I believe that all bisexuals should stand up for their right to self-determination, meaning that if they want, need, choose to be bisexual, well, that’s what they need in their lives and as long as it doesn’t start some kind of “crime wave,” it’s all good. I’ve had the somewhat unique position to have been bisexual for 54 of my 63 years of life and I’ve seen changes in sexuality that, perhaps, more… modern bisexuals aren’t aware of, not out of any sense of “ignorance” but we usually don’t pay a lot of attention to history:
What happened in the past should stay in the past.
In the past, homosexual caught very bad breaks and I’m being ultra-nice saying it like this. Subject to ridicule, being shunned, unnecessary violence up to and including being murdered for being different. All of this gave homosexuals the motivation and impetus to make their cause a more political one; they have rights and they were being abused right along with them being abused in ways that could qualify some folks to be classed as war criminals as they committed crimes against humanity. Their movement became a political one and they fought long and terrible battles for decades to be treated just like everyone who wasn’t gay was and to not be treated like third class citizens because, just like everyone else, they work, get education, pay taxes and, once upon a time, served this country and putting their lives on the line for what we stood for as a country and risking exposure, dishonorable discharge, and humiliation. So when the individual states, slowly but inevitably, said that if you’re gay, not only can you marry but even if you’re just partnered, you have the same rights as everyone else does.
It was a great political victory for homosexuals and one that spread to other countries. We used politics to force everyone to recognize an aspect of our humanity that, for centuries, was trying to be eradicated and by any means necessary… and it failed.
Along the way, bisexuality was on the rise but due to the ruckus over homosexuality, they stayed hidden, off the radar, and avoiding having that target painted on them because then and, sadly, like today, some folks don’t differentiate between bisexuality and homosexuality: If it looks like a fag or a dyke, it must be a fag or a dyke. I’ve often written that calling someone a switch-hitter or implying that they were “playing for both teams” often seemed to be more of a joke than an insult and, mostly, a way for guys to tease each other about how much sex we were supposedly getting and right along at how one would need a powerful microscope to see some guy’s cock, you know, seeing as how it was small and all that. We’d even see guys (in particular) faking the funk, decrying anything that looked gay but, secretly, oh, yeah, they liked the D very much.
So as homosexuals publicly and politically fought their good fight, bisexuals continued to fly under the radar and even under the premise that what you suspected about someone was one thing… but what you could prove was something else.
Today, there’s been a major uptick in the number of bisexuals, both male and female but what alarms people isn’t the number of women who are bisexual – women have, historically, gotten a pass in this and bisexual women gained celebrity status a long time ago – the most-desired unicorn. And, really, if you know anything about women, you shouldn’t be surprised that they would turn to each other for a level of intimacy that few men could ever hope to achieve. Sure, bi girls have been put on blast – they’re really lesbians or they’re faking it so they can get their hooks into a man and other absurd things like that. But most alarming were the number of men turning to bisexuality and not understanding why and I’ve always believed – and continue to believe – that when we talk about this, we always discount the human element, preferring to focus on morality and social norms and, in the last few years, beginning to make bisexuality a political statement.
This author isn’t sure that it should be, any more than I understand what’s driving this. Homosexuals and others suffering from biphobia say that bisexuals have a straight privilege that we shouldn’t have and it’s insane because, um, duh, when you’re bisexual, you’re straight and gay… and not really either thing exclusively. They blindly overlook the fact that for a great many bisexuals, being straight is their default behavior so, as far as bisexuals are concerned, nope – how can we invoke a privilege that was, by its very nature, ours to begin with?
There’s been a lot of drama going on in LGBTQ+ communities about how bisexuals are being either excluded or treated like red-headed step-children and that the LGBTQ+ focus is more toward homosexuality than any of the other sexualities. Some bisexuals are, in fact, standing up for their right to sit at the LGBTQ+ table while, sadly, many of those already at the table feel, think, believe, etc., that we really don’t have a place at their table… and I’m not sure we really need to.
This… push toward a more political solution bothers me although I do understand that sometimes, you need political action to evoke social change and I’m just not sure what political action could accomplish when bisexuals, unlike homosexuals, usually and generally don’t have a problem with their rights in this violated, stomped on, and ignored… but there’s a faction that is all about doing just this and all indications point to the very organization that’s supposed to be on our side: The LGBTQ+ community.
Not all of them, mind you – just a segment that, I dunno, believes that their cause is theirs alone and, um, because we’re not really gay, we don’t belong and if you paid attention to the raft and rush of biphobia, you’d see a particular tone to the smear campaign that, in my opinion, reeks of homosexual angst more than heterosexual angst but is made to look as if heterosexuals are the one pitching a royal bitch about the existence of bisexuals. Sure, many straight folks are against anything and anyone who isn’t straight like they are but, at minimum and as I’ve observed, many straight folks are rather Not In My Back Yard about bisexuality; as long as you’re not trying to do the nasty to them and theirs, they don’t care what bisexuals are doing.
Part of the quasi-political push comes in the form of bisexuals being greatly urged to come out, stand up, and be accounted for and a lot of bisexuals ain’t trying to hear that because despite the inherent difficulties in being bisexual, they were – and are – doing just fine staying off the radar, thank you very much. If you’re not gonna accept that we are real and it is what it is, just leave us alone and let us go on with our lives.
Of course, the biggest hurdle – or, dare I be a bit crude and say cluster fuck – is bisexuality in relationships, a problem many of us here are all too aware of… and I just don’t see how any political-like action is going to be able to do anything about this; what we need to do is look at the humanity in this and understand that the rules that govern how we are to be in a relationship are outdated, archaic, and in great need of revision to conform with how humans are today, here in the 21st century. In relationships, we must or should take those promises and vows to do whatever we need to do to make each other happy a bit more literally and to understand that love, in and of itself, isn’t selfish and a lot of other things and behaviors that we routinely display in relationships and all because not only are we following an outdated notion of what this means, we have our own interpretations of what being in a relationship means and, specifically, what cannot ever be allowed, oh, like having a bisexual wife who, if she could openly have a girlfriend – and while also handling her expected wifely duties, would be the happiest of campers. Or the bisexual husband who’d be more at peace with himself and focused toward doing his best for his family if he could – and I beg your forgiveness – occasionally suck some dick, not because he’s a pervert or hates his wife but because it’s the thing that makes him okay with himself, makes him feel whole and good.
And what makes your partner a happy camper is what’s best for the relationship… or so you’d think. There’s a reason why the United States has always led the league in divorces; likewise, there’s a reason why bisexuals are seen as leading the league in cheating, too, and that’s because of the way we think about relationships and how utterly selfish we can be and, sometimes, how stupid we can be because we do not understand that if you don’t want your partner to cheat on you for any reason, remove any problem or issue that would “force” someone to make such a decision.
In this, we really and seriously need to stop thinking about me and thinking more about us and get the notion that we can be all and everything our partner will ever need out of our heads because the reality is, nope, that ain’t the way it works because, again, begging forgiveness for this crudeness, when your wife needs pussy to make her happy, dude, you don’t have one; likewise, if your husband needs dick to keep him on track with himself and his duties, baby girl, you don’t have one and a fake one is, more often than not, a poor substitute for the real thing… but many women are very much aware of this little factoid, aren’t you?
We should be more about that which will make us happy, individually and as a couple, instead of getting bent all out of shape because your partner needs something that you’re not equipped to provide – and then acting like they shouldn’t need this for themselves. And the very sad part is that we aren’t; the good part is that this unloving behavior is starting to change – just not fast enough to make some people happy and not fast enough to save relationships that, otherwise, are working quite well.
It’s not a political thing; it’s an education thing and understanding what it really means to be human for a great many of us. “Brenda” might need a girlfriend to take care of needs that her husband, “Jeff” can’t handle; doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him and it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need him because if that were the case, they wouldn’t be together at all. We assume that if this allowed to happen, only bad things can come of it – it’s guaranteed to go wrong and I’m the guy who’ll tell you that it doesn’t always go wrong and it only does because one partner thinks or otherwise believes that they’re being offended and disrespected and that wanting more than what you already have is just plain wrong. We fear loss more than we do rejection… yet, we will willingly throw away perfectly good relationships because of what we believe – and what we believe really isn’t the truth of things. You say you love her and would do anything for her? Then give her what she needs – give her the freedom to take care of her, ah, female needs for another woman; it’ll make her happy and in turn will make you happy unless you like living with someone who has become a prime candidate to have a house dropped on her.
To any and all partners who’d object to this, be advised that this ain’t about you – this is about that person you said that you loved, needed, and would do anything short of murdering someone for no reason for them. Be advised that the problem isn’t them – it’s you; they’re just trying to be the human being they need to be and with you at their side, you know, for better or worse, and all because you believe in something that has been proven time and time again not to work the way they said it’s supposed to.
Bisexuality isn’t a political thing: It’s a people thing. We need to change minds and that change begins with the person you’re with and it is, again, changing… and without politics being involved. We just really need to be better to and for each other and instead of thinking what you might be losing in this, think more about what you stand to gain:
A partner who will love you even more than they already do. No politics involved because we don’t need political action – and love sure as hell doesn’t.
Thus endeth the rant.
KDaddy23, Contributing Author