If you clicked on this tab you’re looking for other women like yourself to connect with.
Trans women are women and are very much welcome 🙂
Maybe you want to read stories to identify with, maybe you wanted to share your story with the rest of us or meet a woman you can talk to, be friends with.
The truth is, we don’t know how many people will pass through this site but what we do know is it’s through YOU our reader that our readers can open up. Yes, this blog is powered by YOU!
Go ahead, tell us about your situation, introduce yourself, tell us where you’re from.
How long have you been bi? Is your significant other aware? Supportive?
Tell us, come on! I dare ya! 😉
-Jay Dee, Founder
LivingBi/BiWifeLife 
I’ve known I’m bisexual for a long time and even told my partner (a cis het man) that when we first started dating about a 11 years ago. I haven’t had a lot of sexual experiences with other women or a relationship with other women, in fact, I was wanting to date women when I met my partner and we really connected and have been together for eleven years (married for six). A few years ago I started learning more about relationship anarchy and consensual nonmonogamy from different friends and started doing some research and was very interested in it and wanting to be able to explore and express my bisexuality more and have romantic and sexual experiences with women. My partner and I have talked about it a few times over the past couple years and he says he is very firmly monogamous and it is very important to him and he could not consent to me having those experiences with other people, but he wants me to be happy but he cannot put himself or our relationship through that so I’m just trying to figure out what to do. Are there other ways of meeting this desire I have? Will I ever be happy or satisfied if I don’t have the opportunity to pursue this?
Good afternoon, So obviously we are all on here for a reason and mine can relate to a lot of others. I’ve noticed quite a few situations that are extremely similar to mine and I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one.
My wife and I have been together for 6 years and married for 4. I love her with all of my heart and I think she truly loves me but some things make me seem unsure. She told me she was Bi prior to us even dating so It’s not like it’s a surprise when these conversations come up.. BUT, when she says she longs for a women even though she loves me, it’s intimate on a whole different level (Makes sense since even women friendships connect pretty hard), And she loves me but will always want a women.. Kind of makes me wonder if I’m good enough And sort of makes me feel crappy? I’m not Bi so I will never truly understand and it’s hard because I wish I knew all the right things to say and do to make everything perfect but I feel as if I can’t. Hearing those things makes me wonder if she is still just with me as a comfortability situation, or so others accept her (Not in a mean way but not everyone is accepting and understanding)
She has dated a women before and has hooked up with other women so it’s not a new feeling she has. She use to suppress it prior to me Being fully accepting and she said she would never really think about women.. That all changed once I had to really think to myself if I personally accept it and I did. This turned in to a threesome which ended up leading in to a girlfriend for us. This ended up not working out due to jealousy, lacking in everyones own issues, etc… after that is really when she felt the need to “always want a women no matter who she was with” but yet always wants a “core” relationship with a man. I am okay with us having threesomes and that way I can share an experience with her since it’s part of her. I’m not really the biggest fan of them but I will have them for her and she does appreciate that. Also when she drinks, her Bi side really shows and it’s almost as if it cuts me out of the picture or puts me to the side.. and as lame as it sounds, that does hurt me because no matter what, I never put her to the side or second. She’s my number one and thats why I married her.
All of this really confuses me and I’m sorry if I sound like an ass, I promise that is not my intentions at all. I’m just looking for some advice and guidance in what I can possibly do to help my wife but yet also feel comfortable myself.
As a husband who’s been in this situation, the biggest thing to remember is that this isn’t about you or you not being good enough or anything like that – it’s about her and what else she needs along with you… but not in any way to replace you in her life. True enough, some folks, upon discovering or rediscovering their bisexuality, get a bit of tunnel vision – they’re focused on it and it seems to you that you’re being set aside and that’s probably not the case but you should let her know how you’re feeling because the other very important thing is to not stop talking to each other. There’s a thing called compersion – it’s being happy because your partner is happy and it’s not an easy state to reach and it’s never easy for a couple to be more than a couple and without some bad feelings cropping up – and bad feelings that if they can’t be avoided, need to be talked about so that your core relationship continues to run smoothly.
Well my wife has always had feelings towards woman and I support her if she chooses to explore it….. we are very open with our discussions about this completely. We also made a pact that this is her adventure and I will never participate in anything what so ever because this is for my wife only. I told her that if she found a potential girlfriend that the experience is better served alone. Does this make any sense to anyone?
It does make sense and more so since I made a similar decision… except it didn’t make sense to me not to just “step aside” because what affects her still affects me so a level of involvement was in order. Not so much in a sexual way but being aware of how things were working for her – or not. You don’t want to get involved in any relationship she might establish but don’t forget that you still have a relationship with your wife. If more men could be like you and I, a lot of bisexual women would be a hell of a lot happier.
Would you still look at her as being unfaithful though and would you eventually start to resent her for it. I tried to tell my husband ( my best friend) that I have desires that creep up to be with women.The more that I try to fight them the more they consume me.It is like an itch on your back that you cannot reach that drives you crazy until you stop the torture…… But my husband stated that it could be a man,woman, or a rock I would still be cheating and he would leave our 28 year marriage.So I do risk my marriage for that occasional itch.
I’m glad I found this I don’t feel so alone anymore 💜 I am 22 years old 23 next month. I am happily married with 2 beautiful babies. Everything in our marriage is perfect other than our sex life. It was fun and spontaneous until we had a fling with another female. I reached out to her and started flirting this was when I was pregnant with my first son. I was crazy nervous because I hadn’t talked to a female in so long and my husband is very supportive he just is like alot of other men he wants to be involved.. So I tried to make everyone happy. It was amazing for me and sparky and I got butterflies talking to her but when she came over and things started to get hot and heavy she asked if my husband could leave she had no interest in men and she wasn’t comfortable. So everything got cut off from there. We don’t talk everything got awkward. I love my husband we have a normal amount of sex. It just seems like I haven’t felt that spark again like I did with a women. I feel so selfish wishing I could find a lady who I can talk to flirt with and confide in for myself. I don’t want it to be a kinky 3 way I just want that relationship you can only get from a woman, and still have a happy marriage with my husband. I’ve tried to find someone to talk to even just as a bi lady friend around my age. It’s just hard to find someone. Or to even look I can’t reach out on facebook because my page is all about my kids and husband and I would look like a horrible cheater to anyone if I did and I know my husband would be accepting. Also everyone on there I know from school. I’m just lost on finding this side of myself and exploring it. And I can be shy I’d love to find someone I can message with for a while and get to know slowly to see if we would make good friends or maybe more one day. Maybe someone with a husband as well so we’re in the same boat together.
Hello Tera,
My name is Meka and I am currently 8 months pregnant and engaged but have been having the desire fir another woman. I have never been with a woman or even talked to one on this level so it is all new to me but I a really curious and want to see where it goes.
You are not alone ❤️ My husband is also accepting he would like to be involved but he would be ok with me having a gf apart from him. It’s hard to find someone when you’re married with kids. I also love my husband of 18 years and would never want to put him in an awkward spot where it looked like I was cheating on him.
I am beginning to realize that bisexuality, as much pride as I have identifying as such, comes with a price. I am a woman, in love with the most amazing man. He is everything I could have ever asked for and so much more. He is an amazing husband, father and friend and at times I believe that I don’t deserve him. And why? Because sometimes I just want to kiss a woman. I want to hold her hand and feel her soft skin against mine. Feel the similarities between our bodies and know that the connection that we have is real, valid and beautiful. I crave this connection. To the point that my heart feels like it breaks over a love I’ve never had, a person I have never met and a connection I will never get. This is the price I have come to pay as a bisexual. It’s a curious feeling to be so in love and yet experience such heartache at the same time. I am grateful for this site where so many of you can relate to these thoughts and feelings as well. There isn’t much point to my post other than to vent and express my views to an audience who gets me. So if you have read this far, thanks for listening.
Hey Brynn
Thank you for sharing your views so eloquently. I totally see where you are coming from. Please see my response to Q that I submitted earlier. Some if it may be relevant for you.
Take care,
M
Same!
All of it.
Hi Brynn,
I can totally relate. I too am married to a wonderful man who totally knows me. I was very honest with him about my sexuality. I haven’t been with a woman in about 3 years, since my lover succumbed to cancer. I think about it often, exactly the way you described it. Lol. Who knows what the future holds, but thanks for sharing! His luck!
Hi
I have known for a while that mi wife is bi curious.
Recently I asked her if she would like to explore a little more and after some hesitation she admitted that she may.
We have an exceptionally strong and healthy marriage and after discussing this decided that we would hire in an professional for her to explore he curiosity with. (In order to keep it NSA and private)
There are some ground rules that we will both abide by in order to ensure that we don’t lose what we have!
I am only present for her security and to look. I may not join or participate.
I feel that she needs to experience it at least once in order to get to know herself better.
But we are both nervous and not sure what to expect and what the negative impact on our marriage could be.
Please give me your thoughts and advice.
Thank you Phillip for sharing. You seem like a very loving partner to your wife and she must mean a great deal to you if you are willing to be so giving and understanding. I would suggest reading “opening up” by Tristan Taormino and “the ethical slut” by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton. Both of these books give helpful advice on how to navigate situations similar to what you are experiencing. Hope it helps!
Hi
I would like to post a question as my Bi Wife spouse but are unable to!
Please assist!
I’m so sad as I read these comments. There are many similar stories and very few answers. My heart is pounding as I type this now, because I know that due to my bisexuality, I will experience a mass combination of emotional trauma and lack of fulfillment.
It’s weird. If you would meet me, you would think that I’m a strong, happy-go-lucky, down-to-earth working mother, but what you wouldn’t see is all I feel inside is empty and angry that I can’t just be happy with my amazing life.
Truth is… I have a massive crush on my married friend, who has a crush on me. We ended up making out in a women’s bathroom at a restaurant one evening. She really enjoyed herself and left scratch marks on my back. I was scared shitless and couldn’t have felt more guilt in my heart and brain. My husband’s and son’s faces flashed before my eyes as I tried to figure out a way to leave the bathroom without offending my beautiful and fucking sexy friend. On one hand, I wanted to continue exploring this moment, but the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was overwhelming! I think about her often. I mean, ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
After debating if I should or should not, I eventually told my husband what I had done. He couldn’t have been more disappointed in me. We haven’t been right for a long time. We went to marriage counseling prior to this moment and I asked for him to touch me more, hold me more or even give me little kisses randomly. Nothing changed. When my friend made me feel desired, I wanted to have that fire; that feeling.
And now I’m left with more doubt and a failing marriage. I stopped speaking to my friend out of respect for my husband. It’s been several months now and I’ve been secretly contacting my friend again. She’s my kryptonite. She told me I was hers too. Oh, I forgot to mention that her husband and I work directly with one another and that we all work for the same company. My heart is crushed with all the uncertainty and hurt for everyone involved. I feel like I’m a broken human leaving a trail of sadness because I can’t just be content with my life. I’m just so sad inside and it’s beginig to wear on me. My son is so young and he’s the reason I get up and do every day. I pray my heart and soul get right, whatever that looks like, but I’m beginning I loose faith, hope and the love.
Hi Charlie
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings so openly. I wish I could give you an easy answer to take away your pain but our negative emotions are just as important for us to learn to work with them as our positive. It’s not uncommon in many long term relationships to move into an “attachment-companionate” connection after the early stages of infatuation wear off. Infatuation sounds like what you are experiencing now with your married friend as you have this new connection you have made that is addictive. This is quite normal but may have taken you a bit by surprise. (Tell me if I’m wrong here because I’m just assuming). The fact you told your spouse and went to counseling and still want his affection and love tells me that he is important to you and is capable of meeting some of your relationship needs or else you wouldn’t have gone to counseling in an effort to work on it. It sounds like he’s just very crushed and confused and doesn’t know what to make of it all because he’s dealing with a) the news about your attraction to your friend and b) the feeling of betrayal. At the same time, you are dealing with your own newly discovered feelings and the guilt despite the fact that having attractions to other people is totally human and normal for anyone to experience. How you responded to her in the bathroom was normal and you just reacted to it. But it sounds like things went beyond that bathroom experience and that you and her have continued to invest in this connection that took on another level that perhaps is Threatening your relationship with your spouse (tell me if I’m wrong again here bcuz I’m just assuming). I would make sure that whoever you went to as a therapist is used to bisexual issues in a marital context. I would also seek therapy separately (if you haven’t already done so) to work through your guilt and mixed feelings. The most important thing you can do is make time for yourself and decide what you want to do about your marriage. From the sounds of it, you want your marriage to work but because your husband is distant, it is killing you and leading you to stray. That is the hard part of any long term marriage. You have to make a choice and keep proactively focusing on that. Perhaps that means totally cutting off your friend? Perhaps it means doing more marital counseling and practicing the homework the therapist gives you for your relationship. Please reach out if you need us again.
Hi I’m El. I’m 50 yrs old and have been separated for 20 months now. When I separated from my husband of 30 yrs I decided to explore my bisexuality. I did this for a few months and had some very rewarding experiences with some lovely females. There were no expectations and I felt safe and comfortable to experiment. Then I decided I’d like to meet a man so went on a dating site and met a lovely man who I have been with now for 4 months. However we have what my therapist calls mismatched libido. And lately I have been thinking of reconnecting with a female friend who I had kissed but never went further with. My current partner knows that I have been with women in the past and I asked him how he would feel if I wanted to again. He said he wouldn’t think it was cheating but then he kind of laughed it off. My dilemma now is this: Is it cheating to be with another female especially if we both understand and accept the boundaries? And do I tell my partner or keep it from him? The female in question is also in a relationship with a man so understands it would be a no strings/just for fun thing. It would just be a friends with benefits thing. We have both agreed that we don’t want a relationship and that we are committed to our partners. So I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else here has had this happen to them and with what kind of consequences? Is it naive of me to think this can work? I do not want anyone to get hurt, especially not my new partner. Thanks for reading.
I’m 30. Biromantic & bisexual. My husband is fully aware and is fully supportive.
I wish we were neighbors that’s my situation.
Hello I’m Kelsey! I’m 21 and I’ve always found myself. Huge romantic and pictured myself marrying a man. Which I did. I married the love of my life. And we are so happy. He supports me being bi. We play together or I play alone. It’s just so hard to find so,done to chat with and find the same interest with.
Stuck in the middle….
I am married to a man for the last 12years we have 2 kids I use to be bi curios but never ever acted on my feelings or thoughts. I never told anyone about my feelings and thoughts I had. So that being said my husband does not know I am interested in women.
Just over a year ago I became good friends with a nabour who is a lesbian and coming out of a bad marriage. We became close fast… one day I asked if I could kiss her and we did. Things just spiraled from there we had sex and I loved it every single thing about it. I realized that this was the 1 thing that was missing from my life. My heart/mind felt freed like this is where I was suppose to be. I have falling in love with her and want her in my life always. My husband on the other hand has no idea that I was curios no on did for that matter it was a hidden secret of mine. My marriage has been slowly falling apart for years and in October I asked for a separation….since then my husband has made a lot of changes for the better and I have desided for the best interest of me/him and the kids I would make an effort to stay and see where it takes us. Soooo here is my very big BUT… I want to still have her apart of my life. I want my cake and eat it too lol. I know it sounds bad but that’s how I feel.
I would love to leave my husband and just be with her but I know my family and friends will not be supportive of my choices. I feel I could never come out to anyone.
I am so lost and unsure what I should do does anyone have any advise they could give me. I feel all alone… My husband wants us to start over and I do too for the kids more then for me but I want a happy home. I feel like I giving my gf hope that one day we can be together but I don’t feel like that could ever happen. I am not ready to tell people I am bi-sexual and if I was I don’t know how that would look.
I personally think that you need to tell your husband about your feelings and affair. It may not be the big deal breaker that you think it will be. If he loves you he will discuss it with you and the two of you may come to some sort of understanding.
Hiding it will definitely bring just more heartbreak for you, him and everybody else.
If he really loves you he will be able to support you!
Hi Everyone,
My name is Amanda and I am 22 years old I am engaged to be married to the love of my life Justin, He has always know I was bi sexual as to we met at a club and that night I was with a woman. I have not been with one in over 4 years and not that i want to be with one at the moment I miss the friendships and all of the things I used to have. Justin understand and has even told me to get a girlfriend if I wanted to, But I am a one person type of woman and am not really looking for that more of just some friends that I can have in my corner that understand the struggle of living as a bi woman. it is hard sometimes because people just judge so much and thats something I just dont understand.
❤
Amanda
Can’t sleep, I am currently going through a separation. I am in my late 20’s and have one child. I always repressed my sexual orientation, which has now become the demise of my marriage. My husband was extremely and continues to be supportive of my bisexuality however other factors contributed to our separation. I am really depressed as I miss my old life although that reality went away much longer before our separation. I am scared because I have never been with a woman but that is how I see my life ending up romantically.
I am insecure that a woman won’t want to be with me because of my past and the fact that I have a child. I am trying hard to be positive but I have an overwhelming sense of guilt that I hurt my husband. I am sad for putting my child through this confusing time.
I just want things to get better.
New here!
I’m 25, married for 3 years with one child, a step son, and a baby on the way. I met my now husband at the tender age of 19, becoming a couple at the age of 20. Married at the age of 23. While I knew I was bisexual then, I had no idea what the future would bring up. My husband knows I’m bisexual and we often say I’m a lesbian married to a man. I’m still very much attracted and in love with him but my urge and desire for women have thickened incredibly as I get older. I’ve been in numerous relationships with both men and women but at the age of 19, I was not truly sure of myself and didn’t get the chance to fully explore a relationship with another woman. I’m truly not sure how to deal with these feelings. I think about life with a woman and sex with a woman amongst other things and I have such a longing to act on these feelings. To find MY woman. I’m so very thankful to have found this blog and I hope women connect with me, if only to have a friend that feels the same way that I do.
This is a tough journey. My husband is half way on board with things and that doesn’t make it easier. He’s very insecure about women, not men. As we both know, I’m so much more attracted to women than men.
Anyway, I hope to connect with someone that would be open to chatting about their experiences and feelings. Someone maybe in the same position or someone that has been here before and willing to share their experiences .
So much love,
T.
Hey There:) You and I have very similar backgrounds. I am also 25 and have two young kids. The past year or so, my husband has allowed me to explore my sexuality but… I also feel like I am holding back because he is still very insecure. He is much more afraid of me falling for a woman as opposed to a man and, if I am being honest, rightfully so. I am much more attracted to women and my curiosity about being with a woman is always at the forefront of my mind as of late. It’s hard to navigate these feelings but SO much easier when there is community like this where we are free to just be ourselves. So thanks for your post. It’s nice to know I am not alone. 😉
I can relate to your feelings completely. My husband has always known that I am bisexual as I came out to him when we were 14 (in our early thirties now) and he’s always been incredibly supportive and validating… even so, it’s difficult territory to navigate. I wish there was a private messaging system on this blog so we could make better connections
I am a mom of 2 wonderful children and married for 11 years. I recently started to explore the idea of bi curiosity after the idea of bringing another woman into our marriage was brought up. Many years ago I had a very close friendship with a girl. Her and I clicked lived together for a couple of years. At that time I was in complete denial of my feelings. We made out once and that is as far as things went as her boyfriend (my now husbands brother) came into the room expecting to join. We never really talked about things until years later. Her and I parted ways after a huge falling out and dint talk for 8 yrs. Then we got back in touch. It was like we never went seprete ways. The past was left in the past. I realized about that time that my relationship with her was more than my typical friendships. We had and still have a very deep connection. She is in a long term relationship with a guy now that doesn’t know about her past as much really. So we keep in touch and that is as far as she is willing to go because of him. I respect that. I long for that deep connection. The closeness the touch the feel of another woman lips kissing mine. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband and he is fully aware of these feelings. I have never had a sexual relationship and very little sexual contact with another woman. I really do not know how to handle all of this. My husband is opened to me being with another woman but very unsure of the emotional level. I’m just the opposite I am unsure little nervous of the physical aspect but crave the emotional side. Any advice would be great!
I think you might be digging your own grave but at the end of the day it’s your life. I have heard so many times, stories of men being more than welcomed of their beloved ones having a female FWB. Then, as you said, the emotionalism is a major factor between women. For men, This is when the music stops and someone is left without a seat.
Hi,
I can’t tell you how relieved I was to find this message board. I am 37, married to a wonderful man, and have three kids. I met my husband when I was 21 and we were married when I was 25. I think I always knew I was bisexual, I was just so busy raising kids and getting my career going that I didn’t have the time to process a lot of my feelings. Now that my kids are all in school and I am more stable, I’ve noticed that I’ve been increasingly attracted to women and am actually decreasing in attraction to my husband. We’ve always had problems with sexual chemistry but there were some other issues that I was sure were causing the problem – it couldn’t possibly be me ;). JK. This is so new to me but also so very real. I talked openly about it to my husband and to my best friend and their response was the same, “Well, I’m not really that surprised.” In hindsight it was so obvious, and even to me.
For the first time in my life I find myself having very strong feelings for one woman in particular. At first I thought it was just because she is fun, musical and a free spirit and that in a way I was living vicariously through her freedom, but then I realized that… no… that’s not it. While I do have feelings for her, that may or may not manifest ever. The point is that I have feelings for someone of the opposite gender in a new way then I have ever experienced before.
My husband said that he is completely okay with me exploring who I am and said he would feel badly if I didn’t. I told him, but what if I did try and I liked it better – what then? Well, he said, let’s cross that bridge when we come to it. I also understand that it goes both ways, I can’t expect more freedom unless I allow it for him as well.
Anyways, where to go from here? Not pursuing it seems like leaving part of myself behind. Pursuing feels risky, too.
25 year old woman here and would like to give some input from someone who has experimented outside of marriage.
It was amazing. It was confusing. It was complicated. It was exciting. It was scary. It was heartbreaking. It was fun. It was ALL the feels.
For me, I expected my crave for women to be subdued after being with one sexually. But it wasn’t just a one night stand and I am still good friends with her. And I still crave to be with her a lot of the time. Physically, emotionally and romantically. I don’t love my husband any less because of her, in fact, it has enhanced our relationship in many ways. But it has also been hard because like you mentioned you feel like you should allow your husband to have some freedom as well. My husband wants that but I feel like it’s not the same. It has been hard to sort through these feelings but I don’t regret my decision to experience another woman. My advice to you would be to just always be honest with your husband. Tell him everything so he knows how to gage the situation for you and for himself. It’s tricky but not impossible. Good luck!
I think it’s rather evident that you will engage women and will soon realise you want to part from your husband. It’s best that you let your husband have his freedom now so he has an opportunity to meet someone he can love, Maybe even start a new family with. It will be a battle for you as a single mother but these are the choices we make and must live with. He does deserve happiness as much as you do. 🙂 Get out their and explore your desires 🙂
You need to stop with your trolling assumptions on other people’s posts without fully knowing them. Who are you to tell somebody that “…its obvious that they’ll want to leave their husband?” It is more than possible to be in a loving, committed relationship AND be intimate or emotionally connected to another. It is comments like yours that are both unhelpful, based on your own biases or misinformation and erroneous because you don’t have the facts.
Hello,
I’m 36 and married 10 years with two boys. My husband is strait as an arrow but is completely comfortable with my attraction to women and having a relationship with one. We are 100% committed to each other and he’s my best friend.
I just feel weird about looking for a lady friend. I want to find someone that I can go to the movies with or shoe shopping and also be intimate with.
Any thoughts on finding someone I mesh with?
I relate to what you’re going through like nobody’s business! I don’t have anyone (female) that I’m interested in right now but my husband has literally used the phrase “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it” and I feel exactly the same as you, not pursuing it feels like leaving a part of myself behind, pursuing it feels too risky 😩
I’m 29, married with two kids. Prior to more marriage of 6 years I was with a woman for over 3 years. When I met my husband I tried to end the relationship as I felt I was most likely a lesbian but he kept persuing and I realised although he was a man he did have the perfect personality. I’d say my sexual attraction to men is minimal but I found my relationship with a woman difficult in that I was very much the responsible one she relied on me for most things and on reflection just generally was the wrong person for me. From the first year of marriage I realised that my attraction to women was as strong as ever and I very much missed being with one both emotionally and physically. About a year and a half ago I developed a crush on a woman at work and this only made things worse, I still think about her everyday now though I have changed jobs since then. My husband understands and we talk about it but I feel staying with him means I will never be able to be with a woman again, I find this difficult to deal with. Mostly I feel very alone in this.
Darling, You should never have married. You obviously knew you were a lesbian. I think you have caused heartache all round here. Best wishes to both of you 🙂
Lanah, I appreciate your time and effort in offering advice to people who write in on this blog. I’m sure your experiences resonate with some of the people here and this is how you found your way to us. Hopefully we have been able to provide a safe space for you to connect and just express yourself. We are all in need of this space as people who are attracted to similar/same genders. I write also to highlight something in your response to “Strangeenigmaticmind” above:
When you say “Darling you should have never married. You obviously knew you were a lesbian. I think you have caused heartache all round here.” It comes across as though you are accusing this individual as having done something wrong and honestly they are here to receive help and support, they are not here to be blamed for anything. I urge you to be aware of your words and how you come across if you are going to be giving advice to people. We all give advice sometimes and are not always aware of how others are going to be receiving it. Sometimes our words can cut a little too below the belt and sting. I sense your intentions here are good however, this is not what you should say to someone who is courageously reaching out and asking for support. We are here to offer empathy, love, connection, kindness, vulnerability, not accusations, judgments, blame, shame, etc.
I’m sorry if that comes across too strong for you but I think in this situation it is just needed. We all have to be sensitive here folks. This is a safe space.
Hi. First off, it is great that you possess such good self insight and are reaching out for support. That is a very loving thing to do for yourself. The interesting things about life is that it takes us down many different paths and I am a firm believer that there are no mistakes, just learning and growing. It is also important to know that we do the best we can with what we have got whenever we make choices. Sounds to me like your husband must possess some great qualities when you say “I realised although he was a man he did have the perfect personality” or else you would not have chosen to date him. At the same time, it is also good you have learned something from your previous relationship with your ex-girlfriend which sounds to me that you prefer women physically and emotionally but that perhaps the dynamic that existed between you and your ex girlfriend was not quite the dynamic you wanted. It seems that now, you, just like many of the women here, feel stuck and want to know how to fill a void that lives within. This void specifically being met by being with another woman. Such a long journey this road of life takes us with many twists and turns. It is great that you can be so open with your spouse. You both sound like you are best friends with great communication. That is key in getting the support you need at this time. We are all here for you so please do not hesitate to reach out again. Sorry if we lost you before. There are plenty of places to go for support. Please refer to my blog post above about Bi+ resources. This is not about whether you identify as lesbian or bi or fluid or pan or no label or any other label, this is about you learning about yourself and how you want to navigate this amazing road called life. Wishing you all the best.
Thank you for your reply and for realising that the comment from Lanah may have been hurtful. It was. Emotions are complicated things and as humans we aren’t always capable of making the most sensible or reasoned decisions many factors came into play when I chose to Mary a man and at no point did I hide who I was.
I have been married for 7 years, together for 10, and we have two amazing little boys. I met my husband when I was 19, and I come from a religious family but I am not religious. I say all this as a history for people to better understand where I am coming from. I am very shy about sex, not talking about it, but the actual act of it. In other words, anything that has ever happened to me sexually has been initiated by the person I was with. I had sex with one other guy mere months before finding and falling in love with my husband. I have never kissed a woman and I will never have the chance. Growing up I had crushes on women like Capt Janeway (star trek) and Olivia Benson (law and order:SVU {I still think shes fine}) but never an actual woman I knew. Now as an adult, it is becoming more and more frequent that I find women I know attractive and really have no idea what I am or if what im feeling is valid. I want to kiss a woman to know if I am actually attracted to them or not. All of this grief im feeling could completely go away when I kiss her and feel nothing OR it could go the opposite way and I could open a box that could never be closed again. I have told my husband that I think I like women but when he asks questions, I dont want to answer because it feels wrong to talk about me being attracted to someone besides my husband. Lately I have felt like he is my partner and my best friend but that there is something in me sexually that he could never fulfill. Honestly, I have never been into sex and I wonder if its because I should be having sex with a woman.
Hi I’m Jamie and have been bi-sexual for as long as I can remember. I’m only 23yrs old and I am married to my best friend. My husband and I are looking for a girlfriend but the issue lies in his boundary, for instance, she has to be single (no other lovers). We have ladies who are interested in us but they are usually married or engaged. So do you know any websites that will help us meet bi-sexual women who are single and wanting to date couples?
I knew I was bisexual and started experimenting around age 15… looking back I think I was even as a young child. My husband and I met when I was in an open (but serious) relationship with a girl. Her and I didn’t work out in the long run (but not because of hubby and and I) Hubby hasnt seemed keen on me having a girlfriend since then. We frequently open our bed to other women, and even couples. But I miss having a girlfriend. A relationship. Hubby is definitely supportive of the sexual side though & I would never leave him. I just miss the emotional connection with a female…
I can absolutely relate. I wondered at age 12 and explored starting at age 15. Thats when i knew i was bisexual. My husband and i, too, share our bed with women and couples. I still wonder about having a girlfriend. I want that and i want my marriage with my amazing husband. Unfortunately, i dont have advice on how to talk to your husband about your wants and desires for a relationship with a female that is more than just sexual. Hopefully others will stumble upon this and help us out. Best of luck. I long for a womans affection and intimacy but im not sire if my husband would understand that part or know that it wouldnt mean our marriage and our connection and my love for him would faulter. Theres not an ounce of me that wants to live without him.
I don’t really know how to go about finding someone who is comfortable with the fact that I’m married with children. I’m hoping at some point I’ll be able to find someone to spend quality time with. My hubby knows how I feel and supports me.
I’m in the same boat. The marriage and kids seems to always seems to be too much for anyone I wanna meet.
I feel the exact same way Em, I’m a married mom and constantly find myself day dreaming about being with a woman again.. I used to be with women all the time before I was married and I thought it was just a faze until lately it’s all I can think about!
My hubby was also very supportive until I actually found someone. The biggest problem being that she is a lesbian and wont let him have sex with her. My advice is make sure when you meet someone, make sure that you discuss you expectations with all 3 of you and agree on them before you jump into bed.
I feel the same. What makes it worse is I tend to prefer Lesbians and I’m pretty sure that most wouldn’t be interested in starting anything with a married woman.
This is something that is difficult for me. I have known I have bisexual for high school. I have been attracted to both males and females. In high school I actually dated both sexes. Then when I turned twenty I met the love of my life my husband. Which people do not understand how can you be bi and marry a dude? I don’t even want to count how many times I have been asked that. Now I have been happily married for four years. But I love women and I miss being with one. I do believe it would be wonderful to date and get to know a great woman who is alright with me being married. I have a need for more then one partner I would like to experience that of course with both my hubby and a wonderful lady knowing this. I am hoping venting this all out will help somehow.
I’m in the same position you are. It’s nice knowing there are other women out there with this same issue. So glad this website is here to connect with each other. I still haven’t figured out how to connect with ither women in my area but I hope you find one
Hi Em, So what are your plans now to meet or be with women? What’s your husband’s thought about it all now? Are you after a long term relationship with another woman or just spending some “Quality time” with women when you can?
Hi guys. I am 25, happily married to an amazing man, I have two beautiful children and a strong growing attraction to women. I have never been with a woman before but know that if I found a woman I had chemistry with, I would definitely want to explore my feelings for her. My husband doesn’t officially know that I am bisexual although I have hinted at it many times. I am always pointing out women that I find attractive to him, haha. I have always known that I like both women and men for as long as I can remember. But like some of you, I come from a very Christian/conservative community that forbids any form of same sex attraction. So I have never acted on my feelings completely. My best friend and I, made out when we were like 15 but that’s about it. I like the idea of exploring my sexuality at this stage in my life because I feel like I’m not being true to myself.
But at the same time I’m not looking to have a threesome with my husband nor do I want him to look at other women. Is that selfish of me? I feel like if he was bisexual and wanted to explore men like I want a woman, that would be fine. But our relationship is still special and important to me and another woman wanting my man is not ok. Is that so wrong?
I also don’t know how to go about finding a woman open to my kind of situation…. I just want a girlfriend that I have a deep connection with and who wants to be sexual occasionally. I don’t want to leave my husband. But I don’t feel like I can keep avoiding my strong desires to be with a woman. What do I do…?
It’s ashame you didn’t explore your feelings prior to getting married. You want to be with women but he can’t, you’re inferring you may dissolve your marriage if he doesn’t give you what you want. Apart from nothing, what’s in it for him?
It might be best for you and him to just walk away from your marriage.
Hi Lex, So when are you going to tell your husband you’re Bisexual and want a GF? Do you think he will be accepting or would you plan for the worst?
You and I are in the EXACT same boat!
Wow! It’s a reassuring feeling to see so many people feel and are in similar situations as myself. I’m 25, married to a man and have a 5 month old. I’ve only ever had flirtations with women and since being married and pregnant my desire to be with a woman has grown terrifically.
I love my husband and I don’t want to leave him, but I’m kicking myself for not dating women when I could.
My husband knows and is supportive. He’s even suggested we have a threesome or he watches me with another woman. I really want one on one with another woman. I don’t want it to be a show I want it to be real. Especially the first time.
I’m not even sure how to go about connecting with another woman.
Suggestions?
I’m in the exact same situation. It’s a risky thing as you will never know how he’s truly going to react but I went with my gut and told my husband that I’m bisexual and it was tough but overall a good response. It’s ok to have feeling like that and I’m the exact same on if he were into other men but no to other women. No reward is gained without risk so maybe it’s one to take a leap of faith that he will be open to it because it makes you happy. Good luck:)
Understand your situation perfectly other than I open with my husband and he understands I am very interested in finding a female I can be close with. Not replace him with but have additional too.
Hey Lex, I’m 28, married with two little kids as well. I’ve been having a strong attraction to women also and have been wanting to explore that. Everything you said about not sharing your hubby and wanting a deep connection is exactly what I want. I don’t know how to go about finding that but I want that.
Hi!
First time on the site and definitely looking for some support.
Trying to make this as concise as possible and still hit all the big points. I identify as bisexual (legit 50/50, if you also go with the sexual fluidity theories and the spectrum of sexuality) and am happily married to my wife who identifies as a lesbian and is amazing and supportive.
My “in general” frustration is the assumption that I’m lesbian because we look like a lesbian couple.
My “specific to the situation” frustration is that we have now moved to this new place, I feel even more alone. Every new person and couple that we meet it feels like I have to explain and defend myself and my identity. I had one friend from my childhood, who even attended our wedding, who lives in the area and I’m getting the impression after the first time hanging out with her with my wife, that she’s now avoiding us and isn’t comfortable with us and seeing me with my wife… I don’t know…I might be totally making assumptions about what’s happening with the friend.
Any advice, support, and especially resources are welcome. Please let me know if I can clarify anything.
HI, Are you saying she has or you have feelings for this new woman?
Hi there, I am in a similar but different type of situation. I have a crush and am not brave enough to say anything. She is perfect in every way and we clicked instantly. We see each other three or four times a week and laugh the whole time. I’ve been as honest as I can with her without saying I like her more the a friend. We are both married to men and have kids. It’s not logical it’s emotional. I want you to know you are not alone. You are not weird or wrong to feel this way. You are a sexual being made to lover fellow human beings. I’ve been talking more with my husband about my feelings. That I don’t understand them, that I’m confused and that way he knows where I am mentally. I also sometimes clame up and say I’m not comfortable talking anymore. I’m still working things out. Just know that reaching out here or where could help.
Hi Heather, How is your Husband taking this? How old are the kids?
Hi there, so my kids are 5, 3 and 2.
My husband has been taking thing pretty well. He is more insecure and feels that he is being pushed away and left out. I am being open and honest and not keepin things inside. I do not fear being judged anymore or told off. I am going to be myself and if my husband is not OK with that then sadly things will have end. He wants to try and make this work and just experience life together. That if I meet someone and fool around that I tell him. That it is not cheating. I’ve told him I don’t want to feel guilty about my feelings anymore. That if he can’t accept this then maybe we try a year apart and see how we feel. So it’s all about being open and honest and talking about options. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but today I am still married and trying to stay in the present. Listen to your body and do what feels right. We only have one day at a time. Plans in the future are not requirements.
Hi Heather, I think if you’re prepared to leave your marriage for a year then you’re prepared to simply leave your marriage. This torture is not fair to your husband whom, when marrying you made a lifetime commitment to you and the kids. I think you should walk away whilst he maybe young enough to meet someone new and see if he can re-start his life and you can freely engage women.
I’m wondering if anyone can relate? I’m not sure why we feel this need to know other people feel the same way, but I do.
This is my first time here and this is all new to me. I know there are women who “knew all along” ….I know there are women who had no idea, were married to a man, and then met that woman that turned their world upside down and then came out and left their husbands…..I know there are women who were bi and chose to marry a man…. but I don’t feel like I quite fit any of these…
I realised I was attracted to women in my early 20’s, I fooled around with a few women but I only ever dated men. I met my husband 10 years ago and have two little girls. A few months ago I met a women that has turned my world upside down. I’ve never had a relationship with a woman before so I don’t know what that experience is like, and for the first time in my life at 38 I’ve met a woman that I really care about and can’t stop thinking about. I don’t feel the need to “come out” or leave my husband, but I’m depressed because I can’t have her and really want to be close to her.
ALSO….
Some married women meet another woman and have something with her….some women fall for their best friend but the feelings are not mutual…..again, my experience is something in between….
I thought I’d met someone amazing who was becoming my “new best friend”, I was in total denial convincing myself we were just friends until she told me she liked me. Then I couldn’t deny the fact that I felt the same way. She’s also married with kids and is very clear about it – nothing can happen between us because she doesn’t want to jeopardize her marriage. She wants to just be friends. But now I’m going crazy over her and I don’t know what to do. i try to be her friend, and sometimes I think I can be, but often I can’t because I love her too much. I think the truth is that she likes me and is attracted to me, but for me it’s more, I’ve fallen for her.
help!!?? thanks 🙂
Serafina, You really know the answer to this. She has made in clear she will not engage in a relationship with you as she has her own family. You have yours. Either accept her friendship only or break off the friendship. I would also talk to your Husband about this. Does he know about your past experiences or feelings?
Hi All,
New to this website and so glad I’ve found it! Been married for 5 years, together 7. We have 2 wonderful children that make this world a better place.
I didn’t identify as bisexual till after I was married. My husband actually helped me come to terms with my sexuality.
High school was my first sexual experience with a woman, and once college came around my experience expanded.
I miss being with a woman. The passion is what I miss the most.
I’d love to meet other women and maybe form a friendship.
I hear you! Sometimes I just want to go to the local hay bar and be the part of me I hide. To flirt and chat and be me. Not to go to hook up but to be free to dance and be attracted to women. I’ve told.this to my husband and am letting the idea stew. Nothing rash or brash. Just an idea and when it isn’t too shocking or whatever maybe I’ll do it.
Hi, I’ve been married to a man for 8 years. Very very happy. He knows I am a bisexual woman, and he is so supportive. Lately I have been feeling a sense of loss, for what could have been, had I been brave enough to fully come out 15 or so years ago. I wouldn’t change my husband or my children for anything. They are amazing. It just feels lonely sometimes… Living in a typical neighborhood, meeting neighbors who are nice but really conservative, and still feeling in the closet. Does it matter? I ask… I’m married and happy… Why even bother thinking about other options, past emotions. I wonder if I am totally fulfilled? I still fell like my husband and I are in a honey moon stage after 12 years of being together (8 married) … So I should feel whole right?
I never was able to fully embrace my sexuality when I was young, and although my husband was open, and was I, about exploring options together, I decided I don’t think I could “share” our love with someone else. Too many things could go wrong there….
So I’m just left with my own thoughts, and wonderings. Sometimes it hurts, and most of the time it’s no big deal. But I feel like I’m stuck in this closet forever.
Was is it your’e seeking BrightonBug? Your’e out to your Husband, do you want to come out to your neighbours and family? Do you feel if you came out you would not have married and continued life single?
Going by your comments you identify as bisexual but you do nor engage with women?
First time poster here. I was reading about your situation, Jessica and I think finding a woman who is married, and in an open relationship may work for you. I realized I was bisexual in January of this year. My husband is trying his best to accept me for who I am now. He is still grieving over the loss of the concept of the hetero woman (me) he married three years ago. I’ve shared with him that I want to explore my bisexuality in a relationship. I can’t deny the strength of my feelings any longer. I started chatting with a married lesbian couple about a month and a half ago. I chose them because they have kids, they’re married, I’m attracted to both of them, and I feel they present the least threat to my husband (I won’t leave him to run off with them and they won’t have the time or emotional demands on me that I feel a single lesbian or single bisexual woman would). My husband knows that my experience, prior to being with these two, was quite limited. He met them on our first date (for his peace of mind and my protection). We are seeking out counseling to deal with his feelings of jealousy, inadequacy. I love him and I tell him so. He had jumped to conclusions in his head about me leaving him when I disclosed that I’m bisexual. The thought never crossed my mind. I think in time he’ll understand that when I am with him, I’m fully with him. I just need to explore this new side of me. He is going to give me some time to do this. He is hurt though that I have expressed this need and I just want to help him but I don’t know what to do so that we are both happy. I don’t think he is even sure if it would be easier for him if it were just about sex for me or not.
I’m 42, married, and have 3 children. I am finding myself less and less attracted to my husband and more and more attracted to woman. I have never been with a woman, but find myself franticizing about it constantly. I have really felt the want to be with a woman but I am a little over weight and scared over how to go about finding someone. How do I find someone who feels like I do? How do I know? I honestly have been going through depression because I feel like I am denying myself what will truly make me happy. I don’t feel sexually attracted to every woman I meet. But I do have strong urges and feeling sometimes. I want to have that first time. That first experience. I want to kiss a woman and feel her body against mine. Am I abnormal? I’m so confused…
You are definitely not abnormal. I’ve never been with a woman, I haven’t even kissed a woman, but I think about it and wonder what it will be like. I did the same as a teenager wondering what sex would be like with my boyfriend. I believe it’s only natural for people to think about it.
I remember before I came out to my husband feeling so confused and mixed about about everything. I didn’t know why I was attracted to a woman when I had only been previously attracted to men. And frankly, I was scared to find out the answer at first. But as I started examining myself, I discovered that I had always been attracted to women, I had just been denying that it was sexual attraction. It took me awhile to come to this realization and even longer to fully admit it to myself. I am glad I did though because I feel free and the relationship I have with my husband is better than ever.
My story is so similar to yours but with a different ending. I’m 34, 15 years with my heterosexual husband, married for 8, 2 kids. It’s hard accepting your bisexuality after years of marriage and monogamy. I love reading new posts on this site from people who share my perspective, it reassures me that I’m not alone. It’s so encouraging knowing there are other women out there who feel what I feel, and even more encouraging to hear that there are husbands who are so supportive and accepting. It gives me hope that some day my own husband can learn to be more supportive and accepting of my bisexuality.
I agree. It was extremely hard dealing with everything. Even harder when I was debating about whether or not to tell my husband that I’m bi. When I did finally tell him, he never took it as I found him inadequate or that I’d leave him. He was more concerned that I thought he’d leave me and the kids. We talk on a regular basis about everything from just general thoughts on women to what happens when I have a sexual relationship with a woman. Communication is a must between my husband and I. It’s a two way street and if either one of us doesn’t feel comfortable about something, even if we’ve talked about it before, we talk about it again. My hope is that your husband can realize as my husband did that this is not about him or his performance or his manliness or whatever. It’s about you and who you always have been and be supportive of you.
Hello everyone. I stumbled upon this site some time ago and have finally decided to post a comment. I am a 31 year old woman that met a man 12 years ago, fell in love, got married, and had 3 children. After 8 years of blissful marriage, something happened to me. I became aware that I was sexually attracted to a woman and that thought scared me. I began to think something was wrong with me. Here I am, married to and have 3 children with a heterosexual man, how can that be? I initially denied how I felt, locking those feelings away in a box and burying it in a dark corner far far away. That didn’t work. My feelings kept resurfacing and each time they did, it brought memories from my past with it, thoughts and feelings that I had long forgotten about. After almost a year of internal struggle, I could no longer deny what I was feeling. I admitted to myself that I am bisexual. As soon as I did, everything just sort of clicked into place. It was like a light had finally been turned on. I was on cloud nine. And then I took a nose dive. How was I going to tell my husband? I went back and forth hundreds of times wondering if I should tell him or if I should just keep it to myself. For months, I worried about it. Bawled my eyes out about it. My husband could tell something was wrong because I wasn’t happy. And I wouldn’t tell him what it was. I’d pick fights with him over some of the dumbest things. Everything came to a head eight months ago when we got into a huge fight. I finally admitted to him that I was bisexual. I waited for him to just walk out the door and never look back. But he didn’t do that. Instead, he took me into his arms, held me tight, and told me that he loves me, that nothing could make him stop loving me and I bawled. After I had no more tears, the two of us sat for hours on the floor of our living room talking about everything and I answered him questions. Looking back, I wish I had told him sooner. He has been absolutely amazing and incredibly supportive with it all and has helped me accept that this is who I am, who I have always been, and that I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. We’ve discussed me exploring my bisexuality at great length and he is accepting and encouraging of it, the only thing is, where do I start?
Hi there, wow do our stories match! I am also married going on 5 years and 8 years together over all to my husband. I have three kids as well and took a month or two tlater realizing my sexual orientation. I did have a good talk with my hubby and he was alright. He cried a little afraid that I wanted to leave him. But I didn’t. He understands that I feel the need to explore this part of me but also doesn’t want me too. We are at a weird point where he says he accepts me as I am but hopes I don’t need to act on it. Like I just needed to say I am bisexual and that will make me go back to being the house wife and mother. But I feel like I am just being swallowed by a life I don’t want because part of me wants something more. I don’t have an answer to the question about where to go. But maybe ask if joining a dating site or something would he alright with your husband. You two would be open and look at stuff together. No hiding or cheating. Depending on what he is OK with. You could also see if there are any local women’s gatherings or groups that include bisexuals women. Just some ideas I am thinking about. Hope that helps.
Heather, my name’s Heather too. I’m not sure why my post posted under my wordpress log in after I changed it, but that’s ok.
Thank you for your suggestions on where I could go. After talking with my husband, we agreed and I joined a date/meet app where I can meet and chat with other women who are bi/lesbian/pan/poly. I’ve been on it for a little over a week and have chatted with a few women. Everything that I do or will do is discussed with my husband. We keep the lines of communication open so that we’re both on the same page and if we’re not, we can discuss as needed.
I think communication with your husband is very important. Him saying he supports you but hopes you never act on it doesn’t sound very supportive to me since the word BUT was used. It’s like saying I support you drinking coffee but I hope you never drink it. Has he told you why he wishes that you never act on your feelings? Maybe you both could sit down again and talk about it some more. I think further down there is a man talking about his feelings about his wife being bisexual as well as another part of this site for men to talk. Maybe he could find some solace there.
Hi Heather, Glad hubby is supportive. You can be supportive of him also. Help him set up an account on a dating site and assist in writing what a woman might like in him. You need to encourage him to get out there and have some great adventures as he can also support you 🙂
Hi there Heather and others. So my husband and I have talked more and he feels that if I act on this sexual preference that I will find out I am actually happier with women and not with him. So I’ve been quiet since then. The trust is still being established and sustained since I hit rock bottom a year ago. I’ll be honest because it’s all I know what to do now. I am an alcoholic and while drinking and drowning my pain I let a guy at my work take advantage of me. I was in a time where I was hurting myself and wanted to sabatoge everything in my life. I’ve since been sober for 5 months and working hard to keep my sobriety. Since starting this path of self discovery I’ve learned so much about me and what I like and what I want. I was also trying to fit into the role of house wife and mother and I have so much more to me. Well I don’t know where this was going but guess I’m still a little shy about who I am but I am not going back. I like myself now. Confident and willing to learn and be honest.
Jess, it takes so much courage to be honest about what you want especially to those you love. It sounds like you really want your bisexuality to be seen and celebrated by your loved ones and family. It also sounds like you are ready for a relationship with a woman and have taken the right steps in coming out and being completely honest with all parties–sticking to your morals. That’s important. Always trust yourself and stay open the way you have been and things will work out the way they will. I really don’t think anyone should infer things about your marriage just from your commentary above. So hopefully you will see people have good intentions even if what they communicate is more about what THEY think and less about you and your marriage of what you should do about it. You are in a common position many people on this site are in and how you navigate that is up to you but from all accounts it seems u r taking a good approach–being honest and taking it one step at a time. There are plenty of resources out there on successful open relationships that you can check out. “The ethical slut” and “opening up” are just two suggestions to get you started. Also check out our blog.
I’m 24 and bi. My fiancé is very supportive. I have been bi as long as I can remember, just something about the softness of another woman’s touch, but it is like having a best friend you can do girl things with. It is tough for me because I can’t just be very open with everyone about it. I guess I just need a way to open up with people about.
I’m 25, married, and have 2 kids. I hear you loud and clear. I’ve told my husband about me being bi, but he doesn’t quite understand. I’ve only been with one woman, but it was never more than hand play. I’ve always loved women and I’ve never gotten the chance to live out my dreams. Now I’m stuck unless my husband is okay with me seeing other women; hell would freeze over first.
Before you really settle down, please, go find out I’d that’s what you really want.
Thanks for sharing Sea. You mention your Fiance is very supportive which is great. So how doe sit work for you two? Do you have FWB’s you see on a regular basis? From what you’re saying you would like to tell your family and friends. What do you think the impact would be on your side and your Fiance’s side?
That is what my wife liked about being bi. In fact, her best girlfriend since she was a teen ended up being her live in lover. It was kind of a weird relationship though. They only had sex with each other if I took part. Her girlfriend had a crush on me and vice versa since we were 13. However, outside of the bedroom they acted just like best friends. No intimacy at all. They talked about life from the female perspective, went shopping and attended a few concerts that I had no interest in. My wife was in heaven. She had her BFF living down the hall from her bedroom and could even express her love physically with her every night.
After 30 years in our relationship with our girlfriend, we are now a couple again. Not by any of our wishes, just fickle fate. We reminiscence about her often since we was a big part of our marriage for most of it. Just recently my wife remarked that she never had an argument with her girlfriend. In fact, her girlfriend never caused any problems. She knew her place in our marriage and even went to the extent to marry a man who wanted an open marriage so she could continue to see us. That is love and more than just friendship. My wife misses her BFF more than her lover if you know what I mean.
Hi everyone. I’m a 36 year old married mother of one. I am twice divorced, have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life. I have always been curious about woman and have had physical attraction to the same sex. I have always been in straight relationships but always wondered if this was really what I want or is it because society tells me that’s how it is suppose to be. My husband is my best friend. We talk about everything. We have talked about me being with other woman and he has no interest in it. I’m not saying I want to share but he has made it clear he wants all of me and could not handle me being with a woman. I’m so confused about my feelings. I have a type of woman I am attracted to and wonder if I should explore this side of me. I just want to know if I could really be with another woman or if it’s something just in my head but could never be in my heart. I love my husband and don’t want to hurt him but I want to know once and for all if My bi curious side is legitimate or just a fantasy.
Hi Tracy,
You’re standing on a bridge with no end either side. No matter how this plays out everyone will lose.
I’d say you may have known how your husband felt before asking him. You may not know but he’s already hurting, probably just not saying so.
Your choices are as such. Live your married life and live out your Sapphic fantasies at home.
Explore with another woman and not tell hubby. It seems you do so love him dearly and live a life of guilt.
If you’re caught or continue to see other women over time you will be caught out and risk losing your hubby, home and raise your Daughter as a single parent.
Leave your hubby and home and explore or desires as a single mother alone.
I as well as yourself know this. You are simply looking for people to push you in one particular direction then use that advise as a justification for your actions.
Best of luck 🙂
I am not replying to be nasty, but your comments are rash and hurtful. I feel your presence on this site comes from a deep place of hurt and feeling unaccepted. You tend to reply in a matter of fact, black and white type of way when these people are reaching out because it’s an obvious grey area. I hope those reading these comments take yours with a grain of salt and realize not everyone’s though process is this way. I hope you can heal whatever pain you’re suffering from.
You’re not alone, you describe my feelings to a tee. I also have anxiety and have trouble getting my thoughts straight in my head. I don’t know if my desire to experience women is my life path or simply a fantasy for adventure. And like you my husband has no tolerance for me to explore, and rightfully so I guess, marriage is supposed to be monogamous, or at least that’s what I used to believe
So what’s your next step Jen?
I guess that’s the tricky part! I know what I want but my husband isn’t supportive, right now. But it’s new to him, he’s just found out that the woman he’s spent the last 15 years with, his rock as he put it, “suddenly” wants to have sex with women. Obviously it’s not sudden to me, but my accepting it is. My goal right now is to educate him, help him view my bisexuality the way I do. That will take time and pacience. I feel liberated having admitted my feelings to myself and my husband. I now realize that many of the problems we’ve had in our marriage over the years can be contributed to me not being my true self. This is me, all of me, I want to move forward making it positive to our relationship, right now my husband sees it as negative, my dilemma in the question “where do I go from here” is how do I transition my husbands negative thoughts into positive ones?
Hi, I just read your post. I can relate to some level but not all the way, I am also married, and have 2 kids. I don’t know if I’m full on bi, I’ve never been with a woman but now that I’m 30 i want to start exploring what I never had a chance to do…is do me. I became a young mother by 20, so I never had chance to find myself. On to your situation, I hope that you find what your looking for, I’m very sorry about your grandma. The time will come when you and your brother will feel right in telling your parents, it’s just going to take time. I feel like your mother grieving and you guys being there for her is what matters now. I admire how you and your husband can talk about you being bi and I’m glad you at least have some support. I can relate to how being married can bring obstacles in finding some one. But be positive when you least expect it the right one will come. 🙂
Hi, posting for the first time. I’m a 34 year old female married to man of 8 years, together 15 years. I’ve only recently identified as bisexual, although I’ve had some degree of attraction towards women for most of my life. I’m not clear on exactly what made me come to the realization that I’m bisexual, perhaps a number of factors combined. My marriage has suffered a gradual but significant decline in intimacy and passion over the years. I love my husband dearly, and adore our life together with our two children. I think the decline in intimacy paired with my growing curiosity for women has led to my exploration online. I’m not interested in leaving my husband, and I’m kind of unsure of the depth and severity of my desires. I’ve recently admitted to my husband that I am bisexual and that I have been chatting with women online in my quest to discover myself. He was in shock snd quite disgusted and dissapointed. He’s worried that he’s inadequate and unable to fully satisfy my needs. He believes that I won’t be able to be happy with him alone. Is it possible to maintain a happy/healthy relationship with my husband, while wanting women I can’t/won’t ever experience? And how do I make my husband more comfortable with this whole situation?
I fully understand your situation. My wife discovered her bisexuality later in life but was afraid to tell me. Now I know that she had been fantasizing about women and only women for a few years. She was concerned about what you described so what she did was to ask me to have sex with her best friend who was coming off an abusive marriage. My wife knew we had flirted many times and now I know why she never minded. My sex with her friend ended up as a threesome per my wife’s secret plan. This resulted in her girlfriend moving in with us and being a part of our marriage for most of the 45 years of our marriage up to 6 years ago when we retired.
I understand how your husband feels. At first the girls made me the center of attention but after a few years, I became somewhat of an accessory. While I never felt inadequate I did start to feel that my wife preferred sex with women which is still her preference although she is quite fine with me, but only me and no other man. We tested that. 🙂 My wife says that she is attracted to the person and not their gender but she only seems to be attracted to hot men but it not so fussy when it comes to women.
After 5 years or so, both women no longer wanted intercourse. The focus on sex in our threesomes switched from me to them. I assisted when asked to. It was shortly after that, that I started having sex with each women one on one after our threesome. That brought back the intimacy between the two ladies and me. They seemed to like it but when they were together, they were drawn to each other. That is what I mean by preference. Both had intense orgasms with me but they liked the gentle and soft lovemaking with each other that oddly also included talking about social things as it was going on.
When we separated from our girlfriend my wife did not seem to want to have sex anymore. I had to ask and she would say she was too tired and we could do it tomorrow but tomorrow never came. I asked her point blank if she considered herself as a lesbian. She said no because she still found guys sexually attractive but not their naughty parts. She finds the female form more attractive but so do I. It took us a few years to adjust to our new life. My wife makes no secret that after me, she is done with men. She does love being with women and goes out at least 3 nights a week with her female friends.
We talked about it. A lot had to do with our depression over losing our girlfriend. We did not know how to live as a couple. We really missed our girlfriend but I was feeling that my wife only was interested in women. It was not a matter of inadequacy because we are talking about gender preference, not an affair with another man. In fact, she does not want other men. I keep suggesting a MMF threesome and she thinks it is yucky. 🙂 I will not go into details on how we solved this problem but we are old and do have sex once a week with very intense orgasms. We are finally over the pain and loss of our girlfriend. Still no intercourse and my wife uses her vibrator to orgasm. I also know that when she closes her eyes, she is thinking of her girlfriend and not me. That is OK with me because our girlfriend has been the only face in my fantasies since I was 13..
I know that I can not compete with a woman because I do not have a vagina but a woman does not have a penis. Try to make your husband understand that it has nothing to do with inadequacy. Assure him that sex with him is great and as my wife told me, so good that she does not need any other man in her life. I was told that I make my wife feel secure and safe. I am a good provider and give her a lifestyle that she never imagined she could have. The only issue is that she likes sex with women too. She does not want to date them, romance them or marry them. She wants sex in the bedroom and friendship at all other times. My wife made me understand that her sexual preferences have nothing to do with who can give her better orgasms. She admits that sex with me was better than with her girlfriend. My wife orgasms in a few minutes while her girlfriend took more than a half an hour and was not as kinky as me. My wife said that she just needs to be intimate with a woman because it feels good and fulfills something she needs. Good luck and perhaps you can arrange your first time with a woman as a threesome so that your husband feels part of it. That is what got me used to watching my wife with other women. After a while I saw that she has sex with women but makes love with me. The way she has sex with women is not how she has it with me so I never view a woman as a threat or a dig at my masculinity.
Now we girl watch together and debate who would have a better chance getting her into bed. I just totally accept my wife’s bisexuality and as ever, she knows that she is free to date any man or woman she wants to since we never had a monogamous marriage. We tried to pursue monogamy but had sex with a few others but only a single digit number combined for over 40 years so that is not bad. I can also suggest wife swapping with a couple with a bi wife or a local swingers club to get your husband used to seeing you with other women. These days a good first step would be for him to watch you play with another woman on Skype or whatever programs are out there for that. That is a safe way to start off and odds are that he will get aroused and that will imprint in his mind after a few times. If you do go the threesome route, make up a list of rules so nobody feels left out or has to watch or do anything they are uncomfortable with. We have a safe word that alerts the other that you are uncomfortable with what they are doing. A safe word is much better than being rude and telling your spouse not to do what they are attempting to do to the other woman.
I know this is long but I have been through this for a very long time. I never met anyone who lived with two women and had as many threesomes as I did. We made it work with no problems or hurt feelings. We kept it going even after our girlfriend got married. We know a thing or two that our divorced friends did not. Including your husband will eliminate making him feel the way he does and any risk to your marriage. My wife fell in love with her best friend and I sometimes wonder what would have happened if they were dating each other without me involved. Just because you are bi does not mean you can also date girls no more than your husband can date girls he is attracted to. That is if you are monogamous though. We kept our marriage and love above all else. My wife refused to have sex with women without me and still does. She does not want to risk your marriage or make me feel that I cannot sexually satisfy her. Good luck.
I really enjoyed reading your story! Thank you for sharing. Did you or your wife have jealous feelings? Does it not hurt your feelings that she doesn’t want to have intercourse with you anymore? That scares me, because once you open that door, you can’t go back.
hello. i posted a while back about my hesitance to date a woman outside of my marriage with my husband. i’ve been nervous about him feeling left out or jealous. this discussion between us has been going on for about two years now.
as a bit of side story into my hectic, messed up life, my brother who is 25 came out to me as gay in april of 2015 and i couldn’t be prouder for him to have trusted me to love him regardless of that. having grown up in a “not necessarily repressed but definitely not super open to alt lifestyles” household and having my own hesitance to be open about myself with my family, i more than understand what he has gone through. it has really deepened our relationship as siblings to finally be able to be honest with each other. i came out to him as bi in february of 2015 while drunk on on a family cruise, lol. it is now kind of an inside joke (not really a joke, but oddly laughable) that we have always been close (almost twin-like despite not being twins) and that we would even have a bent lifestyle in common. both of us were planning on coming out to our parents this summer for the mutual support but our grandmother passed away and our mom took it very, very hard and has since been caring for our grieving grandpa and her’s and our dad’s 3 businesses. the time just hasn’t presented itself. it’s going to rock our parents’ world and would be nice if our family wasn’t already in turmoil when it does happen. my brother is also devastated because he really wanted to talk to our grandma about it. he had a close relationship with her and wanted her to know.
anyway, back to just me. having my brother to confide in has been a massive weight lifted from my chest. i share everything about my feelings with my husband, but it’s nice to have a 3rd party to bounce things off of as literally only 3 people know i am bi (hubby, brother, and brother’s ex-boyfriend/friend).
last year, hubby and i were moved by his job and it was around that time that i started actually considering dating a woman as a possibility. i decided to not look until the move was complete, which took place in december. well, here i am all moved, house organized, starting a new job, happy husband, hopefully going to have some money in my pocket, and ready to get out there and take some nice ladies out to dinner or something. the trouble is…… no one seems to want me and i know what the trouble is. i’m married. i have baggage. i know that it seems like i’m either looking for someone to fool around with or that i’m looking for someone to share playtime with my husband or that i’m looking to cheat on my husband. i’ve joined a couple dating sites and the only responses i’ve gotten are from swingers looking to party or looking for a 3rd. it’s super disheartening. so i joined tinder, thinking “well, maybe i can at least find some friends to hang out with.” i’ve noticed if i put down everything about me including my marriage, i get zero matches, but if i put down nothing i get matches but then feel guilty and mention that i am married. the conversation stops right there every time. idk. i guess i’m just wondering how to date as bi. i believe in honesty and openness. i’m open with my husband and plan to be open with any potential partner from square one. i can’t and shouldn’t lie about his existence. and i know that i can’t force or expect anyone to be willing to accept what i’m trying to form into a lifestyle. i’m just feeling disheartened, i suppose. has anyone gone through this or have any advice for me?
Hi Jessica,
So obviously Hubby is happy and supportive of your new found direction?
Hello! I don’t really know that I would call him happy about it, but he is accepting. He loves me and wants our marriage to work and seems willing to accept me. It was hard for me to tell him that I want a full relationship with a woman, that it’s not just about sex. Obviously that’s a big part, but it’s a single part of an entire experience. That seemed to stick with him. He told me “well, as long as it’s not just about sex I’m okay with it. I get it.” I still haven’t found anyone yet, but it’s nice to have the green light. He suggested I stop telling women I’m married so they can get to know me. I shot that down quickly. He is a part of my life and pretending that he’s not there and not mentioning it to someone doesn’t sound like a good way to start.
Excellent news for you!! I agree with you 100%, if you’re seeking a relationship then it’s best to be upfront and honest from the start. Of course it makes it a little more difficult in finding someone, but the more important thing is to find a woman who’s comfortable with you’re marriage and understands that it will always be priority #1. Maybe a good scenario would be to find another married woman, if you’re ok with her also having a #1 priority outside your relationship. At least you have your husband on board, props to you, I wish you luck in moving forward
Hi Jess, It’s great he is that supportive. He seems ok for you to find love with a woman. It sounds very much he is seeing where this is going and has prepared himself for your departure. There’s no doubt you love him but it sounds not in the way that holds a marriage together. If you find a woman and fall in love it’s only a matter of time before you must make a choice. I understand you don’t see it that way now but you seem a smart woman and i think you recognise that also. XXX
Hi Jessica. This is my first post here. I recently accepted that I’m bisexual (January of 2016). It’s been a difficult journey for my husband and I (married three years, together for 7) to deal with that disclosure. He does have feelings of jealous and inadequacy but he has slowly understood my desires to experience a sexual relationship with a woman. I began chatting with women online in late February and am now in a relationship with a lesbian couple in an open marriage. I only see them every two weekends but it has been an amazing experience so far. I only pursued the relationship with the permission of my husband (who insisted on meeting them for my protection and his peace of mind) and we are seeking counseling to talk out all our issues. He knows I would never leave him for them and I think part of that is because he knows they are married with kids and I chose them for that reason. I think this scenario works because if I had chosen to explore with a single bisexual woman or lesbian, their demands on my time would have been so much more. The couple I’m with have each other while they wait to see me. I just thought I’d share that I am very happy and I think this could work for others out their, if they have an understanding husband.
Hi Ang, I’m Glad you are happy etc etc but can others find a Lesbian couple in an open marriage wanting a third partner? I doubt it! I think you should find yourself very thankful.
I do appreciate the inference that should you choose to be with single Lesbian/Bi-sexual women your marriage may not last. This alone should give significance to the point of is it fair on your husband and kids to live like this? Can he date other women to fulfill his needs? are you OK with that?
Do you spend the night or weekend with them?