In the previous article we explored a few questions. A reader suggested I share with the Community how I dealt with these situations in my life. Below are some of my answers.
These are my views, my life choices and experiences. They ARE NOT ADVICE!!!
I have been married three times with long term relationships before and between marriages. I do have extensive experience as a wife, I have had knowledge of my bisexuality since I was 6 years old, I’ve always been bisexual. Each husband was drastically different. In this blog over time and in telling my stories I will mainly refer to my ex husband who I was with 7 years who impacted my sexuality heavily. He wanted me to change, I tried, I couldn’t. It affected our marriage seriously in many ways.
After the initiation of our divorce I vowed to be free after freeing myself from him. I swore I’d never remarry if I couldn’t be 110% myself at all times. Within months of my divorce the Lord blessed me with everything I prayed for in my private meditations. I prayed for hours daily for everything I wished my ex husband would have been but couldn’t be to me. The man sent to me loved me, all of me, as I loved him, all of him flaws included. We vowed to spend a life of love together. It’s been almost 4 years since the day we met and we haven’t left each other’s sides. He does not judge my sexuality, he does not cause me drama or heart ache regarding my bisexuality.
He is my husband today and he is BiWifeLife’s #1 supporter. These are the two marriages I will speak of in this blog and in my stories.
For the purpose of showing both sides of my experience I’ve referred to my current husband and ex husband in my answers.
Before embarking on making a major life change such as declaring your sexuality and/or exploring your bisexual side there’s a few things to consider:
- Are you ready to deal with your bisexual side right now? I was born bisexual. I know no other way.
- Is this a good time in your life for this journey? My entire life has been this journey.
- How does your spouse feel about your sexuality? My ex husband hated anything homosexual including bisexual women. He thought it an abomination and assured me I was going to hell if I didn’t change who I was. My current says he loves my sexuality and in ways I can see he does. Other times he says it doesn’t bother him but his vibes say it does. Most times he’s happy when he sees me talking to a female, ‘hollering’ at a female, meeting a female or having sexual relations with a female.
- What’s kept you from living a free biwifelife all this time? When I wasn’t free I was kept away from my bisexuality by my home life. My home was a religious home. Religion and a religious man of the house kept me from being with women. My role was very traditional, he was homophobic, I was financially dependent on him as a housewife, fear of divorce, he was physically abusive and I knew he’d beat me if I slept with a woman. Before him I had always been free. He is no longer a part of me and I am once again free 🙂
- What will change in your life if you open this door? I have had drama, pain, break ups and the likes in my life due to living a biwifelife.
- What will be worse, what will be better? Does not apply.
- Will you really be happy? I was truly UNHAPPY when I led a ‘straight’ life. I am only happy as a free biwife. I am really happy in my life now with my options open.
- How will your husband deal with this life change? My ex husband would have divorced me immediately should I had decided to practice bisexuality during our marriage, he would have not dealt with it. My current husband is dealing with my accidental metamorphosis into this LGBT Pioneer with happiness and support. He’s so proud of BiWifeLife and where it’s going. 🙂 He was my encouragement to write initially.
- Will he be on your team? My ex husband no. My current husband is my team 🙂
- Will he react horribly? My ex-husband would have beat me then told everyone we knew I was a horrible, promiscuous slut that couldn’t resist the devil and was unworthy of marriage. He would have dragged me to our religious institution where they’d verbally lash me and grant him divorce immediately. I’d be ostracized from our religious community and would have to leave his home and my entire life. It wouldn’t have pretty. Even talking about how I felt sometimes led to hour long lectures and prayer sessions. He did listen and empathize but he never fully understood nor would he ever fully tolerate my acting on a bisexual need.
- Can he really deal with it? My ex husband did deal with it when it benefited him only. Other times he had a ‘no tolerance’ policy. My current husband can deal with it. At times it seems and feels like it’s hard for him to deal with. He says it’s never hard for him to deal with, his vibes say otherwise. He’s sometimes passive aggressive and his vibes come before the storm, lol. To date we have had no drama regarding my sexuality.
- What about your in-laws!? I could care less. I am me, my husband loves me and that’s what counts. In my previous marriage I had the same stance.
- Does he need to be educated about bisexuality? They both did. My ex husband said there’s no justification for it no matter what. It’s an abomination and I was going to hell if I indulged. I could recognize I felt bisexual internally, even label myself bisexual but not lay with a woman. Ever. No amount of education would change that with him. His wife was straight and God fearing. My current husband is learning the way of the LGBT Community and has decided he doesn’t want to be ‘in’ or a solid part of any one thing in the Community other than supporting my budding venture with BiWifeLife. He doesn’t mind going to, gatherings, meetings etc., actively participates in discussions and seems to genuinely enjoy himself.
- Are you going to come fully ‘Out’ or just ‘Out’ to some? I’ve always been ‘Out’, since I first discovered my attraction to both genders I’ve always been honest about it. To anyone. It’s as natural as being African American or a female to me.
- Will your friends, coworkers, kids, extended family know? If they should happen to find out doesn’t matter to me. I am usually very transparent. I did not tell my children until they were about 16 to avoid influencing their sexual choices and sexual identities.
- Will you tell your parents? My parents know, my grand parents and extended family know. My mother is a lesbian, her mother, my grandmother a lesbian as well (may she rest in peace). My mother’s father was bisexual (may he rest in peace). Although closeted he held several long term relationships with men. His sexuality was a quiet knowledge in our family. My father’s side of the family is all Christian and very religious. He being a pastor, his father the same, his mother a God fearing woman, her parents Evangelists. Nobody on his side is bisexual or gay that we know of . They don’t judge me and are all supportive of me being who I am.
- How will the people in your town react and how will you deal with that? *For folks in small towns.* I could care less. I have lived in small towns and cared less who knew or thought what. Just really never gave that much a damn about folks in that way. I reacted toward people how they acted toward me, quick to cut any potential drama quickly by severing ties swiftly.
There’s a lot to go over before you start jumping between hot, sexy thighs!!! So there you have it. My answers to those very questions I suggested you ask yourself!
Do your homework, dig deep and honestly answer these questions.
Take a look at the questions. Ingest them, know the answers, evaluate the questions again and again, see if your answers change.
Always evaluate, evaluate, evaluate before making any major decisions in life.
Your final choices or actions are choices and actions YOU have to deal with.
-Jay Dee, Founder