Dealing with Your Spouse & Dating Someone New

“If things move forward, how do you think your husband’s going to react? How is he supposed to react?” Were two questions asked of me by a reader regarding my comment I’d be meeting a ‘date’ for the parade that sparked the idea for this article.

Well, here’s an update on my ‘date’ for the parade.

We met briefly along the sidelines of the parade. I was working as the Section Head for the section that included the Governor of New York and security was tight. I was a part of that security and keeping things in order around his section. I didn’t have time to jam to the music and really enjoy the parade for a while there. Only intermittently when our area was pretty stabilized for brief moments of time.

I saw her, hugged her, went back to work volunteering to keep our section organized and make sure the lineup for our exit was going smoothly.

I don’t really have expectations of anyone when I meet them. They’ll ususually show me what they’re about soon enough. That being said I didn’t expect our day to go any particular way.

As I worked she danced behind the barricade until one of our local groups came along in the parade.

I opened the barricade, escorted her to the group in the parade and away she marched.

We did not link back up. I have not spoke to her verbally since our meeting.

Imagine if they day would have went a bit differently.

Imagine if she would have met me after the parade, we enjoyed each other’s company, she got along with my husband and we’d ended up having a romantic evening along the water’s edge on a pier far from the insanity of the post parade crowd. Imagine we walked, talked, smoked, laughed, flirted and maybe kissed. Maybe kissed passionately caught up in the air of the evening. As my husband watched we kissed and our hands roamed each other on the water’s edge as he sat by and watched.

How would he have felt? How would he have reacted if I woke up this morning to smiley faces and blushes in my text messages and my face flushed as I read my messages?

My husband would have loved it! He would have probably encouraged her to come back to our place with us to finish kissing and groping each other. Now for what reason is the question. So he could also be with her or to watch us? If he couldn’t be with her how would he feel? I presume he’d be somewhat angry or frustrated but that’s just my take. He deny’s his acceptance of my sexuality for selfish reasons. I have to believe what he says but my senses tell me otherwise.

How would he have felt if we did grow into more than just sex? Probably a bit hurt, maybe a bit insecure and in anticipation I’d shower him with love the entire time my relationship with her grew to show him I’m still in love with him despite my falling in love with my new love.

If I know my husband I’ll know he does need that reassurance despite his constant denials that he does.

I know anyone watching the person they love fall in love will need some sort of reassurance. Logic.

I’m very careful to remain in tune with my spouse no matter what’s going on in life. I try to remain considerate of his feelings and emotions at all times sensing his truth despite what he may verbalize. This is a part of being a wife in my eyes.

I don’t think my husband is “supposed” to react any other way than what his emotions lead him to express to my building a relationship with another woman. Expectations in marriage can be a dangerous recipe for disappointment.

He is him, I love him for him and I respect his feelings, emotions and reactions whether I agree with them  or not.

He deserves that respect as a human. As his wife I deal with him as he comes.

Those are the answers to your questions. Thanks for asking them!

-Jay Dee, Founder


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