Holiday Confessions…

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate!

Tis the season of family, friends, fun, drinks, prying questions and slipped confessions and games of truth.

Maybe you’ve been waiting for just the right time to ‘come out’.

Maybe this year you’ll admit you liked it when you kissed so and so in high school while playing truth or dare with old friends 😉

Maybe you’ve been pondering telling friends, family, parents, your spouse and you think NOW would be just the right time while you’ve got everyone all together.

Maybe there’s a family member who’s always bringing up awkward subjects and you have just the recipe for a truly remembered Thanksgiving Dinner this year.

I urge you to think really hard about your decision to come out, tell someone, confess if it’s been on your mind.

Words spoken cannot be taken back.

Once you ‘come out’ you can’t go ‘back in the closet’. 

Here’s a few tips to keep your life and marriage in tact this season of nostalgia, family, friends, questions and confessions:

  1. If alcohol makes you a bit more ‘loose’ monitor your intake. Burning desires to ‘come out’ can slip out with a little too much to drink. Limiting oneself is not a bad thing but a very good thing- know your limits.
  2. Think carefully about the potential consequences of a surprise revelation to your family and friends-all at once.
  3. Your spouse deserves to know before anyone else (if he/she doesn’t know already). If it’s really that time for you to tell the family tell your spouse privately first! Discuss your sexuality with him/her before announcing to everyone else. The last person that should be surprised is your spouse.
  4. Ponder your burning desire and ask yourself, why now? Is this really what I want to do? Really, seriously ponder why.
  5. If you see trouble coming (a crush, a touchy-feely friend, a drunk relative who figured you out and is always making sly comments) go the other way! Many holiday gatherings have been destroyed in seconds with ill spoken words. Don’t get sucked into a conversation which may jeopardize your marriage and/or family.
  6. Remember, it’s okay to be you and if it’s time to ‘come out’ to family and friends make sure your spouse is right there holding your hand for support. Again, #3 is really important!
  7. Brace yourself for reactions. Imagine every kind of reaction you think you may get if you did make an announcement to the entire bunch at once.
  8. If selectively telling family and friends in a more intimate way be prepared with your approach, know what you’re going to say before you say it and again, refer to #7.
  9. Love yourself first. Remember words can hurt so #3 and #7 are reeeeealllly important. You are an awesome person, a great wife and deserve the freedom to be yourself if this is something you and your spouse have accepted for your marriage.
  10. Don’t allow others reactions change your perception of self. You know you, youe spouse knows you and that’s all that matters when it comes to YOUR sexuality. Again, refer to #’s 3, 7 & 9 they are reeeeeallly important. 😉

**If children are involved weigh their needs above your own and tread carefully. Confessions can be life changing for everyone involved.**

We’re all here for you through what can be trying times-the holiday season.

This is a time of familial judgements, criticisms and overall annoyance for some.

For others this is a jolly time of year. Only you know which one applies to your family gatherings 🙂

Please keep in mind, no matter what that every action will have an equal and opposite reaction.

You may not like what your spouse or other loved ones have to say about your sexuality confession this holiday.

Is now really the right time to ‘come out’?

Is Thanksgiving really the right place for such a big confession?

Always think deeply before acting, see the scene play out in your head in every variation possible, negative and positive and be absolutely positively sure ‘coming out’ is something you want to do.

Once you do, you can’t take it back.

-Jay Dee, Founder

COMMENT BELOW, SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!

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New Contributing Author! Meredith Lee

BiWife Community I’d like you to all welcome our newest Contributing Author!

Meredith Lee is a creative and kindred spirit I’m sure you guys will love. She’s an awesome chick and I’m totally honored to have her aboard. Check out her story below

Welcome Meredith!!!

-Jay Dee, Founder

meredith downing contributing author BiWifeLife

I had no problem composing a blog post while frying my egg this morning. The fizzle in the pan harmonizing with the drip gurgle of the coffee pot in the background interrupted by the mechanical pop of the toaster seemed to coax a story out of me. Alas, as soon as I sat down in front of my laptop, the words floated away with the steam rolling off my coffee mug, leaving me with some poetic ramble about making breakfast.

I was thinking of a story that wasn’t my typical story. That’s a story I could tell in my sleep. The story of how I got here. That for over ten years I simply existed as a bisexual and was just ok with everyone assuming I was a straight chick who liked to make out with other chicks. That all the while I was in a long-distance relationship with my now-husband, who never minded my college antics, which did nothing to make my sexuality feel validated at all. It was a party trick. I didn’t mind. College ended. We moved in together and got engaged.

That not long after our wedding, something snapped, and I’m not exactly sure what it was, but all of a sudden I was sick of being invisible. [Maybe it was coincidentally going out for drinks during Pride Week, seeing the LG of LGBT out and proud and feeling like maybe my invitation got lost in the mail. That must be it, right?] And I was sick of the rest of my bisexual sisters and brothers being invisible and misconstrued. So I started trying to be more visible and seeking out other people like me. I found the larger nation-wide Facebook groups and online forums, but nothing with a super deep connection and certainly nothing local to me. Then I found this oasis of a site. I found an opportunity to be involved not only with all of you, but the chance to someday bring it to my own community. I found the way to help other women like us know that they’re not alone.

I wasn’t gonna tell that story though. Oh well. Now you know how I got here. How I stumbled home. The story I was going to tell can be for another time.

From here, hopefully you’ll be seeing quite a bit of me as I guest-write and share my journey. I am so excited to have found all of you at the exact moment I needed you. 

– Meredith Lee, Contributing Author

Research in Michigan: A bad marriage could…

Research in Michigan: A bad marriage could literally break your heart | MLive.com.

While watching the news this evening I saw this story. It was a brief synopsis of the study and I figured I’d share it with you all.

This is EXACTLY why I believe so strongly in communication and honesty.

Nobody wants to have a bad marriage or relationship for that matter. That was not the goal when we first cried as he or she proposed.

Remember, your spouse is just as important as you are!

They love, they feel too.

-Jay Dee, Founder

 

Save up to 70% on luxury travel | Secret Escapes

I actually subscribe to this site and dream of some of the inexpensive vacations.

Check it out. I think you guys might like some of the things I’ve seen.

Let us know if you take any trips…and let us know if  you take a third person with you what that experience was like for you traveling as a BiWife with her partner.

-Jay Dee, Founder

 Save up to 70% on luxury travel | Secret Escapes.

Full Circle

When I first sat down and Google’d bisexual married woman/women and I got all these porn results I was stuck.

I couldn’t believe there weren’t like organization websites or something of that nature that was specifically for bisexual married women. I kept searching, used the keywords every which way you could flip and mix em and all I found were a few blog posts, thoughts spilled online by other suffering women.

No supportive websites or organizations.

My husband and I registered on Bisexual.com when we first decided to move ahead with finding others to bring into our marriage. It was a joke and a waste of time.

We went on all these other sites that were just plain gross and not a good experience.

I resorted to local Craigslist and I met a few women.Some didn’t fit, some were intimidating, others were plain scary.

I couldn’t find a group besides NYBAN’s BiRequest here in my city and I found that there weren’t many married bisexual women there.

I felt alone.

I felt like maybe I was an alien or some sexual freak.

I knew otherwise though.

I knew there were bisexual women just like me out there.

Bisexual, married women.

Married to a man or a woman, but married. Honest, real, maybe struggling with some feelings and looking for a place to belong.

I knew there were husband’s out there that just couldn’t understand & husband’s who did understand and stood by their BiWife.

I know this is more than a sexual itch.

This is me, in the deepest sense.

I love my husband. I also love women. I can’t change that, no matter what.

I knew I couldn’t be alone.

I can say since our inception I’ve read countless posts with so many varying situations. I didn’t know what to say to some posts and it was readers, husband’s like my own, wives like myself who offered up support. I had no idea what to do with this blog, which direction to take it and it was so confused sometimes when I first started out.

I have cried over and over again as I logged in and read comments awaiting moderation.

Tears of joy, tears of empathy, confusion and frustration.

Ours is a delicate topic with the balance of our marriages, families and life as we know it all on the line.

Some situations really make me sad, others make me so happy to hear.

In the end I can say this blog has come full circle.

In recent weeks there have been posts coming across these pages that make my heart smile.

Marriages all over have been benefiting from my words, your words, Our words.

Husbands who can now understand their biwife’s feelings, thoughts and emotions. Wives that can finally open up with a resource behind them to show their husbands as they explain how they feel.

Through these pages some marriages have become more open to communication and the list of positives go on.

Not every talk goes well, but the thing is, husbands and wives are talking about it now!

There is a place to reference the facts of this life of ours.

I love love.

I love the idea of being married for 50 years until death claims one and the other dies of heart ache within hours or days.

I guess I’m a little girl at heart. The same little girl that fantasized about princes and princesses….both coming to rescue me and dance in the woods to the tune of the three of us forever.

I know I’m not the only one who had these dreams. I now know for sure.

I know because I’ve read your words, the words of your husbands, and I’ve witnessed souls bared as my own within these pages.

Seems we’ve come full circle.

The goal has been achieved.

I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT marriages have been helped, saved & renewed through these pages.

I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT women have found a place to turn to each other, husbands have a place to turn to too.

We now have a place of our own that is working and serving our kind.

Again, I cry tears of joy. (I’m such a damn emotional creature!)

My deepest and sincerest thanks to all BiWives, BiWife Husband’s and BiWife Supporters for making this site possible and a true dream come true for me and so many other people out there online.

-Jay Dee, Founder

3

30 Bisexual Women Discuss Their Long-Term Relationships With Men

30 Bisexual Women Discuss Their Long-Term Relationships With Men.

Oh my gosh, I had to post this link.

Amazing quotes, real life experiences I can so identify with. Especially feeling like my bisexuality is invisible, feeling like an outsider in my own LGBT communities because I’m married to a man.

Perceived as not being queer enough to have a girlfriend and too ‘straight’ to date. Smh.

I am probably the queerest person anyone I know knows but at the same token I’m married, to a man.

Never mind what my true gender identity may be. Nobody even knows or would think to ask those questions because I appear feminine, married with children so there can be no question of my sexual or gender identity.

Right?

Ha. Societal perceptions.

We, the bi wives wear the most successful of masks, even if we don’t intend to do so.

-Jay Dee, Founder

From Martha’s Kitchen: Layout & Design Tips | BuildDirect Blog: Life at Home

As I hope to own my first home one day I always fantasize about designing it.

As a Ny’ker I’ve spent a lot of time in small apartments, innovative space saving ideas and the hottest trends in upscale decor.

As an AtL’ien as well I’ve grown accustomed to space, comfortability and an overall feel of relaxation at home.

I’ve learned I have unique tastes and the less common the idea the more I’ll be interested.

I love sharing with you all in this tab. Unfortunately I don’t have much time to devote to browsing my fantasies, lol.

What ideas would you use and which suggestions did you find helpful from Martha’s article?

From Martha’s Kitchen: Layout & Design Tips | BuildDirect Blog: Life at Home.

-Jay Dee, Founder

Progress

Unfortunately we won’t be holding ground meetings until 2015.

On the good side we’ve surpassed 60,000 views in the past year with NO advertising, over 24,000 organic Google searches brought husbands, wives, fiances, long term boyfriends and girlfriends like Us to these pages. 🙂

BiWifeLife is a real and serious topic for so many people who just don’t have an outlet to speak to other people about their feelings, thoughts and problems in dealing with having bisexual feelings and thoughts.

I am grateful to every single reader, every single person who’s shared their story, every single comment offering support and every single person who’s been active on the site to make it what it is today.

The vision I had for Us all is coming to pass.

I hope to find innovative ways to make the blog more helpful.

It’s hard but we’re slowly making progress.

I am praying I can help at least ONE marriage gain understanding, insight and hopefully answer questions, offer support and continue to provide a place for women like me.

Married and bisexual.

I am wishing many years of longevity, love and happiness in each one of your marriages!!!

Blessings to you all!

-Jay Dee, Founder