BIWIFELIFE has shifted our focus from solely married bisexual women to include ALL GENDERS. We are changing Our name to reflect gender inclusion and the many varying long term relationship structures.
We still AVIDLY support BiSexual Married Women but we’re moving toward a space that is inclusive of bisexual married men, people who are in long term relationships not marriages, trans folk (F2M/M2F), non gender conforming and any other bisexual human who is involved in a long term relationship.
We avidly welcome partners, spouses & supporters!
We know what it’s like to sit at home, Googling until you find something, someone, somewhere who can identify with what you’re going through.
Sometimes all we need is a place where others can understand how we feel, what we’re thinking, and what it’s like to be in our skin every day.
Well, welcome home. You’ve found Us!
LivingBi (FORMERLY BIWIFELIFE ) is:
“A place for bisexual people, regardless of gender, involved in long term relationships or marriages.”
This blog is for US to discuss the every day challenges, triumphs, downfalls and benefits of living as a bisexual human dealing with intimate relationships, family, friends, parenting, work/professional lives and everything in between!!!
We welcome friends, family, co-workers, classmates, clergy members, supporters and allies of all kinds in Our BiLives.
Whatever your role, welcome, we are here to support you.
(Volunteer contributor opportunities are always available. Email: biwifelife@gmail.com)
LivingBi/BiWifeLife 
Nice site. My wife is bisexual and we have been married for more than 40 years. My wife had a steady girlfriend foor most of our marriage who just happened to be a woman I know longer than my wife and whom I had a long time crush on. When I married my wife I did not know she was the best friend of my crush. I had three girlfriends in my life, two were fiancees, all three are bi and two cheated on me. I never sought out bi women but that is how it worked out. I have never had a relationship with a hetero woman and don’t think that I would like it. My wife was a virgin when we married during a period of time where no one believed in bisexuality, even the gay/lesbian groups. My wife and her girlfriend would be labeled as lesbians and they knew that they were not, so repressed any sexual feelings for women until after they were married.
Today, at the age of 64, my wife called herself bisexual. She has never done that before despite a few thousand sexual encounters with her girlfriend over 4 decades. I have been trying to find out how she viewed herself since leaving her girlfriend a few years ago. Sometimes she would get upset if I hinted that she was bi and sometimes she would say that she would “do” a pretty girl she saw on TV. Today we discussed a pretty girl we saw on TV and which one of us she would go with. It was refreshing to no more hint or act as if my wife is hetero anymore.
We are of a generation where being non heterosexual had very serious consequences so I understand why my wife just never thought about it. She did tell me exactly that, that she never thought about if she was bisexual. She said that she only knows how to be as she is. She is attracted to the person and not their sex but I do not find that to be 100% true. She is attracted to hot guys, the reason she said she married me, but when it comes to women, being hot is nice but not a requirement.
To us, our type of marriage was our normal life. I had two women who loved me and threesomes were as plentiful as one on one sex was. Only now that we are a couple for the first time in a very long time, do I realize how lucky we were to find another women who never once causes us a problem or that we never had an argument with. She knew her place in our marriage and we all provided each other with something no other two could provide. We just fit together like the pieces of a puzzle.
I lived the dream life of many men who want a bi wife that shares women with them. I only now know how lucky I am. My wife has never had sex with another woman unless I was part of it if only to watch. I think that is due to not wanting to feel like a lesbian. These days she tells me that if I die before her, she is done with men. Why she chose me to be the only male in her life is a mystery, but ours was love at first sight and engaged 3 weeks later. We are still madly in love with each other but my wife would not mind another woman in bed with us. 🙂 She got used to threesomes. She likes certain things from both genders and she gets all of them in a threesome. I have had more threesomes than I need. They no longer hold any attraction to me. In fact, one on one sex feels kinky to me and it is less distracting to have only one woman to focus on during sex.
So that is my story. No one knows that my wife is bi but me, her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s husband. She never told her family but we did accidentally give our sex tape to my sister-in-law by mistake when we gave her our old movie collection when we switched to DVD. My wife had some very good friends in our new location. What is strange is that she chose women who are very conservative and some deeply religious and would condemn her for being bisexual. However she seems to be enjoying living a hetero life, something she never got a chance to do for over 4 decades. We are too old to do what we used to do. We have handicap plates on our car and several medical issues. Two women in be would probably kill me. 🙂 My wife is still a chick magnet. This is something we noticed early in our marriage, even before my wife knew her own sexual preferences. We do not know why even today in our old age, women are drawn to my wife, but they are. I used to walk behind my wife in a Mall just to see how many women started at my wife or turned their heads to look at her. She is very feminine and looks like any hetero woman so we are puzzled. I heard of gaydar so maybe there is bidar. 🙂
I do not know if anyone will read this but I have not shared this with anyone before. I used to bite my tongue when my friends talked about having a FFM threesome before they died. When people visited us and saw our girlfriend living with us, I always just said that she is staying with us for various reasons. Since my wife and I were married, no one suspected a thing. My family was always OK with our girlfriend attending some of our family gatherings. We just lived our life as we wished and never felt a need to get anyone’s approval or tell anyone without a need to know. For us, it was just our normal life.
Hello. I’m 42, my husband 61 years old. He doesn’t want to lose me.
I think I have become very attracted to women. We can meet up for party, greet and can hug. My husband (61) supports my desires. I want to be happy and want to try bi. What should I do? Please suggestion!
I suggest if you can you go for it. I love my husband but I feel like it hurts our marriage by me not exploring my bisexual side. My desire to be with a woman is strong and I think about it every day. Giving into it would free me and make me a better person.
If you figure it out please share. I’m 42 and in the same position. It’s like starting life all over again. Scared of rejection. Scared of how to go about it. Just scared,but knowing what I want. Very attracted to other woman. Would love to get to know someone. Feel the touch of their body. Have that relationship I can’t have with my husband.
That is what I want. To have the closeness of a best friend, gentleness of a lover, soft skin and whispers..
Hi everyone. I wish there was a message board for this.. I was looking for a place like this to vent my feelings. I’ve only known my husband for less than a year and I feel like I’m married to the wrong gender. I’ve suppressed my interest in females since childhood as I’m a Christian in a homophobic family/church. I’m 26 and have a young child who I was raising by myself before I married. My family pressured me to quickly marry a “nice Christian man” – we are separated now due to domestic violence. I am probably “bi” as I am attracted to either gender, but I’m not interested in anything other than monogamy/a serious committed relationship. I really feel like I just can only connect so much with any man (especially since I have been hurt by them) and that I should have married a woman (considering I am more attracted to them in every sense). 😦
Hiya! I am happily married for 8 years now to a heterosexual man. We have 4 kids together. Four young kids. Life’s hectic, but I am always sexually satisfied by him. Until just last year, I started to look towards being with a woman more and more because I had my first woman crush on a celebrity. I’d always had signs as a teenager, but like someone else here said, I grew up in Christian home where being with the opposite sex was not at all tolerated. So I pushed it away forcefully for years and now it’s creeping up. Hard. I am going through a struggle because I don’t want to leave my marriage just to be with a woman, but I feel that being with a woman is what’s completely missing from my life. I have NO female friends because I don’t get out much because of the kids and I don’t have any friends at all. I’m one of those ‘boring homeschool mommies’ that no one wants to interact with. My hubby knows about this bi side of me and I have mentioned us having a threesome. He’s not completely against it, but he’s not for it either unless the woman ‘falls in love’ with both of us and wants a committed relationship. I don’t blame him on that. I don’t want to just sleep with a woman and then she goes away and I never see her again. I would like to have a woman sexually in a committed relationship, basically like a polygamous marriage, so no hearts will be broken. However, I not sure that will EVER happen for me. But every night during sex, I’m fantasizing about sleeping with my long term internet friend during sex and it turns me way the hell on. Hubby doesn’t mind playing along for the most part, although sometimes I feel like I’m hurting him. I can’t help it, though. Seeing a naked woman makes me so wet, it’s crazy. Sigh… any other lonely mommies feeling like this?
Omg…..i played with the whole triad, poly-relationship, unicorn etc….. i even looked into little poly-relationship communities, but at that time me and my husband werent a strong unit. I dont have many friends because of where i live….so your are not alone in the lonely mommie catagory.
i played with the whole triad, poly-relationship, unicorn etc….. i even looked into little poly-relationship communities, but at that time me and my husband werent a strong unit. I dont have many friends because of where i live….so your are not alone in the lonely mommie catagory.
I totally get where your coming from. However, ever I am in a situation where my hubby does not know of my desires and I don’t want him to know because he is so against it, plus we are Christians, so as you know that’s a big No, No!! And every night I go to bed at night I fantasize about being with another woman and me, too like you get so wet when I think about it. I’m to the point where I will play out scenes in my head. Only time I don’t think of a woman as much is when me and the hubby is intimate. But, lately it seems as tho the more I try to suppress my feelings my cravings has been growing stronger and stronger. Ugggh!!!
@Kay, wow hunnie. I know your pain. In the early days of this blog I wrote about my religious based, homophobic ex husband. For 7 years I tried to not be who I was on the inside. He threatened me with imminent divorce if I were in any slight way intimate with a female. He knew my sexuality. It was not okay. I suffered. We tried to ‘pray the gay away’, we buried it in religious observation, we argued with each other over my right to be free and be myself…always ending with the threat of divorce.
Today that’s totally NOT my situation but I know what it is to be a bottle waiting to burst. It was such a struggle. I’m so sorry that’s your current situation. I don’t know what solutions to offer you but I hope you find some coping suggestions in Our pages!
I strongly encourage you to browse earlier articles, read through the comments, share your thoughts and connect with other readers. Many of our readers are long term so you may still get a response. Also, don’t be too shy to suggest article topics you’d like to see here.
With BIG HUGS, ❤ , lotsa prayers for you, your marriage and your peace of spirit… -Jay Dee, Founder
Thank you because prayers are needed!!ððð
Awww. Don’t hold out on him, he needs to know. It might hurt him, but it won’t hurt to be honest and you’ll be glad you did in the long run.
I understand how you feel and it is frustrating. Is there a discreet group for married women who have these desires to be with another woman sexually? I would like to chat with other married ladies who have these desires but do not feel comfortable sharing with anyone who would not understand and/or could be judged negatively.
Story.Of.My.Life.
I would support you if you were my wife if you always came back to me or she could live with me and you because I am the same way you are but I don t practice my bisexuality.
Hi, I’m Alex. I’m a guy. I know that this isn’t the spot for guys but ok not really sure where it is. I’m new to this site. Besides, honestly, I don’t want guys to reply to my comment since they most likely will agree with what I’m saying. I want a girls opinion because I want non-biased honesty. I’m a married bisexual man. I’m only 21 years old and I have been married to my wife for a year and a few months. She is so sweet, loving, and caring, she loves me like no one ever has. I love her too, but I have these strong desires for men. We are Christians, so being unfaithful to her would be wrong for starters, and being with men wouldn’t be good either. But I so desperately want to be. I told her before we started dating about my sexuality but since we were Christians I described it as a sin struggle, and I kept taking it back. She accepted me, in the sense that she loved me anyway. But she never accepted it as okay. She’s communicated that she wishes I wasn’t like that so I keep telling her I will change. But I don’t change. I didn’t always know I was a bi. I first started being attracted to guys at 17, but I was confused and thought I was gay. I hated myself and suppressed it since then but lately I’ve come to finally accept it as who I am. I love her and I don’t want to leave her, but I want a relationship with a man. I don’t know what to do. She told me that she when she was a freshmen she watched lesbian pornography a couple times and liked it but because she was a Christian she stopped and hasn’t done it ever since. I honestly wish we could have an open relationship and have tried to hint at it but I don’t think she ever would. She wants to be commited to me only, and I to her. I don’t want to sneak behind her back because I love her. I am desperate. I feel trapped. I don’t think marrying her was a mistake because I love her so much and want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I really want to experiment with men. I wish I had done it more before I got married (I only had one encounter with a man and despite the denial, I loved it so much!!!) I would really like some advice and opinion about all this. I’m sorry this message is so long but I haven’t told anyone about all this and I feel like this is a safe and judgment free zone. I really look forward to hearing from you girls. Thank you so much!!! 🙂
Hey there! So I’ve thought about what my life would look like if my husband supported me and gave me his blessing to find my second half. Almost imagining that the hard work of a conversation, convincing, and agreeing were already completed and in the bag, what would my life look like.
The answer is, I’d still be overwhelmed about entering the dating scene until I find my wifey. My point in this is that your current partner needs to be your partner in crime, someone who will love you because of this and not despite it. It won’t happen overnight, but that needs to be the first step because she will be the person you need to lean on when things get tough.
All this is easier said than done. I haven’t started the conversation with my husband, I’m losing faith in monogamy but not my marriage. I love him and want him with me always. But when I think about what I need I realize that without his blessing and unwavering support I risk losing everything. So before I start tge work of finding my life-long womyn partner, I need my life long male partner to have my back. And I’m not trying to present linear logic, but there is a parallel path and as bisexuals it is the path god blessed us with. So trust that you can accomplish what seems impossible right now, because when you are both unified in this goal, the benefits are second to none.
I can’t ever tell you how to do it, I’m still figuring it out on my own and it is scary. But I can tell you you’re not alone, and what I am doing right now to prepare myself for what lies ahead. Blessings to you!
I totally relate to your situation. Because of my conservative/religious background I’ve repressed my sexual attraction to other women, but it gets stronger and stronger. I don’t know if I can resist it any longer.
Hi,
I’m not certain what to write but I guess I’ll start by introducing myself. I am 32 years old, happily married for 4 yrs with a 3 yr old. I married my high school sweetheart, who has always known I’m bisexual. Before even marrying him, I made sure he was ok with who I am. The wonderful person that he is, he said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He even said that I can have a girlfriend if I wanted. But, not sure if it was out of guilt, I said no I’m marrying you and keeping my vows. I guess I dug my own grave then because 4 years later, here I am writing this blog, pouring my heart out to strangers about a void that needs filling. I’ve never had a relationship with a woman but I have had sexual encounters which I kept to myself. I miss feeling a woman’s touch and kiss. I recently began dropping hints to my husband about filling this void and his reactions have been the average “I’m not enough for you” (I think he’s half joking/half serious). It terrifies me to even think about seriously talking to him about it. I’m quite a mess, as you can see.
It’s a hard spot to be for sure, you need to be prepared that although he’s fine with your bisexuality that doesn’t mean he’d be fine with you acting on it. I made the mistake of ignoring my feelings and keeping it all inside including not telling my husband. I recently accepted that I am bisexual after my desires have been at an all time high. I began to do some soul searching online, researching, reading forums, signing up for any website/group online that I thought might offer support. Turns out that some of these groups were more geared towards dating than friendship. My husband ended up seeing notifications on my phone, just general posts from the site itself not from members looking to hook up. He done some research of his own and discovered that the site was for women seeking women. He immediately came to the conclusion that I was lesbian and had been cheating on him with a woman. Pretty standard reaction seeing as if never expressed to him that I felt I was bisexual. He’s completely unsupportive and rigtfully so seeing as how I handled it. Believes that my “attraction” to women is no difference than his, commitment is commitment, if he doesn’t act than I shouldn’t either. If I did it would be cheating and won’t be tolerated. Part of me gets it because it makes sense, but yet it somehow doesn’t feel like cheating. To me it’s like pursuing two different interests in my life. The way I feel about women has no reflection on how I feel about my husband. It’s like I’ve enjoyed playing soccer all my life and I’ve been interested in learning to play the piano but just wasn’t ready to try. Now I’m ready to try piano but I still love soccer. I have no idea how to explain this to him. I hope you have better luck with your husband
I feel the same way. I’m happily married but am more and more drawn to the same sex. I’ve never been with a woman but think about it constantly and watch it on videos and get VERY wet. I can orgasm just watching. I am a 41 mom of 3 and just can’t help how I feel. My husband has no clue though. Not sure what he would think. I’m not fat but am a bit overweight. Not sure if a woman will even want me. Not sure what to do with my thoughts and feelings.
Hey Kristine I know exactly how u feel.I’m 30 married with 2 kids,I feel empty cos i yearn for a female companion,but scared of rejection cos i dnt feel beautiful, im a bit thick but not overweight.wud u like to chat?
Hey Kat,
I believe every soul is beautiful. Even if you don’t feel like it hun, you are beautiful. The very first step to a successful relationship is loving yourself first.
Believe it or not I struggle with body dysmorphic disorder, have since I was a preteen. Other people find me attractive, I don’t for a myriad of reasons…but I tell myself I’m beautiful anyway. So long as I believe it other people do too. 🙂 Sometimes I believe the words I tell myself, sometimes I don’t. Either way through the day I act like I do.
Hoping as long as I keep acting as if, I will become as if. As I age it’s gotten worse. Now I’m concerned with signs of ageing and that drives me nutty. We can choose to drive ourselves crazy or love ourselves. Loving myself feels so much better than not loving myself. I work hard at treating myself good and telling myself good stuff every day. If you ever need to talk just email me at biwifelife@gmail.com. I’m not in there often but I will respond when I check in. Love yourself hun, once you start believing how beautiful you are others will see it too. I know first hand. ❤
I'm actually off work for a few weeks and I'll be working on the long awaited Living Bi chat space. Wish me luck, I'm so not a techie! 🙂
-Jay Dee, Founder
I would love to talk Kat. It would be nice to know I’m not alone out there. Plus having someone that understands me would be so nice 🙂
Im happily married 34 years and have been like you thinking about it for some time now. I too watch videos and it just makes me want to be with a woman more. I did for a while push the thoughts away but it (the feelings, thoughts) comes back. I find myself searching the web, craigslist, etc so I can meet someone with whom I can meet up on a fwb relationship. Only its really difficult to find another married mother who is looking for the same thing.
I would love to have the experience but also feel like I would be cheating my spouse who is oblibious to this feelings.
I honestly feel like I would be a better person if I gave in to my feelings. Suppressing my true desires only hurts me and makes me a frustrated person. I just need to find the right woman with the same feelings as me and in my vicinity.
Sandy, you would be cheating on your spouse if they don’t know about your feelings or actions. Here, we promote open, honest communication. Talking it out…if it’s safe.
Only you know if you’re spouse may be the violent type who you can’t talk to. Judge wisely if this is a conversation you two can have before starting out. I don’t want to give you advice but please, don’t cheat. This space is a space to figure out how to live life in your own skin, while married and bisexual. How to keep your marriage happy and healthy while still remaining true to yourself. Please, read through posts, threads. Comment on articles and others comments. The motto here is browse, comment, connect, suggest.
Hopefully something you read in these pages will help you in your marriage. Read Barbara Jo’s post about her husband finding out about her affair. It’s pretty deep. Goes to show what can happen when we act on feelings vs. logic. Wishing you and your spouse understanding, balance and a strong healthy marriage!
-Jay Dee, Founder
Yes, in every way , email me. We’ll talk Kinasgirl28@aol.com
Sandy, I feel for you and your situation because it’s so similar to my own. I was afraid to tell my husband about my fantasies and instead explored on my own through Internet platforms designed to meet people. I ended up meeting a woman who I was very drawn to, we’ve never met physically, we chat mainly through text and occasionally phone. We have had very intense erotic conversations, it’s an amazing sexual chemistry that I never knew could exist, I love the way she makes me feel. Anyway my husband found out that I was hiding something and confronted me. Even though I thought I was being discreet, somehow the ones we love can sense these things. I didn’t know how much he knew so I confessed, told him that I have an interest in women and I believe I’m bisexual. I admitted that I’d been texting a woman I met online, sometimes of a sexual nature. He was of course furious that I was cheating, even though in my head it really wasn’t that bad considering it wasn’t physical, he disagreed. He trusted me completely and never expected this of me, he was more dissapointed than anything I believe. I know we can get through it, we’re working on our relationship, but now we’ll always have that between us. And because of the way I handed it he doesn’t support it in the least. In hindsight I wish I had been honest from the start and confronted him about my curiosity for women, maybe we could have found a way to make it possible for me to explore, maybe not, now I’ll never know. The only thing I do know is that going behind the back of the person I love most in the world was the wrong choice. We all have a choice, I hope you make a better choice, because in the end honesty is the only choice that has the potential of a positive outcome, even if we don’t always get what we want
I feel where you’re coming from. I’ve been married to a heterosexual man for 8 years, only recently came out and told him I’m bisexual, mainly because I’ve only recently told myself. I’ve always been aware of my attraction to women but never accepted it as bisexuality until lately. I’ve never been with a woman, sexually or romantically, but my desires grow every day. My husband wasn’t very accepting of my confession. I’m now stuck in this place where I have no idea where to go. I love my husband and our family and don’t wish to leave my marriage, do I suppress my feelings after finally accepting myself, dismiss this part of my identity? If I do that will it eat me alive and leave me resentful of my marriage and therefore cause more harm than help? I’d like to be more open with him about how I feel but I’m afraid of pushing him away, how do I make him more comfortable and unthreatened? Is it possible to proceed knowing I’m very much bisexual, living a heterosexual life, never experiencing my true identity? So many questions, I have no idea where to go from here
I’m in a very similar situation. My husband is very accepting of my bisexuality, and wouldn’t mind having another woman join or relationship. At the same time I feel kinda bad because she would just be for me sexually and emotionally in a way. I live my husband and he is the only man I want to spend my life with but I have a tremendous yerning for a woman.
Yes, finally! I have felt so guilty for feeling this way for so long and I’m so glad to have read your post and know that I’m not alone. I’m a stay at home Mami that doesn’t want to hurt her husband or change him. Looking for a womyn that won’t hold that against me or call be closeted for any of it.
I just opened a tinder account, set it up, did a couple swipes, than deleted the whole thing because I’m so scared. How do you go out into the world and ask someone if they’re interested in entering an intimate relationship with a married woman who is stay at home and has kids? Shoot, sometimes I feel like I can barely find a man who would find me attractive for having a kid, let alone a womyn!
I don’t have a single clue how to start. My hopes and good energy are with you. If you figure something out, please let me know.
I’m the same way. I opened an account in hopes of finding another woman to spend time with, form a relationship, and possibly form a relationship. I know it is wrong, but I just cannot deny my inner desires anymore. They are so strong. I have had no success so far, but am still hoping.
I love this so much. I was reading every word you wrote think “wow this women is saying everything I am feeling and thinking!” I love that I could relate to it all. I would love to talk with you more!😊
I’ve been married for 9 years to a heterosexual man and we have 3 kids together. I just admitted myself last year that I was bisexual. I had recognized signs of it ever since I was a teenager but fought so hard against it as I was raised that it was “wrong” to be anything but straight. My husband has been pretty accepting, but I still find myself hiding the truth for fear of our families reactions. I’ve been looking for some type of support group or even just one person I can talk to who knows how I feel and where I’ve been.
April, you sound like me to the tee. Only a few people including my husband know that I am bi. I always thought I was bi curious until I was with a woman for the first time and now I know I am actually bisexual but its still hard to tell people especially my family. My mom knows but we dont really talk about it and I think she thinks its a phase. I am so glad theres a place to read other womens struggles with being bi and married.
Hi, I’m 35, married, and have been open about my fluidity from day one. I’ve been married for nearly 10 years, but there’s something unfulfilled in me. I feel lost now, living in northern Indiana, so conservative a state, trying to figure out where to go, who to find.. A companion to have a friendship with and then the intimacy I crave, that only another woman can provide, seems insurmountable.
I feel like I’m not the only one out there who feels the same way.
I am also from Northern Indiana. I feel the same way as you. It seems so selfish to want another woman all to myself but I feel incomplete
Contact me Alisha if you would like to chat…
Yup you are not alone. Im not into going out a lot and even if i was into going out a lot there isnt much to do out here in so called paradise. So i feel lost, stuck and alone but married.
I don’t like labels but I consider myself queer and/or bicurious. I am 54 years old living in a small conservative town (what was I thinking?) but I have been married to an extremely conservative homophobic man for nearly 8 years and we have one son together. Because I’ve been suppressing my inner most feelings of being more attracted towards women for more than 30 years, I now have told him and that I don’t love him anymore. I am filing for a divorce because the marriage is dead. I thought I was doing the right thing by living the so-called traditional life but after now two failed marriages with two wonderful sons, I have to be true and honest to myself. It is a very liberating feeling I must say….
You sure aren’t alone! I live in a pretty liberal state (Illinois) and it’s REALLY HARD to find someone. I also compete in various sports so you figure it would be even easier. Nope. It’s hard, but we keep searching, hopefully not in vain.
I think though that it is hard not because there aren’t women/men out there in similar situations, but I think it’s mostly out of fear that we find it so hard to find someone. For example: I have had many situations where my gay/bidar is going off like NUTS with a woman who is married to a man. So, how the HECK do you approach someone like that? You’re DEATHLY afraid of making SUCH the mistake! Ugh! Embarrassing! Embarrassing NOT because I’m ashamed of my situation but because of the reaction of the other person (especially if you have to see this person often). Ugh, societal pressures to follow rules and not color outside of the line. Frustrating! 🙂
Alisha you are not the only one to feel this way. I also feel alone most of the time. I would love someone close to talk to and have as a friend.
You are definitely not alone I’m 25 and in the exact same situation. I’m in central IL
Alisha you are not alone. I am also from NWI and it is hard to find another woman who shares the same desires. My husband knows my feelings and also understands it is a part of me. I live each day craving a womans touch.
It makes me feel better that I am not alone in my feelings. I have felt alone for way too long.
Kristine, thanks for your comments. It’s comments like yours that makes all the background work worth it. There are many people like you in this space. I strongly encourage you to browse, comment, connect with other readers and feel free to suggest article topics! Thanks for stopping bi 😉
-Founder, Jay Dee
It’s comforting to know there are others out there. I’m not alone in my feelings 🙂
Hello,
I’m a bisexual woman married to a heterosexual man.
We have 5 beautiful children between us and have been married for three years.
My husband knew from the beginning that I am bisexual I have always been honest about it.
He’s never had an issue with it but I don’t think he completely understands what that means for me.
There is no questioning..
Yes I am attracted to my husband, yes I love my husband,
yes we are happy together and I want to be the best wife and mother that I can be but..there is a part missing for me to be truly happy.
Its not that he isn’t enough..that’s not the correct way to put it. He is in the husband way.
It’s just the whole loving and being loved by a woman that I find I crave subconsciously without even realising.
I don’t want to lose my husband over it and I can’t bring myself to think how it would be to share him with another person let alone bring up that I am missing being with a woman.. The thought of him with someone else makes me cringe and feel betrayed..I could never do that to him..I couldn’t hurt him like that..
But at the same time..its the missing piece to my happiness..
I have no idea what to do..and unfortunately no one to talk to about it who would understand or accept the things I’m saying..
I feel.so alone and isolated with the things I’m going through..not toention a horrible wife for having these thoughts..
Stumbling across this website was a breath of fresh air..It’s a very nice feeling to know I am not the only one who finds being bisexual and married life a ? at some points. Thank you to everyone who shares on here..it comforting that I am not alone 🙂
Kiera, thank you so much for being courageous, sharing and coming out of the shadows of your aloneness. I know the feeling EXACTLY. It’s you and readers like Us who create the safe space and community here. I’m grateful to have been able to provide a space where you can be yourself, safe to express how you feel without judgement. I encourage you to read through old posts, comment, connect, share with other readers. Welcome, hope to see you around, we’re always here!
-Jay Dee, Founder
Thats my exact situation….but with 7 kids btwn us….with him I have only 1. I had the big convo with him a few weeks ago…..and boy oh boy trying to find the right words so tht i could get him to understand tht it wasnt him was so hard for me….and scary. But nowni feel likenit fell upon death ears because we havent talked about it sense…..but i get exactly what u are going through and how u felt when finding this site…..We are not alone and thats a great feeling.
Wow, you really hit the nail on the head with this one! I am in exactly the same situation. I love my husband dearly, and he is the best husband, and the kindest, most thoughtful man. It’s not that I don’t love him or want him, I just need a little more, things that only a woman can provide. But as you said, I can’t stomach the thought of sharing him with another woman, and I also can’t bring myself to keep secrets from him. I could never hurt him, he’s too good of a person for that. It’s so wonderful to hear your story, because I felt like maybe I’m just an awful wife and that I’m some kind of freak for feeling this way.
I am in the same boat as you. My husband and I have been married about 9 years now and our 3rd child is due in June. He has known about me being bisexual since the day we met and has never liked or understood it. He sees it as he is not man enough for me that I want someone else and that liking women and the need to be with a woman is a choice. I try my hardest to explain to him that it is nothing he is doing wrong as a husband and I can not control my desires to be with a woman. It is who I am and who I have been since I was a teenager. I often feel like a part of me is missing. I have to keep a part of me basically in the closet and it feels like it is destroying me. I am missing something that one another woman can give.
I created a WordPress account just to thank you for this blog.
So, thank you!
@Bimetalhead Oh em gee, that is so touching! Thank you for visiting and creating an account just to say thanks. It’s small things like that which keep me going. 🙂 ❤
At times this blog and the political issues surrounding it can be a bit much in addition to my life as a mother to young adults, becoming a grandmother in the past few months, a wife and working hard on my career track. Sheesh! Regardless to what happens I always think about women like you…and me at one point. Who don't care about LGBT politics, who just want a place to come to understand and be understood. YOU power this blog, this space. Thank YOU FOR being here. I encourage you to browse, comment and connect with other readers. We're glad to have you and look forward to seeing you around! -Jay Dee, Founder
Hi Jay Dee! Thank you so much for starting this site! It’s already giving me hope! I am a married bi woman like many ppl on this site. I have always been attracted to women but it wasn’t until the past year that I realized how big of a part of me that is. I had a chance to have a relationship with a good female friend of mine. She wanted me to be her “girlfriend”. But my husband was pretty freaked out by the idea. He has always known I find women attractive. And says he had no problem with the fact that I am bi. But he feels that me wanting a girlfriend must mean he is not giving me everything I need. As if he is somehow to blame or is lacking because of it. I want to find a way to explain to him that is not the case! I have tried desperately to. But he doesn’t seem too reassured. I lost the opportunity with my friend. She has moved on and is now dating another woman. I am happy for her and glad she found someone. But it saddens me to know I may never have that! My husband is the love of my life and I would never cheat on him. I don’t want to do anything to hurt him at all. But the bi side of me is aching to experience another woman more! I am totally open to him being with a her as well if she’s interested. (Her being this imaginary woman I might one day get to date) But I don’t feel like that should be a necessity. How do I decide if this is something I should keep trying to explain to him or if I should give up as to not risk my marriage? I feel like a large part of me is being suppressed. It’s sounds dramatic but I am guessing you might understand. Thank you for your time and for opening your site up to all genders and sexual orientations!
That was my fear when i decided to tell my husband. I had to explain that i was completely satisfied with him but there was a part of tht yearned to have a connection with a woman whether it was only communicating and/or physical. I stated you can’t compare the two, what a woman brings out of me a man will never and vice versa. I stated to love me and my entirety includes me being bi and loving women. It sucks having a part of me thats locked away so i can be TOTALLY me…..my husband took it all in as i verbalized all of my feelings but has yet to respond to it….
I just saw your reply. Thank you.
But just to clarify, I’m a guy.
Have a nice day!
How embarrassing. Lesson well learned, no gender assumptions. Thank you for visiting, for reading, for the clarification ❤
-Jay Dee, Founder
Have been a member here but this is my first post. I never gave it a thought when growing up to make out with other girls, but when I got to college, as a lot of girls do, my roommate and I started a relationship. After a while we found out that other girls in our dorm were doing it too, some just experimenting, others really into it. My roommate and I stayed together all 4 years, then graduated and move to different cities. I had met my current husband while in school and he pursued me, and we dated some but no sex. He got a job in the city I was in and we dated some more and eventually got married. He knew from college that I was bi and it never mattered to him. He and explored our sexuality and we were really into each other, but he knew, and I knew, that I missed another woman. It happened at the gym – I met another woman also married and we would get together for lunch or tea and just hang out. One day we went shopping, had some lunch, and she asked me about my times at college, dating, etc. I said I had been in a relationship, then met my husband, but remained in the relationship. She caught on that it was with another woman. She said she had been in a couple of relationships in college too and they were very enjoyable, and even though married, she wouldn’t mind exploring again. I asked her if she meant an affair, and she said kind of but not with another guy. That day we went back to her house and started our relationship. We were together for a couple of years, went to other women too and our husbands knew and supported us. They did not become involved sexually with us – they both said it was our times and our parts of our lives. Since then, and for about the last 30 years, I have been with other women and have found this most enjoyable. My current girlfriend, Vera, is also married, has an accepting husband, and the 4 of us socialize, but the men do not join us when we want to be alone. All of us have vacationed together and the men give us our time to be alone. This has worked so well for us, we can’t imagine any other lifestyle.
I would love to be fully in your situation. I work from home so I have found it near impossible to meet a woman that can be both a great friend but a lover as well. My husband supports my desires, as long as I am open and honest with him. I am heavily attracted to my husband, but women really excite me on a deeper level. I love what you have and wish you the best in your relationships.
Wow you are so lucky to have such a open repoire with your husband and Vera has the same with her spouse as well,I dream of an ideal situation such as yours.
I think that is great….congrats on having the best of both worlds.
This is what I want. I’m 52 been married for 20 years have 2 sons, and am a normal mom.We have a excellent sex life, and he knows I want to have sex with women too. I have never done so but I’m ready! We aren’t sure how to get started.
I would love have a relationship with a woman as well. I’m just scared of where to start. Any suggestions? I still want to be married. How do I go about finding someone who is comfortable with this type of relationship?
Thanks SO MUCH for having this site! Like many of you, I am a married (to a man), am bi, possibly lesbian and am struggling. Fell in love with a lesbian that sent my life on a trajectory, and have since started seeing a therapist to help me come out to husband/deal with it/etc. To let all of you know, there are a few books out there concerning these topics that can help! I’m not posting since I don’t know if it is allowed.
Love to read that there are others like me out there.
Oh by all means please do share with the Community any resources that are helping you along your journey. I’d like to thank you so much for the courage to post here! Remember, we are always here for you to vent, discuss, ask, whatever. You can take a look in archives, there are articles there to help folks come out, suggestions in threads, etc. The slogan here is browse, comment, connect, suggest! We’re glad to have you! -Jay Dee, Founder
Oh great! I love that I can share my resources and help other people cope with some of the same things I am coping with; I know first hand how hard it can be. The book that I have read is Living Two Lives by Joanne Fleisher and she also has a website http://www.askjoanne.net where you can read a lot of stories about women going through these same trials. It is only geared for women though, I don’t have any resources for men 😦 The other book that I have found is Dear John, I Love Jane but haven’t read that one yet. Hope this helps; it is helping me for sure.
Jay Dee,
I am a bisexual wife married to a man and I was over the moon when I first found your blog—so relieved and excited to know I was not alone.
I am even more thrilled now, not having visited for a few months, to see that you have opened up the conversation to include bisexual men, too!
Thanks for all you are and all you do,
Carmen
Oh thank you so much Carmen! It was a long, hard decision to make but I believe in supporting our bisexual men as well. Thank you so much for supporting Us in our transition and for such kind words! Many blessings to you. 🙂 -Jay Dee, Founder
I’m in the same situation as well. I have been married to my husband for almost ten years but have recently had feelings towards a woman, making me question a lot. This site seems like it may be very helpful!
Wow……
A breather of fresh air….. a site where theres others like me. Im married to my bestfriend who knows I am bi, knows of my bi past and relationships. Ive been married for 3 years and just now have realized I MISS WOMEN, I MISS THE INTERACTION and THE CONNECTION (which is totally different frm a connection with a man/husband). I havent yet told my husband that i am missing this due to fear of him saying he is ok but he really isnt and it will come out other ways or him telling me it can be 3sum (been there done tht) or nothing at all OR him saying its ok but then gets jealous of the relationship (starts comparing). Anywho im glad im not alone.
I’ve been following this blog since it was known as BIWIFELIFE. I was sort of stalking this place while I lived in Germany. So, a little about myself:
I’m originally from Alabama – Deeeep South. I’ve grown up in a dysfunctional, abusive, uber-religious family – locked in my room on many occasions. Unable and unallowed to really socialize with ANYONE outside of my family. I had 4 sisters and one youngest brother. I had very close and sexual relationships with my sisters until I was nearly 20. Grew up in the boonies on a dirt road. I was labeled the ‘black sheep’ and ‘special.’ I think because my parents knew that I was not like other kids — like other girls. I started masturbating at the age of 5 when it still hurt, because my body was not yet prepared for that. And I had an attraction to boys and girls in a way that screwed up the typical southern accent while saying the word ‘freak. In high school, I was the ‘freak’ who liked weird type of guys who did not exist in America; and “humped girls in secret.” Lots of pressure built up around me, but I stood my ground. I did not know about the term ‘bisexual,’ but I was willing to defend being a freak with pride, if I had to! I still had principles, but was not going to back down. That junk don’t fly down there! Having a voice and being an educated punk made me stick out like a sore thumb in those parts. I knew I had to get out in the world.
Trust me….I’ve had the many exorcisms and deliverances performed on me in many a church. People ostracized me down South, because it was always assumed that I was a Lesbian. I was an “abomination” in their eyes. My parents showed me and my siblings Christian-based videos on the AIDS epidemic in the gay community in the 80’s and would ask me, towards the end of the video, if I were gay (because I rarely talked of boys). I enjoyed watching all the faeries and queer people dancing around, being unique and enjoying themselves in the video. I felt, strangely, that this was home. I wanted to be like that. I saw myself there. One day, I was going to live in California, too – where I could be free! I found myself finding a reason to watch certain scenes from the documentation, because it was one of the few windows to the world I had. My mother knew I was different and actually wanted to support and shield me, but my father had an iron fist and a charming smile to cover it up.
I had different views on life, faith, gender and seemed quirky in my dress — still do. And I was traumatised in the South from my childhood until I left Alabama to live in Austria at the age of 24.
My whole purpose in life was to “find myself” and make peace with her.
skipping a lot ahead…
Living and working abroad gave me many opportunities to be more sexually welcoming of myself and of the grey area of my life that shook the very foundations of others’ views of the mysterious ‘middle sexuality.’ Being bisexual and kinky in Europe is more accepted and not as important than here. Still, I like that we Americans dare to discuss the importance of embracing and celebrating identity. That’s the activist side of me.
I have skipped a lot of details here…but, I was extremely picky about men. I met, reluctantly, a most unusual, long-haired, limp-wristed, midriff T-shirt-wearing German man who worked in Alabama in ’05 and was 12 years older than I. He was not conventional at all and was very relatable. I was in love with a woman at the time, who was a 2nd-Gen Nigerian…and who was to be betrothed to be married to a man her father felt suitable for her. She was much more posh than I and cared too much about what people thought of her than I did. I was rebellious and outspoken, yet caged. That never worked out, but that German guy did.
My family was pleasantly surprised, because they had no idea that I even had a guy in my life. We’d only known each other for 2 months. We had a private wedding in an older home, by an ex-pastor, who had been stripped of his credentials (told you, I’m a rebel, lol!) My parents didn’t think I would ever get married. Well, they never gave me the chance to be heard. They didn’t care that he was a “Pagan”, he was a MAN. That was all that mattered to them. That’s hilarious. Yes, I love women and don’t dare hide it. Always have and always will. They are not a project for me – they are an IMPORTANT element in my life. I feel depressed without them being near me. But I’d like to think that having an effeminate man is also satisfying in many ways to me, as well. I like very much the merging of both genders in men and women.
We feel extremely comfortable about sexuality and gender-issues. This was known from the start. This was our comfort zone and what held us together. It still is. I’m 36 today and we have been together for nearly 11 years. Our outward appearances seem to catch people off-guard and have even had people thinking that we are a lavender couple, covering up each others’ sexuality with having had one child. Him, gay and me, Lesbian. People need to learn to think outside of the box. I am bisexual and have come out to my religious, southern family while living in Germany, despite what they wanted to expect from me. It was rough coming out to a backwoods, sanctified bunch of people who had surrendered their “sinful flesh to the Lawd”, but I have never been good at pretending or behaving “properly” anyways. What did I have to lose?
Today, I am happy to be an out, rockily-married Bisexual woman….even though society doesn’t understand it. I still struggle with trusting how society will treat me, not with whether my husband accepts me or not. His less male-machismo stature, his own sexual exploration,cultural upbringing and nudist background might have helped him in that. Even though I live in San Diego, CA and feel a freedom my wings have not yet experienced; I’m having to trust being back in a society where I was once bullied and boxed and labeled as “lesbian in denial” or “confused”. One baby step at a time, I suppose. I’m glad to see that while I was gone, being Bisexual is being discussed much more and is being better understood. I haven’t been back down South in a while to visit Ma, but I sure am glad to see more visibility with Bi- and Trans people where never seen/discussed before.
I’m glad to be here. That’s a good-enough start.
Hi…. Am in a 11 year relationship with a guy. I’ve always known I like girls since I was 7 years old. I love my boyfriend but I know am not putting my all in it anymore. The thoughts of me being with a an woman makes me happy and crazy. What should I do? I want to meet others like me I love in ny
Ny here …
Well my wife is bi sexual and I respect her feelings to woman…..I’ve always told her to explore her lifestyle…..No reason to live a lie
I’m pretty much like you. I am currently living in Alabama. Bi sexual for years but have not acted on those feelings. Been married going on 3 years and I am ready to be done with it. My husband don’t show any feeling for me anymore. I’m glad that I found this place to talk to others like myself.
Hi pls help me i fell inlove with a lesbian but she left me cuz i am married and wants me to leave my husband but i dont want to
Oh hunnie, I have been in the same boat. Really tough place to be. You know what you want evidently. So does she. Sometimes two paths cross, not continue the same road you know. How does hubby feel about the situation? -Jay Dee, Founder
Well that’s a tough one…..you love your husband but you love woman too right?
I just can’t wait for the time when we finally have the way to connect! Must be good to chat with someone who understand us. We may not be able to meet but just imagine how awesome it must be when we can share our feelings and give support to each other. Any idea..anyone?? Plsss..
Xoxo
@Kat I totally understand everyone would like to connect. I’ve thoroughly researched platforms to do so. Thing is quality chat rooms that can handle large volume (we do have about 100 visitors per day, when I add the chat room I expect that number to double.) have monthly fees. I’m still digging for free chat options, but I do have a day to day life and finding one isn’t simple. I’m planning on adding a ‘donate here’ button to create the environment you guys want, with enough donations per month we can have a fully functional connective environment. In the meantime I ask you to be patient and hang in there. You all can always continue’talk’ on threads as in any other forum like site. Kat, are you a techie at all? – Jay Dee
Could we do a sort of message board style thing? I’m not very techie, but I could try to figure something out.
Sure @Ash. See what you can find and email me. I would be glad to have u on board. Biwifelife@gmail.com
-Jay Dee, Founder
Where is everyone from?
@Christybasil
I’m in Brookltn , Nyc. You?
Same here ! Brooklyn
Heeeey! *thumbsup*
There has to be more NYC gals. Maybe we should plan a night out. Social therapy?
I do have a ground bi social twice a month at The Bklyn Pride Ctr. Next one the 22nd of this month. Email me for more info: biwifelife@gmail.com. looking forward to your email. 🙂
Greetings from Phila, PA!
@awakened1 I have colleagues there & work there time to time 🙂
Hi Cristybasil
I am from Malaysia i.e from the other part of the world, as i said before:)
Hi Christy
I live in Brunswick. GA.
Tx here. 🙂
Missouri
North Carolina…….a southern diva
Virginia
Burb of Chicago
Northwest Indiana
The Bluegrass State…Kentucky
Maui
I am a married bisexual struggling with how I feel. Unlike many of you my husband does not support the idea of me having a relationship with a woman outside of the marriage. I deal with my feelings about this by trying to push it down and ignore how I really feel. I do feel alone and like nobody understands. I think the more I try to pretend everything is okay the more it isn’t. Me not being able to express myself and my feelings I am having…I don’t know I feel so confused.
You are definitely not alone. My husband does not support me having a relationship with another women either. He is even nervous about me having female friends he doesn’t know. The more I pushed it down the more it manifested in other ways for me. I’ve struggled with this for along time. I even made out with another woman behind his back (which I admitted to). In the end it came down what I was willing to lose. I love him and I’m not willing to lose him so I’ve tried therapy, we’ve tried a threesome (which was fun), I’ve tried journaling….. I can’t say that it’s been perfect, and I definitely still think about women, but I don’t know what else I can do. I’m not confused anymore though. Just sad as I feel like I’ve kinda shut apart of myself down. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. Good luck 🙂
I hear you.
Replying to: Lotus flower
Trust me I can feel your frustration,(when you wish that you had a real person that you could talk face to face about your situation,not a therapists, but a regular person, dealing with this in real time)
Trust me I feel your confusion,when you are trying to figure out why the need to be with a women creeps up on you like a thief in the night,the more you fight it ,the the more the thief returns in your dreams (both day and night)
Trust me I feel your anger,but you are not sure who you should be angry with.Yourself,for having the feelings in the first place ,that society makes us think is unnatural.Or yourself for not having the courage to quench your thirst, or your spouse that is holding the yield/stop sign.
Trust me ,Lotus flower I do not know what kind of container you are growing in, what state you are growing in or even the country you are growing in( But remember this ,I too grow as you,so you are not alone…………..
I’m sorry you feel this way but i’m glad you posted this. I am in the exact same boat
.
I completely understand How you feel; the only difference is my husband knows nothing about me wanting to be with another woman. I am so confused about my feelings as well. I live in a tiny community which doesn’t help either.
Hey Marianne
I mentioned to my husband that Im bisexual, but i told him it was a thing of the past. A phase i went through when I was a teen. I lied out of fear. I think about being with women especially when my needs are not met. I love him but men are so foreign to me. Its funny though because i grew up only with men, my friends were all a guys, and im constantly surrounded by them more than women and yet theres something so foreign so dislikable about them as husbands. This is my opinion. I love him yet i dont feel secure.
Hi Leticia,
Well my husband pried and pried wanting to know why I didn’t want to be with him anymore. He asked me if I was gay. I basically said that I don’t believe I’m meant to be be married to a man. He put two and two together. One of the main reasons for being so inhibited in telling him my innermost personal feelings for women is because he is extremely homophobic and has such right winged views. I am very liberal I guess. Kind of makes one wonder what made us get together. Anyway, I sincerely feel your struggles and pain. I hope you can get through this somehow. Having kids makes it difficult too.
I was reading your post & thinking “did I just write that”. It’s true for me too. I’ve been married for 20 years & he has been my best friend forever, a lot of history, several affairs with women that drove a wedge between us & kind of had to swear not to put him through that again. It’s something he doesn’t want to talk about, but I keep asking him what I’m supposed to do with these feelings & I promise not to leave us because that’s not what I’m looking for. The only thing he said once & only once he said “do not bring a girl back to our house. To me getting a hotel is weird & I want my half of the house, with jacuzzi, to myself, but don’t think he can handle that again, he said it’s too weird for him in his own house. That’s all he’s ever said & wont respond to anything I say about women at all. It really drives a stake through my heart too. I don’t want a hotel situation, it’s not right & I want to hang out in the living room, get a vibe, normal stuff, we may or may not hook up at that particular time. I don’t know what to do. I know what you mean about going crazy from no female contact or prospects. Also I don’t want 3 ways ever, how do you find women who will go along with the fact your married. Before I guess I kind of lied about it & said he was my best friend, which is true, but, he doesn’t really accept another person in the house & I guess I can understand that, but we are left with these feelings with nowhere to go but a hotel room? I live at the beach & hotels around anywhere in SoCal is about $500 a night, that’s crazy.
Lesbians don’t accept bi women & I think I may be closer to being a lesbian than being bi, but I have a stable house & best friend & don’t want to lose him or try to split up the house & be with 1 drama fest situation after another & just struggling to pay rent. What do people like me do!? Just reminisce about the glory days & watch internet porn? Kind of looks that way for me these days.
Lifelong struggle here. I’m a teen of the 80’s so it’s been a long wild ride. I should just count my blessings & try not to stir it up probably, but it doesn’t feel good. Any answers?
Isn’t that crazy how lesbians dont particularly care for bi women. I was a lesbian before i became bi and when the lesbians found out or i if i showed intereste in a lesbian before getting married i was shot down and/dismissed.
I just revealed to my husband that i MISS women and love to entertain having a relationship with another married woman. I told him to think about, no need for a response just yet…..well tht was 1.5wk ago….havent spoke about it since…….
So i dont whats the verdict. But if he doesnt agree…..i dont know what ill do….i can never be my true self ultimately.
Well I allow my wife to have a girlfriend….we don’t lie to each other and it’s our choice.
I’ve been married for 14 years now and want my wife to be happy. It’s hard sometimes when there is stipulations I need to follow. My wife is no and it stems from sexual abuse as a child. I spend some nights holding her as she cries trying to tell me of events. As I read other’s posts I know I am not alone and am often crying myself as I try talking to friends about what we are going through. Marriage is a two way street and it takes both sides to understand each other for it to work. I hold faith that I can be there for my wife when she needs me.
I understand that this is a bisexual safe zone but how many bisexual women are married to women? It seems like a lot of you guys who are women are pretty much married off to men looking for side relationships. Do you pursue these side relationships with other Bi women or with lesbians? As a lesbian myself I feel quite scared to date bi women because even though they like both genders. Most of them focus their energy on men by fully loving and committing to them as wives/gfs. They would leave their girlfriend or homosexual relationships before giving up the “white-picked” fence lifestyle. What’s the real truth other than “love” on why bi women marry off to men by default. I feel if a bi woman wants a husband. She’s hurting other females she dating prior to her future marriage, because she doesn’t truly want a life with a woman so why in the heck is she engaging in serious relations with them. Anyway. It would be nice if I could have multiple opinions from different Bi women on this topic. I’m sorry if I envaded your safe zone. No threat.
Thanks for your courageous post! You raised many valid questions and I myself am looking forward to seeing responses from the readers here. I cooooould answer from my perspective but would rather see what other folks have to say. Thanks so much for raising questions we have yet to address here 🙂 No threat taken. Welcome and we hope to see more of you around! -Jay Dee, Founder
Dear,John,Jill or anyone that will read my kaleidoscope of confusion
So here goes:
My husband and I have been married for 22 years and we dated 3 years prior to getting married.My husband does not know that I secretly crave the touch of a woman.Do I crave women because my marriage is stale so stale, rats would turn their noses up at the cracker crumbs we leave in our bed,and run. We have not have sex in 10 months.I need to be touched.Yes ,when I was young (around 12,13) me and a girl cousin experimented,I loved it,we out grew the faze.Then at 18 I discovered my first penis and,I have been hooked every since.Until,in my late thirties,out of the blue I started having erotic dreams about women and I started sneaking to watch girl on girl porn (this was pre cheap cell phones and pre-internet)The feeling to be with a women was consuming me(and I could not tell my best friend my husband)To make a long story short before I lose you,I did act on my consumption. I enjoyed being with her,but I felt like dirt for cheating on my husband. That was in 1995 and since that day I have had the consumption (encounters with women) about 5 times total,I recently started looking again.
The women that I have been with I never felt,an oh I could fall in love with a women connection,like others describe, I felt like there was always something missing (a man)I’m 51 now, I still stuggle with my secret,from my husband .I wish that I could tell him,but I that is a secret that I would have more to lose than him,a chance I’m not willing to take.When I look on dating sites,I always try to find the other married women like me,there has to be others in my situation .So what should my label be? Lately I have been wearing this one……….LONELY
Dearest Papi..we married our guy because that hits the right button. That makes us ‘normal’ as seen by the community and it fits our upbringing mould. Lots of us were confused and unsure of our own desires before discovering our true soul. Some of us, i am sure, are actually more on being a lesbian but we never find the courage to emerge from the shadow..we are just trying to be like our parents,..marrying the person who love us and..oh well..live happily ever after. Another reason is..we are married or being in a relationship with our guy because..they found us first . I hope you found your soulmate dear Papi..! If u do..i am very happy for you. HUGGSSS.
P/s Sorry for my grammar. English is not my first language.
I love the perspective @Kat. It’s true, sometimes women just don’t want to do what’s considered out of the norm. Some do what is expected of them. Then other times there are women who truly love both genders equally and just happened to meet her guy first. Some are bound by religious beliefs, others are bound by a sense of societal obligation…there’s so many reasons why @Papi, everyone’s situation is different. I hope more ppl answer! 🙂
@Kat, thanks for touching on a few of them! So insightful! Love this topic. It’s multi layered and there can be soooooo many answers to that one question.
is this a put bi ladies down zone?
Papi,
Your question really made me stop in my tracks! I’ve thought a lot about my answer.. I’m a closet bi wife, (only my husband knows) for the longest time I secretly knew I was bi but was perfectly happy with dating boys/kissing girls/ intentions solely to be married to a man because I was “generally straight” so I might as well fit the mould and have a husband… Before my self revelation maybe about 6 months ago where I realized my bisexuality wasn’t going anywhere and I decided to tell my dude, I would answer you that I would never/could never be married to a woman because I was embarrassed and confused and I didn’t know how to listen to myself. Today I answer you that I would change that.. that I could be in a relationship with a woman and be married to her.
But what you said about many bisexual women are married to men.. for me, that is very true. I don’t know one instance where a bisexual woman is married to another woman and wants to have guys on the side.. I truly don’t believe that real bisexuality is a choice, but that statement you made is making me clearly think. Having a bisexual brain is just hard! I love being attracted to men and women but sometimes I wish there was a clear line drawn!
PS:
Kat, I agree with everything you’re saying!
I agree with wishing there was a fine line. There isn’t . The worst part since I have yet to meet a femme like myself that I am able to pursue something with. It’s complete torture . Sexual frustrations run high . Emotional ones stay in check only because I meditate.
i have been married for 40 yrs and have known that my wife was Bi for many yrs,She denied it for yrs and I just let it go then out of the blue she came to me and told me how she felt and I told her I understood and that I was fine with it and she as had relationships with ladies every since.Most of her lady friends have been married.I think most men will understand if you ladies talk to them.
Hi Papi, I have had this experience on multiple occasions, as a woman married to a man, yet sexually and emotionally attracted to women. You’re right, it’s caused great heartache to the women I’ve developed relations with, and for me (which is given far less credit). All this despite starting off with the disclaimer; “I’m married, not leaving my husband-anytime in the near future-and willing to go forth as long as you understand this”.
I’m not interested or capable of casual sex with women, as its lead to developing intense feelings and a longing for a genuine relationships with that person. Just like I couldn’t with a man. But, especially with women for me because we develop stronger friendships and emotional connections.
I hear sentiments like yours frequently, and am frustrated by some of my lesbian friends who label me with “internalized homophobia”, leave me out of their gay niche and try to insult me with the label of “straight” because they’ve been burned.
I married and had children young. I had attraction and sexual experience with women prior to this, but didn’t identify as bi-I didn’t know what it meant besides being adventurous. Over the course of my marriage it became clear I had an ongoing, consistent desire for women, and openly pursued those desires… yet, loved my husband and wanted my marriage to work, for my kids to have a stable upbringing-more. It’s no different than if my husband had pursued extramarital affairs with my consent, yet wanted me and our live together more. We ended up divorcing.
Enter next marriage, to a man. My feelings towards women haven’t changed, but the acknowledgement of who and what I am is clear-I am bisexual, in a committed relationship with a man. It took a while to understand and accept that my actions, desires, fantasies weren’t derived from abuse as a child, unnatural, something to be ashamed of, or enroute to pure lesbianism, but just there. Perhaps different than your path to self identification-but no less real.
My current husband and I are not in an open relationship. He is threatened by my bisexuality because his first wife cheated on him. My experience with dual relationships is that they are unsustainable, eventually hurtful to everyone involved and create the scenario you described. My “white picket fence” is testimony to the fact that I’m committed to preserving my marriage. If I wanted a committed relationship with a woman, I would. If I wanted to be single, have an open relationship with a man or woman, would have that too. Why is a lesbian marriage not classified as “picket fence”? Because it’s pink and non-traditional? Guess what, Neither is a mixed orientation marriage! It’s a purple picket fence.
I’m capable of sex and love with women, yet capable of sex and love with men too. I have a hard time with lesbian women who don’t understand this, who express anger towards me-coincidentally not towards their homosexual or heterosexual friends. Yes, married women can wreak havoc on other women’s hearts. Married women can wreck havoc on the hearts of men they engage with too.
A married woman can feel exactly like you do towards her-bisexual women are not straight. Having desire for both sexes is complicated. Sometimes burning bridges is be part of that journey…realizing you’re not lesbian but more interested in men may be part of it, it may not be. I understand it’s difficult for lesbians to accept marriages of bisexual women, if involve with on, it can be taken as a personal assault, “I’m not good enough for her, can’t provide as much, would disrupt her children’s life… she’s too afraid to leave” Yes, all that can be true, exactly as it could be true with a straight man involved with a bisexual, married woman-who puts her husband and marriage comes first.
I suggest avoiding relationships with anyone unable to commit, if that’s what you want.
Hi Ann
Well said ..I agree, my gf and I are going out for almost 1,5 years and I gave her the option to chose between myself or a woman a year ago and she said she wants to be with me, it may sound selfish but I had to ask her what is a priority in her life – a woman or a man, she said she wants to be with a man, im not entirely sure if thats what she really wants but she is also probably playing the society card – White picket fence, normal woman.etc etc.
Im giving it more time, I can see that she still finds woman attractive but I am going withthe flow.
What should i do? Carry on with this relationship or move on and find someone else because I wont be able to have a woman who im always unsure about.
You sound pretty mature and realistic, I posted the below story a few months o this page…please see below and advise me if possble as im feeling a little lost
Regards
Jay
****
Hi Guys
Okay here goes, I am a 30 year old straight guy, about 11 months ago i met a 26 year old woman, we have a good relationship and she is caring and we do love each other.
A little history about her, she comes from a really disturbed home with both alcoholic parents and a father who hated her and blamed her for all that went wrong in their lives, he finally walked out on them when she was 18 and never looked back, this has affected her greatly and ive noticed that she gets very fidgety and nervous when around an unknown man or in some cases any man who stands tall and demands attention, i do not get jealous but i noticed this trait in her, i can relate it to her having a bad father who has instilled this insecurity in her and i have told her that i will not hurt her and i do not want to.Ive also had an alcoholic father growing up who abused me and teased me but luckyly my mother was a strong woman who invested in her 4 kids as i single mom. After travelling for 6 years around the Europe and reading loads of books and speaking to people ive learnt to come to terms with my insecurities and i still do have them but i know what i want and the direction that my life is going, im not saying that my girlfriend doesn’t she also works and have plans and ambition to better herself. *Please note that i am not saying she is bi sexual because of her past i am merely filling you in on our different situations.
We met on Facebook as we are from the same area, the first day we met on the beach i got some wine and we chatted, she cried out to me about her life within an hour of talking to her in the beach, i noticed that she was deeply hurt by her life events. Being a good guy, after seeing her cry, towards the end of the night i told her ill drop her home but she insisted on coming back to my place so i agreed, when there, one thing led to another and we had mind blowing sex, the fact that she could easily sleep with a ‘stranger’ after 3 glasses of wine made me wonder but i gave her the benefit of the doubt as she seemed like a hurt person. When we met she told me that she was bi sexual and she said that she didn’t have any need to be with a woman so i didn’t say much and i let it go, considering that i am fairly open minded to a certain extent and have nothing against bisexuals, gays and lesbians. After been together for about 6 months, when out in public, i noticed that she admired other woman freely, probably not knowing that i noticed, but it got to an extent where it was hurtful to me and quiet blatant as my best friend noticed that and gave me a confused look, when i did ask her she denied it and said all she wants is me, so i left it at that once again, I tried to speak about her sexuality a few times but she usually brushes me off in the slightest.
Im sorry to post such a long story here but i am really stuck between a rock and a hard place, i am not as narrow minded as i might seem in this post and i do respect that she is bi sexual but after reading all these posts of woman wanting “something more” a few years after marriage it worry’s me, i am not the kind of person who will allow any of that, call me old school but im sorry, i do not think i can go on like this with this uncertainty, we all want to feel secure and trust our partners but i cannot trust her.
To be honest she said that i have brought a lot of happiness to her life and she is grateful for that, my problem is…Am i her scape goat to get out of all the hurt and does she love me for the wrong reasons as a fatherly figure and not as a lover, am i spending my valuable time with a woman who doesn’t really know what she wants and may or may not cheat on me be it with another woman or man for that matter?
Its clear that she likes woman, even if a steamy scene comes on TV with 2 woman kissing, she frowns her face in a disgusting way but i know that she likes that but she is probably hiding it from me as she is scared i will not approve.
Has anyone been in this situation before, i do know that this is a bi wife site but i want to know what do you think i should do? Im not macho and i do not disrespect my woman, i am a man who will ask an assess and then make a decision obviously without hurting her as that is the last thing that i want to do
Please help!!!
Papi, when you say:
“As a lesbian myself I feel quite scared to date bi women because even though they like both genders. Most of them focus their energy on men by fully loving and committing to them as wives/gfs. They would leave their girlfriend or homosexual relationships”,
I have heard this sentiment before and I am glad you had the courage to ask about it. You are not invading the site. You came here to ask a valid question and this is how we address stereotypes so that we can open our hearts to love and be less afraid.
Imagine what your world would be like if you found an amazing bi woman who you shared a happy monogamous partnership with? Imagine this bi woman is very content being with you and only wants you? Imagine she does not want to pursue relationships with anyone else. Just loved you for who you were, Papi? How amazing would that be if you found her and chose to open your heart to this person who wanted to commit to only you. Forget about all the times you may have had your heart broken by someone. This is about you and her and noone else? Sounds pretty amazing right? I’d say it does. From my perspective, opening yourself up to bi-women increases your dating pool by a bucket load. It’s hard to find and meet available women because there are far more women in the world pursuing men than there are LGBT women. And yes, there are lots of women who do not identify as straight who are partnered with/married to men. That’s a fact. So how can all of this not reinforce the stereotype that “straight relationships are normal” and anything else just isn’t? How can these women who do not identify as straight still end up with men?
Simple… because of love, because there are more available men out there to date than there are women, and also,
because of some of those other things that may have influenced us but MAY NOT have been the ONLY thing influencing us like: social conditioning, because of fear, because there are more available men to date than there are women,
Fact: There are people on our blog who identify as bi and are in similar gendered partnerships (you probably just haven’t come across them on our site yet but I promise you they are there)
Fact: There are lots of bi-identified women who are closeted and in similar gendered partnerships. They fear coming out because they do not want to lose their friends, their community, and they do not want to upset their lesbian wife.
Fact: Robyn Ochs, a pioneer in the Bi-community is married to a lesbian. They’ve been together for over 20 years.
Fact: something brought you to our website.
Question: Are you willing to set the intention to getting to the root of your fear and possibly setting the intention to get to know more bi women? I’m sure there are bi-groups in your area or bi-websites you can continue to engage with to learn more about our community and the truth.
Papi, when you say:
“As a lesbian myself I feel quite scared to date bi women because even though they like both genders. Most of them focus their energy on men by fully loving and committing to them as wives/gfs. They would leave their girlfriend or homosexual relationships”,
I have heard this sentiment before and I am glad you had the courage to ask about it. You are not invading the site. You came here to ask a valid question and this is how we address stereotypes so that we can open our hearts to love and be less afraid.
Imagine what your world would be like if you found an amazing bi woman who you shared a happy monogamous partnership with? Imagine this bi woman is very content being with you and only wants you? Imagine she does not want to pursue relationships with anyone else. Just loved you for who you were, Papi? How amazing would that be if you found her and chose to open your heart to this person who wanted to commit to only you. Forget about all the times you may have had your heart broken by someone. This is about you and her and noone else? Sounds pretty amazing right? I’d say it does. From my perspective, opening yourself up to bi-women increases your dating pool by a bucket load. It’s hard to find and meet available women because there are far more women in the world pursuing men than there are LGBT women. And yes, there are lots of women who do not identify as straight who are partnered with/married to men. That’s a fact. So how can all of this not reinforce the stereotype that “straight relationships are normal” and anything else just isn’t? How can these women who do not identify as straight still end up with men?
Simple… because of love, because there are more available men out there to date than there are women, and also,
because of some of those other things that may have influenced us but MAY NOT have been the ONLY thing influencing us like: social conditioning, because of fear, because there are more available men to date than there are women,
Fact: There are people on our blog who identify as bi and are in similar gendered partnerships (you probably just haven’t come across them on our site yet but I promise you they are there)
Fact: There are lots of bi-identified women who are closeted and in similar gendered partnerships. They fear coming out because they do not want to lose their friends, their community, and they do not want to upset their lesbian wife.
Fact: Robyn Ochs, a pioneer in the Bi-community is married to a lesbian. They’ve been together for over 20 years.
Fact: something brought you to our website.
Question: Are you willing to set the intention to getting to the root of your fear and possibly setting the intention to get to know more bi women? I’m sure there are bi-groups in your area or bi-websites you can continue to engage with to learn more about our community and the truth.
Papi
I married a man because that is who I fell in love with. If I had met a woman first who I fell for I would have been with her rather than a man. I have always had specific tastes on what I found attractive in each gender, my husband is actually the person that helped me thru understanding my bisexuality and I have never been with a woman physically. I just feel in my heart and my head that there is an attraction there the same way I feel towards men that I am attracted too. If God forbid anything happened to my hubby I would be totally fine having a relationship with a woman. Not sure of this helps with your question.
Cal
I agree. U did say all that i said before. We found our man first. What if..the right female came into the scene at the first place?
…. We love our man, but does that changes the person who we are now?
Im bisexual and when I was in high school I fell head over heels for another female. We dated and I fell in absolute love. She broke it off but I still think of her and years later. I married a man because he is my best friend. He understands I also have attraction to women and doesn’t ask for a threesome and doesn’t try to change him. If the girl I fell in love with would’ve let me be her forever I would’ve still been with her today. Its not that I traded in my gay half for my straight half. I just found someone who loves me and understands me for who I am and that’s all I could ever ask for. But then again I don’t really see people as gender but just as a personality. Hope this answers your question a little bit.
i can’t speak for everyone. But I married a man 17 years my senior when I was 19. I always fooled around with girls in high school and college and since I grew up around my husband (he was a friend of the family) he was aware of this and it was something that carried over into our relationship. He was okay with my not so serious girlfriends in the first 5 or 6 years it was nbd. They’d come over and hang out socialize whatever. Never any threesomes and my husband never saw me be affectionate much with them. Those women were young and also involved with men primarily. For me I think because I was socialized in a small rural community to perceive a male partner as protective and safe it’s factored in hugely. But also I’ve known my husband since I was a little kid. He’s more than just some boy I married young. I grew up around him and he is my family. My relationship with him will always be primary. Fast forward to today. I’ve had a serious long term girlfriend for three years. When we met she was 37 and questioning her sexuality. She was single at that time and had never had a serious long term relationship with anyone. She was a good friend for quite awhile and hung out and socialized with me and my husband and common friends. She understood completely who I was and what my lifestyle was about. She reassured me she wanted a special friend and we went from there. She became very jealous and controlling. My husband resented her because right from the beginning she tried to make demands from me that were unreasonable. I love her. So in three years I’ve tried many different relationship configurations. She always says she accepts my husband and my family but her actions consistently tell e otherwise. It’s very difficult and I’ve tried everything including trying to end the relationship because sometimes the stress and the fighting are so bad it’s just toxic. As a married bisexual woman I certainly was not trying to lure anyone into having a relationship with me under false pretenses. I wasn’t interested in a traditional monogamous live together type lifestyle and I was very open about that. I think there are a lot of married bi women like me out there and I think there are single women who are bi or gay or questioning who are definitely interested in having a sexual relationship with married women. In some ways we are ‘safe’ for independent women or emotionally unavailable women. By definition we generally are not going to make relationship demands of our girlfriends. We are not in a position to do so. But the bottom line of my rambling is I think many of us get into these relationships with a preconceived idea of how it’s going to go and what we are going to mean to each other. But you don’t really know all that from the beginning. And when the closeness stirs feelings and attachments everything changes.
Wow. Very, very powerful Marie. I personally would like to thank you for posting. I love the depth and clarity of your post! You highlighted issues many of us face every day. Yes, there are many of us out there with so many varying situations and complex relationships. It’s not easy being a bi wife in so many ways. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing such a difficult situation 😦 but thank goodness for good husbands! He’s a champ for sticking in there by your side while this woman is driving you insane! 🙂 It must be tough for him as it’s tough on the woman he loves. I know my husband hated to see me and my ex(es) go through our madness.
He was there through two crazy girlfriends, back to back pretty much. Both of my last girlfriends drove me insane most of the entire relationships. (maybe I have a thing for crazy chicks? lol) Sometimes my husband laughed at our female insanity clashes, other times the situation would be heartbreaking to me and his heart would break for me. He’s done his fair share of talking to them, holding me as I cried or calming me as she and I argued.
At the end of both relationships it was my relationship with him that reminded me true love is not insane, it’s not painful, it’s beautiful. Women don’t get a pass to fuck with my life, twisting and contorting love into some ugly thing. When I came down off whatever crazy emotion I was experiencing my beautiful husband, my hilarious kids all reminded me that our family is way more chill than the extra madness that can come with some women. If she was to be a part of my life, a real part of my life, she had to be chill. No b.s, no dramatics welcome. I’m so open and down to earth, my whole family’s vibe is way relaxed, creative & peaceful. I’m past allowing opposing energies into my life and that’s my stance in life. Friend, family or intimate partner applies to all 🙂 That being said, nothing in life is a sure thing. My first ex tried to get me to leave my husband just after he’d proposed to me. Her and I were together before him and I met but she had a boyfriend on and off and I had a complex situation with my ex husband. When I met my current husband I fell head over heels immediately and still feel the same way to this day. I knew he was ‘the one’ but I loved her and her daughter so much. She was like the one who got away…but I love my husband and I’m glad I stayed.
On the flip side my second girlfriend was involved with both of us. She fell in love with both of us…and tried to slip the condom off one night so she could have my husband’s baby. In her prime, still healthy and beautiful, with 7 children she birthed all under the age of 24 she was fertile as ever and not on birth control. That move made us presume she wanted to keep him in her life forever, and me too. She knew I wanted a baby so bad and couldn’t conceive. I’m sure some part of her thought having a baby would make us love her more and solidify our lives together. It had the exact opposite effect.
I shared both experiences so you can see that where one situation may be effed up in one way, another may be just as jacked in another way. Bi wives have it hard in so many ways and I think the key is to find that balance that shows HER she’s just as important to you as HIM. On the flip side of that, there are crazy chicks out there though…and that’s something we just don’t really know, until feelings and attachments and everything changes. I pray your marriage stays strong and your life is cleansed of painful madness. Either through conflict resolution, love, understanding or even a miracle :)… and NO hearts are broken along the way!
-Jay Dee, Founder
I was a lesbian before I realized I was bisexual. I have a very long term relationship and truly love the girl but she cheated and didn’t want to be with me like I wanted with her. I believe it is possible that if I found the right girl before my husband I might of married a girl. I love women and still to this day love women. I did happen to just fall in love with a man. I never found a girl that I loved and wanted to be with and they feel the same way about me. My husband understood that I will alway want a women too but I want a complete love all around. All of us together as one team and share a family together. I have not always seen that true for many bisexuals. I look for bisexual women more than lesbian but I’m a very forward person, of who I am and what I’m looking for. I do believe that it is possible to show and share the same kind and amount of love and attention to both people. I do feel that everyone person involved should share what kind of relationship they wanting. So that no one is ask something from someone that might not even be possible to do.
I understand where you’re coming from and noticed the same thing.
I think of all the women I know in committed lesbian relationships who were once married to men. I agree with you that those voices are missing, here, as are those of men who just became explicitly welcomed. Now that same-sex marriage is legal all over the US (I noticed way more women jumped on that train than men, at least in the beginning), maybe we’ll hear from more bi women in lesbian marriages, dealing with this dual sexuality dilemma.
As a bisexual woman married to a man I recognize that I benefit from “straight privilege” and all that it comes with. But I also feel marginalized when I am in heteronormative spaces, and more comfortable in mixed queer company. I didn’t marry for straight privilege. I married a person with whom I trust around my family and all my values, who is the glue to my household, and he’s a man. I will say that we are super conditioned to marry men, so that’s an influence for sure.
What I’m saying is that it does not change the fact that I am attracted to and capable of falling in love with a woman all the same. The part of me that loves women and is sexually attracted to women—both in fantasy and, if circumstances were different, as a life partner—lives on and has not gone away just because I legally married a man.
I don’t think I ever put on any woman a la “lesbian until marriage” and my feelings were legitimate and authentic. I still feel like more gay folks need to acknowledge bisexuality as much as straights do. We still get that skepticism from both sides.
Either way, good to hear from more voices.
(Thank you, Jay Dee!)
I’ve always been more attracted to females and my first crush as a child was on my best girl friend.. At that point I wouldn’t even talk to boys besides my brother. I did try to even flat out say that I was a lesbian when I learned what that was as an adolescent, and my mom told me not to make horrible jokes. So my unaccepting community, church, and family is the biggest reason why I married a man. The other reason is that I don’t know any lesbians in my area and I’m a femme attracted to femmes; a lot of my friends are bi women married to men, and I wasn’t interested in anything besides monogamy.. So because I never crossed paths with my dream girl, I wasn’t sure that she existed.
Good evening. I am a 38 year old male who has had a wonderful marriage of 14 years, today, to my wife. A few days ago, on instinct from what a close friend had told me that he discussed with another of his friends is that he thought my wife was a lesbian. He pointed out all the signs he saw and told me not to be really shocked if she should say something. My wife and I have these moments of “Just between us,” conversations so I broached the subject with her.
She admitted that she is attracted to other females and that it mainly spawned from being raped as a teenager. I’ve always told her that I love her and that maybe we should try different things. My friend is now involved in this and it may lead to other avenues for me as well. We’ve decided to give it a try and have an open relationship for our sake and so we can be happy. I’m a little nervous and afraid though, but I hold faith that my wife and I can work through this.
@jjohnson76, I am in a very similar situation. That’s why I am here…..searching for ideas of how this works. My husband and I have been married for 20 years. Without getting into a lot of detail, he is seeing a guy. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me but he is very attracted to this guy and is pursuing it. I was open in the beginning and told him we would both see other people…..open marriage. I’m just not sure how this works or if I can do this. I truly love him and want him to be happy. Just looking for answers to questions I’m not even sure of yet.
Angel, I commend you for having the courage to post here. My husband is also bi, he’s not seeing someone in particular but rather we see whomever together. That’s what he came up with to avoid any crazy emotions I may go through. I’m a Leo, I can be a bit trippy sometimes although I totally respect his sexuality and his wishes a whole. He does nothing intimate with another guy without me present, even if I’m only observing. He can have intimate alone time if he wishes to but that’s his idea and he’s sticking to it thus far, I totally support it. I also support him having a relationship without me involved if he so chooses to as he does with me. His choice, his sexuality. My choice my sexuality. 🙂 We respect our marriage first and foremost and always, always, always consult BEFORE any small thing with someone else. My being present helps a lot. He’s only went off once without me and I was dying inside the whole time…but I’ve had one encounter without him as well with his permission. I guess I felt what he must have felt. Who knows…? When you love someone there’s no telling how you may feel when things actually go down. We ALWAYS talk about how we both feel after we’ve been on a date with or intimate with someone. We sort through our feelings good or bad and we determine what works for us and what doesn’t. It’s been working thus far.
He knows where his loyalties lie, as do I and if not then we’ll deal with that should we have to cross one day. God willing we won’t. 🙂 Hope that helps a bit. I’m always here to support your journey and there’s always support for hubby here too. Maybe you can find some stuff in archives you two should read together. KDaddy is a bihusband, check out his articles and blog. Hope to see you around! Don’t be a stranger, keep Us posted on how you’re doing.
-Jay Dee, Founder
Hello Angel and thank you for your reply. First off, have you sat down and seriously asked him about his thoughts? My wife and I are just beginning to break the ice and I have allowed a close personal friend into our intimate lives. She has taken a small layer off that ice, but with anything, it will take time. I told my friend that I want to experience the bi side of things and that I was ready or think I am. There are still many questions to be answered but I have told my wife repeatedly, sometimes through crying and tears, that I love her and do not want to lose her or our children. Again, thank you for your response and questions. Its a long process and talking about it helps.
Me too..i keep coming back to this site. Just to feel ‘near’ to the people of my kind, sometimes,just sitting and reading comments from people who are also so like me..and it makes me feel that i finally belong somewhere. I come from the other part of the world but hell..yeah..who cares? ..i finally found my own kind..love you all.
Kat we love you too! Keep coming back. We hope to produce much more content with issues directly relevant to Us and Our Community. It can be hard to live in Our skin…that’s why we’re here. I’m really happy we could provide a place for you where you can feel at home, and ‘close’ to people who are like you. Comments like yours make all the effort behind the scenes worth it. Doesn’t matter where you come from…you’re one of Us and we’re here for you always!
-Jay Dee, Founder
Can you make it so perhaps people in certain cities can communicate and be friends? Start having chat forums with different regions? I would love to be able to connect with people in my city.
Thanks Jay Dee! Hoping to see more Asians here too. Nice having these beautiful people visiting this site! I know i am not alone anymore.
🙂 You rock! 🙂
I come back to this site all the time.. Reading stories so my I like mine, hi happily married to a supportive husband, and yet still missing this kind of community. I would really like some friends like me. I seriously have felt like it was so useless to keep trying to find another person like me that my husband and I have considered putting a post of Craigslist to see if we find like-minded people.. I may still. I dunno. Feels like I’m the only one like this some days. Anyway, I’d love to get to know any of you who would like to get to know me(: I’d love to have friends who get it.
So many of us are looking the for the same 🙂 looks like the site has some plans to make connecting a possibility
Amanda and Xbel I am actively searching for a tech volunteer who can create a platform that will facilitate communicating with each other. Wish Us luck! 🙂
That would be Awesome! Is it okay to post contact information here? Not a phone number.. but maybe facebook connection info until then? (:
I would totally love to reach out and have friends I can be myself around. I’m feeling really alone. My husband doesn’t really know how to handle it all and I feel bad because I can’t share it with any other friends.
I thought it only honest to report back that it has come to light that while my husband said to me 100 times that he understands that being bisexual isn’t just about sex, it wasn’t true. He has now told me that he just wants what I want. And in his words he doesn’t want to be monogamous. I asked if he wanted a relationship with someone else and he said no. He just has sexual desires for other women and doesn’t want to ignore them anymore. I feel like a fool for believing him. I told him my bisexual exploration pales in comparison for my love for him and my desire to be with him. He says if I can’t accept the fact that he’s going to be looking at profiles online of people he wants to sleep with the that’s my problem and I don’t love him if I have a problem with it. He says he can’t promise me that he won’t keep himself from going with this desire, online or whatever. So I guess I can’t be who he needs. It never was and never will be me.
I regret bearing my soul to him about myself. I’m disgusted that he thinks that his desire to just have sex with other people is the same as the intimate and deeply personal workings of being bisexual.
I never gave him an ultimatum for my sexuality. But he is giving me one. So just be careful folks. I’m jaded I know but guard your hearts, I don’t think love is real anymore. It can’t be because if anybody ever loved someone the right way I thought it was us. I was wrong.
Amanda, I know your pain oh too well. I went through similar situations in the past and I know how heartbreaking it can be. I hate to say this because I try not to get too close to other people’s marriages through unsolicited advice BUT this is NOT your fault in the least and your bisexuality did not create this warp in your marriage.
This is something inside of him he’s been holding in, as you’ve been holding your bisexuality. He’s just now releasing because he feels he has a window to do so using your bisexuality as his reason for being the way he is. I’m not giving you advice, I’m giving you my observations based on experience and lots of reflecting on the same EXACT situation. I read your words and see flashes of my past life before my eyes. I know how deeply I personalized ruining what could have been a good marriage if I wasn’t bisexual. I wore that guilt, I held on to that pain. I don’t want to see you do the same but it’s a process you may have to go through to find yourself and what you’re true to. I can only pray that you are guided by a higher power and you and your spirit can be healed through lots of INTROSPECTION and self love. You’ll be okay in due time honey. It will all work itself out one way or another. May not always work out the way we want it to work out but eventually it WILL work itself out.
Big hugs and prayers to you and for your marriage to return to a happy place of understanding and love VERY soon!
-Jay Dee, Founder
I agree.. Yet I feel compelled to post a response.. If your husband is looking at other profiles now openly that means that he has been doing it all along. I am in the same exact boat. My husbands lacks desire for me, which began shortly after we got married. He has masturbated 10x more times than we have had sex. I found myself begging. Anyway I know he loves me Simply lacks lust for me. Having said that NO your not alone. There are many woman like us. Porno and single woman are reeking havoc on marriages.
On a personal note I find the worst part is all his friends look at me and make comments on how well I keep it together.
His only fear is of me hooking up
With one of them.. I love this man. I would do anything for him. So love does exist unfortunatly it’s always given to undeserving.. I know I married the wrong person.
Xoxoxoxo
Amanda,
I don’t know if this will post. I’m not a registered guest yet but I’ve asked how to do it. I’m Barbara, I’m 52 years old and I’ve been married for 30 years. I knew I liked girls as far back as elementary school but I never acted on it. I just suppressed that side of me.
About 5 years ago my husband basically cornered me and said he’d always known I was at least bisexual. I was athletic in high school but went more femme in college and did some modeling. Once the cat was out of the proverbial bag, I figured openness would relieve the pressure I’ve lived with all these years. I met another woman with whom there is definitely chemistry. Asking him if I could experiment with that side of me was probably my error.He said I could play with another woman as long as he was included in it. I spoke with my friend and she was definitely opposed to it because she is married and to her, being with another woman is not actually “cheating.”
I’ve tried to hook-up with other women but they all already have their male lovers, boyfriends or husbands. My husband is a very good looking man, educated and can talk with anyone. He’s also very good in bed and is well above average with his erection size. Under the guise of a “chance meeting,” I introduced him to the woman I want to play with but told him she was a friend from work.
Afterward she said my husband was definitely attractive enough, but she does not want to have sex or even be naked with another man in the room because she is very happily married. Her husband does not know and I already know our husbands would be polar opposites and unable to form a friendship. Even if they did, her husband is definitely “homophobic” and would never allow her to try anything outside their marriage.
She and I chat all the time and we’ve gone as far as talked on the phone and talked using a video chat while we each masturbated. I desperately want to touch her and make out and at least give her oral sex. She’s not sure how she feels about doing the same to me, but she wants to kiss and receive it. Now we’re both at an impasse with our husbands and getting them to be okay with us experimenting without my husband present and hers knowing. It would be my first time and I feel too self-conscious about my husband watching us, so it’s become a point of frustration for both of us. There is no way we could safely sneak around and even if she changed her mind, I feel hollow and my adrenaline rushes when I think of my husband having any kind of intimate contact with her or anyone. This is a f–ked up situation for us both but I’m feeling I’ll never have an opportunity to act on my feelings toward another woman. Frustration and a little anger is an understatement. I feel my husband is being selfish but I did take my vows with him. I share your feelings! I don’t know how others have made it work.
Sincerely,
Barbara JO
California
me too it would sure be nice to find friends who are bi like myself. Ones that live close to me would be great too.
We are in the same boat…just saying I felt alone and wish I had a community that understood me.
I know exactly how you feel. My husband is so supportive and said I could have a girlfriend for myself. I thought I had found someone and after a month her husband said it had to stop. I am heartbroken and back to the start again. I am looking for a friend and a lover but it is so hard to find
Same here. I’m smart, beautiful, funny, great family…and haven’t found a girlfriend yet. Hubby and I discuss it all the time. I’m trying online again this season. A bit optimistic. It’s just hard meeting females who are single and sexually safe with their partners (health is paramount) or another married woman with a husband as chill as mine.
I didn’t meet ‘Her’ organically through the Summer and Fall as I’d hoped so let’s see what the internet has to offer…again. 😦
-Jay Dee, Founder
I did finally come out to my mother. She us mad and told me I am going to hell. My husband wants me happy, but got jealous when I met a friend. I am close to her on every level but sexually. I need it all. I want to stay married, but have a full relationship with a women. I know this is hard because my husband and kids want my attention, but I crave affection from a women too.
Dear Mary,
Calm down and just be proud of who you are. We are..as i know..a bunch of special soul. How could be loving another human being makes you a sinner and go to hell?..it takes time to find our true soul..our true self..now that you found yourself..be happy. Your family should not be worrying as nothing can change their place in your heart..am i right? All we need is a little space to stretch our wings to be the ‘real us’..
Mary, the only one who can determine if you’re going to Hell is God himself and Him alone. Husbands can go through periods of jealousy, they’re human too. It’s something you have to work through. Maybe you can bring him here to check out some of the posts and comments. He can also post himself if he likes to get support for his feelings on your bisexuality. Your desire to be with a woman and maintain your marriage is no stranger to any of Us here…we all know the feeling. 🙂 😦 I know how demanding life as a mom and a wife can be and I give you kudos for having the courage to post here. I hope all works out well with you and hubby and don’t forget, we’re here for both of you and the longevity of your marriage. We want to see happy, healthy marriages built off effective, open, honest communication and understanding. If We can help you at all, we’re here.
-Jay Dee, Founder
Hello my name is “John” and my wife and I have been married for six years. I’ve known that my wife was bi before we got married and it has never been an issue until now. We’ve always talked about threesomes and how great it would be for our marriage. But there was always that fear that the other would fall for someone else. So we decided that we were not ready until there’s is complete trust from both of us. Just recently my wife told me that she feels like she is missing out sexually because there’s just something that a man can never provide. She wants to be able to see other women and fulfill her bisexuality and I didn’t feel comfortable “sharing” her and I told her that I didn’t think it was ok. I don’t like the idea of her being with another person. Just to make things very clear I don’t have a problem with her being bisexual I only have a problem with letting her be intimate with another person alone. She feels that she should have the right to see other women and for me to just be faithful to her only. I let her know how I felt and even said that if she wants to have an open marriage and we should both have the option to see other women. I would never cheat on my wife and I know my wife would never cheat on me either so as long as there was mutual trust and agreement then sure lets go for it. She thinks that’s it’s my ego getting in the way and that I just want other women. I put my foot down and said “look this isn’t a gay or bi issue, the problem is that u want me to be ok with you being with another person sexually and you don’t want me to explore other people”. She said, ” since you’re not bi you don’t understand”.
Hi John,
Just a few questions, as I would like some insight on your opinions to try to figure out my own scenario, and perhaps help you sift through your own feelings. I apologize if any of these seem blunt, that is not my intention.
First, you mentioned that you’re uncomfortable with her being intimate with someone while you’re not around. You then said that you would be okay with it, if you also were allowed to sleep with women with her not around. I am wondering, how will this help you feel more secure in your current relationship? Are you really concerned with what she needs, or are you more concerned with getting whatever she gets (i.e. “fair” play)? Assuming your needs do not include both genders, but hers do. Are you concerned she will fall for another woman and leave you? Would you feel more or less comfortable if she were requesting to sleep with other men instead of other women? Are you aware that bisexual people in general are more proned to depression and suicide, because in addition to not being understood or accepted, they find themselves being forced to choose between figuring out who they truly are and keeping a straight spouse happy (either by stifling one side of their sexuality completely, or by allowing their spouse to take part in extramarital hetero sex when they’re not emotionally ready for it, just so they’re allowed to express their full sexuality)? Just a few questions, as I’m trying to understand the straight side of things. I apologize if any of them were rude or off-putting, it’s such a testy situation. Good luck!
Hi guys. I’m 26 years old, married 6 years and have been bi since I was a kid but didn’t accept it about myself until 3 1/2 years ago. I guess it was always easy for me to ignore my lady-lovin’ side because I was so attracted to men as well and because of my familial rigidity towards the subject of sexuality. I have been attracted to most of my girl best friends and did make out with a couple of them, never really following through with what I was feeling.
When I finally accepted that I am bi, I kept it to myself for a while, unsure of how my husband would react to it. I told him a few months later after stressing myself to death and adjusting to my attraction to women and he was initially shocked to hear it, but was never not open to it.
Even though he’s been understanding, as with any marriage we’ve had our ups and downs. Most of those things are normal, living-with-someone issues but the big one is that I’d like to pursue a full relationship with a woman. He’s a good man. He’s open to it and knows that I’m not interested in sharing and says he’s okay with it. I, on the other hand, am nervous as hell about the implications and possible outcomes that bringing another person into my life will have on our relationship. In our relationship, my husband is the overly-emotional one and I am the stoic one. He has some personal insecurities that he struggles with. Even though he swears he wouldn’t be jealous, I am not convinced of that. I can see him becoming resentful towards me very easily for not giving him enough time or love. He’s said and I know that he truly loves me and wants me to be happy and that we both want to be married. Right now I’m trying to be attentive to his needs but I feel like I’m compromising myself and that pursuing a relationship with a woman would not be healthy for us as a couple.
When I say relationship, I mean I want a full relationship, not just sex and I think that’s the part that worries me the most. If it was just sex, I would go for it and it would be fine. I think the connection is what would kill it for my husband. That’s where he would have trouble. So for now, we’re stuck in a rut trying to work on us. I really don’t know if it’s healthier for us to try and experiment with a new lifestyle or if we should continue trying to solidify what we have before I make the leap. Or maybe I should just try and put it out of my mind altogether. I don’t want to ruin what we have and neither does he. I don’t want to risk killing our relationship by developing and strengthening a new one with things that he cannot do for me. But the other side of me is scared that my life is passing me by and that I could very well be missing out on something that could really bring a lot of joy into my life.
No one in my life except for my husband, brother and cousin know I’m bi. I’m not openly out as of yet, I haven’t been able to discuss any of this with anyone. Some of these stories give me hope that we’ll overcome and grow from this. I’m glad I’ve found this place.
I could just copy and paste your story!!! It’s exactly the same to mine, almost to a T!! You inspire me, everything I’ve ever wanted to say u said. Wow I’m just in awe. I’m so happy to have found this website thank you, I guess for being you and sharing your story and making it easier for someone like me to maybe come out to more than just my husband brother and cousin lol seriously it’s uncanny the similarities…..
I diffently know how you feel. I knew I was at a young age and made out at 10. I have been married 19 and together 21. We have 5 kids and he cheated several times. I made a long distance trip with my daughters to meet a women I have a strong connection with. Her husband called me a b…. And a stalker. She has a bf who can’t make time for her. We hung out and she was happy. Got her together with a okd friend she may hook up with. It is a close friendshio that I wish could be more, but won’t. I know how you feel. My husband is jealous of our friendship and cheated while I was gone. They say they are open to it and then get pissed. Mine wants to meet whoever I am interested in. I think he hopes to be with her to.
Hello…
I’m 32…I recently told my husband of 5 years (together since we were 20) that I’m Bi and have always known this about myself.. but that I chose to not tell him (until now) because a number of things: I was embarrassed, I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted at 20, I didn’t think he would accept this part of me, I was happy with him. I was confused.. I’ve never had a girlfriend, have kissed 5 girls in my life and have had sex with 1, one time. What haunts me is that I love and respect my husband and we are soul mates, but when I close my eyes at night I think about women…After I finally revealed to him about me being Bi he was totally taken aback but also understanding..I mean, this is big news.. It’s not easy for both parties. I told him that it’s apart of me and that I should have never thought he was to judge me. At the moment I don’t know what this means, we have a long way to go, but I highly suggest anyone wanting to have a healthy marriage, tell them what makes you-you, forever and always… I wish I had done so earlier in our relationship but that is in the past, and we are now working on the future. I don’t know what I want either. Do I want a girlfriend? Do I want a make out buddy? Do I want an emotional connection with a woman? Do I want my cake and eat it too? Funny how women offer different energy and how alluring it can be…. I often think about what my marriage means to me. That my husband has expressed his disinterest in me showing anyone else personal sexual attention.. and that is perfectly fair… He is perfectly allowed to feel and think this. I want to be the person he married and loves and trusts..His wants and needs is what our marriage was.. my wants and needs are important too and I’m having a hard time believing that it’s fair to have a very hetero marriage when I am very attracted women. I’m having a hard time thinking that I’ll live my life giving him what he wants (our marriage alone) and not giving myself what I want (what is that even?!).. what life is that? That any human is to live their life not exactly how they want it.. I often think that life isn’t fair and we must sacrifice somethings to those we love.. I often think that-that isn’t a way to live.. I’m having a hard time thinking that I’d lose my best friend and life mate over selfish fantasies of being with women.. There is nothing more I want than to be with him and make him happy (and he wants to make me happy too) but there is nothing more I want than to be myself. Finally… in this bisexual skin that has taken forever to come out… What will happen I have no clue.. I do know that I am very proud of myself for putting it out into the world to the one person who matters most to me.. He finally knows who I really am and am thankful for that.
Just random thoughts..
Hi Guys
Okay here goes, I am a 30 year old straight guy, about 11 months ago i met a 26 year old woman, we have a good relationship and she is caring and we do love each other.
A little history about her, she comes from a really disturbed home with both alcoholic parents and a father who hated her and blamed her for all that went wrong in their lives, he finally walked out on them when she was 18 and never looked back, this has affected her greatly and ive noticed that she gets very fidgety and nervous when around an unknown man or in some cases any man who stands tall and demands attention, i do not get jealous but i noticed this trait in her, i can relate it to her having a bad father who has instilled this insecurity in her and i have told her that i will not hurt her and i do not want to.Ive also had an alcoholic father growing up who abused me and teased me but luckyly my mother was a strong woman who invested in her 4 kids as i single mom. After travelling for 6 years around the Europe and reading loads of books and speaking to people ive learnt to come to terms with my insecurities and i still do have them but i know what i want and the direction that my life is going, im not saying that my girlfriend doesn’t she also works and have plans and ambition to better herself. *Please note that i am not saying she is bi sexual because of her past i am merely filling you in on our different situations.
We met on Facebook as we are from the same area, the first day we met on the beach i got some wine and we chatted, she cried out to me about her life within an hour of talking to her in the beach, i noticed that she was deeply hurt by her life events. Being a good guy, after seeing her cry, towards the end of the night i told her ill drop her home but she insisted on coming back to my place so i agreed, when there, one thing led to another and we had mind blowing sex, the fact that she could easily sleep with a ‘stranger’ after 3 glasses of wine made me wonder but i gave her the benefit of the doubt as she seemed like a hurt person. When we met she told me that she was bi sexual and she said that she didn’t have any need to be with a woman so i didn’t say much and i let it go, considering that i am fairly open minded to a certain extent and have nothing against bisexuals, gays and lesbians. After been together for about 6 months, when out in public, i noticed that she admired other woman freely, probably not knowing that i noticed, but it got to an extent where it was hurtful to me and quiet blatant as my best friend noticed that and gave me a confused look, when i did ask her she denied it and said all she wants is me, so i left it at that once again, I tried to speak about her sexuality a few times but she usually brushes me off in the slightest.
Im sorry to post such a long story here but i am really stuck between a rock and a hard place, i am not as narrow minded as i might seem in this post and i do respect that she is bi sexual but after reading all these posts of woman wanting “something more” a few years after marriage it worry’s me, i am not the kind of person who will allow any of that, call me old school but im sorry, i do not think i can go on like this with this uncertainty, we all want to feel secure and trust our partners but i cannot trust her.
To be honest she said that i have brought a lot of happiness to her life and she is grateful for that, my problem is…Am i her scape goat to get out of all the hurt and does she love me for the wrong reasons as a fatherly figure and not as a lover, am i spending my valuable time with a woman who doesn’t really know what she wants and may or may not cheat on me be it with another woman or man for that matter?
Its clear that she likes woman, even if a steamy scene comes on TV with 2 woman kissing, she frowns her face in a disgusting way but i know that she likes that but she is probably hiding it from me as she is scared i will not approve.
Has anyone been in this situation before, i do know that this is a bi wife site but i want to know what do you think i should do? Im not macho and i do not disrespect my woman, i am a man who will ask an assess and then make a decision obviously without hurting her as that is the last thing that i want to do
Please help!!!
Jay
I think you bring up some important points that bisexuals experience in relationships. The fear that we cannot be totally ourselves because our partners have not learned everything there is to learn about the experience of being bisexual. Trusting your partner takes A LOT OF RISK. It’s possible that her personal struggles are stirring up unfinished emotional issues within you that likely still have to be worked through or else you wouldn’t be as scared about losing her. The thing is, love is the biggest risk we can all take. It requires investing our hearts in someone and taking the risk of getting it broken. But if you have enough of your well filled up (and by that I mean your own well of self love), you will be able to tackle the fear more readily with your wise loving self. Cultivating a wise loving self takes a lifetime. It takes lots of self work and it seems like it is definitely something you have experience doing, from what you say about working through issues. The key is learning to harness you own inner strength to fill up this well when fear takes hold.
Your fear is most likely tied to the loss of control. Because you do not know what will happen with your partner. Her decisions, her issues, her worldview, her sexuality, her upbringing, her level of self worth and self esteem have little to do with how much you can love her and everything to do with how much she loves herself. If she tells you she is bisexual and she is comfortably able to express that to you be proud of her because that takes a lot of courage and strength in a society that is not completely open to us. And if she is telling you she doesn’t want to pursue relationships with other women, then believe her. Because bisexuals are just as capable of being monogamous as nonmonogamous. It comes down to what we want and need. It is different for each person and for each relationship.
Not everyone can handle monogamy and not everyone can handle non-monogamy. Both relationship dynamics have their struggles. At the same time, she has to feel safe enough to express her desires to you and there has to be a space for that in your relationship. This space does not have to require relations with other people but it can involve a trusting open space where you are given the freedom to be yourselves together and separately. Trust me, these desires do not go away. They are apart of who we are as people and while the desires we experience might ebb and flow with our emotional needs, our connection to ourselves, and our environment, it should be something that is celebrated because our sexuality is a core part of who we are and not something we can just hide.
I am a bi woman married to a straight man. I was in a relationship with a woman for years before I started dating my now husband. He knows I am bi and supports it. He even sends me pictures of hot girls and points them out when we go on dates. Being bi has never been a problem for me, until I got married. He is my best friend and soul mate and neither one of us have ever been with another person since we have been together. We have discussed having a threesome but before the conversation ends he always says he couldn’t do it. I would never be with a girl without him involved or telling me it’s ok. But here lately all I can do is think about girls. It has gotten worse and I’m afraid he won’t warm up to idea of having another girl in our bed. I seriously don’t know what to do because I truly love him but I’m seriously missing a woman’s touch.
I’m in such a similar situation, Amber! I adore my husband, we’ve been married for 3 years. I do miss being with women, but since we’ve been married, he has answered the idea of a threesome with a flat no (although we never had one while dating either). What are my options? Do something behind his back? I could never. Watch porn? Yuck, it’s all clearly made for men. Try to wear him down and risk FUBAR-ing my marriage? It’s so frustrating! Especially when I don’t even want some big relationship with a woman, just a close friend to hang out and make out with. Is that too much to ask??
I’ll be your friend! I’m married 3 years now and I secretly, but not so secretly love women! I have only been with one. But I’ve kissed a few and “I liked it” as Katty perry puts it. (SO, cheesy I know lol) I just want to feel the soft skin and lips of another woman again. I miss it.
Becky, I’m in the opposite position… My husband is very supportive and I would love more than anything do do exactly what you said! Not have a big relationship but a friend to hang out with make out with … When you find a place to find a woman willing to be that in a married relationship let me know 🙂 I think it’s just has hard to find what we want …
It’s unfortunate that your hubby gives it a flat out no … The only way to change his mind is for him to experience it!
Looks like a lot of us want the same thing, but we can’t find it…. Why is it so hard…?
My life is so similar.
I was in a two year engagement with a woman before I met my husband. In between, I wasn’t even interested in men all I had was being in another relationship with a woman. It’s all I desired. He came out of left field and now we’ve been together for almost four years and have two children already lol he knew me very well before we were anything serious and knew I am a bi sexual. He today, shakes his head at the thought and I belive is sort of intimidated by it. He has mentioned before that he worries I coukd miss the softness of a woman, things he could never give to me. And I could never ever tell him that I DO:/ I miss it terribly. I love him with all my heart and couldn’t imagine life without him. But I can’t change that I still yearn to be with a woman I remember and my stomach gets butterflies and I get super excited and sad all at once. Knowing that I can never feel that way again is very devastating to me. I choose to try and not think of it. But that’s impossible it always comes back and it’s all very confusing. As I’m sure it would sound to anyone. I’m happy I found this site because I really don’t have anyone to tell this too. He is not attracted to girl on girl stuff or threesomes. He’s very conservative and would never consider anything that could possibly feed my appetite. I have a strong desire to be in an emotional and physical relationship with a woman again. but I would never want my husband to step out on me and I couldn’t do it to him… And frankly if he told me he was into men and asked for a threesome or if he could get his groove on with some dude sometimes after work i would be devastated. And would not agree. I’d feel like “why am I not good enough??” “Your supposed to LOVEme.” But here I am. Thing is he came into this relationship knowing who I am. We are still very young in our lives/marriage so I try not to think so dark concrete about it. Like “you will never ever for the rest of your life be able to kiss or be intimate with a woman again.” Because that thought is sad and gloomy like things could change down he road, he may open up or when are kids are older he and I might be more open to new subjects…I don’t know. All I know is it has been five years since I have been with another woman and time does not make the feelings fade away. Being with the opposite sex marrying them and having family life does not make the feelings fade away. Even being in love already. It controls you from cheating but no, the desire has never ceased. I feel like if I ever, if I everrr get the opportunity again I will go absolutely crazy on her lol
I am a bi.wife. I have been married to my bed for several years. He loves me and has always known my orientation. We have spoken many times about my desire for a female companion. It’s not a strictly or even primarily sexual desire. Theoretically he has always been supportive. I am not interested in a triad as I do not want to see him with another woman. I have met a woman I adore. He is having trouble with this. He isn’t interested in being with another woman and is jealous of the time I spend with this girl. But I can’t bring her home because we have children and I don’t know her well enough yet to have her around them. So that time is spent seperate from him. How do I cultivate my relationship with her while letting him know he is the love of my life??? And since he is trying to be supportive how after a time do we form a unit? Is anyone else in a similar situation?
I have actually became friends wirh a women, but she lives far away and has both a husband and bf. I will make a 800 mile trip to see her.
I’m a 20 year old bike woman who has been in a loving and wonderful marriage with my husband of 6 months for the past 4 years. We have a fairly normal marriage an AMAZING sex life, and no major issues.
Since our relationship began just before we turned 16 I have never been with another man or woman. When it comes to other men I couldn’t possibly think of ever being with another. My husband is the only man for me… women on the other hand is a whole other story.
For the past few weeks my lust for the idea of being with a woman (sexu ally and not romantically) has been almost an obsession, I have been having dreams of having an affair with a cute little brunette for the past week and every morning I wake up and look at my husband and feel so much love for him and shame for the infidelity I had committed in my dreams… I love him so much but a huge piece of me feels missing. I just am afraid that I will dissatisfied with my sex life forever for something my husband could never provide for me even if he wanted to. A woman’s body and touch.
I think if I could just have one experience with another woman, maybe I’d feel better.
The worst part is I can’t even talk to him about how I feel because last time he got really offended and wouldn’t let me explain. Talking about it really hurts his feelings and I feel like I’m falling apart a little bit because of it
I can’t help but wish he was the kind of guy who openly supported my sexuality and allowed be to explore. Or that he was a woman… I think I’d be happier
What do I do?
I wish I could give you an answer. Your situation is almost identical to mine. I’ve also been with my hubby since we were 16. I feel guilty that I feel the need for intimacy for anyone but him. I don’t want another man either, but I do want to be with a woman. It is insane how bad I want it! He feels the same as yours about persuing it. In fact he is clearly threatened by me wanting it. He doesn’t understand that it has nothing to do with what he can give me but what he can’t. Like you said, the touch and feel of a woman. I’ve tried to explain but he doesn’t understand. I feel like they should at least be happy we aren’t pursuing other men. . . That means they’ve met that need.
It took me a long time to come to terms with everything and sharing it with him has been tough, but he is my best friend. I don’t know that you would be happier if he was a woman. You are attracted to him as a man. Unfortunately I think it is difficult for guys to realize we desire more than they can give us. They want to be our everything . . . I wish it was that simple 😉
I also feel incomplete without a sexual experience with a woman. I almost resent him for not letting me have one. Especially since I’ve never had a chance to have anyone else. I am scared that one day I will pursue a relationship with a woman anyway.
I know that probably didn’t help lol but I felt like I should reach out to you since our situations are so similar. What we are going through sucks enough without feeling alone 😉
Wow!! I totally exactly feel your pain! Down to the point of sometimes wishing my husband was a woman! Lmao I know it sounds funny but it has come through my mind a time or two and i also wish he was the type that would allow me to explore and be fully myself.. But on the other hand I can understand why he wouldn’t want me to be sexual with another person. He’s not one of those guys who thinks of girls making out and gets a boner he isn’t turned on by any sort of homosexuality. Like what do people do in these situations besides go on sites like these?? Lol
We are a retired couple. I am straight and my wife is bi. I have lived and lovingly accepted my wife’s bisexuallity, sometimes more than she does. She learned that she was bi at the age of 49 although she really was bi all her life. She was a virgin at the age of 22 and I noticed that she never got upset when I looked at good looking women at the mall, at beaches, etc.. She would even point them out to me. Then she wanted to go to nude beaches on vacation and I saw her look at women. I always asked her if she had any sexual fantasies that she wanted fulfilled or fetishes. She always said no. Then one day she asked a visiting friend to help her give me something I always wanted, a FFM threesome. Suffice it to say that it was mostly a twosome between then.
That was the first time my wife really knew she is bisexual. My wife always rejected my offers for her to try another man, since I was her one and only, or a MMF threesome so if she did not like it, she could just focus on me. Not interested at all. A few months ago I again offered a MMF threesome and she said no thanks again. I jokingly asked if she would be interested in me performing oral on another man in the threesome. To my surprise she said only if she did not have to have sex with the other guy. I dropped it after that because I have never been attracted to men.
The problem is that lately she has been making comments suggesting that I would have sex with men. Tonight was another example when we saw a good looking couple on TV. She would say that she would “do” both of them and then say she bets I would “do” the guy. She keeps talking about me with another guy. I will admit that as I got older I was more open to being a little sexual with a guy. I think they call it heteroflexible. I would consider oral but that would be as far as I am comfortable going. I would also need a few drinks in me and my wife playing with me while I did it. She sees that I am not as dead set against it as I used to be so she keeps hinting at it. I sometimes feel like she would love if I was bisexual too for some reason. I think she still views herself as not being normal. When we married, life was not easy for non straight people. No one was coming out of the closet back then and no one believed in bisexuality. You were either gay or a lesbian, nothing in-between.
I am starting to feel that she will feel better about her sexuality if I was bi too. It took her a very long time to admit she was bi and I always felt that she was afraid that I thought she was cheating if she was with another women. I encouraged her and told her many times how happy I was that she is happy and yet…..
Anyone else experience anything like this with a spouse. I feel like she will feel better if I was bisexual too for some reason. I do not know if she wants me to experience sex with both genders or wants me to do it to make her feel better about being bisexual when I am not.
Just wanted to share that it is possible for perfection. I have been married for 17 years. We have had our ups and downs. He has always known that I have been bi,and we have, in the beginning of our marriage ,had a 3 some …which got complicated and didn’t end well …but our marriage has stayed strong. Now that my children are older, my sexuality has become more important again. I started an affair with another married woman…which started off quite casually, but over the last year has blossomed into full on love. I told my husband that I love her,but also love him. He says that as long as I am open and honest with him,it’s ok. There are times when he is insecure, but we work through it. Our sex life has improved a lot since I have been with my lover. And sex with my lover is mind blowingly good! She is my twin soul and I couldn’t be without her. I need them both. I have never been happier. My lover’s marriage has also improved since we have been together. It’s all good.
Cathy I really want to thank you for sharin your story with Us. Your marriage is an inspiration to so many. Thanks again for sharing. Hopefully your comment can inspire others to achieve that balance. -Jay Dee, Founder
Good for you. I was very lucky that my wife’s girlfriend and I had a crush on each other since childhood. In fact, my wife got her in bed by using me as the lure. The three of us lived happily every after for 30 years. Our girlfriend married a man who was OK with his wife spending time with us every month. My wife is a one guy, one gal kind of woman and never wanted any other male or female in her life. I think we had a once in a lifetime thing. We just blended together wonderfully with no jealousy at all, even by our girlfriend’s husband which socialized with us when his wife was not staying with us as our lover.
None of us ever got jealous no matter who had sex with who or how much time was spent with each other. We even invited our girlfriend’s husband to join us on vacation. If I had to do it again, I would not change a thing. Sharing a lover eliminated all the drama and problems that our other poly friends had.
I read a lot about so-called “understanding husbands” out there, but it has really been my experience that the only “understanding” men want to extend to their wives is they like the Bi-wife thing, but they also expect it to be a green light to participate or at least be able to watch.
We used to have a terrific relationship with a girlfriend who was into us as a couple, but after a few months she (and I) wanted some “alone time.” I posed that to my husband and it went completely flat. He I could enjoy her as much as I wanted or needed, but it was not going to happen without him at least being there. That was OK at times, but there is no way to replicate the connection between two women without always having that mental distraction of knowing he is still in the room or in the house.
If your husband is truly an understanding man who respects your need to passionately and intimately be with a woman, he must also be able to subordinate his ego and male insecurities, knowing that the “other woman” is no threat to your marriage. She is only another human being with the same needs. For me it fueled such frustration that I told him that I would not be OK with him enjoying her in bed.
He went along with that but it created such sexual tension between the two of them that she no longer wanted to support me, saying she did not want to be party to the disagreement since we all enjoyed each other and she particularly appreciated his attentiveness, endowment and ability to balance his ‘services” for us both. She began to pressure me to allow him to fuck her again, which took away any real power I had to get to where we both wanted. When she told me she was fine with always including him or the times he just watched us or went to the living-room to watch TV, but it was not ‘truly alone time” that I wanted. That created tension and made me feel like neither of them were willing to support me. I decided I’d had enough and ended it.
I have not been with another woman in several years now. I tried to sneak in a weekend morning play-date with her, but there was no way for me to really conceal it and shit hit the fan. his position now is that I’m actually punishing myself because I’m depriving myself of something that I need and was actually pretty good, but oh well. There are no real “understanding” husbands. There has to be something in the decision for them or there is no understanding compromise.
Sincerely,
BJO
Wow! That was very well expressed! Would you like to write with Us? 🙂 I’m so sorry things have been rough for you. 😦 I don’t share much about my marriages intimacies out of respect for my husband’s wishes but trust me I can identify with your perspective. This BiWifeLife has so many sides to it, so many perspectives. Thank youf for sharing yours with Us! I encourage you to look around, comment and maybe connect with others here. May e even just reading through articles and comments may help ease your burden. Welcome and look forward to seeing more of you around…prayig thigs improve in your marriage!
-Jay Dee, Founder
I have started looking around and found a lady I have a deep connection with. She is married, has a bf, but is interested in me. The main issue us she lives so far away. Just having a online relationship is not enough. I am falling for het and she knows it. My husband is so jealous of her and wants me to get someone closer. I think he does want me to be with a closer woman to be with her too.
I was given the green light to find someone. I met a friend who’s married, has a bf, and is bi. Only problem is she lives 1200 miles away. The other problem is he wants me to get a ad on Craig’s list to find someone to have a relationship with close by. This person and I have a strong connection. I want to meet her, but family thinks it woukd be a waste of time and money. Just having female friend that I am close to makes me happy, although I would like to have someone near by and not have a mad husband. He cheated 3 times its my turn to be happy.
I disagree that there is no understanding husbands. I do not see women as a threat to me at all. My wife has had girlfriends that I sometimes never met. She still goes on dates 3 nights a week while I wait home with the dog. I just ask her if she had a good time no matter what time she gets home. I don’t ask for or receive any details. Do not even know if she had sex or just drinks. I do not think you can generalize about husband of bi women no more than you can for anything else.
Yes, I have had threesomes with my wife and another women. Sometimes the other woman was my girlfriend and sometimes hers. Sometimes we shared a girlfriend that wanted to do threesomes because they felt more comfortable if a man was involved than just two women. We have even had a few bi-curious women decide sex with my wife was not enjoyable and just concentrate on me My wife is always respectful of their wishes..
I think you are viewing things from the standpoint of a traditional marriage. We had an open relationship since I was out of the country on business for almost half of each year and my wife has a few surgeries that put her out of action for months at a time. We just waited six months to be able to have sex again and she is looking for a new girlfriend with my encouragement.
I have met many men with bisexual wives that have no interest in joining them unless asked. Their wives have sex with both men and women and return home to their husbands when done. I never did want sex with most of the girlfriends my wife brought home because her taste in women in not mine.
My wife has always been fine with me dating women too and never once asked me to bring them home. I really did not want to share them anyway. I am greedy like that. 🙂
This gives me hope! Being a married bi woman is tough. Luckily I have been blessed with an amazing understanding man. He knew my nature from the start. He has accepted and let me be me.
But I found a female I wanted to have a relationship with. She made my heart leap. She added to me, if that makes sense. I have told her how I feel about her and I have also mentioned the idea of us having a relationship on the side of our individual relationships. With the other parties knowing full open trust. There would be no threesomes with each other partner. She turned me down. I think its because she is afraid to that lifestyle. And I am not one to push. We remain friends and will continue as such.
Sorry got off into a tangent. But this does give hope that I will find something very similar to this. Thank you again
Wow Cathy!!! That’s a dream come true! Jealousssss! Lol
Thank you sharing. There is hope.
Hello everyone,
Glad I was able to find this website, I am in need of help. But my situation is different from most of the women here.
I am 26 never been married, never really had successful relationships with either side, nor have any kids. I have been attracted to women since the 4th grade, but also have been attracted to men most of my life. Growing up, my past best friends, were all women I was attracted to, had feelings for, and have even fallen in love with them. All at the same time, I was crushing and liking, and dating guys. My first experience with a girl was about 2 years ago when my current best friend and I would make out at a club we used to attend to. but doing this led to nothing, she didn’t want me but instead found her boyfriend. But this is the main issue I have that doesn’t involve her, but another women.
I work for an elementary school and while there, I met a married women who has a 1yr baby. We met in September and hit it off good in a way that was co-worker friendship way. Throughout the months our workership/friendship was building and going great. At first I wasn’t attracted to her, but that had changed. I started to notice her more and talk about her among others. I soon found myself thinking she was beautiful and attractive, but I never did anything about it, said anything or even made a big deal back then. It wasn’t until mid February, that we started texting and noticed at times, that are text messages seemed a bit playful in a flirty sense. More so, in March those texts got flirty and that was the month I developed feelings for her.
It wasn’t until the April where we admitted that we had feelings for each other. And our text messages were intense of how we felt. We both talked about what we felt and that what we feel is wrong because she’s married and has a child, and it seemed unfair because I don’t but we both accepted. For her, before she was married she was with a women for 2 years and then found her husband. They’ve been married for 8years. She said I had brought out the best of her, the person she used to be and that she missed. She also told me that she loves her husband, but that if she as in love with him, she wouldn’t be feeling what she feels for me. She couldn’t see her life without me. Nor her husband. But her husband doesn’t know about any of the things we’ve said or done. We’ve only kissed once. But this is the hard part.
Around the 2nd week of May she found out she is pregnant with her 2nd child. She told me that she needed to focus on the human growing inside her so she was going to put her feelings aside. Well, I’ve written her letters on how I can’t let go of what I feel for her, that she’s important and its just difficult. She has rejected me twice because to her its unfair that she has a whole complete life and I don’t have any of that in mine. But yet, we still give each other intense eye looks, we still feel the intensity when we look at each other. Sometimes, she says things that still make it hard to let her go. Like she’ll tell me she couldn’t take her eyes off of me, or I made her smile, just little things like that. It confuses me its like she’s pushing me away but grabbing me back. I’ve been feeling so off since she told me and its just been hard. I’ve tried to let her go, but something holds me back. I just don’t know what to do…. Sorry this is really long.
I have been married 19 years, together 21,with. Five kids. He has bi polar and has cheated several times. We have been through everything together and back. Fron being at rock bottom poor to on top. I kissed a girl when I was young more than once. There have been a couple girls my husband worked with and was friends with that I have been attracted to and I haven’t been able to get close too. He says if I am attracted to them then to go for it as long as at the end of the day I come home to him. He sees me as attractive, but I feel being over weight makes me feel ugly. I am 5′ 4 and 200. I would like to be with a women, but not sure how to approach them nor what bi women look for in each other.
I know how you feel. I feel exactly the same. I could have written that post word for word. How do I go forward? At least I know I’m not alone in this. Good to know someone else has the same thoughts.
Well now my husband is for it, but jealous. I found someone i have a strong connection with, married with a guy she likes, and lives 1200 miles away. Life sucks when this happens. We can’t help who we fall for and it differently is painful when we crave someone so bad. I think the lady your after wants the mommy life right now, but wants you too. Give her time.
I am glad I have found this webpage. I have hesitated for a while to post out here, but finally decided to. I just turned 30 years old and have been married for 5 years! I love my husband deeply and find him very attractive, but for some reason find myself thinking about being with a women. I have never been with a women, but I was really close to my best friend in high school to the point it was confusing, which actually ended up being a real mess, as she got mad at me for moving to go to college and got really jaleous of all the relationship I had. We actually lost touch for almost 5 years and started to talk to each other again about a year ago. I do not know if all these feelings are coming back because of her! I do not even know what she feels for me. We both have agreed that we were really close, but never talked about our personal feelings for each other. I may be really wrong and been the only one with those feelings… to be honest I have not idea. I am not necerally attrated to her anymore and she is not my type of women, but I guess we still have that connection. I guess I am talking, rather writing all lot and I don’t really know where I am going with this.
I just know that I am pretty picky and “scared”, because I really do not want to be cheated on my husband, but I keep on having these thoughts and wishes. I do not know if I should act on them or not. I do not know what would happen if I act on them. Like I said I love my husband and actually want to have kids with him. I do not even know what I want. I guess this is me putting into words about what I feel, well there is way more to the story, but I guess that’s a start to putting my thoughts out there.
Well it seems that I have the opposite problem than everyone else on here, I have been married for nearly 8 years, knew I was bisexual since I was in year 5..my boyfriends and girlfriends growing up knew, same goes for my husband. The problem is as much, as I am love is undefined and that you can love anyone and even two people at once etc. The issue is that for the last few years of our marriage , I have felt more driven towards women, sexually..my husband is all for it and accepting of it..but it seems that i am not, I feel like I’m stuck in a rut, conflicting thoughts..I have felt more of wanting to not be bisexual..as i don’t know how I feel about it all or go about it without causing issues.. not for him but for myself as i am very self conscious. It was so much easier when I was just dating but since it has been nearly 10 years since I have been with a women, I’m finding myself sexuality wise a lot harder to deal with now days since I’m married.
Sa.me waters here but ni boat. Im telling my husband tonight that Im bi.
My husband said go for it. We have had a lot going on and he cheated. I had feelungs for gurls in 4th grade. I am scared to put myself out there. I fear my weight or looks will stop me from finding happiness and having kids.
Thank you so much for this website…! It’s been so overwhelming for me to feel like a wrong person all the time… At least it’s a relief to know that I’m not alone. Anyway, I still did (I am doing…) something really bad and I can’t help feeling the worst person ever. I’ve been married to my husband for 3 years and it’s been 6 months I fell in love with my girlfriend. It was a crazy sexual attraction, and tender feelings as well. I thought I would just go insane if I didn’t act on it (and for 5 months I didn’t do anything), but now I feel like I’m going insane because I did act on it… I cheated…I’ve been dating her for the last 3 weeks. I tried to talk to him before it… I swear I tried… He wasn’t open, he even told me:” but would you like to have a girlfriend at some point? Cause that would not be ok”. I’m on therapy, I’m meditating, I’m trying to pray, all that to try to keep my mind sane, but that’s SO hard…I feel like I won’t be able to handle it at some point… I mean to deal with my own mind… I’m paying the price already with this guilty… I need help..! I really do! Please tell me something good… But also something you truly think…. thanks
Let me ask you dear Lara…Does loving another human is a crime?..in my opinion, as long as the relationship does not jeopardise the marriage, how could we say we are guilty for having this kind of desire?
Thanks for the comment, Kat! I’m feeling better these days… And some of the thoughts that help me keep calm are exactly about what you told me! No, it’s not a crime, I truly love another person, and that’s a beautiful thing, not something I should blame myself for… I didn’t choose to fall in love intensely like this, it just happened . However, I know that, yes, it was my choice to be with her, but I won’t regret, it’s such a magical connection! I had to live it! My husband is an awesome man, but unfortunately the only way for me not to jeopardize our marriage is to keep this secret from him. I told him that I feel attracted to woman, but he wants me to keep it as a fantasy and only like that, he is not open to try a different kind of relationship with me… I’m already with my girlfriend, and since I don’t want to cause any problems to us (hubby and me), I decided not to tell him for now. I hope things can change someday… But now it would just cause a disaster. Maybe if I talk to him from time to time and try to make him open his mind would be a good way for a more honest future, right..?? I don’t know…
I’m 38. Been together with my husband for almost 20 years. I dated gourds in high school and college but nothing very serious. I had a childhood best friend that I grew up being very sexual with but had a very emotionally charged relationship. I’ve always found men and women attractive and I like sex equally with both. When my husband and I got together he was much older than me. And I was open with him about my sexuality. I had one girlfriend off and on for the first several years of our relationship. She was very sexy and feminine. My husband was not opposed but we did not openly discuss my sexual relationship with her. After that I didn’t meet any women I was attracted to in that way. Three years ago I started a relationship with a woman I am very attracted to. I assumed my husband knew what was going on and sort of handled it the same way we did back in the early days of our relationship. After a few weeks into being sexual with my girlfriend I took the plunge and tried to have a conversation with my husband about her. It did not go well. My husbands attitude has changed over time about my bisexuality. My girlfriend is also more masculine in appearance and he is very put off by that. We ended up separating for 10 months. He and I worked out our differences but continue to live separately. He is very introverted and prefers a lot of alone time. He also will not socialize with my girlfriend so I spend half my time with him and half my time with her. I Love my husband. Very much. I never wanted to jeopardize our relationship. I thought he would be more understanding. I love my girlfriend terribly. The thought of not having her in my life is just awful. But I know that she wants a more traditional relationship. I believe she was ok with me being married to begin with but not so much anymore. She and I fight frequently. It’s hard to be split in two all the time. For me. My husband doesn’t fight with me at all about the time I spend with her and I don’t push us three trying to spend any time together. I believe my girlfriend loves me very much but feels like she is the ‘other woman.’ I love her and I hate for her to feel bad. I’m not sure how long the three of us will remain in this type of relationship. My husband will love and accept me no matter. I believe ultimately she will move on. On one hand I feel very fortunate to have been able to love them both. Without secrecy or shame. On the other hand because I know they both are jealous and uncomfortable with each other I feel as if I have put them in a hard situation. My hope is that one day they could get along.
Hi Lara,
I’m Barbara JO from the posting above. I am not judging or condemning anything, but playing without your husband’s knowledge and OK has serious implications!
Read my posting above and you’ll see what my situation was. I desperately wanted to have an “alone time” experience with the girl I liked. She was into my husband and I as a couple which is all but impossible to find, but she had a thing for him that at first was great, but I began to feel that she was inviting us to her place because Kevin is just damn good in bed and not so much for her and I. There were times when he was taking care of her wants and I felt left out.
One Saturday morning she and I went to breakfast. The tension was there but she said she would never make “the first move” because he and I are married. I was horny and bothered that he would not allow she and I to fuck alone, so I just asked her, “So, are you going to invite me to your place or what?” Her first response was,”What about Kevin?” When I replied, “So what about him?” She knew what I meant.
As I followed her to her place nearby I was consumed with guilt but I thought it would be our secret. Then as I thought more I got very wet and just didn’t care.” It wasn’t like I was screwing another man. I’d never do that!
As soon as we walked into her place we locked arms and passionately French kissed for close to 20 minutes. When’s the last time a man did that, right? I was nervous but when she walked to her bedroom and called me in there she was already naked. I felt bad and excited at the same time and coincidentally, Kevin just happened to text me. That should have been the omen. I lied saying I was at the gym and woukd see him when he got home that evening.
I took off all my clothes. She giggled because I was so wet my undies had strings on them from my lube. I jumped on the bed and went down on her. Then she did me and we both did our first “69.” She had HUGE toys that scared me at first but as a woman you know, anything will eventually fit!
The most exciting thing for me was I got to put on her strap-on and I found how awkward it was to fuck “Missionary Style.” Doggy was great and when we traded it was awesome! Being with another woman was great because even after getting off A LOT, there is no waiting time unless one of you needs it. We played for more than 3 hours, during which I did not hear that Kevin had texted me five times and called three times because our son was injured during school sport practice.
By the time I texted him back he was already at home with our son and asking where I was. I lied again and told him I was coming from the gym.
When I got home there was no way around the look on his face. He asked me where I’d been and then told me his friend had seem our very distinctive Yukon parked at an apartment complex where as far as Kevin knew we did not know anyone.
I held the line calmly telling lie after lie to the point where I tried to reverse it on him and make him out to be the bad person. He deals with people all day and knows when he’s being lied to. He finally turned on his “professional self” and I continued lying for two more days. I got trapped in my own lies and finally admitted where I’d been and what I’d done.
He was angry because he had never interfered with anytime I wanted to be with her or she wanted to come over and be with us. I had lied because I was frustrated and I felt jealous of him fucking her, even though he never did anything romantically. It was all physical.
My lies ruined a good thing all because I wanted to be selfish and change the rules when he would not agree. We continued to see her but I grew to hate the pleasure he gave her. It was not news to me that he was gifted HUGE but it was mine and I got jealous of her telling him how great it was compared to her boyfriend and other lovers.
There was no way he would ever trust me again and the stress lasted for over two years until he said enough. I recently met another teacher where I work who is drop-dead gorgeous but married. Apparently her husband is OK with women but no men, so there’s no way Kevin can be involved. I already screwed up once big time so despite the chemistry and verbal banter and photos of her naked she has sent me, I’m scared to death to move on the opportunity. I could have that and I masturbatecand fantasize about her, but I will never risk my marriage for my bisexual needs. If it ever works out that she will be with both bogus I will jump on it, but regardless of the frustration, lies will never give anything positive in the end.
To all women in my situation, sneaking and breaking his heart will not be worth what pleasure you expect from the other girl. DON’T DO IT! I’m sorry if this is a downer or bubble burster, but I’ve been there. You do not need the pain, heartache and mistrust of your husband!
Sincerely,
Barbara JO
CALIFORNIA
I really want to thank you for sharing your story. I too found myself in the situation where I could cheat with a woman. After a few kisses, the guilt took over and I knew that I couldn’t live with myself had a cheated on my husband. I still struggle with the urges. But reading stories like yours definitely helps get through it. We are also going to try therapy to facilitate the communication between us. Good luck. My thoughts are with you.
Hey, Barbara JO!
I just saw your comment now, thanks so much for taking your time to tell me the whole story and share your thoughts on this! I’ve read your previous post as well. It was really helpful to know how things are going after the episode with your girlfriend was exposed to your husband . I like to learn from other people’s experiences, I think it’s wise so that we won’t do the same mistake. And that’s why this website is so important to many of us, right? On the other hand, I believe that people can feel things differently, and in my case, the major problem is that things between me and my girlfriend are SO beyond the physical attraction. We are crazy in love with each other! To the point that I’d be considering all the possibilities ( like to be only with her for example) if she wasn’t moving out of the country in 4 months (yes , it sucks) . She is married too, but with another woman and so far we have not decided or declared to each other that we would be willing to leave our partners and be together. Since it’s complicated anyway I think at this point is easier to decide that , “well, she will be gone soon, so I’d better forget her and stay with my husband as if it had never happened “. I know it’s impossible to forget this incredible experience we have , it’s naive of me to think that, but it just seems like the easiest way… And at this point it doesn’t seem worthy to tell him anymore. We’ve been able to hide it for almost 3 months now, I think that we can keep the secret for 4 more . I mean, you’ve done it anyway now, right? And the worst thing that could happen is the shit hit the fan and he find it out. But it’s weird because it doesn’t scares me so much anymore… It used to… A lot!! But now I just feel it was SO worth it! It’s a big and deep case of love here..! Well, thank you again for sharing! I’ll write soon again to update on my situation. Best wishes for you and all the others!!
Hi Lara. I am in your same situation. I’ve been married 7 years together 9 years. Ive had a girlfriend for 6 months. I’d love to chat.
OMG, I can’t believe I found this site. I have been straight my entire life. I transferred to a new job a few months ago and met a very outgoing, much larger than me black woman. We hit it off as friends from the start. As time went on she became more and more flirty with me. I took it as just innocent flirtations but lately she has taken to hugging me all the time and touching me whenever we talk. She is much taller than me so often she is literally hovering over me. At first I didn’t care for this but I tend to “let things go” hoping they will stop when I show little or no attention to whatever is happening to me I don’t like. Be it sexual or anything at all. But heres the problem, My body has started to unwillingly on my part, start to respond to her. I get such shivers and goose bumps now when she touches and hugs me there is no way she doesn’t notice it. And of course this only encourages her to do more. She has become increasingly aggressive with me now. She thinks nothing of walking up to me quickly so I have to back away from her until I am up against the wall as she hovers over me and talks down to me. Or she likes to sneak up from behind me and hug me from behind or if i walk by her, she will pull me into her lap and have me sit there. Despite myself, I am enjoying this behavior more and more and part of me eagerly awaits to see what she will do to me next.
The other night while backed against the wall she leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I nearly melted! It wasn’t long before we were making out with her having me pinned against the wall by her body. I could hear myself begging her to stop but it’s hard to be taken seriously when my leg was wrapped around hers and my arms were pulling her into me not pushing her away. I went to the bathroom and was surprised to see all the lipstick all over my face and neck. Now since then, she hasn’t spoken to me at all and I am at my wits end. Obviously I am afraid what this will do to my marriage and I am confused about these new desires I am having but another part of me wants to know what I did wrong and wants more. I can’t stop thinking about her and have called her several times with no response as she hasn’t been to work since then. What do I do? I think this may be something I want to pursue because I can’t stop thinking about her and it’s making me crabby at home. My hubby has mentioned he would like to talk about me with another woman but the discussions never went too far as I always put them to a fairly quick stop.
Now what?
My wife had a fantastic way of coming out as bisexual, engage in regular sex with her girlfriendf while protecting our marriage. One night after too much wine she invited her best friend into our bed. We all liked it so much since we had all been friends since our early teens, that we gave our girlfriend her own room in our home and lived in a polyfidelitous triad for almost 4 decades, most of our marriage. Prior to that faithful night I had no idea that my wife had been fantasizing about women and that her girlfriend had some experience with women during her college days. Apparently that is really a thing and not an urban myth.
The weird part is that my wife does not know or even thought about her sexual identity. She does not know if she is truly bisexual since she only had sex with one female her whole life and has no idea how she would feel if it were another women in bed with us. Add to that, she has to have strong emotional feelings in order to have sex with someone and only had sex with her girlfriend as part of our threesome and never just the women alone. It is not important if she knows her sexual identity or not but very curious that she never thought about it before. As she puts it, she knows no other way to be.
So my wife figured out how to satisfy her need for both a male and female in bed with her, and she really seems to need both, without jeopardizing our marriage. She may be a bad bisexual but she is one heck of a sexually satisfied whatever it is she is. 🙂
Hi I’m married to a bi wife i think? We’ve been married 3 year but have been together for 11 we have 3 kids our youngest one is 1 she had a hard pregnancy and labour she started a new job at a pub with 2 lesbians both younger than her she was very confused as one night she shared a bed with one of them after drinking after a wile she seem really distant from me and I confronted her about my suspicion she had feelings for this girl she admitted it and then asked me how I would feel if she had sex with her after some thought I agreed and they went out and got drunk and it happend she told me all about it which really turn me on and then she left it as the other girl got into a relationship after a couple months the girl left her partner and asked my wife if she fancied doing it again she immediately said she would have to ok it with me and again I agreed but it hasn’t happend yet but we’ve been talking about it and getting turn on I said I was cool with it as long as it dosnt turn into a relationship where I was replaced she said she dosnt want a relationship with her so I don’t need to worry it mite be a once in a wile thing I love my wife derly and some things have happend in her past that I think has made her feel like this she has only slept with me and her ex and we met when she was 17 I was 20 she says she feels like she missed out which again I understand she has been a stay at home mum for about 8 years now she’s sort of found her life back again since she started work my biggest fear I suppose is she will leave me for her but she keeps telling me that won’t happen as she loves me the kids and dosnt want to be in a lesbian relationship for all sorts of reasons but what’s happening at the moment is just a bit of fun and part of that fun is coming home and telling me all about it should I be worried?
Being bi and married to a guy is tough. I think of women more and more as i get older. Seems like, i just can’t lie to myself any longer…i hv never been in. any serious relationship with a woman before since in a community where i live, being in a relationship with another female is totally out of question..finding this site gives me some kind of inner peace, knowing that, there are actually individuals who are like me. Thanks. I know i have beginning to find my true soul.
It has helped me reading your blog. I too have drifted to what you have to do but I I have deep yearnings to be with a women just even to kiss. I’m afraid I won’t ever get that but I’m glad I can talk about it to someone as I really don’t know what to do.
I’m so glad being here has helped! -Jay Dee, Founder
Hi Louise…nice sharing! As for me, i think i might never get what my heart truly desires but finding other souls here in this blog have given me much confidence and yeah…there is always a space in our heart to love more….other than our own kids n spouses..!..so,.just be proud and happy because we are a bunch of special souls. Don’t u think so..?
Hi read your blog n I feel same. I’ve been in a serious heterosexual relationship for years but I fantasise about being with a women. I only get turned on by thinking of breasts and women’s bodies but I also enjoy sex with men obviously!! I don’t know whether its a fantasy but it never goes away. I just put it down to a little secret I can always rely on to get me wet but I’m now thinking I’d like to have just a little taste to see if its more than that.
I understand what you are going through 100% I will be 31 in June and am married to a man but Gaaaah I just keep having dream after dream about women. I’ve been with women before but not long term and I just feel like it’s killing me right now. Hugs! Msg. Me if you ever need to talk ♡
I realized I was a lesbian at a very young age. Like most young people I fought it and dated as many men as I could. I finally accepted it later down the road at the unthinkable happened; I met my now husband. I told myself, “I must be bisexual.” I love my husband more than anything so I knew I wasn’t tricking myself. I am 23 and we have been together for over a year now (married last October) and I am starting to think about women more and more. I don’t know what is happening. Am I really a lesbian? If so how did I fall in love with my husband? I’m so lost and confused and scared. Idk what to think anymore.
Sexuality is fluid. Love is not. Love is a choice. You “fell” in love with your husband, but you choose to love him, everyday. And he chooses to love you, too. Certainly he knows about your past with women? The biggest hurdle is helping him understand that you want something more, not something else.
I understand what you’re saying. From a husband’s POV though, this can be hard to accept. I choose to truly love my biwife. I also desire her sexually every time I see her. Problem is, that feeling is not mutual. I knew she was bi when I married her and I support her sexuality. Unfortunately it does cause friction time to time when I want her sexually and she wants as you put it…..more. I feel it’s more proper to say she does want something else. Something I can’t give her. A woman’s touch, feel, smell… etc.
In the beginning everything was great. We explored the whole girl on girl fantasies in the LS together. Over time we spoke less about being involved in the LS as we had been. She has told me recently how much she still wants and desires women but she won’t pursue it. She knows I would support her if she wanted to pursue it, even if she had herself a girlfriend.
Because she chooses not to pursue it and shows less interest in me sexually then she does towards women, I’ve started to feel less sexually appealing to her. I feel I’ve become more of a BFF then a husband. What can a husband do if he wants more from his biwife and not something else? I’m torn inside and frustrated by this. We’ve talked about it but it just leads to arguing due to our own perception when we listen to one another but judge each other because f how we each feel. Any suggestions?
S, that is very hard and I don’t have any concrete advice but I do appreciate your stance on saying something else is still something else, not more. I guess what I mean, is that, some men feel like it means they are not enough. It took me over a year to give my husband confidence, that I didn’t want to leave him, I just needed a woman’s touch from time to time. We are in an interim now where it has been almost a year since I have really been with a woman. And it is stressful sometimes. I don’t feel the arousal like I do when I have a girlfriend. But his needs are just as important as mine. If he can respect what I need as a biwife, I have to respect what he needs as my husband. And also, his support for my lifestyle makes me love him and makes me more attracted to him. Maybe you could write her a letter? It sounds like she is getting defensive before she ever has a chance to even HEAR you. Be encouraging. All women need that. Ensure her that you want her to be happy/fulfilled and that you want that for yourself too. Let us know how it goes.
KT,
Wow! I really am impressed, your response and experience in this matter really speaks truth! I am 35 and my wife is turning 30 in a few months, and since the whole twilight trilogy and more recent 50 shades of grey, she has started to change internally. What I mean is, She has one of the Biggest hearts I have ever met! We have been through serious trials in our marriage, but we have 3 beautiful kids together. I was not a good man in the beginning, very selfish, in charge, last word kind of guy. She did everything I asked, including fulfilling my fantasy of 2 women. This experience led to other times of opening up our bed. One of those times, we swapped in partners. That doesn’t resonate nearly as bad as the last time we had another female join. She then asked how I felt after genously sharing me with these women, her having another man? Of course this was the break! But,it actually changed me, to know I had a partner not a roomate! I forgave her for her decision of being with another man, (she said it started, but didn’t finish) and don’t give much more thought about it, I don’t even bring it up! So this brings me to recent. She has also met a friend who is a woman that she completely connects with. The scary thing is more then me! I value my wife and children very much, its hard to imagine being replaced or phased out. I feel the fear of allowing multiple love enter our holy marriage will be disastrous. But again reading your comment for the first time, I am considering offering my support, as a token and profesion of the Love I now have for her. I hate that I can’t be more understanding in these times of change. I think I just like to make sure no harm can come from this choice.
I wouldn’t worry hun, If you love your husband I wouldn’t say your lesbian…I’ve been with my husband for 7 years, and I’ve been with girls when I was younger n brought one into our bed with us a little over a year ago. N now it’s all I can do to not think about having a woman, but I know I wanna share my life with my husband. I would like a woman, every now and then n see where it goes tho
Been searching for smthng all my life for smthng i myself not even sure what. I used to feel so confused about my own feelings. I thought there is smthng wrong with me. Nvr expect to find tis website. Now i know i m just fine,..knowing that i hv found people like me..bi but married.
Welcome Kat! I’m glad you did find us. There’s nothing wrong with you, there’s plenty of us out there. I strongly encourage you to go through the archives and read some of the older articles. There’s a lot of great stuff in here you may find useful.
Don’t be scared to browse, comment, connect with other readers and/or suggest articles.
I’m looking forward to seeing you around!
-Jay Dee, Founder
Never thought I’d find such a site! But I find myself in a complete state of confusion. Catering to my bisexual urges have been something I’ve always wanted to simply put out of my head as if it were a phase. But like many of you all I’ve been married for three years but just now being comfortable with the way I am and my thoughts. I’m 25. It wasn’t until recently that I encountered this woman that literally felt like my soul mate. We thought on the same frequency and had experienced some of the same things…everything about the friendship was natural and organic. It the first time in a while I had connected with such a being, She helped me accept my soul and finally open up about who I was, like it completed me…days weren’t right if I didn’t hear from her, my thoughts were consumed by her…BUT IM MARRIED…is this right?! We shared a kiss once and I can not get those thoughts removed from my head and everything I wanted to do. I removed my self from the situation before it went further. This was months back but the moment still makes me warm. Its scary but exhilarating at the same time…
@Freelyme_ Wow. Always a tough situation. Have you talked to hubby about it? I’d like to personally welcome you to BiWifeLife. 🙂 I’d encourage you (and hubby) to browse, comment, connect and even suggest throughout the site. I’d also like to thank you for having the courage to share your situation with us. Keep us posted! May God bless you and your husband with a long marriage filled with love and understanding! -Jay Dee, Founder
I never kiss a female before but I always wanted to
I had never done so either…it felt right in the moment as we were laying there. I playfully squeezed her shoulder and she asked for a back rub. She turned I moved in for the Kiss and she didn’t hesitate to kiss back.
I’m a husband….Miguel .. me and my wife been together for ten year….My wife always told me that she like women… but that she share some moment with a girls in her teens..My wife told me this week that she wanted to spend some time with a hot girl but that she wanted me to join always.but with some restrictions.. when I don’t have a problem with her sexuality..I going to support her 100% but she don’t know how to speak to bisexual girls.. or can I go to a lesbian club… only asking..
I can’t believe I finally found a place and other women that are experiencing the same thing I am. I’ve felt so alone and confused for so long. Thank you so much for sharing and letting at least one person know they aren’t alone.
I think as we all stumble upon this we feel some sense of relief. Some feeling of “I’m absolutely normal”
I’m a 31 yr old female, I am married to a man, I’ve always been attracted to women and men, but even though I should be happily married, I can’t help but want to have a girlfriend, my husband is truly my best friend and the only man that has treated me good, we were also born the same day but diff years. I love him but I really just want to have a girlfriend to …wtf do I do, I can’t cheat on him.
Great place to start is to tell him how you feel, you may be surprised
I feel the same way
I hear you this is such a challenge that many of us understand and live with. For starters, it is important to develop a practice of self compassion and patience because while the desire for a girlfriend is strong and can drive you crazy sometimes, to rush into pursuing this without giving your partner time to work through the changes/adjustments this will require for both of you within your marriage, things can fall down a slippery slope very quickly. Some ways to cultivate that patience is to do some yoga, meditate, find an outlet for your desires through fantasy, masturbation, role play, reading erotic novels. ALso, connecting with the bi-community the way you are is also going to help as we are here to reflect back to you that you are not alone and for those of us who have walked this path before, might be able to give you some good tips on how to proceed in a way most loving to yourself and your husband. There is no one size fits all formula for this situation. Each couple consists of two individual minds and set of problems that have to be handled in their own unique way. It’s so easy to compare our spouse to another person’s spouse but the problem is we are all different and all require a unique approach that works for us. For starters, if you have not already explored this topic in more detail I”d read some good books on open relationships and how previously monogamous couples have proceeded down this route before. Some good suggestions are “The Ethical Slut” “Open” “More than Two” “Opening up”. This process is one that requires a lot of love, time, patience, vulnerability, and loads of communication. And another great website to check out is “Living Fabulous” which you may have learned about from browsing our blog here. On “Living Fabulous” the author/writer is a bisexual man who talks about his successful 30 plus year marriage and how he makes a mixed orientation marriage work. He also wrote a draft book that appears on his website and breaks down the intricacies of a mixed orientation marriage in more detail. It is incredibly informative and concisely explains things in a really positive way.
let me first say that I’m so glad to finally site! my husband and I have been together since we were teens we are now in our mid-thirties. We have always fantasized about having a threesome, he is always try to convince me that I am a bisexual but I told him/myself I wasn’t, because it was strictly sexual, I do not want a relationship. but as I get older my attraction to women has grown stronger and I have recently identified as being bisexual. My husband is so excited about it. he said he would not mind if I had a girlfriend but he would want to be present during sex and wants to be part of it, he does not want to have intercourse her per say. HERE comes the problems. ..While every part of me so want to have sex with another woman, I really do feel like it is cheating, whether he Is okay with it or not. if I could get past that I’m worried that once we are in the bed, I might think that something is ok and tell him to do it and then change my mind and feel bad about seeing my husband and another woman together even if they’re not actually having intercourse. and then if I can get past that … how does one going around finding essentially a third wheel, that is strictly sexual and has multiple rules attached, that just happens yo find both myself (Hispanic/white) and my husband (black) attractive and vice versa? on top of that… I’m pretty sure I can’t just have casual sex…so what now? and then if I can get past all of that ..what if my husband gets all jealous every time I’m out with a friend that just happens to be a female? I am so torn and I really want you explore this other side of me… it consumes me all day long. .. but I love my husband with all my heart ,he is my soulmate, I would never want to do anything to jeopardize losing him.
don’t……………. or ? include him, and what if they fell in love? Would it be a three way love? It happened to me, we had a lot of fun till they had a car accident with their bi-couple lovers, I didn’t know about their extended love affair. They all died, I was so alone and so upset, why? It was a drunk truck driver and the rich guys car. I can take care of our 3 kids, with all the insurance money. But how do I find love like that and trust women like that anymore?
Still looking and thinking would it be True Love, should I? Think about your future and what your marriage wants…..
bill
I feel the same way, I try to put it out of my head and it always comes back up that I like females also and want to experience what its like to be with one. Its so hard to find women who want the same, and I feel so bad because I don’t want to do anything behind his back which would be cheating. He’s ok with it because we discussed it, but I feel like I’d be giving him permission to be with someone else. I don’t know what to do either!
I can’t express how grateful I am for finding this blog. It’s like a dream come true. Well, here is my thing, I’ve been married for 2 years now but I dated the same man for 7 years. I’ve always been attracted to women, he knows that and he has ni problem with it. But I’ve only been with very few girls, 2 to be precise. I would like to experience more but I just don’t know where to meet the girls, and how. I wish someone can give me few pointers on how to go about it. Thank you all 🙂
I hear you! I’m just starting to explore this side of myself and I just don’t know how to go about this. Where do I look? How do I find a good person with whom I may connect with and not just some random hookup?!? Help!
Sandy, welcome! So, my understanding is you’ve been with hubby for a while now, he knows your bi and he doesn’t have a problem with it. That’s cool 🙂 Finding girls to meet is a HUGE part of the BiWifeLife struggle. I’ve written about it a few times last year. I encourage you to go into archives, and take a look around in the first year of the blog. There’s a lot of great stuff in there. Feel free to comment on threads, most of our readers are still here with us :). Keep us posted on how your search goes. What works for you and what doesn’t 🙂 Again, welcome and great to have you!
-Jay Dee, Founder
I would love to chat with you
The more comments I read on this blog, the more at home I feel. I can’t believe I’m not alone!
Oh, labels gave their place for research and discussion purposes but sexuality wise the trend should be to just see humans as sexual. Most will always prefer opposite gender but many just need same and many just like both too. The good part of changing the definition of marriage, as we are seeing now contrary to Liberals who say otherwise, is that people will marry for LOVE and not some other lesser reason.
Well, same sex marriage is a whole ‘nother animal. At least we’ve gotten the labels thing squared away 🙂
-Jay Dee, Founder
The husband should only be support in these scenarios and not part of a triad. The wife needs, not wants, to let her lesbian out and supporting that adult reality is more important than a version of amateur porn. Which is okay in and of itself but being a good husband that supports his wife unconditionally.
Lots of potentially great bi wife fun ahead. The key is the wife being allowed to be lesbian as well as a hetero wife.
Random thoughts for 2015. We always assume a “biwife” is a hetero with a husband but what it is wife married to a wife? Then for her to be “bi” she would need a man.
Your question was almost like a riddle, but one that’s easily figured out, lol. 🙂
A Biwife is NOT ” a hetero with a husband.” Bi means bisexual, an attraction to both genders. Heterosexual means the person likes the opposite sex. Heterosexuals DO NOT have a desire for the same sex at all. Lesbians have no desire for men, at all. A lesbian cannot be heterosexual as a heterosexual cannot be a lesbian. And last but not least, wife that is married to a wife would be a lesbian wife. 🙂 A woman married to a man who’s attracted to women as well is bisexual. A woman married to a woman who is attracted to men as well is bisexual. Make sense?
-Jay Dee, Founder
Aren’t we building walls of labels with how a “lesbian is not attracted to men, at all?”
Questions to be considered for the future are if two women marry will one desire to be bi and sexually active with a man? The ideological focus humanity has had for eons with its sexual labels will have to be replaced with recognizing attraction and love as it happens and not as a mandate says so.
Maybe I did over speak when I said “not attracted to men at all”. Maybe some lesbians may have an attraction to a male at some point in their lives but if a woman is a LESBIAN she won’t have sex with a man.
A bisexual woman will.
I don’t think we’re “building walls” by using labels in the least.
I don’t like labels any more than you do but they are used to describe or define something for clarification purposes. As far as I understand Heterosexual means one who is sexually attracted to the OPPOSITE gender only. Homosexual means one who is sexually attracted to the SAME gender only. Bisexual means one who is sexually attracted to BOTH genders.
I think I understand the meanings as my mother is a lesbian (24 years now). I am bisexual, my sister is 110% heterosexual, my oldest daughter is transgender (one who identifies/lives life as the opposite gender of their birth) AND bisexual, my 2nd oldest daughter is bisexual, my son is bisexual, my stepson is heterosexual.
Our sexual preferences are not defined by our labels but rather the other way around.
The labels DESCRIBE our sexual preferences.
These are words used so we can identify ourselves to others so they can be aware of our sexual preference. Not “build walls”.
Yes, it would be beautiful if we were all sexually free, I agree!
In MY OPINION, heterosexual and gay/lesbian just can’t be used to describe one person.
That definition already exists-BISEXUAL.
One who is attracted to both genders.
-Jay Dee, Founder
I am glad you brought up “wife with wife” and one being “bi” longs for a man… This is my situation to the T. I have been with the same female for 8 years, married almost 2 years and I’m bisexual. my wife is the first female I had ever been with. I do, at times, want a man though. It’s an urge That is natural to me, as well as the urge of wanting females. my only issue is that it’s getting worse ad I get older. I don’t know why. I’m 25 years old and my wife knows I find men attractive but I don’t think she knows I long for both her (female ) and male. Does anyone have any ideas, advice Please?
@Cantgetoutofmyhead Welcome! Just like those of us married to men women married to women face the SAME challenges. Why? Because we ARE NOT heterosexual! 🙂 We are not straight. We are not lesbian and we love being intimate with male and females. The world we live in was designed for heterosexual people, who have only recently accepted homosexual people. This is going to be a lifelong journey, that’s why this blog is here. I suggest you browse around the site. Read some of the articles, comment on threads (even if they’re older. most of our readers stick around.) There’s some great thoughts, insights, questions and answers in this blog to help you through. Just replace the word husband with wife when you see the word 🙂 My #1 suggestion is to NEVER CHEAT, always TALK to your spouse and remember why you got married. Always evaluate your actions before doing something and ask yourself are you ready to loose your wife over a feeling when you get tempted. Those are things that work(ed) for me. You can always email me at biwifelife@gmail.com if you need to talk….I’d rather you post here though 🙂 Your question could answer someone else’s question as well. Browse, comment, connect, suggest…and stick around.
-Jay Dee, Founder
Hello, I’m 43 years old, married for 12 years and a mother of 2. I have never been with a women, but recently I have become very attracted to a women. She has been a close friend of mine for the past 3 years. This all started one evening when we met up for a party with our husband’s and children. When she greeted me, we hugged and she said softly in my ear that I looked beautiful. A few weeks later I had a very explicit dream of her and I making love. I can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve been masturbating regularly while dreaming of kissing her. I feel slightly obsessed and I’ve been trying to tame my feelings, but it seems impossible. I have always loved the female form and have studied art and have plenty of nude artwork hung in my home. I would have never considered myself bisexual, I just thought of myself as a feminist and art lover. I feel a little embarrassed by my feelings. My friend is very beautiful. In fact, she is one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. I feel like a trader by loving her as I do.
I already told my husband about the dream and he was very turned on by it.
I don’t know where to go from here.
Any suggestions?
Have you talked to your friend about it? Sounds like it might be mutual. Friends with benefits is often a good place to start.
Now that sounds like a great idea KT. Friends is usually how it begins with a biwife. My last girlfriend was a friend for about a year before we became intimate. 🙂 We lasted two years before we had to end things. 😦
-Jay Dee, Founder
I wouldn’t even know how to start that conversation. What if she is taken aback or offended and it ruins our friendship? I’m very afraid of that.
The good news is I talked to my husband and he is totally open to me having a “girlfriend”. It makes me feel so free. I love him even more for it.
I feel like now I can settle into this new identity for a little while and remain open to life’s possibilities.
With close friends the feelings are always more intense. There’s already a closeness element you know? The fact your husband is totally turned on by it is awesome. She seems to be into you and unafraid to show it. Have you guys ever talked about bisexuality? Maybe visit the blog together and trade opinions. This is a great way to feel someone out. Talking. Hubby too.
What do you think hubby would say to making your dream reality? What do you think she’d say if you told her about the dream, your fantasies or feelings? These are people you know so you can kinda play the scene out in your head. How would her husband react if he were made aware of your feelings? Her feelings (if any)? We’d love to be updated. Come back and let us know if anything changes for you. Sounds like the standard way BiWives meet and begin relationships. Friends. 🙂
Good luck with everything and hey, I’ll give you something someone once gave me…”If you’re having dreams/fantasies of things you want to do in reality but can’t and you are aware of this fact this while your sleeping/fantasizing try to control your dream if you can.
Do all the things you wish you could do while dreaming/fantasizing and enjoy every succulent second of it! When you wake it won’t be possible to do so anymore.” -Un-Named therapist, lol
-Jay Dee, Founder
How I wish for an update on this post! And if the kids were ver informed. And how does it work if a gf does come into the picture? Are these rules you discuss with the husband obviously. But how do I get him on board? 😣
I have been reading the posts on this site and they have helped me so much! I am in such a similar situation. I finally made my feelings known after months of holding them in because she was starting to feel like I was distant or that I was not giving her the attention she wants in our friendship. I explained it’s mostly because I am trying so hard to push my feelings aside. We are both married to men with families and our families are close. Our husbands and kids are friends and I’ve not talked extensively to my husband about my bisexuality. I’ve tried but he didn’t really want to hear much and I told him mainly about past experiences.
After expressing my feelings to her, she said she was flattered. She wants to understand more about what I’m feeling and what I’m going through, and be supportive. My concern is that I’m not sure if I can carry on just ignoring my feelings for her and keeping it in the friend zone. She says that losing me would crush her and I don’t want to hurt her in any way. I’m just not sure where to go next. I feel very alone in this. Any further thoughts or advice from you all is always welcome as I try to work through this.
Hello i have a crush on an older married woman i am lesbian well im label free 🙂 but anyways back to the topic so i have a situation im also in a relationship well open and I feel i cant get a read on this woman so i was wondering how do i know when a married woman is bi curious because she kina flirts with me but i dont think she knows she does so, and she has my total respect she knows but i want to know for my self if she is curious because i did tell her but i feel like i hurt her or made her feel bad because i said i know nothing will ever happen.
Hi Nicole, welcome!
What an interesting comment. I’d like to thank you for your courage and sharing your crush situation with us. You are in a great place to get feedback from married bi wives. Hopefully the community will answer your question. I know it’s a tough situation because she’s married and it’s hard to get a read on her. I’m sure you know it’s best to take your time and feel the situation out. I urge you to browse the site and read through articles. I know you will be able to find little tips that can help you out. Also feel free to comment, connect with others and suggest article topics.
Thanks again for your post!
-Jay Dee, Founder
I wish I knew a married woman who is bi so I can chat with
Hi Nicole,
My name is Nicole as well, I am a married woman who loves women….their curses, their lips, passion etc… I would love to have that special female, but because I am married women don’t approach me. So long story get to know her be friend her & if those signs of flirting are still there then ask her if she had every dated a women or been bi curious about being with a women & it might surprise you.
Id recomend listing to your gut. If she only seems intrested in your husband nip it it will only be stronger after you guys have sex. Find a mutal partner like you alway have. Or have him pick another girl. Perhaps she only agreed because she wanted him and was doing what she felt would be nessisary to get her there
I`m a Bi and married to my awesome husband we have a girlfriend. this is the first time he has been the one to bring a girl home to possibly be a girlfriend. They work together and she says she like girls and that she likes me. But i cant help but have this sick feel in my pit of my belly that she only like the idea of being in this kind of relationship. some of the reasons she no matter what her mood is she can always be loving or cuddly with my husband but with me she can be very distance. example she be all making out with him and hug and rubbing on him all day long but, then Id be lucky if I get a kiss on the cheek or pic on the lips. I don`t expect the relationships to be the same between each of us but I and actually my husband and I stated from the beginning that our girlfriend has to be involved with both of us we want to be a triangle team. Is it bad for me to expect this girl to be physical with me before her and my husband actually physically sleep together? I have never had this kind of feeling like this with my husband with any other girl we tried to have a relationship with. when i being it to her attention she say im sorry ill just hug on you more or something like that but that only last max 24 hours. I`m a just reading to much into it and need to give her and a bit more chance to possibly get closer?
Honestly, it doesn’t sound like she is “travelling across even ground.” I find myself to be on the same precipice, and can only highlight a few differences; in hopes of deeper understanding within you and me. 🙂
My “potential gf” has an obvious attraction to my husband of 4yrs. I can clearly see the blossoming of a relationship between them both. The main difference I find curious though..is that in my world; all of her actions in regard to my husband are guided by a desire for me. There is a deep respect and regard for my feelings and we have constantly spent much more time together than with us three.
Based off the actions you observe; it really doesn’t seem like the other woman is showing any real interest in building a solid relationship, respecting your boundaries, or even attempting to really get to know you as a distinct person.
Based off my own experiences in the past; I see her actions (or lack there off) to be a red flag. If I had to guess (which is all I am doing, my opinion should hold ABSOLUTELY no influence, you don’t know me remember lol) it looks like your man came across one of countless “girls” that are bored or convinced that a change of lifestyle or experiment would be good for them. The chemistry is there, but its one-sided. Why buy Neapolitan ice cream if you only get to taste one strawberry? lol