I asked…

I was patient, I didn’t settle, I asked…and She’s here.

Like I said in previous articles I barely have time for myself. I live in New York City where it’s always hustle and bustle just to get by. Very expensive city and the rat race is real here.

My husband and I hit the bed late every night, exhausted. We have no time/energy/money for dates or vacations. We have a family growing exponentially and rapidly. We’ve even halted our own fertility process because our blended family is branching out and things/situations always come back to mom, and dad.

We have no children together and have been trying for about 5 years to conceive. I was scheduled for a fertility procedure that may have given us our dream of having a child together just this past Tuesday. Due to the recovery time, new and unexpected career opportunities (like literally as soon as 2016 came in) and the kids having kids we’re just really rethinking the best time, if any, to have a child together.

Our life has been non stop family issues from day one. Blending older children into a new family is not easy. Raising older children is not easy. We were students in our last year of college working on our second careers when we met. Finally this year we’ve been able to pursue our careers after 5 years.

When we met I was with Her. I loved Her. Really couldn’t imagine Her not being in my life. She’s as goal focused, mature, responsible, driven and motivated as I am to get where She wants to be in Her life. I love her so much for that. She’s younger than I am, but just as focused. She’s down to earth, so beautiful inside and out.

After a time She was no longer in my life. I tried to replace Her. Didn’t work. I accepted there would never be another Her, I left well enough alone and just lived with missing Her.

With the start of this year, after much heartache and pain, She has entered my life again. 😀

Our schedules are off a few hours. She has much more time to herself than I do. She lives in a rural area now. She has earlier hours than I do, gets off much earlier than I do. By the time I’m done working after I get home from work (working on presentations, books, etc), I’m beat. I do my best to make time at least a few times a week, I do love the girl, but work and family are so exhausting I’m half sleep by the time we talk most times.

We’ve never been long distance before and it drives me crazy to text and call her knowing I can’t see her.

I don’t want to talk to her on the phone when I’m exhausted.

I want to see her.

Smell her.

See her laugh, not just hear her voice.

I want to eat dinner with her, watch her mother her children (she’s such an amazing mom!)…

There’s so much we both want. But we’re married. She’s taking it slow with her husband, easing him into the idea that we could happen without jeopardizing our marriages.

My husband is very supportive of us, he knows what we have together first hand. He witnessed our bond and he hopes we have the opportunity to have dinner with her and her husband one day to discuss the possibility of her and I. So do I. She says she needs time. I say take as long as you need to.

True love never dies…

Because I have the utmost respect for her marriage I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize a happy home. It’s all in her time, with his permission, or it won’t happen.  I don’t know if I’ll see her again, or not. He may not allow her to have a friend she’s intimate with, someone else she says I love you to at the end of a long day. She’s never been married to a man and in a relationship with a female before. She’s a one woman/man kind of girl. She expressed she’s concerned it may be too much for her. I know how real and deep her love is. She doesn’t want to do anything to disrupt her home in any way, I understand.

We will see in due time what happens, if anything. 

For now, with even better opportunities before me in the coming weeks I’m struggling with loving Her from a distance, being overwhelmed with my children having children back to back (one in Nov, one in Dec, one any day now) and new professional responsibilities.

This is what my BiWifeLife looks like today.

I’ll keep you all posted with Her and I. I can only hope the Universe is kind enough to me to bring her fully back into my life.

I miss her so much.

She is the only woman I know of for me…

-Jay Dee, Founder

 

 

 

Ask And Ye May Receive…

Two weeks ago SHE, my HER, the one I loved and lost, walked right back into my life and threw my heart into a whirl wind. 

She’s married now. She’s monogamous now.

She’s a dedicated mother-to his child now. She lives VERY far away now.

But she’s here now.

Shit. 😦 🙂 ???

This is the woman I loved and lost. The woman that makes my heart flutter when I think about her, the one that my dreams are literally made of, the one who’s voice makes me happy, who’s smell I clearly remember years later…the woman I would have married…if I could have.

I don’t believe in marrying a woman for myself due to religious beliefs but I DO NOT discriminate on other’s beliefs. To each his/her own. Each person has their own personal beliefs.

My beliefs wouldn’t let me marry Her. So I married Him.

He’s not second best in the least, he wasn’t my second choice. He was my first and only choice…in a man.

She was my first and only choice of women.

She couldn’t deal with the idea of being in a polyamourous relationship.

She believes in devoted monogamy.

She wanted us to love each other until the end of time, just her and I, and I wanted to so bad.

I could have rode off into the sunset with her on any given day…but I couldn’t be with just her.

I am bisexual.

I am not a lesbian.

I am not heterosexual.

I love men.

I love women.

I always think about what life would be like had I married her…

His step-daughter,  soon to be legally adopted daughter, would be my stepdaughter. The woman I love would be wearing my ring, not his. I wouldn’t have the beautiful and growing family I have today. I wouldn’t have the wonderful husband I searched 20 years for today. I would have her laughter, her touch, the smell of her in my bed when I woke up for work in the morning, not just the memory of her. I wouldn’t have the many glorious moments my husband and I have shared since our first date. I’d have a woman who I know would love me until the end of time as long as I loved her the same.

Since we’ve connected again we talk by phone, we text. I am grateful to just hear her voice again, look forward to her calls, her texts. 🙂

We talked about our past, how we split and where this may go, if anywhere, from here.

Her and I are a lot alike…

I’m no cheater or homewrecker. Neither is she.

We both have husbands, who know of our connection and prior relationship.

I respect her marriage as she respects the boundaries of mine. Her husband is a lucky man and I respect all the hard work he’s put into making the woman I love happy. That’s what counts to me, that she’s happy. 

I don’t know if I’m capable of being just her friend. But I’ll sure try my best just to have the smallest things about her in my life. Only thing is, I feel like I can’t be with another woman while she’s anywhere remotely near my Universe. It’s already been a challenge putting her out of my heart and moving on.

She is the only female planet I want to live on, but there may be no oxygen for me to live in her world right now.

While I’m struggling to find another woman to replace what her and I had, I know I’m trying to do just that. Find someone to replace her, when she just can’t be replaced.

New Year, new situations that’s for sure.

What does the New Year have in store?

-Jay Dee, Founder

 

In The Meantime, In The Background…

Well, I’ve been out of sight for a while but trust me, BiWifeLife is all that’s been on my mind through the month of June. It’s PRIDE month!!!

I’ve been working very hard in the background, doing ground work to get Our name out there and bring visibility to Us as a community.

We are a community.

A community of wives and husbands, fiances, girlfriends and boyfriends who all deal with the same issue- a bisexual mate.

With the wonderful addition of KDaddy we are able to view the perspective of a husband married to a bisexual woman. We are able to cater to husbands questions, concerns, etc through a man’s eyes. I’m working to expand that concept.

BiWifeLife has partnered with The Brooklyn Community PRIDE Center in Brooklyn, New York to throw the first Bisexual Social Mixer in the center’s history on July 1, 2015 at 7pm.

BiWifeLife Social Mixer July 12015

IF our turn out is good we’ll begin a Bi gathering Bi weekly right here in Brooklyn, NYC.

Now, we know there are other bi gatherings  here in the city, maybe even in Brooklyn BUT this is a social gathering sponsored by BiWifeLife, a place for married bisexual women.

My husband will be co-facilitating the mixers/groups right alongside me.

I do have hopes of expanding our resource to Bisexual married men, I am arranging meetings with other orgs in the coming week or so to do just that.

Just yesterday I was at the Mayor’s Pride Reception where the Mayor of NYC and his wife gave awesome speeches and reminded everyone this city flies rainbow flags too, not just the American Flag. There I connected with many great people in many great circles who not only loved the concept of BiWifeLife but had many contacts and resources who would be interested in Our cause. BiWife Visibility. We are invisible.

As I explained to someone earlier when my husband and I attend PRIDE events sometimes we get sneers and ugly looks upon entering the room…that is until I pull out my BiWifeLife business card and all of a sudden I now am beyond welcomed. Bisexual married women AND men are invisible. Even more invisible than the much overlooked B in the LGBT. It truly pains me there aren’t more resources for Us. I’m working hard to partner/collaborate/join forces with other Bi organizations and resources to let women around the world know We are here.

Being it’s PRIDE month there are many more organizations out and about, mixing, socializing, gathering, marching, etc. Last year we attended the Transcending Boundaries Conference where we let other organizations know for the first time that We, BiWifeLife exsists. This year my husband and I will be doing a workshop on “Disclosing and Managing Bisexuality in Marriage or an LTR” at that very same conference.

We (my husband, family and I) all partake in promoting BiWifeLife to get the word out there is a place for Bisexual Married women, soon Bisexual Married Men as well.

We face a unique set of issues only We can understand. No one wears our shoes but Us.

I hope to have BiWifeLife Gear, mugs, keychains, pens, mousepads, events, retreats, etc…but again I’m like a one woman show.

I can’t keep doing it all alone.

We are a community.

If YOU would like to be involved we are in need of:

1. Social Media Moderator

2. Blog Editor

3. Contributing Writers

4. Techies to manage other platforms

This blog is powered by YOU, the readers and commenters, the ones who engage in dialog and keep things interesting here.

I’d like to thank you all for being with Us thus far!!!

Drop a line to biwifelife@gmail.com if you’re interested in volunteering.

-Jay Dee, Founder

When Things Get Touchy In Your Marriage

No marriage is perfect.

We all hear these stories about those who met, fell in love and stayed married 60 years, had a bunch of kids and grandkids and died together.

That’s the ideal for so many of us. That’s not reality for so many of us.

There are blended families, unconventional marriages, all kinds of relationships out there.

Bisexual married women have issues heterosexual women don’t have BUT our marriages are the same as any other, they require love and attention.

What about when things get touchy in your marriage?

What do  you do then?

How do you work on a marriage when an impasse has been reached?

Say for instance you love women, he understands your desires and your sexuality but will not tolerate sex outside of your marriage.

You push, he pushes, no one budges.

The impasse has been reached and there’s no guide book on how to proceed.

Do you sacrifice what will make you happy to maintain your marriage?

Do you sacrifice your marriage for what you believe will make you happy?

What about a time when all you wanted was your marriage?

Can you see tomorrow not being married?

I sure can’t.

The very thought makes my heart heavy and eyes water with tears.

Then again, I can.

I remember single life and I was pretty okay with it.

The one thing I remember the most was being so lonely and wanting the love I saw in couples all around me.

Sometimes after few years of marriage that love from the early years, those intense feelings we had when falling in love seem to fade.

In some marriages those feelings from the early days only get stronger over the years.

Sometimes people change over time.

Sometimes the two people who fell in love with each other aren’t the same two people who fell in love with each other anymore.

Life can be confusing, sharing life with someone can be even more confusing.

Marriage is not easy and though there are tons of books out there on how to simplify and navigate marriage, you and your spouse are unique individuals and your marriage is unique.

Your marriage is unique in it’s joys and pains.

There is no book written specifically for your marriage.

When things get touchy in a relationship I find repetitive introspection and self evaluation before action of any sort works best for me.

I am a chess player and I know how to ‘see’ a board.

I ponder each strategic move on my part and the part of my opponent which allows me to determine my next move strategically when playing.

Through three marriages and enough relationships to last several lifetimes I’ve learned how to live strategically within relationships.

I ask myself what makes sense and doesn’t make sense. On my part first, then the part of my partner.

I also ask myself what part am I playing in my relationship issues.

Always I look toward self first. Not self depreciating in the least but rather honest self evaluation.

When things get touchy I don’t react if I can help it.

I think.

I think hard with my mind and don’t let my heart guide my first reaction to situations more often than not.

Using logic over emotion I work hard to keep my relationships healthy.

I am an emotional female and I know what life is like when I live by emotions.

It can be chaotic to say the least, lol.

When things get touchy I think before I act and that’s what works for me.

Thinking before I speak used to be a challenge for me. Some things I just can’t let slide but more often than not I just bite my tongue and ponder.

I’m no relationship guru but I’ve been through enough relationships to know what works for me and what doesn’t.

I also know how to choose my battles wisely and though sometimes I can be a slave to my emotions I work hard to control that aspect of my being for the sake of my own happiness and the happiness of my spouse.

Things will inevitably get touchy in relationships, it’s all about how we deal with it.

-Jay Dee, Founder

Purple Purse & Domestic Violence

As a survivor of Domestic Violence and a true lover of my sisters in womanhood I urge you all to become more educated and aware of the signs and cycle of Domestic Violence. Share what you learn with other women and pay it forward.

Domestic Violence is always hidden behind the shadows, right in our faces. Sometimes we can sense/see it, other times we hear of it, other times we are victims of it. Almost everyone knows someone who’s dealt with it.

Domestic Violence is never easy for friends, family or the battered wife to put an end to. It is usually secret, scary and sometimes downright terrifying to live with for the wife and those who know of it.

Kerry Washington is one of my BIGGEST crushes.

With her captivating beauty during an ad campaign she led me to a wonderful site through the television.

Take a look and remember, it’s silence & ignorance that keeps the cycle alive!

Home – Purple Purse.

-Jay Dee, Founder

Marital Bliss Fading & Bi Cravings

When hubby just isn’t doing it right for you anymore do you find yourself looking at females more and more?

I’m talking the sex has been too quick, too boring, infrequent and/or you’ve been doing a lot of masturbating.

Next thing you know you find yourself yearning for a woman.

The intimacy of woman/woman is way deeper than M/F intimacy.

As bisexual women we can remember the soft touches of a woman, how intense the love making was.

If you have actually laid with another woman you know how deep the intensity can be.

If you have not actually slept with another woman yet do you find yourself fantasizing more when you are not satisfied at home?

If that’s the case I want you to take a good look at yourself, your marriage and your life.

Ask yourself “Is this where I’m supposed to be because I feel like it within myself or because this is what I’m expected to be?” 

I’m no home wrecker and I want to see every marriage last 50 years. Thing is, marriages can only last that long if they are really where you’re supposed to be because you feel like it within yourself.

If your marriage isn’t great and you find yourself fantasizing about a life with a woman or the sex isn’t good and you find yourself craving a woman the issue isn’t your sexuality-it’s your marriage.

In order to fix a problem you have to get to the root of it. The root being your marriage.

Here’s a few tips on how to get that spark back…

  • If he’s no longer interested-make him interested. Be your sexiest naughty you! (in private, lol)
  • Try to lighten the air in the marriage, a happy husband has a much higher libido.
  • Take a look at yourself. Are you letting yourself go weight wise? Do you always have an attitude? Do you do things that turn him off? Take inventory and ask yourself these questions truthfully. Do you ever look like the woman he dated? If the answer is ‘No’ to any of these questions try to work on yourself-for yourself first. Know that a better you in the inside can potentially create a better marital environment all the way around. If he loves you he’ll notice.
  • Make a date night, have a designated sexy fun night, have a night at home without the kids and cook a romantic dinner together for each other. Make these dates etched in stone. At least once a week if possible. If it’s not possible choose one or more dates that suit your needs but try to do them all in the same month. Keep the ball rolling until it creates sparks so to speak, lol.
  • Look your best, treat him well, watch your figure (just be a healthy you, if he wants a supermodel he shoulda married one!), be kind and remember he needs to feel wanted. If he feels wanted he may want you more 😉

What if none of these suggestions work?

Then it’s time to evaluate the marriage. Consider marital counseling. Be advised I have been through marital therapy a few times and each time we found we were not compatible. This is something you have to consider this may be your reality as well. Also, consider what would you do should that be the case.

What if you are learning through inventory that it’s not you-it’s him.

Refer to the prior paragraph 🙂

What if none of this is the issue and you’re finding you’re really a Lesbian in a straight marriage?

Then it’s time for change.

Sit him down and explain your feelings in a safe place (meaning in public or with family/friends in another room for your safety. Reactions to this kind of news can potentially be explosive).

Don’t rule out marital counseling.

You might not really be lesbian but yearning something that’s missing at home that you haven’t discovered on your own.

It’s unfair to him for you to cheat. It’s also unfair for him to not know your true feelings.

You are supposed to be his other half.

Change comes from many places. Personal inventory, life inventory, marital inventory to name a few.

Change can be scary but I’ve survived 3 marriages thus far.

I know myself, I will never marry again.

The pain of a divorce/separation is intense. The change is always refreshing for me and the outcome for me has always been better than staying. When a marriage is over for me it’s because we’ve done a whole heap of communicating and found we are better off apart.

Not everyone can say the same thing.

Some find themselves jumping from the frying pan into the fire when they divorce.

Some regret the decision.

Some love it.

Life is a toss up but you do have some control.

Start with you and work your way out. Be honest, be real, be truthful.

Why not be honest and fix some things that have broken over time within yourself?

Or real enough to your life to live your life true to yourself first?

-Jay Dee, Founder

 

6 Herbs for PMS – Kotex.com®

6 Herbs for PMS – Articles & Information – Kotex.com®.

As a woman we have to deal with PMS for most of our lives.

As a bisexual woman we have to deal with PMS in our lovers or girlfriend.

It can be pretty ugly sometimes.

Sometimes PMS symptoms can be intolerable.

 

Relationships that may have been blissful for life can be ruined by two women PMS’ing at the same time every month.

I’ve found when I get really close to a woman our cycles can become the same from symptoms to dates and flow sometimes.

I can honestly say I cannot deal. Just can’t. I have my own issues I work through every month.

Sometimes the PMS can make me a bit insane (with my eating habits & attitudes) and I just can’t control it. Those hormones can be strong and I can’t stand it!

 

In an effort to make myself a better woman for those around me and within myself I’ve always tried to be mindful of how I treat others.

One day I decided to look up ways to make my life and personal relationships better while PMS’ing.

I found over the years there are many remedies to alleviate PMS symptoms.

I personally have found the key is balancing your hormones carefully and attaining homeostasis (mind/body/soul balance).

Hope you guys enjoy the link and be mindful of your symptoms!

-Jay Dee, Founder

COMMENT BELOW

Negative Comments

Below I’ve copied and pasted a negative comment that I did not approve.

This was one of two to date that have attempted to post on Our blog.

In an effort to keep drama off Our site I will not approve comments of this nature.

The reason why I shared this comment in a post is because at the end of the day not everyone agrees with Our chosen lifestyle.

Not everyone thinks it’s okay to be a bisexual woman, who is married to one gender.

We are not cheaters, we are bisexual. We are not trying to’ use some special sexual orientation circumstance’ to have random sex with people.

We love both genders. Period. It’s hurtful to read comments like this one but thank goodness it’s only been two since Our inception.

The other included threats of physical violence toward any potential woman he may catch is potentially bisexual fiance with.

Just plain scary.

In any case, I WILL NOT APPROVE NEGATIVE COMMENTS. DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME POSTING THEM, THEY WON’T BE PUBLISHED. NO DRAMA ZONE. IF YOU DON’T LIKE US, MOVE ALONG. 🙂

-Jay Dee, Founder

COMMENT BELOW

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About BiWifeLife & The BiWives Club

BrianG5h

This Whole BiWives thing is just another excuse and joke to be selfish and cheat on their partner by using some special sexual orientation circumstance. That’s why all of us Men must get together and leave the women who chooses that path..Allowing them to do so, gives them the idea to think god thinks its ok and to belittle our reasoning on earth.

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