometimes led to hour long lectures and prayer sessions. He did listen and empathize but he never fully understood nor would he ever fully tolerate my acting on a bisexual need.
  • Can he really deal with it? My ex husband did deal with it when it benefited him only. Other times he had a ‘no tolerance’ policy. My current husband can deal with it. At times it seems and feels like it’s hard for him to deal with. He says it’s never hard for him to deal with, his vibes say otherwise. He’s sometimes passive aggressive and his vibes come before the storm, lol. To date we have had no drama regarding my sexuality.
  • What about your in-laws!? I could care less. I am me, my  husband loves me and that’s what counts. In my previous marriage I had the same stance.
  • Does he need to be educated about bisexuality? They both did. My ex husband said there’s no justification for it no matter what. It’s an abomination and I was going to hell if I indulged. I could recognize I felt bisexual internally, even label myself bisexual but not lay with a woman. Ever. No amount of education would change that with him. His wife was straight and God fearing. My current husband is learning the way of the LGBT Community and has decided he doesn’t want to be ‘in’ or a solid part of any one thing in the Community other than supporting my budding venture with BiWifeLife. He doesn’t mind going to, gatherings, meetings etc., actively participates in discussions and seems to genuinely enjoy  himself.
  • Are you going to come fully ‘Out’ or just ‘Out’ to some? I’ve always been ‘Out’, since I first discovered my attraction to both genders I’ve always been honest about it. To anyone. It’s as natural as being African American or a female to me.
  • Will your friends, coworkers, kids, extended family know? If they should happen to find out doesn’t matter to me. I am usually very transparent. I did not tell my children until they were about 16 to avoid influencing their sexual choices and sexual identities.
  • Will you tell your parents? My parents know, my grand parents and extended family know. My mother is a lesbian, her mother, my grandmother a lesbian as well (may she rest in peace). My mother’s father was bisexual (may he rest in peace). Although closeted he held several long term relationships with men. His sexuality was a quiet knowledge in our family. My father’s side of the family is all Christian and very religious. He being a pastor, his father the same, his mother a God fearing woman, her parents Evangelists. Nobody on his side is bisexual or gay that we know of . They don’t judge me and are all supportive of me being who I am.
  • How will the people in your town react and how will you deal with that? *For folks in small towns.* I could care less. I have lived in small towns and cared less who knew or thought what. Just really never gave that much a damn about folks in that way. I reacted toward people how they acted toward me, quick to cut any potential drama quickly by severing ties swiftly.

There’s a lot to go over before you start jumping between hot, sexy thighs!!! So there you have it. My answers to those very questions I suggested you ask yourself!

Do your homework, dig deep and  honestly answer these questions.

Take a look at the questions. Ingest them, know the answers, evaluate the questions again and again, see if your answers change.

Always evaluate, evaluate, evaluate before making any major decisions in life.

Your final choices or actions are choices and actions YOU have to deal with.

-Jay Dee, Founder

Dealing with Your Spouse & Dating Someone New

“If things move forward, how do you think your husband’s going to react? How is he supposed to react?” Were two questions asked of me by a reader regarding my comment I’d be meeting a ‘date’ for the parade that sparked the idea for this article.

Well, here’s an update on my ‘date’ for the parade.

We met briefly along the sidelines of the parade. I was working as the Section Head for the section that included the Governor of New York and security was tight. I was a part of that security and keeping things in order around his section. I didn’t have time to jam to the music and really enjoy the parade for a while there. Only intermittently when our area was pretty stabilized for brief moments of time.

I saw her, hugged her, went back to work volunteering to keep our section organized and make sure the lineup for our exit was going smoothly.

I don’t really have expectations of anyone when I meet them. They’ll ususually show me what they’re about soon enough. That being said I didn’t expect our day to go any particular way.

As I worked she danced behind the barricade until one of our local groups came along in the parade.

I opened the barricade, escorted her to the group in the parade and away she marched.

We did not link back up. I have not spoke to her verbally since our meeting.

Imagine if they day would have went a bit differently.

Imagine if she would have met me after the parade, we enjoyed each other’s company, she got along with my husband and we’d ended up having a romantic evening along the water’s edge on a pier far from the insanity of the post parade crowd. Imagine we walked, talked, smoked, laughed, flirted and maybe kissed. Maybe kissed passionately caught up in the air of the evening. As my husband watched we kissed and our hands roamed each other on the water’s edge as he sat by and watched.

How would he have felt? How would he have reacted if I woke up this morning to smiley faces and blushes in my text messages and my face flushed as I read my messages?

My husband would have loved it! He would have probably encouraged her to come back to our place with us to finish kissing and groping each other. Now for what reason is the question. So he could also be with her or to watch us? If he couldn’t be with her how would he feel? I presume he’d be somewhat angry or frustrated but that’s just my take. He deny’s his acceptance of my sexuality for selfish reasons. I have to believe what he says but my senses tell me otherwise.

How would he have felt if we did grow into more than just sex? Probably a bit hurt, maybe a bit insecure and in anticipation I’d shower him with love the entire time my relationship with her grew to show him I’m still in love with him despite my falling in love with my new love.

If I know my husband I’ll know he does need that reassurance despite his constant denials that he does.

I know anyone watching the person they love fall in love will need some sort of reassurance. Logic.

I’m very careful to remain in tune with my spouse no matter what’s going on in life. I try to remain considerate of his feelings and emotions at all times sensing his truth despite what he may verbalize. This is a part of being a wife in my eyes.

I don’t think my husband is “supposed” to react any other way than what his emotions lead him to express to my building a relationship with another woman. Expectations in marriage can be a dangerous recipe for disappointment.

He is him, I love him for him and I respect his feelings, emotions and reactions whether I agree with them  or not.

He deserves that respect as a human. As his wife I deal with him as he comes.

Those are the answers to your questions. Thanks for asking them!

-Jay Dee, Founder

Fourth of July Desserts

Hey BiWifeLife!

I have to admit, I love sweets. Some days my sweet tooth can be out of control, and holidays are definitely that time.

So I was searching for some treats that featured more fruits, and I found this list of greatFourth of July dessert options:

Anyone making any great dishes this upcoming holiday weekend?

Let me know your favorite!

-Stephanie Elise,  Contributing Author

Fighting Insecurities

My fiancé and I have been dealing with some insecurities in accepting my bisexuality.

We both decided to become more comfortable with each other and our upcoming new marriage before even thinking about involving anyone else, and I am perfectly fine with that.

There are some days, though, when it comes up in conversation. It usually begins innocently enough; he asks me if I think a particular lady is attractive,  and I answer truthfully. If I admit she is attractive,  he gets into a funny mood and retreats to his cell phone without acknowledging me, and it usually takes a few hours of silence and sulking to bring him back.

Also, it doesn’t help that I have been getting approached by ladies a lot more lately.

Maybe it’s my new bi flag bracelet for pride month, or maybe I am different because I am more secure in myself and my sexuality. Who knows?

I can’t say it isn’t flattering (where were these hot ladies when I was single?), but I quickly explain my situation to them because I respect my decisions and relationship with my fiancé.  I certainly wouldn’t want to lead anyone on when I am not ready to truthfully and honestly pursue a relationship.

So for now I am taking this one step at a time.

I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know what may happen tomorrow. But I don’t regret my decision to be honest in who I really am. And I am working hard to make sure my fiancé knows he is my first priority,  and he has nothing to worry about.

-Stephanie Elise, Contributing Author

New York City Gay Pride 2014 – NYC Pride March 2014

New York City Gay Pride 2014 – NYC Pride March 2014.

This year my husband and I will be Section Leaders again.

This year I am supposed to have a date.

Another BiWife who’s devoted her life to Bisexual Education and is an Assistant Professor in Sexuality.

We make a good match thus far.

We met online.

Same place my husband and I met.

I’m nervous, I’m excited.

I haven’t slept all night, trying to figure out what to wear and writing to calm my nerves.

I really like her. I’m wondering what will happen between my husband and me if things move forward between her and I.

We are not including him sexually. He’s seemed to have developed a sense of entitlement with my sexuality and intimacy with other females.

But that’s not always possible.

I’ll keep you guys posted. Getting ready for the March!!!


I’ve got over 5k cards to throw into the crowd.

Hopefully we’ll have LOTS MORE READERS to connect with.

-Jay Dee, Founder