Fighting Insecurities

My fiancé and I have been dealing with some insecurities in accepting my bisexuality.

We both decided to become more comfortable with each other and our upcoming new marriage before even thinking about involving anyone else, and I am perfectly fine with that.

There are some days, though, when it comes up in conversation. It usually begins innocently enough; he asks me if I think a particular lady is attractive,  and I answer truthfully. If I admit she is attractive,  he gets into a funny mood and retreats to his cell phone without acknowledging me, and it usually takes a few hours of silence and sulking to bring him back.

Also, it doesn’t help that I have been getting approached by ladies a lot more lately.

Maybe it’s my new bi flag bracelet for pride month, or maybe I am different because I am more secure in myself and my sexuality. Who knows?

I can’t say it isn’t flattering (where were these hot ladies when I was single?), but I quickly explain my situation to them because I respect my decisions and relationship with my fiancé.  I certainly wouldn’t want to lead anyone on when I am not ready to truthfully and honestly pursue a relationship.

So for now I am taking this one step at a time.

I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know what may happen tomorrow. But I don’t regret my decision to be honest in who I really am. And I am working hard to make sure my fiancé knows he is my first priority,  and he has nothing to worry about.

-Stephanie Elise, Contributing Author

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2 thoughts on “Fighting Insecurities

  1. My wife is bi and we have been married for 43 years. Every girlfriend I even had is bisexual. My first one is now married to a woman and the third one is my wife. My entire sex and adult life has been with bisexual women so you can say that it is normal for me. I do not know what it is like to have a girlfriend who does not appreciate women as much as I do.

    My wife did not know she was bisexual. She was a virgin when we married. When we went out I was getting stares from a lot of women. I know that some found me attractive so I was flattered. Flattered until I once stopped to window shop as my wife walked ahead of me. It was then that I realized that all those women were staring at my wife, not me. My ego got deflated and my wife’s increased. She is tiny at 4’11” and was 80 lbs. at the time. She dressed like every other woman so I have no idea why women found her attractive.

    Long story short, my wife was brilliant. She got her g/f to have sex with me after her girlfriends divorce and complaints that she had not had sex for 8 months. When we were done, she came into the bedroom to ask who had died due to the screams of her g/f who really was very horny. 🙂 I tapped the bed for my wife to join us and she did and they did and that was the start of a 38 years relationship that survived the marriage of our g/f.

    In our case, I knew my wife’s best friend longer than she did. Her brother was a friend of mine and lived next to my best friend. She is a gorgeous Norwegian blonde who had very large breast at a very young age. Every guy wanted her. I once grabbed a boom and she slapped me so hard that my ears were ringing. Never did that with another female again. Lesson learned. However, I kept having fantasies about her dominating me that persisted for years. She married another friend of mine who was an alcoholic and finally left him. We had flirted with each other for many years and had a sexual spark between us. Being the faithful husband that I am, we never did anything about it. My wife and I once had sex in the same bed as her and her first husband so I did get to see her naked.

    For us, it was perfect. My wife and I were in love with the same women and she had her own marriage to a bisexual guy who enjoyed the free time he had when his wife was with us. My wife never had a desire for another women or man. We tested that out and she hated it. She said that she needed to have an emotional bond with someone to enjoy sex. So there it is. We made it work. I do not know how I would react if she dated women without my involvement. She did date her girlfriend when they wanted to do girlies stuff, but that did not bother me as they only and I do mean only, had sex if I was with them, even if just to look or tell them what I would like to see. This was their way to feel like heterosexuals, I guess.

    I have only had bisexual girlfriends so having a woman I love date other woman was nothing new to me. My first fiancée had a girlfriend that she did not share with me sexually but did go on dates with us. My second g/f was a sex addict. We were not in love. More like roommates with benefits. She had sex with as many men as possible each week to feel good about herself after gaining a few extra pounds. She then would come home, wake me up and want more sex. On the weekends she would stay with her g/f and I would date other women too.

    So I am probably unlike most men who marry bisexual women but am proof that it can work out. It really depends on you. If you discover that you like being with women more than men, it may be tough for your husband or even yourself. My wife prefers sex with both genders at the same time followed by sex with me and lastly, sex with women. At least I am in her first two preferences. 🙂

    I do not know how I would feel if she was loved a woman and me at the same time. Our girlfriend’s husband was fine with it but I am an alpha male and might not have liked it. I guess it all depended on how she treated me. If she made me still feel loved and a big part of her life, I would probably be OK with that. I have never been jealous with girlfriend who have been with other women. I just do not know but I wish you great luck.

  2. Kudos to you for being more authentically you! But I have a comment regarding your fiancé, I wonder… is he really comfortable with your bisexuality? Is there something in particular that he is worried about? On the one hand you say that he is okay with it, but on the other hand, he seems to bait you to answer questions regarding a particular woman’s attractive qualities and then gets mad when you respond positively. What is that about? Just some thoughts… I don’t think its fair when a person says they support you in something but then pick at it. Either do or don’t, you know?

    – Sunny, Chief Editor

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