What BiWifeLife!? Heteronormalcy Takes Over -_-

Bad blogger, bad blogger! There, I’ve chastised myself for you. :/ I’ve thought of you very frequently. I’ve tried to get to you night after night. No matter how much you’re on my mind, I just haven’t been able get to you.

I’ve had so much to tell you! So many thoughts to share…Life just hasn’t given me room. Life hasn’t given me room for myself! My husband and I barely even have time for intimacy let alone our BiLives! When we do find ourselves approaching intimacy it’s urgent, intense and infrequent :/ We have found our own ways of supplementing our bi desires without others. Essentially we’ve become unwittingly heterosexual & monogamous.

In recent years my career has taken off in ways I could never conceive. I work in Research & Social Justice. Just this past week I was on national radio, a month ago I established a consulting business at the urging of my colleagues and I am being urged to publish a book before Fall.

I’ve been encouraged to take my work to the state level by all I’ve encountered in my professional trajectory and I am really considering running for local office.

That’s a huge change from my days of sitting at home blogging after dinner or after everyone was in bed 5 years ago!

I’ve returned to school which is beyond demanding as a Crime Intelligence Analysis major. After dinner I’m buried baby bed time madness then legalese until the wee hours of the morning.

When I started this blog I was a mom and wife with nowhere to connect with other bisexual wives. I was not working full time, I did not have babies, I was not in school full time.

I had no idea where to meet other bi wives.

I’ve since learned there were other communities when I started BiWifeLife. Back then I was unaware. I started this space not really expecting any response.

I had no idea people would actually come to the site. I had no idea people would actually begin to communicate with each other below posts in the comments, even though I wanted them to and encouraged connecting with others.

When stats started to skyrocket, I decided to launch a program on the ground at our local LGBT Center. I had dreams of a BiWives Clubs, pretty pink satin jackets with embroidery included. ūüôā

Only one person who reads this blog has shown up to a BiSocial Gathering.

ONE.

Attendees of the monthly gathering saw our FB event or a flyer at the LGBT Center. Through the Center, my professional work began to mesh with my BiWife blogging. I told other Organizers and Advocates about the site. It was welcomed open arms into the LGBT Community in NYC.

From there, I searched and posted in countless places seeking volunteers to keep the site running. I saw my career & family trajectory and knew this was growing way too quick for one person to maintain.

No matter how much I posted, I didn’t get any responses for volunteers in any area. After months, finally two BiWifeLife readers decided they would like to help keep it running. At that juncture, I just couldn’t do it alone and the site was at risk of going under.

With new Contributing Authors and Moderators, the blog was able to keep running! Super Huge thanks to @meredithlee11 @mercedesjet @pinupgirlbeauty. Again, I had no real idea of what I was doing, this community just began to unfold before my eyes…and I loved it! I wanted to keep the conversation going. I wanted people to support each other through the difficult life trials of living as a bisexual human in long term relationships or marriages.

I began to think about diversity in this space. There were MANY types of humans of varying genders and relationship structures who are bisexual, and married or involved in long term relationships.

We changed the name to LivingBi/BiWifeLife, opened up for more volunteers.

Nada. No responses.

Eventually a BiHusband with his own blog decided to step up and support the male identified readers. Super Huge thanks to you @kdaddy23ūüôā

Over time life took it’s hold on Our Contributing Authors. One of our contributing authors left after about a year, another kind of drifted away, KDaddy is still hanging in there with me but he has his own blog, and life.

As my family and career grew, the less I was able to post original articles and respond to readers. Countless nights I wanted to let my fingers fly across the keyboard and share thoughts, discuss issues with you all.

I left the space open for you all to connect with each other in my absence. Myself and others have been approving comments to allow for continued growth of the space.

OUR BILIVES

Here we are now. My husband and I live in Suburbia USA. We are the epitome of hetero-normalcy. With the passage of SESTA/FOSTA changing the internet as we know it, my husband and I are confused as to how we will meet others like ourselves as many of the sites we frequented are disappearing.

Being a heteronormal appearing both bisexual couple makes it VERY difficult to meet others with similar interests. Where we could once go online to meet others, that is quickly changing.

To Our loyal readers & commenters, we thank you for your continued support.

If you would like to volunteer as a Contributing Author or any other role to keep the community engaged, please send an email to biwifelife@gmail.com.

Tell me, has the recent change in internet dating accessibly impacted your BiLife at all?

Don’t forget to BROWSE, COMMENT, CONNECT with other readers! We’re always here in the background approving comments, trying to keep the community alive.

Wishing your relationships and inner beings peace, love and longevity!

-Jay Dee, Founder

Bi Visibility Week

All this week I’ve been browsing, reading, watching and reflecting on bisexuality, this blog, the role we all play in the bi community, the great people I’ve encountered in this BiWifeLife/LivingBi¬†journey. So much more has been rolling around in my head.

To do Our part in contributing to BiVisibility Week myself and my husband will be going to the play My Brother’s A Keeper¬†and I’m working on the last finishing touches of our transition to Living Bi from BiWifeLife. ūüôā

In celebration of BiVisibility Week and BiWifeLife’s Transition I’d like to take the time to recap Our journey to this place of inclusion and thank everyone who’s helped Us get to this point.

As you all know, this space was first created by myself just blogging about issues I felt related to being a bisexual married woman.

I was living a VERY isolated biwifelife ūüė¶ and wanted to get it all out somewhere.

As I was writing posts I found the need to connect with other BiWives and connect other BiWives with each other vs. just spilling my feelings into cyberspace and still have no insight besides my own.

I decided to reach out to others here. At first I didn’t think anyone would comment on my posts.

To my surprise folks started commenting.

Then they started commenting on comments to my posts and “talking” to each other!

Like, we really started growing! ūüėÄ I didn’t expect it to happen that ¬†way in the least. I surely didn’t see Us being where we are today.

“When I started blogging I really thought I¬†was alone. It felt like I was the only married woman who is actively and insistently bisexual despite being married. I thought I was a weirdo, a pervert, sexually skewed or morally corrupt. Like I was just this horrible wife in the eyes of society due to my sexuality and everyone else who was bi understood how to be straight, gay or lesbian when they got married but me. Like, I just didn’t know how to be a wife, despite doing everything I could to be the best wife I could be¬†because I couldn’t see a world without having relationships with both men and women.¬†I can only thank God I was finally truly blessed with a husband¬†who fits me perfectly and he understands my entire being.” -Jay Dee¬†

I’m bisexual, always have been and I just don’t know how to be anything other than myself. The being within my skin is just not heterosexual despite my desire for a traditional marriage and family life. I just can’t make myself or pray myself or hope myself unqueer.

It doesn’t work, I’ve tried.

My husband Kenny was¬†and is my number one supporter in this journey. He’s my sounding board, my consultant, my encouragement, my rock. When I wanted to just delete the blog because it became too much to handle alone, he told me the thousand reasons why I could do no such thing…ever, lol. He pushed me to find help, it was bleak for a while there but then others came on board. Those were the very early days.

We’re still here thanks to hubby and now more than ever I understand deeply why this blog is here to stay ūüôā

So, over time a¬†few great people volunteered to contribute articles and greet new commenters. After a while we even had an awesome Editor. Ah, but time changes everything. People’s lives change, situations change. Some who started with Us aren’t here anymore. Others are here dilligently.

I thank you all @msstephanieelise @mercedesjet¬†@kdaddy23 @meredithlee11 & my husband¬†Kenny¬†for being pioneers with me ūüôā¬†

This past NYC Pride March we¬†met so many varying perspectives of the purple flag through promoting this blog. It’s an ongoing amazing experience I’m grateful for and it’s really eye opening to the diversity we are as a collective.

Many years ago I was very involved in the LGBT community in NYC. Then I left. I had many reasons. I was transitioning from primarily masculine presentation to primarily feminine presentation, I was going through a spiritual transition as well and had many questions about myself.

I took time away.

Just coming back into the community I realize bisexuals are STILL a majority considered a minority. ūüė¶

Bisexuals are STILL pushed into the shadows, erased, used for funding, used as props in political agendas and so much more is done on the backs of the B in the pride acronym. I’ve seen more examples of this than I’ve cared to witness in the past few years and it’s infuriating! I don’t know if I want to actually become an advocate for the bisexual community or not or if I already have…but I’m grateful I can do my part to offer a safe space for bisexual people in relationships.

Bisexual humans are discriminated against in so many ways in the LGTAQI Community. Yes, I meant to leave the B out, as intentional as those who leave the B out intentionally.

I didn’t want this space to feel constrained and exclusive.

We had so many inquiries from so many varying humans who consider themselves bisexuals who are in long term relationships to participate Our online community how could I say no?!

Sooooo…

Viola! 

Living Bi, A space for all bisexual humans involved in long term relationships and marriages. ūüôā

In this journey before and during Our transition I’ve¬†met and would like to thank Executive Directors and Founders of great organizations such as Sarah at¬†The Brooklyn Community Pride Center, Donne at¬†S.I.S.T.A.H , J. Christopher and his crew at FluidBiDesign/MenKind, Dr. Heru Khuti of The¬†CENTER FOR CULTURE SEXUALITY and SPIRITUALITY¬†all the wonderful folks at¬†BiRequest, The New York Area Bisexual Network, Bi-Perspective,¬†and so many others who have helped me and continue to guide me along the way. I’m always looking forward to building new alliances and affiliations.¬†

I’d also like to thank ALL of our dedicated Readers and Commenters for your continued support. Without you we wouldn’t be the community we are!

LivingBi has gotten so much support from EVERYONE in the Bi Community.

Everyone I’ve encountered thus far has been extremely helpful offering information, suggestions and even helping me roll around ideas for the blog.

I’d like to thank my mentor. She’s always there and always willing to help with so much information and inspiration. I can’t thank you enough for everything, you know who you are. ūüôā

Everyone I’ve met has the same intention &¬†goals, to support our fellow Queer and/or Bisexual human.

I can only hope Living Bi can continue to grow with the needs of our readers. We are only a few Administrators here and we’re all overwhelmed with life outside of Living Bi.

We each have our roles here and we’re are at capacity with what we can do.

As we grow we need more people to get involved behind the scenes to make Living Bi a lively supportive place and a resource ALL bisexual folks know they can come to for the issues they face as bisexual humans in long term relationships. 

We need more help from YOU to keep this blog running and our community growing.

Volunteers of a wide and varying capacity from back end Tech and Contributors to Chapter Leaders are needed to support our growth and growing readership.

Lend your time, energy, expertise, words, images, whatever you feel you can to help Us support all bisexual humans involved in long term relationships and marriages year round.

Every week is BiVisibility in my world and the world of many of the people I mentioned above, not just this week.

Many of us within the Bisexual Community work hard to bring the issues and needs of bisexual humans to the light of the public eye.

Here at Living Bi our goal is to continue to bring Us together out of the shadows of stigmas, labels, negative public perception, self chosen hiding and so many other social oppressions we face as bisexual humans in long term relationships.

In observance of Bi Visibility Week I’d like thank The entire NYC Bisexual Community and it’s Leaders on behalf of all Living Bi Contributors for the spaces you’ve created physically and in society, the organizations you’ve built and all the work ¬†you’ve done to pave the way for people like me, like Our readers and the many other bi folks out there who don’t even know there’s a community to support them¬†yet.

Thanks for giving Living Bi a place to call home NYC ūüôā

#ImStillBi #BiVisibility #BiVisibilityNYC

-Jay Dee, Founder