***MAY/JUNE 2014 FEATURED BIWIFE*** KT ***

I’d be happy to share my story…

KT BiWife Life of May n June 2014

“I always knew I had been attracted to other women. Given the opportunity, I may have actually identified as lesbian, but my feelings were squelched by being brought up in a family of deep religious values.”

“I suffered sexual and physical abuse as a child and teen by boys. I struggled with trusting them for the rest of my life.

I struggled with appearing as anything other than an object to men.

When I met my husband, he was the first man in my life that ever made me feel like I had self worth.

When I did everything I could to make him hate me, he still stuck around.

I was ugly and broken and defeated, and he picked up the pieces and loved me anyway.”

About three years ago I decided I was ready to fight my demons and got into therapy. Some very hard talks made me realize there were things in my life I was hiding from even myself.

“The fact that I may have married my husband just to prove to myself that I wasn’t gay was one of the things I had to explore. He was supportive.”

He encouraged me to actively explore my sexuality.

We sat down and discussed specific limitations.

The main thing we agreed upon was he needed to be around if anything happened between me and another woman. Nothing was to be done in secret.

We were doing this to encourage our marriage. This needed to be part of our marriage and not separate from it.

My first experience was a drunken, haphazard mess, and I was overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety. Again, he stuck in there with me.

He helped me work out the things I did like about the experience and the things I didn’t like. For instance, I didn’t know her very well. We didn’t do anything except kiss, but it was still a shock to my system and so we had to discuss the ramifications.

The next time, it was with a woman I love. She is married. Her husband is supportive just as mine is. We are good friends. She is beautiful, and kind, and I trust her with my heart. That was what was different for me.

I can’t do a no strings attached deal… I need the love, not the sex.

It’s still a bumpy road sometimes. When I am feeling passion and intensity for a woman, my husband often feels “left out,” but he also knows I will come back to him. He knows that at the end of the day, he is home.

“He is my safety. No one can ever replace that. I don’t want them to. I just want my heart to be full and he knows there is a hole in it that can never be sealed by him… Only it is him that is sealing it. By giving me the freedom to explore this part of me, I have been able to explore it in a safe environment.”

When I am questioning myself, “who am I? what do I want? what does this all mean?” He is right there, over my shoulder, “I know who you are… you are beautiful. you are cherished. you are loved.”

I don’t know what it will be in the end, but I know I feel more myself now, than I ever have before.

I feel confident in reaching a place where I can be honest (with myself) about my sexuality, and that it doesn’t define me.

-KT

Featured Readers and BiWife of The Month

I’m happy to say we have selected TWO people to feature.

Still awaiting approval from one.

These two brave souls have submitted their stories and photos to inspire other readers.

We will be selecting from active readers as well as accepting submissions.

A CLEAR FACE PHOTO IS REQUIRED TO BE FEATURED!!!

I suggest you are out about your situation or wish to come out to family and friends.

We will only accept stories where all parties are knowledgeable about each other and your relationship

is harmonious with all members.

Our first feature was to be for the month of May but seeing it’s the end of the month She’ll run through June as well.

Submit your PHOTO and story now!

Here’s our Must Have’s for feature:

  • Married
  • Bisexual
  • Girlfriend/boyfriend and Spouse are aware of each other.
  • Include your trials and triumps
  • Explain your challenges, benefits and rewards of living a BiWifeLife
  • Inspire others!

-Jay Dee

 

Watching BiWifeLife Grow…

So, I’ve taken a step back from replying to posts.

Instead I watched other readers jump in there and help each other out.

THAT’S WHAT THIS BLOG IS ALL ABOUT!!! 🙂

Which means *drumroll please* BiWifeLife has come to life.

I’d like to to thank all of Our readers who have been brave, taken the initiative and help each other out.

Be on the lookout for FEATURED BIWifeLife Members. 

Submit your PHOTO and story to be featured yourself.

 

Facebook Group? Take a deeper look… J.D Original thought

Would you join?

Would you be active?

Would you connect with other BiWives with your real identity?

How real is BiWifeLife in your life?

Is it a secret part of you or all of you?

Let’s see how many of you actually live BiWife Lives, lol. 🙂

To those who aren’t there yet, I’m not mad at you.

Not everyone can be ‘Out’ about who they really are

…or be themselves.

But isn’t that a sad situation to live life as someone else when You are really You?

Like, to live pretending to be someone you are not on the deepest levels of your being?

Who or what has the power to make you Kill yourself?

Essentially that’s what you do when you live as and for someone else.

You Kill yourself and rebirth the desired person and enjoy the benefits of living life as this person. (which is what is worth you willingly killing yourself- the benefits)

Comfortably or comfortably uncomfortable I lived on in my rebirthed being’s role.

Make sense?

Some of us are okay with that, some of us didn’t know it was that deep and are like “Oh shit” right now.

Others know this and aren’t okay with this but continue to live this way because they feel they can’t do anything about it.

Which may be true for some for a very wide multitude of reasons.

Change is not good for every situation.

EVALUATE BEFORE ACTION ALWAYS!!!

It’s a good idea to ALWAYS reflect upon who you are, how you live, what your marriage is like, who your husband is, how your parents/friends/kids/colleagues even your boss and spiritual leader may find out if you ever “Come Out”.

Always weigh your pros and cons before making any changes, having any conversations, making any moves.

Especially in public forums if you aren’t ready to handle what folks may have to say about it.

I, Jay Dee, am only good at being me, whoever I choose to be in the moment of being.

I have tried to be someone else, live as someone else,  all for someone else.

I didn’t try, I did so, and I, Jay Dee truly died slowly every day.

My marriage was the fair trade. It was worth it in my mind at the time.

In hindsight I was a dumbass.

Freedom never felt so good.

And the caged butterfly sang…

I have freedom while married.

Re-married.

Ha, ha! I told him somebody else would love me and all of me not just half of me (my hetero side)!

I’m only good at accepting unconditional undying love from those who love ME in all facets and I am able to in turn love completely without worry or fear.

Thus, our love is always pure.

There is no pain in this kind of love.

Only growth,

Which is not painful but painfully uncomfortable at times.

Did y’all get that?

It makes hellua sense so read it again if you didn’t.

Otherwise I don’t allow people to be close enough to know ME, let alone love ME.

Love is some serious shit.

It has caused wars and many deaths.

I don’t taunt love anymore as I did in my youth.

I cherish it.

I can see bullshit love.

Today I accept ONLY whole, true and real love.

Distance is good if closeness is unhealthy for me.

Hard but true lesson.

Many nights I’d lie and wish I could be ME.

I’d rather lie alone in a bed with only ME AND ME than to live WITHOUT ME.

One day I DECIDED to BE.

I am very happy to be me and who I am and to be loved by the people who know and love the real ME.

It feels good to know and love the real them.

Real love feels awesome!

It feels good to give and receive love while being and loving myself 🙂

LOVE YOURSELF!!! THINK BEFORE ACTING, ALWAYS!!!

DON’T BE IMPULSIVE!!!

BE MINDFUL OF OTHERS FEELINGS ALWAYS!!!

PRACTICE OPEN, HONEST, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WHERE SAFE.

&& NEVER, EVER, NOT NEVER EVER, CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE!!!

CHEATING DESTROYS BLESSED UNIONS!!!

 

“A movement giving bisexual married women across America and beyond a voice.”

-Jay Dee