The importance of the Bi+ community

Hey everyone,

It’s been roughly one year since I’ve posted.  I have enjoyed reading your posts and have collectively seen many of us are seeking a sense of belonging as it relates to our Bi identities.

Right now is a trying time for many of us as we watch LGBT and racial rights be legally challenged by the conservative right.  Witnessing people take a stand against dehumanization is empowering.  What’s also empowering is connecting with the Bi+ community.

I just wanted to point you all to a good book written by Jennifer Baumgardner entitled “Look Both Ways.”  Also, this may have been posted here before but check out Meetup.com or http://www.binetusa.org/bi-groups-in-the-us to locate Bi+ groups in your area.  Also, check out any of the following Bi+ organizations for details on annual conferences and events that are definitely worth traveling to if you can manage it.

  • BECAUSE CONFERENCE (Bisexual Organizing Project)
  • Bay Area Bisexual Network
  • Bialogue
  • BiNet USA
  • Bisexual Resource Center
  • New York Area Bisexual Network
  • Polysexual Alliance for Visibility, Educaiton and Support
  • Transcending Boundaries

As we enter this beautiful spring season, hopefully, you can take the time to appreciate all that spring has to offer: the quiet rain, colorful flowers, longer sunny days, being outdoors, fresh-cut grass, birds chirping, people watching, etc.  There is no better time than now to delve into our senses…from smelling to hearing to touching…it’s as though people are eager to start the new season off with zest after the long drawn out winter.  Just know that you are not alone in this and you can always reach out to us.

Thanks for being here virtually!

xxoo,

Mercedes Jet

 

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Some great Bi+ resources

Hey all,

I want to apologize for being less visible for the past year.

I’ve been reading many posts on this site and just want to say that although we are not always responding to each post, we are here to support you.

I just want to say that you are all incredibly courageous for reaching out for support.  Know you are not alone and we are always here if you need anything. Coming here was a great first start.

I’d like to point all of you to some resources that I think can be amazingly helpful on your journey.

Check out http://livingfabulous.org/ and https://happybisexual.com which are amazing websites (that also contain books covering the different aspects of bi-identification, trans-identification and mixed orientation marriage.

Also, note that as far as giving advice—there is no one way to live your life.  It all comes down to how you (and if applicable your partner(s) (children)) decide to navigate each step of this.  It can be done though.  Sacrifice is inevitably a part of any decision we make because nothing in life is perfect when it involves other people.

Please take all of the time you need.  There is no rush on this.  Sometimes we have to live our decisions before figuring out what we want.  And sometimes after we’ve made the change, we realize, it may not be exactly what we thought.

Right now, you can take the time to just be with yourself whenever possible.  Perhaps you spend it journaling (typing away on your phone or computer) or having conversations with yourself as you take a walk on your lunch hour.  Perhaps you try some online therapy (yes they do that now) to get the immediate support you need in that moment.  Perhaps you spend some time working out, praying, meditating, doing yoga, playing basketball, reading a bi positive book on your kindle.

Whatever you can do for you to nurture you during this uneasy time, please do it.  You are the most important part of this equation called life.

Rushing to get a deep seated urge met will certainly have its short term advantages but in the long term it could prove to be very complicated and lead to distrust and the breakdown of other important life relationships (be it your partner or children).  On the flip side, if you are dating right now, try to check in with yourself (and if applicable your partner and/or children) to see if things are going good at the homestead.  This journey is just as much yours as it is those important to you should you be navigating it together.

I suggest googling Tara Brach and Pema Chodron for some great meditations on life and learning to be present with the now and to live within uncertainty.

I also suggest checking out a book by Mark Bentley Cohen on how he and his partner navigated polyamory. http://www.markbentleycohen.com/confessions-of-a-bisexual-husband-is-now-available/

Also check out https://sexnerdsandra.com/ for some great podcasts.

 

BI PRIDE PICNIC EVENT IN NYC

In honor of Bi Pride Day (September 23rd) if you will be in the New York City area on Sunday, September 25th, at 1pm, please stop on by to celebrate Bi Pride!  This is a social event to just chat and get to know other bi folks for a few hours.  The New York Area Bisexual Network is sponsoring a picnic at Sheep Meadow in Central Park.  This section of Central Park is located at the West 66th Street entrance behind Tavern On The Green.  Please bring your own food/drink for yourself and a blanket or chair to sit on.  Also, you can access this map for assistance in getting there.

http://www.centralparknyc.org/things-to-see-and-do/attractions/sheep-meadow.html?referrer=https://www.google.com/

If you are interested in going and would like to get in touch with someone who will be at the event, you can do so by emailing bipride2017@gmail.com.

Aspirations for 2016!

So here we go again–the new year starts and we start thinking about what we plan to do differently this year (or start something we’ve been wanting to start for a while but just did not get around to it).  I have a huge notecard taped to the mirror that says “NOW OR NEVER”.  It’s been sitting there for a few months.  I look at it and think about ways I can love myself more and nourish my inner well.  With the hectic world we live in we tend to turn outward and wear ourselves out.  We do it so automatically without realizing it because that is how everybody/everything around us is doing it.  It’s “Go, Go,Go”.  Things seem to be getting faster and faster.  It’s scary.  WHen do we ever slow down and unplug? Constantly being plugged into our smartphone or tablets and feeling this need to respond or get one more thing done rather than listen to the inner parts of ourselves calling out for attention.  But even when one tries to be still, one becomes restless and essentially resists that stillness.

Try it right now, just stop and take a few deep breaths.  Is your mind racing? THis is normal.  Your mind will race a lot.

Keep breathing in and out.  This is one way to practice taking care of you in 2016.  Every moment that passes by you have the choice to just be still.  And when you do not remember or do not make the choice that is ok too.  Try not to let your inner critic get the better of you because you did not try to be still.

What are some other things you can try if breathing is not comforting for you?

Maybe you can stream some relaxing music and dance or take a hot bath or put a hot or cold washclothe over your face or breathe in your favorite scent for a few seconds.  Or maybe you can dance to your favorite song? Or take a  walk? Or work out? Or  color or write to your favorite tunes? Oh the list goes on.  Or pet your animals or give someone  a big hug.

Whatever you want to do that you find loving to you and lets you get lost in the moment for just a second.  The world is your oyster and there is always time to do something loving for yourself even if it is just for a few seconds.

Will you aspire to spend more time with yourself in 2016 and learn more about you?

BiWifeLife is a safe and supportive space for bisexual married/partnered folks

I agree with you, Jay Dee.  I think part of the reason this forum has been so resourceful for other people is because we are truly here to HELP and provide SUPPORT.  There is enough stigma and complication happening in our world, let this forum serve as a SAFE place for people to come where they can be vulnerable and JUST BE.

 

An environment like the one we have here at BiWifeLife has to be protected and boundaries have to be maintained if we are to remain a SAFE and SUPPORTIVE environment that can allow for personal growth and fulfillment.  We cannot possibly remain this free public space if we open the forum up to romantic relations being publicly displayed.  I think that kind of interaction needs to be private—much like the dating websites set up now—they are specifically set up for people to date and privately communicate among one another.

 

Here, though, we offer a shared public space that needs to be moderated to maintain the rightful respect people deserve.

 

I think the other forums that JayDee is describing above (where the boundaries are crossed and a public forum is being used for dating purposes) can lead to a breakdown of the safe space we meticulously moderate and work hard to respect.  Such a dynamic can likely elicit fear from our readers which would go against the purpose for creating this site.