BIWIFELIFE has shifted our focus from solely married bisexual women to include ALL GENDERS. We are changing Our name to reflect gender inclusion and the many varying long term relationship structures.

We still AVIDLY support BiSexual Married Women but we’re moving toward a space that is inclusive of bisexual married men, people who are in long term relationships not marriages, trans folk (F2M/M2F), non gender conforming and any other bisexual human who is involved in a long term relationship.

We avidly welcome partners, spouses & supporters!

We know what it’s like to sit at home, Googling until you find something, someone, somewhere who can identify with what you’re going through.

Sometimes all we need is a place where others can understand how we feel, what we’re thinking, and what it’s like to be in our skin every day.

Well, welcome home. You’ve found Us!


“A place for bisexual people, regardless of gender, involved in long term relationships or marriages.”

This blog is for US to discuss the every day challenges, triumphs, downfalls and benefits of living as a bisexual human dealing with intimate relationships, family, friends, parenting, work/professional lives and everything in between!!!

We welcome friends, family, co-workers, classmates, clergy members, supporters and allies of all kinds in Our BiLives.

Whatever your role, welcome, we are here to support you.

(Volunteer contributor opportunities are always available. Email:

599 thoughts on “LivingBi/BiWifeLife

  1. My wife considers herself to be hetero flexible. As an old timer she clings to the hetero label but will play with girls in a threesome. She has had 35 years of sexual relations with women but only when I was present even just to watch her. She never had sex with a woman without me there. On the other hand, she allows me to have one on one sex with women either watching or not, and then have sex with me.My wife says that I fulfill all of her male fantasies and then some due my willingness to do anything. I can kind of understand that because she wants to watch a gay guy go down on me. I think can do that if she kissed and touched me but she just wants to watch.

  2. Am I Being Unfair
    First of all thank you for creating this site. It is very helpful to people in this situation and lets us know that there are others with the same questions and feelings that we have. My wife has recently come out as Bi-Sexual. As a guy the idea of this is very exciting, but it also brings more feelings to light than I would have thought. This is very new to us, and I support her 100%. I love her more than anything and we are working through the various issues that have come up. I was actually instrumental in pointing out that she seemed to be attracted to the same sex and we were able to explore it together. I also pointed out to her that all of her friends except her co-worker friends are very attractive, that the only friends she chose for herself were also attractive to her. I was recently invited to go to dinner with some of my co-workers. All of them were female and basically my wife was upset and told me I could not go without her. I asked her why and she said because they are girls and that would look weird if you were out with a bunch of girls. I did not argue with her because I see her point. I even still agree with it. From an outsiders perspective there is a possibility that it could look like I was cheating on her.
    Fast forward to now. My wife told me that she wanted to go have lunch with one of her female friends. I know my wife wouldn’t cheat on me. We have discussed the possibility of letting someone into our bed, but we decided not to pursue that right now and if we did, it would be together. I trust her completely, but if it would look like I was cheating if I was out with friends of the opposite sex, then wouldn’t it look like she was possibly cheating if she was out with one person? If someone we know saw them they could just as well assume that she is cheating on me with that girl. Also I believe that if one girl asked me to go to lunch or dinner then I would refuse because that would definitely look suspicious from an outsider’s perspective. I could maybe make an exception if it was more than one friend.
    She says that it isn’t fair because I am able to go out with my guy friends, but now she can’t go out with anybody.
    I am really trying to be fair, I don’t want to prevent her from having friends, but how can she think it’s ok for her, but not for me? We do not know how to handle this situation. We decided that I would post it to this blog and see what other people think or are doing, then discuss it further.

    1. I think that your being a little unfair. Im glad that you trust her not to cheat on you. But how are you showing it when you dont think she should hang out with a friend how are you both suppose to know that. Keep an open line of communication. tell her how you feel. let her explain her feelings. And when or if they become more then friends she will tell you. Think about it from your perspective what if you were bi and wanted to hang out with a guyfriend and she started acting like you.

  3. Hey. I wrote an entire post by it seems to not have posted. Long story short, I miss women. I’ve been married 5 years, it’s become a nagging thought in my mind. My husband will not allow me to do anything. But I understand why he’s against it. He’s afraid it could harm the dynamics of our relationship. He says he’s not willing to risk our relationship. As much as I agree with him, I can’t stop thinking about it…. I don’t know what to do

    1. Your comment was awaiting moderation. I do apologize for the delay in approving. It’s up now. You may get responses from both threads. I hope you connect with others and get the support you need!
      Big hugs!
      -Jay Dee, Founder

    2. I see you haven’t gotten many responses so I’ll chime in with my opinion.
      I don’t think you should ask the community what to do, I think you should really ask yourself what should you do.
      First evaluate your feelings, his feelings and then weigh your options.
      I’ve been presented with plenty of situations that could have destroyed my marriage.
      No matter how tempting the situation I’ve always decided not to risk my marriage.
      I’ve stayed within the boundaries we set forth no matter what.
      In the end it was all a choice. My choice. I had to deal with the repercussions of my decisions good or bad.
      To date all praises due I’m sitting next to my husband as I type this and all is well.
      This might not be the case had I taken to temptation and indulged.
      My two cents…
      -Jay Dee, Founder

  4. My wife just came out to me and told me that she is bi and that she has a need for women as well. I will be filing for divorce in 2 weeks. No matter how you defend it, its infedility and totally against how I was raised in church. I hope more guys stand up and fight back. Instead of being lured in only for sexual excitement.

    1. Jonathan,

      It’s unfortunate that you feel that way. I am married to a bi woman as well and I am a faithful Christian. I would encourage you to read your bible independent of church. Just because a pastor our priest says something didn’t make it true. It falls on us as believers to come to our understanding.

      Sexuality is not as simple as saying that a person chooses, rather you are what you are. People have chosen to ignore their sexuality, however that is not a healthy choice… I would encourage you, her to explore and come to a better understanding of who she is inside before leaving her. Also, party and ask for guidance and wait for an answer… Good luck!

  5. I just found your page and I am, of course, crying. I find myself in what feels like an awkward position and yet, thankfully, there you all are. I am currently married and after meeting this GORGEOUS, incredible, gay woman (and allowing myself to fall a bit in love with her) I started to really come out with myself and be honest to myself about my feelings towards women (at 30 years old). Although nothing ever happened between us, it was mostly because she would’t allow it in order to protect herself. I am realizing I have in fact, been “that girl/woman” so many times and probably really hurt some beautiful women because I a.couldn’t believe they liked me and b.I couldn’t admit to myself that I was interested. My lack of self-esteem is another issue and one that I am working on but I now feel like I am in prison: I am finally realizing who I am and yet I am committed to a man. I have discussed my sexuality a bit with my husband but he firmly feels or it seems like he feels (rightly so) that having sex with others is off limits. After meeting this woman, I considered if I could even have a threesome with someone and realize at this point, being with a woman would be so monumental I don’t really want anyone else there. Does that make sense? I just feel so lost on what to do with all this because I love my husband but I really feel like I need to have this experience to be true to myself and true to him, as well. Yes, I like having sex with him and he is a WONDERFUL husband and spouse, I choose him, but I don’t think I can do this forever. Advice? Suggestions?

  6. Hello BiWives

    I am saddened by the recent developments within my marriage. My husband has found out that i am bi and has filed for divorce. I have a daughter from.a seperate relationship, but she really loves him and she will be very hurt to find out that he will be leaving. I decided to.come out to.him, because he became very suspecious of it. He obviously didnt agree with it and viewed it as cheating. I have been in tears non stop and i am going to lose my best friend over a feeling that is very natural to me. I think it’s a lose /lose situation. If you hide it and he finds out later, he will not trust you.and leave and if you tell him, he will not trust you and thinksthat you will cheat.

    1. Wow. I am so sorry for your loss. I know there’s nothing I can say to console you but I want you to do something for me-look forward. You are you, he is him. He wasn’t the one for you if he told you he cannot deal with your sexuality and walked away. You are not compatible with him. He is not compatible with you.
      Sometimes God has to clear a path for better things to come. (see my most recent post-Divorce)
      I am soooooooooooo here for you.
      Honestly in my heart my wish for you is he’ll have a change of mind, miraculously love you entirely and this whole divorce thing will go away.
      May the Universe/God bless you. Welcome to BiWifeLife, so glad you found us!
      There’s some good stuff in here. G
      o to our ‘Connect Here’ tab, browse, comment, connect.
      We’re all here for your journey!
      Big hugs & chin up.
      A new direction has come, a new life, new opportunities!
      Change is not always bad, but most times it is painful.

      -Jay Dee, Founder

      1. Your story sounds so amazing and heartfelt, but I truly truly love this guy and my daughter loves him very much also. She has personally told me that she will cry and be very sad if he leaves and it hurts me very much to know that. Because i feel like I’ve caused this pain to her. My husband is a very Christian guy and I’m very sure his family won’t agree with my lifestyle. I know he is everything i.want in a husband. I didn’t think he would file for a divorce though. He looks at it as cheating and as something god hates. he said that god hates that sin and he wont be married into it. He said that god created adam and eve ,not eve and eve and that he wanted to.have a kid,but he isn’t trying to make a baby for me and another woman to play parents with and lead that kid into.thinking god think its normal for same sex relationships , when its not. I really wish i wasn’t bi sexual if it meant hurting my daughter and losing my best freind and his family.

  7. Good day all,
    Admittedly I’ve been thrust into this community by a sudden circumstance, so apologies if I sound harsh. Never the less my feelings are equally as important as anyone else’s here so maybe you can help me.
    I have been reading a lot of garbage putting bisexuality into stereotypes of infidelity and ménage a trois and really hoped this site would be different; I have to say that it just sounds like more of the same 😦 To me it sounds like the old “have your cake and eat it too”, (hate that saying). When I was an adolescent boy and even into my twenties, I often joked about the perfect life that required two partners; a nurturing, sweet and caring woman to be my wife and a crazy in bed super hot mistress to satisfy my every sexual desire. Obviously these were ideas that I picked up somewhere and thought they were funny and I eventually matured, but I don’t see how they are any different than what I keep reading on Bi sites. Every post I read seems to describe someone that wants it all; the grass is always greener so let’s play on both sides. This all sounds very selfish to me. If you find a partner who agrees with your “lifestyle”, then great, enjoy life with them, but I think that blaming ones actions on their sexual programming is pure BS. I’m attracted to beautiful women every day, but I would not fell any justification for acting on it. Just because I am with a woman of one “type” doesn’t mean that I need to be with another as well.

    I read all these posts from bi wives not sure what to do when they find themselves in situations admiring other women, curiously wondering if they are bi as well, “who cares?”; maybe they’re bi, maybe not, even if they are bi that doesn’t mean they are into “you” necessarily, right? Did any of you stop to think that your husbands go thought the same turmoil every day? We guys go walking around seeing these beautiful women in their sexy outfits and have “thoughts” about them, but that’s where it ends, period! Your “ability” to admire both sexes doesn’t make it any different than any other who can’t commit to one partner, be they male, female, straight or gay.

    Monogamy may indeed be an old relic best left in the past, but don’t try and disguise giving into base urges with some kind of special sexual orientation. Be monogamous or don’t, simple. One person satisfies you or they don’t, their gender plays less of a role than their capacity to understand who you are and be vulnerable together; if your partner doesn’t give you that, perhaps you are in the wrong relationship.

    1. Bi Wives truly are in a unique situation. The men in their life should support them, even leave alone the “threesome” nonsense and allow them their special needs.

  8. Bi Wives need to know they are supported and not an excuse for a 3 way. Wives who are genuinely happily married AND bi are torn asunder at times with how to balance their genuine marital love with their equally intense love of women. Let them have their women as they need and focus on your marriage is how the husband’s should be because it seems Bi Wives NEVER want another man but their husband.

    1. My wife did not want to jeopardize our marriage so she brought in mutual friends that we both like. We played as a team, never alone. In this way we were able to stay happily married for over 40 years. I will admit that I feel conflicted and still not 100% with bisexual thinking. While I have no problem with having sex with other women, I would feel betrayed if my wife did with men or wemen. I know it is illogical since I know for a fact that I can have sex with a women for many years and never feel like leaving my wife. Yet the thought of my wife being intimate with another guy drives me crazy. We tried it once and luckily she did not like it and said that I fulfilled all of her male desires but she needed things that only females could provide. My wife is weird. She will not have sex with a women unless I am part of it but when I am there she does it all. She allows me to have sex with her girlfriends alone but joins me afterwards. I am not going to complain because it worked for us for a very long time. We had a great life with one straight man and two hetero flexible woman.

  9. Very sad to read some of the posts here. My wife managed to make it work for her. My full story is posted elsewhere as we lead a strange and wonderful life. Without all the detail, what my wife did was get her longtime best girlfriend to have sex with me and then joined in. That was the beginning of a 38 year sexual and emotional relationship that survived the marriage of our girlfriend to a guy who was OK with what we did. Our g/f kept her marriage separate from our relationship, never had us visit her condo and maintained her own bedroom and clothes in our home as well as her own. She went back and forth between the two.

    We never had a problem at all. My wife even encouraged me to have sex with our g/f without her if she was not in the mood or sick. Not one ounce of jealousy. Only last year did she tell me that she only fantasizes about women, never men. That explains why she used to tell me that she did not have any sexual fantasies when I asked. She also told me that she prefers living with a woman who is emotional and thinks like a female, plus is neat like she is. 🙂 She says that she is attracted to the person, not their gender and does not know how it feels to only feel attraction to one gender. As far as sexual preference, which concerned me, it did not matter if it was a male of female as long as it was pleasurable. Sometimes it was better with her g/f and sometimes better with me. It all depended on what we did that night.

    We had and still have a very happy and joyful life. Lots of good memories and lots of love. We grew up in a time where anything but heterosexual love was taboo and certainly not appropriate in public. I joined a few private club where the people were more open to alternate lifestyles and were able to go out as a threesome with no problem. On vacation, we did not care what anyone thought and often went to nude or topless beaches as a threesome. We liked to shock the old people. 🙂

    Although we made it work for us and my wife was happy with having sex with both genders at the same time and also just with me, I can see that on various levels she considers herself as hetero while on others, bisexual. She gave herself the illusion of being hetero by confining her sex with our g/f to only when we had threesomes. She viewed it as doing it for me, not for herself although for the last 15 years, she was doing it for herself and I think she knew it. She would quickly orgasm with her g/f as I watched or maybe kissed her and then leave our g/f and me alone while she went to cook us dinner. She liked being the domestic one for us. She does get pleasure from giving others pleasure and has never changed despite my efforts to do so. 🙂

    A few years my first girlfriend who became my finance when we turned 18, called to apologize for calling off the wedding. She told me that she was sexually confused and started having sex with every man she came across looking for something that she never found. She quite school, lived in a commune and quit her job to become a psychic who talked to angels. Most of her life was not good because she was trying to be the good daughter that her parents wanted her to be. She came from a very and strict, religious family an any thoughts about sex with women were repressed. She only found peace when she was in her 50’s.

    After he, I Iived with a woman who went through a different guy almost every night in pursuit of something she was missing. She did spend her weekends with her girlfriend but I think she was desperately trying to find a man to fill the role that her g/f did. She even asked me to father her child when she realizes that she preferred women much more. I refused and moved away shortly thereafter. She too did not find peace until she was much older.

    My wife was very lucky despite the taboos of our time. She made it work. Her favorite sex with with me and our g/f. The best of both worlds. After that it is sex with me. Until recently, that would have been her only choice but now that she admitted that she is bisexual, even if it is just to herself and me, I think that sex with a woman would be in the number two spot with me in third. I do not mind. She shows her love for me everyday I am alive. She enjoy sex with me and orgasms very easily and often. We know each others hot buttons after all these years so it is easy to please each other.

    So out of my three girlfriends, my wife is the only one to make it work without marrying and divorcing several times. We had friends that were both on their 4th marriage because they kept fooling themselves about their sexual needs. I can sympathize with all of you bisexual women. I understand that being bisexual is just not about putting your hand down someone’s pants and being happy with whatever you find there. There are many psychological levels that can be in conflict with one another. My wife’s self image used to be heterosexual since she only had sex with one woman and only with me involved. She avoided feeling like she betrayed the morals instilled in her since she was a kid. Yet as a sexual being, she was an eager lover with her girlfriend. To her family and other friends she was the faithful wife but with strangers, she was flirty and enjoyed teasing men and woman.

    I do not pretend to understand what all of you go through. I was lucky. I did not have to deal with a wife who wanted female lovers without my involvement. I do feel a little insecure because my wife made it known that if I dies first, she is done with men and would seek out a woman to live the rest of her life with. I know that she prefers the emotional mind of a woman and not the cold logical mind of a man. Yet, she loves me and shows it. I guess I should feel special in that my wife chose only me to be her only male lover. I would feel better if she found another female lover but at our age, too many wrinkles in the bed is not a pleasant sight. 🙂

    I hope you all find the same happiness that we did. I cannot imagine what my life or marriage would have been like if we did not love the same women who happened to be bisexual too. Is that fate or luck? Whatever, it happened to us which let us avoid the type of problems you all face. Good luck to you too.

    1. Hi there Max. I’ve been very quiet observing your participation here. I did acknowledge you in a post 🙂 thanking you for being so active. I encourage your wife to join us if she’s able to. I haven’t had the time to thoroughly read every single word of each of your posts but I have read your story when you introduced yourself. I want to personally welcome you here. I’d also like to ask you to drop me a line at I have an offer for you 🙂
      Welcome. Remember, read, comment, connect, suggest! I’m always here.
      -Jay Dee

    1. Thank you for stopping bi! We are powered by readers just like you and I’m honored to have you here. I encourage you to browse, comment & connect. In those two sentences alone I gather so much about you. Seems you may need to do some reading, gain some insight. Don’t be shy, there’s some awesome people in here.
      Welcome and thank you for your kind words. It’s that encouragement that motivates all the staff here at BiWifeLife!
      -Jay Dee, Founder

  10. Hi all,
    I am a bisexual man(I like Tgirls not men, take this as you will) married to a bisexual women. We have been together for four years now and are truly happy. We have two young boys that our life’s evolve around. The way our relationship is now has not come easy. We were not honest with ourselfs or with each other early in the relationship. She had never told anyone about her sexuality until me and I had never told anyone about mine until her. Both of us “came out” about a year ago. We have had only a few bisexual experiences in our life’s and we both want to explore our sexuality while still being fair and loyal to one another. Well, here lies the problem. What is fair? I feel that if we bring a women home for a night and we both enjoy her company than its fair. However, she doesn’t see it this way. She feels that if i have sex with a women(in a threesome), then I am now “in debt” and owe her a man. But, I don’t want another man with my wife. The reason we are conciderig any of this is to explore new experiances. I fell like she needs to reconsider what “fair” is. She has also said that she would be willing to let me be with a tgirl, but again the question of fairness arises because she has not desire to be with a Tgirl. Would this be the same as her being with another man?
    My wife and I have very open lines of communication and can usually talk things out, but this has continuesly come up. We can’t seam to find a middle ground. Can someone please provide some insight? I know that once we get his figured out we can really start to enjoy ourselves.

    1. My wife is the complete opposite. She only wanted us to share another women. I am the one that thought it was unfair to her and set her up with another guy while I was with his wife. She tried it and hated it (so did I) saying that guys are too rough and she prefers to share a woman. We shared the same woman for over 30 years. Probably closer to 38, although we both know the woman since we were teenagers.

      What is interesting is that my wife never thought in terms of fair or unfair. For her it was what felt best and worked best. Gender does not seem to matter to my wife. She is all about the person, not their gender. I hope you two can work it out. I would have thought that sharing a TG man would work for both of you but apparently not.

  11. So I understand this entire website is for women whom are bisexual and their trials/tribulations. Well I may have this post deleted because I am the husband of a bisexual woman and I honestly need some honest feedback from really just anyone beside my friends and family. So last weekend I met my very good friend and his new girlfriend at our home for drinks and dinner. Everything was going well, my friends girlfriend we can call “M” and my wife we can call “A”, and both of them were hitting it off very well. Well I knew my wife was bi, she always tells me of her wet dreams that are 100% always about a woman and never a man. (We have been married almost 5 years) However after a few drinks and some more loose chat(Alcohol always leads to that) “M” announces to my wife that she was in a 6 moth relationship with a woman, but left because she was cheated on and still missed men. Well lets just say after a few drinks both “A” and “M” started making out and then pretty much having full on sex. Long story short, for a whole weekend both ladies had passionate and fun sex with each other while us opposite sex got to watch then join in after the ladies had their fun with each other. So 2 days later my wife on Facebook says she loves her new girlfriend and both “A” and “M” on their face books both say they love their new girlfriend. Both myself and my good friend are perfectly okay with this, we love the promiscuity and fun that occupies our weekends. Suddenly after the FB posts good friends and relatives start condign and bashing, let alone disowning us because it is immoral to be married and let your wife be with another woman. Also my wife has been accused of being a whore and trying to cheat on me with a woman. I am sorry but this is the 21st century, I though that America of all countries was trying to be tolerant of gay let alone bisexual people. I don’t understand how people can get so upset that a man will let his wife sleep with another woman, I am not insecure at all, I know my wife will never run away or leave me for her. I know that this is the beginning of a great relationship with another woman for my wife that just so happens to also have sexual charge behind it. I would love all thoughts on all aspects of this.
    Also my good friend is 100% behind of “A” and “M” he shares my same views.

    1. Hey there husband of a biwife! I’m not sure why you would think this comment would be deleted. We encourage husbands to come aboard and share their perspective!

      I think it’s totally awesome you guys have this arrangement. I wish we could find an arrangement like yours! That would be awesomeness.
      Glad you shared with us. I’m sure many of our readers are green with envy at your situation right now, lol.
      Speaking of envy and being green with a lot of people show envy and jealousy through meanness.
      This I know for sure so I just ignore those who aren’t immediately affected by my actions when they have negative input regarding my life.

      I encourage you to browse the site, read through posts, comment and share your BiHusband Perspective. You sound like an awesome BiWife Husband.
      I’m sure your perspective and comments may help some of our readers.

      Kudos to you for being an AWESOME BI HUSBAND!

      Invite your friends, like us on Facebook and Twitter. Join our Facebook Group.

      Jay Dee’s motto is FUCK THE HATERS! Y.O.L.O You Only Live Once, enjoy it. As long as everyone is happy that’s what counts. Not public opinion. This is MY life and it’s fantabulous right now.

      I choose to live it up, soak up the experiences & make memories.

      Keep us posted on how things go! Don’t be a stranger and I strongly encourage you to comment on other posts, become engaged in dialog, make connections here.
      There is another BiHusband here on the site, you’d have to browse through archives to find him.
      I’m sure you two will connect wonderfully. He’s having some issues I’m sure you’ll be able to understand and identify with.

      Look forward to seeing you around!
      -Jay Dee

    2. I’m so happy to hear of a husband who is 100% supportive with his wife! I second Jay Dee and say we all wish we could be in this situation. I’ve fallen in love with a woman that my husband is 100% supportive of, but she doesn’t seem as enthusiastic and is still struggling to find out what exactly she wants with me. I’d KILL to have the relationship “A” and “M” have. Seriously. Cherish it, and don’t listen to what other’s say. You have to do what you have to do. Kudos to you, and best wishes!

      1. Oh Lizzie I feel the same way! I am in love with a woman who is not sure what she wants and it is so frustrating! Jerime, you are doing a great thing! The only way people will become more tolerant and accepting of these relationships is by us not being scared to show them that they are not immoral or detrimental to our marriages. Quite the contrary, my relationship with my girlfriend (who is also married) has so encouraged my relationship with my husband — it’s never been better! And our husbands have become very close as well.

        Also, on a separate note, the weekends you are having is how we arrange things too. A few drinks, a little girl action, then finish with our hubs. It’s wonderful.

        You keep being you. And let your wife be who she NEEDS to be. The rest of the world will understand when they see the happiness it brings us. It wasn’t that long ago that I would have been chastised for my biracial marriage and now homosexuals can get married, too. Normalcy is oy relative to what we allow other people to see. Let them see your new “normal” so they can appreciate all it does to enhance your marriage! Kudos to you!

      2. I do not consider a woman as competition simply because she lacks male equipment and traits. I therefore have no problem with letting my wife date other woman. My wife cannot explain herself well but from what I understand, she needs both a man and a female during sex to fulfill both of her needs. She wants to be both ravished by a man and yet engage in tender and romantic love with a woman.

    3. Hi Jerimie,
      I am not exactly in the same situation as you because my wife’s girlfriend is her girlfriend alone and the husbands do not get to watch( maybe someday 🙂 ). The four of us do hangout and joke around, but that’s it. When it comes to others being tolerant, we made the decision to keep it mostly between the four of us. I am not sure if her girlfriend or her husband have told anybody, but my wife and I have only told a couple of people. What I learned when I told my friends was that even though they support us, they just don’t get it. Both guys I told said if I am okay with it, than they trust me and they support me. Both also said they couldn’t do it and asked if I felt like she was cheating. She is not cheating, but that is the perspective they have. This is one of those things that only the people in this situation can understand. For that reason, we will not be more open about the relationship. We also have kids and we live in small town. The negative reactions from the community could make are lives tough and make the kids lives even tougher. I was really happy to find this blog because I needed a place to chat with people and to hear others perspectives. For the most part, we have figured out what works for us and things are going pretty good.
      Good Luck getting things figured out and I can chat with you further if you like.

      1. I tend to agree with you that it’s not cheating. She’s fulfilling the other half of her.
        I see me as two personalities, one masculine, one feminine. One needs a woman’s touch, needs to feel a woman’s body. The other needs a man and needs to feel his masculinity.
        That’s just me.
        I see all bisexual people as having hetero/homo sides and both need to be fulfilled for us to feel whole.
        I’m also very glad you found this blog.
        Maybe you can use Our Community to educate others on our lifestyle choice and how it’s nothing more than a personal choice that fulfills our needs and keeps us all happy.
        Anything in life has challenges, nothing will always be peachy in life.
        BiWifeLife surely has challenges thus this supportive Community.
        We aspire to show the world because we are bisexual and married we don’t have to be labeled as promiscuous, bad wives or home wreckers.
        We are bisexual, and married. That’s all.
        I tend to ignore negative perspectives. I only allow positive energy in my life 🙂
        We encourage you to keep reading, commenting and connecting.
        Seems we have a growing population of BiHusband’s here.
        Look through the posts and you will find others to connect with.
        Blessings and We hope to see you around!
        -Jay Dee

      2. Finally, another couple involved with the wife of a married couple. In our case, my wife shares her married girlfriend with me. My wife has only been sexual with a woman, while I was present. she would not consider having sex with anyone without me. Our girlfriend’s husband occasionally socialized with us but never talked about sex or wanted to join us. We never even saw our girlfriend’s house in the 20 years she has been married. She never told us anything other than he was made aware of her relationship with us before they married, that she was not going to stop seeing us and that they had an arrangement.

        I know that I enjoyed watching my wife with her girlfriend almost as much as having sex with them. I happen to think that two women together are very sensual. Much more so than watching a guy and a girl. I know that I would not like it if my wife had a female lover, anymore than if she had a male lover. We both feel that the mere fact that she likes both genders, does not give her a free pass to have affairs outside of our marriage, no more than a straight woman can have an affair just because she is attracted to different men. I know that this is not something that some, maybe most, people feel, but it is the way my wife and I feel. Feelings do not have to be right or wrong. They are the sum of our logical an emotional minds.

        My first ever girlfriend left her husband for her girlfriend. Our good friend’s wife left her husband for another man. No matter how strong the love and bond, the fact of the matter is that our emotional bonds and sexual attraction are nothing more than chemical reactions in our brain so you never know when that can change. I think the high divorce rate is proof of that. On our end we wanted to share but on our girlfriend’s end, she wanted to share with her husband, but he did not want to and was fine with her spending as much time as she wanted with us. Goes to show that all types of relationships can make it or not. Just like with straight couples.

      3. My wife is the opposite, she has never had sex in over 40 years with a woman unless I was at least present and watching. We play as a team and that eliminate all trust issues although I never consider a woman as a treat since my wife is bi, not lesbian and likes both at the same time.

    4. My wife also only fantasizes about women. Something I learned 43 years into our marriage. My wife had a great solution to reconcile her love for me and her desire for a woman. She invited her girlfriend to have sex with me and when we were done, she joined in. Alcohol played a big part in this initially, but the relationship among the three of us lasted almost 38 years. God bless wine. 🙂

      1. My wife is similar except that she does not feel complete unless she has a male and female lover at the same time. She says that I fuflfill her male needs so we just need to find another female to keep her happy. However she is shy about finding women on her own. They all usually come from people she knows socially/

    5. My wife feels that being bisexual is not an excuse to cheat so she brought her best girlfriend, who I did not know was bisexual, into our bed. We were blessed to both love the same woman for 38 years off our 43 year marriage. And no, they were never sexual with each other before as I could plainly see as they slowly got more intimate with each other over the next few months.

      We did threesomes and also one on one but oddly enough, my wife and girlfriend never had sex without me present, even if they just wanted me to watch. I think in their minds they could feel more heterosexual if a man was part of the sex play. It was a different time.

      1. We are not married as long as you but my wife decided to come out while I was having sex with her girlfriend with her permission. She just joined us in bad which made if more comfortable for her girlfriend but she did not know that her g/f was bisexual so no subterfuge was needed.

  12. I am in my twenties and married to the love of my life. But just recently I have been questioning my sexuality and noticing how I’ve been acting different around some women I find attractive. My husband and I have a complete open line of communication about the whole situation and he says he say it coming before I did lol he’s completely open to a female companion if it makes me happy, but I feel so conflicted like trying to find myself again. I wouldn’t even know how to find someone interested, I’ve never been with another women and I’m trying to figure out if its just curiosity.

    1. Hey Katelyn, I just want to let you know that you are not alone. There are many women going through what you are dealing with right now, and there are a lot of women that have been down this path already and are finally in a good place. You will get there too. It is great that you are communicating with your husband. That will be a very important part of your journey, and open communication will make it easier on both of you. Unfortunately, only you can answer the question of whether you are just vicarious or bisexual. As to where to find a possible partner in your exploration of your sexuality, I have found that to be easier than you might think. You have these thoughts, and you are not the only one. I have found that many women are curious but afraid to make a move. Picking up a woman is not much different from picking up a man, you just need to flirt. If you flirt consistently with women you are attracted to and you get to know them and deepen the relationships, you will eventually find a woman that will take the bait. Happy hunting.

      Jenna Anderson
      Contributing Author.

      1. Thank you Jenna for the reply, it gives me hope! I am still working on my confidence and flirting skills when it comes to women. My husband and I have been together since we were very young and not sure I even remember how to flirt lol My husband has been trying to give me tips which has been hilarious. His advice mostly comes down to be yourself and be confident. The confidence part seems to be the hardest. It’s so hard to imagine that I will be able to find someone within my everyday life and I feel like I will have to be the one to make the move because I AM MARRIED so most people are going to assume that I am just heterosexual. There is a girl at my chiropractor’s that I am very attracted to and have been trying to talk to/ flirt with, but I always chicken out. I think she might be interested in me as well, but I can’t tell and I think part of me is afraid of being rejected or even made fun of. No one except my husband knows about me being bi or bicurious so showing the true/complete me to someone else is kind of scary.

  13. Hi to all of you. I have spent the last three hours reading every word on this website, and it is so nice to know I am not alone. I am currently happily married to a great guy, but I am a bisexual woman. I have had several female partners before my marriage and my husband is very aware of them. When I first met my husband, I was in a committed lesbian relationship of 4 years. We had decided to have a child, but I wanted a natural child birthing experience. I was going to carry the child, so we found a friend (my husband) to assist with getting pregnant. It took us 6 months to get pregnant which was tough on my lesbian lover, who despised the thought of me with a man. Once I was pregnant though the tension subsided. James went back to being a close friend. At 4 months I developed severe complications and had to stop working and go on bed rest. The medical bills started to get scary due to my lack of insurance. My girlfriend made decent money but could not keep up. So we made a business arrangement with James. He married me and covered me under his insurance. Once the baby was born and I was better we would divorce and everything would be as it was supposed to be. At 6 months I went into labor. My daughter was born premature and with extreme brain damage. At the worst time of my life my girlfriend whom I loved said she did not sign on for a child with special needs, and left me. I was devastated, but my husband stayed by my side and helped like any loving husband would. We never divorced. We have been happily married for 15 years now. I adore him and he adores me and our daughter who is a miracle in my life. It is hard sometimes though, because I still long to be with a woman. To feel her delicate touch, to touch her soft skin, to be kissed and teased to a heightened state where the only thing that matters is me and her. To have the release that only another woman can show me. I miss the intimacy of it all. No clue what my future holds for me. No clue if I will ever know the tender touch of a woman again. Just thought I would share my story.

    1. Jenna firstly thank you for sharing your experience with us. I’d also like to thank you for taking the time to read the entire site! That’s one of the most awesome things anyone has said here, lol.
      please email me at
      I’d like to discuss opportunities within the BiWifeLife community with you.

      Thanks! Jay Dee

  14. I am a bi, married woman of 15 years with children. My husband is aware and we are currently having a more open relationship. I have a girlfriend whom we were both friends with for 2 years prior. He gave permission prior to any sexual activity between me and my girl. I’m just wondering how people have handled this with kids. I have two older and two younger. I don’t want to confuse me kids and I’m pretty open about love comes in a forms but have just never thought I’d need to explain mommy has a girlfriend and daddy is cool with it. Her and I are not open in front of the kids at this point but I don’t want to hide it from them forever. Any tips on bringing it up? I have one teen/one adult kid.

  15. I don’t usually join online forums but I feel like I’m at a loss for anyone to really understand me. It’s a long story but it’s so personal I can’t really discuss it with anyone and I’d be so grateful for anyone to just listen (or read I guess).
    I knew I was bi as a teenager but never acted on it because I was always attracted to somewhat older “cooler” women, lol. I also didn’t want the stigma of being bi in a small town.
    Well, at 19 I got involved with a man who was 32 and we were together for 7 years. It was infatuation, not love, but I stayed because I had such low self esteem, which he heartily encouraged. He was an alcoholic, over the years things went from bad to worse, I left in the middle of the night and never looked back.
    At 26 and alone in another part of the country (I had moved because of him) I started to revisit those feelings about women. I decided that men were all trash and I wanted to be with a woman. However, this was not so easily done as said partially because I was so traumatized (although I didn’t realize it until after much therapy).
    After a year or two of regrouping and finding myself I decided I did want companionship in my life and I was ready to try again. I was actually trying to meet other women and in the course of doing so stumbled upon my male fiancé. Well, he did not have an easy time wooing me as I was not exactly looking for his type, lol. I fell in love with him for who he is as a person. We really are a perfect match for each other. He is the complete opposite of the first guy as he is mild mannered and soft spoken. He is very respectful and truly the best friend I’ve ever had. I would never want to loose him. However, he is Indian by ethnicity and I have brought up the fact that I’m bisexual and he sort of laughs it off bringing up the point that I’ve never been with a woman. I told him outright I never thought I would be with a man again until I found him but I think he is choosing not to see it even though it’s blatantly obvious at times.
    At this point my problem is that I only fantasize about being with another woman. I love my fiancé and don’t want to loose him. I’m willing to sacrifice this part of myself to be with him but at the same time I feel really lonely for female companionship. Is this what cold feet looks like? Do you think this makes me a bad spouse? To complicate the issue, I seem to be attracted mostly to women who are a little older (like 5-10 years). What does that say? I know this would never result in a healthy relationship of any kind, even if my fiance did give his blessing. Sometimes I wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me. I seem to have it all and yet I’m still hurting and lonely and confused.

    1. Many young women/wives are attracted to older women/wives. One couple I know has a 20 year age difference with the Cougar reaching the Kitten about bi wife sex and life in general and the Kitten infusing energy for her older girlfriend. I think we will see more of the older – younger relationships for mentoring, staying young, and just racy naughty aspects of it.

  16. I am a bi woman. My husband is fully aware and to be honest he has had a previous relationship with two women at the same time so he is open to having a second wife. My dilemma is that I cannot find a suitable lady who wants a bisexual marriage with us. to be honest I was never good at finding a woman period (I don’t have gaydar except the occasional put out gay) which is not what I am looking for. I have two boys so she must be stable ready for marriage but I honestly have no clue where to start.
    and all my (bi friends are currently taken).

    1. I’m in the same exact boat! Minus the two boys. We have twenty year old boy and girl living at home, growing up and out.
      We have a lot of freedom you don’t have.
      Also it does depend where you live and what your community is like.
      I live in NYC, I’m just super picky because she’s out there in this big city of mine and I know it.
      You inspired an article.
      Thanks so much!
      See my next post.
      Read through archives, comment on others posts, share us on your social network sites and I’m sure you’ll connect with someone somewhere along the way. There are some good people that visit us regularly and there are some good people that give good advice here.

      -Jay Dee

    2. I am in the same boat as well. I don’t even know how to meet a woman with the same feelings. And I am trying to find someone who is willing to be in a relationship with my husband and I, but it feels impossible. Any advice?

  17. I am a bisexual wife/mother. last time I was with a girl was 11 years ago. That girl 11 years ago was my first real girlfriend I ever had. I miss being with a girl. I am very open to my hubby about me being bisexual. I don’t like 3sums at all. I am a one on one kind of girl. I miss the touch and feel of a girl. I like girls 65% and guys 35%. I don’t have any friends that are bisexual or lesbian. So I go online to look but a lot of the girls I find don’t like to be with a girl that is married and have kids. It is very hard for me. I go online to free lesbian porn sites to watch. It is b/c I can’t get what I am looking for. I love my hubby to death and will never leave him. But I love girls much more. most of the gf’s I had in the last 10 years. Said they were bi but in the end they just want guys. I been looking for good site to meet girls that are 100% free. But that is hard. Can someone help.

  18. KW. I think you should start by telling her you are bi (face to face) to see how she reacts. As your best friend I have a hard time seeing that part go bad, but what she says and how she reacts should give you some foundation for any next steps. For example a reaction of .’REALLY?’ will give you a different feeling on next steps than ‘that sounds interesting tell me more’. I think the 2x a year visit can work in your favor to gradually step into things. Men can be territorial, so if you see reservations with your husband you may not want to push forward if he and your family unity with him is your #1 priority. Men love to fantasize and talk, but a family man will often be protective of what they have. And if he is not bi may not entirely understand you. Maybe you should dive into the erotic novels as a conversation. Ask her if shes read stories similar to your wants and needs and get her pure opinion.

    1. That’s amazing to have a husband who encourages you to be you and explore your sexuality! All that matters is what works for you both and to have other people in your life you both can link up with who are supportive and understand. Community is such an integral part of our lives and you don’t have to look very far to find that there are a lot of people out there who have marriages similar to ours. In the beginning, it was hard for us because we were looking for a model, support, and guidance and after finding the courage to step out and connect, it felt amazing. Sure, everything has it’s challenges but the beauty of it is that you are in it together and are honest and have set the foundation for what makes you authentic and happy. Relationships are about learning and growing. It takes patience, and give and take.

  19. Recently, I have found myself in circumstances that I never thought I would. My husband and I have been happily married for a decade. We have a great sex life and he is aware and supportive of my bisexuality. I have only ever lightly fooled around with a female friend. I was extremely attracted to her but stopped myself from going further because at the time, I hadn’t yet made my husband aware of my feelings towards women(which have existed since childhood). I didn’t think starting that convo with, “So while I was away this weekend, I had sex with…” was a very good idea. He took it well and as many men do, found it rather exciting to consider. That friend went on to have many encounters with a mutual female friend, but we never messed around again.

    Present day- here is where we are at: my husband and I have only ever had sex (oral, intercourse, etc.) with each other (highschool sweethearts). Over the last several years, we have developed a very close relationship with my best friend of 11 years. We don’t live near one another and get together about 2x per year. She is a virgin and has no experience with anyone of any gender. However, due to the nature of her favorite past time (reading erotica novels) I know sex is on her mind. At almost 30 years old we are all in exceptional circumstances (10 plus yrs of marriage+only having ever had one sexual partner for us, and for her- not having had a relationship of any kind, let alone a sexual one). I know it is hard to believe that we aren’t hideous or really weird people, but I assure you, that is just the way the cookie crumbled for each of us.

    I am at a point where I finally don’t feel held back by religious beliefs or fear. I have told 3 of my friends that I am bi. I am making an effort to live as I am and not pretend or be fearful. As for my best friend,
    I am in love with her. I want to make her happy, hold her hand, spend my time with her…turn her on. We have always had a reciprocately affectionate relationship. As the years have gone by, she and my husband have developed a closer relationship too. They have been known to cuddle under the same blanket or share a lingering hug. Because of our honesty policy, I know how he feels about her. I trust them both and haven’t had any bad feelings about any of this. He cares deeply for her and we both obviously want to sleep with her. But when we seriously discuss it, it is hard to imagine this ending well. I feel a bit….creepy, trying to figure out a way to a) tell her I am bi and b) tell her I am in love with her while c) telling her that it is both my husband and I that want to have sex with her. I almost think her finding out that he wants her is what would be the most shocking. When we are together, we all 3 have an undeniable chemistry and it is my greatest wish that she wants us too but I realize that is very likely only wishful thinking. I am trying to accept that she may never know how we feel because we are trying to decide if that knowledge would be a burden or a blessing to her.

    I have been mulling over what the safest course of action would be for us. At this point- she is my best friend, and I want her to accept me for me. That means me being honest about being bisexual. The only reason I think she may have a hard time is because she is a moderately religious person, and as far as she knows, so am I. That is the first hurdle and I plan on talking to her about it when I see her again. It has taken years to get to a point where talking about this hasn’t scared the hell out of me, but I am ready.

    As to the rest- I feel like it may either open a floodgate for our relationship to have that out in the open, or it may be something we never talk about again. I am so caught up in my feelings for her and this potential relationship that I genuinely cannot get a read on the reality of it all right now.

    Outside of her- my husband and I have talked about having a girlfriend for both of us or just me. I feel strongly that I want long term/trust-based relationships with females and not flings. I feel strongly that I want that with or without my husband’s involvement. Ideally, though, we want a girlfriend together. Polyamoury hasn’t been on his radar until her, and he still isn’t sure this is a lifestyle he could live, he is sorting his feelongs on that too and I certainly won’t force it. Now, going about finding someone who is single, bi, and looking for a couple who have (for all intents & purposes) a traditional military lifestyle with 4 young kids, seems impossible. I know what we can offer, but I am not sure superficially that we seem at all appealing. I don’t even know where to start when trying to find a girlfriend for myself, let alone one for a couple. Due to the nature of his job and to not being out to the whole world- there is a level of discreetness that we must observe, which I am sure could make a potential partner feel hidden/unwanted.

    Might be a record for longest post ever but I need to get all of this out to people who have been through it. Advice, encouragement, and anything else anyone out there can offer is so deeply appreciated.

    1. Glad you are here. I agree it’s best to slow down and take things one step at a time. This whole process involves you all so it’s great if you and your husband can at each step taken explore what the process is like individually and together as this appears to be new for all of you.
      To lay out some parameters, expectations and to discuss your feelings towards the situation as you move through these steps requires awareness, lots of patience, and self compassion. When we have strong feelings for someone, those feelings can be so powerful that we can act very quickly and get caught up in the rush of the infatuation with that one person and then it can spike jealousy in the other relationship with our spouse. I’m not saying this will happen to you but coming from experience, when you are new to something and feel strongly for someone, this rush of feelings is inevitable and with some good self work you can manage it in a way that is beneficial to all members. If u haven’t read these already I recommend Tristan taorminos book on open relationships. Another book that’s good is written by Jenny block. Yay for you being out and open! This is a very exciting chapter in your life and being authentic and honest the way you have takes a lot of self love and courage. Sounds like you have a great husband too who wants to support you which is amazing!

      1. Also this is not just exciting but also very scary as everything is changing including your relationship with your spouse. That can bring up feelings of darkness too but it’s all apart of the process. Embracing uncertainty while having a commitment of trust and honesty will be the foundation you set.

    2. Thank you so much for sharing because this is what my husband and I are looking for as well and I did not realize that it was a common interest. It just seems so hard to find someone with similar desires and we don’t even have someone in are lives that we could even possibly consider, What I’ve decided is that it will have to be someone that I am close friends with for a while before the relationship goes further, just like any good dating relationship, but then you come to that point where you are like, “how do I ask?” I feel like it is something that I can’t go looking for, that it will just have to happen naturally and I will just have to be open to opportunities. But like I’ve said before, I am just starting out and trying to figure out what I really want and what this could mean for my husband and I.

      1. I have had mutual girlfriends with my significant other and it has been wonderful. Not easy to find but wonderful none the less. It does have it’s dramatic points but for some reason I seen to have a natural knack for making two people happy and minimizing bullshit. I am also quick to end a dramatic unhealthy relationship and move onward. In the past it’s always been my girlfriend who happened to not have a boyfriend who knew my husband and had been sexually involved with us. she knew he was an awesome guy, a generous and talented lover and she knew she’d be okay with us. So she decided to be with both of us. I did suggest, bluntly, ask even more direct and if turned down and actively went after the woman I/we wanted. Twice I was successful, many other times I was not. Thanks for the post idea. 🙂

  20. So here’s something I’ve found to be difficult. My husband and I have have decided to try and extend my feelings outward and find a bisexual female friend. Not for sexual purposes (although I’m not opposed) but for a connection. For those times where I want to just be intimate with a woman.

    I can’t, however, for the life of me find anyone! I’ve tried meeting woman, online website, dating sites, even stooped so low as to get onto craiglist. There just isn’t anyone I can find in my area that is willing to connect with me. It’s one thing to get past the hardships of bisexuality and dealing with your spouse, but I never thought that AFTER we’d get it figured out to a place where we are both comfortable, that I couldn’t meet anyone. Really didn’t expect that. What do you do when your environment feels like it’s (for a lack of a better term) cock blocking you. Seriously.

  21. Hi there. I am so glad I found this website. Anyway, I’m married to an amazing husband, he has been my EVERYTHING for 5 years now. (married 3 months), and I love him with every inch of my body. I feel extremely frustrated that I crave women, but this is definitely not something new. My first crush was on a girl in primary school. I’ve had numerous crushes on girls (did nothing about them, as I felt ashamed) until my final year of high school. I started at a new school, and there was this girl that I just could not get out of my head. Our first kiss was nothing I have ever felt before. To cut a long story short, we were in a secret relationship for one year. She was the first person I had sex with, she was the girl I was willing to leave my entire family for.

    Anyway, we broke up. I’ve had relationships with guys and girls throughout my life. Every time I was with a girl, I’d pretend it was my fist time. I was in denial about my sexuality (still kind of am).

    I’ve been attracted to a lot of women before, but my husband was the first guy that could make me feel what I felt when I was with a women. He knows I’ve kissed and touched a girl, but he doesn’t know I’ve done everything you could possibly do with another woman. Again, I was too shy to tell him. He says he wouldn’t mind a 3 sim (obviously not!LOL), my concern with that is, I am not sure how I would feel if another woman was pleasuring him, and I’m not sure how much I should hold back since he thinks I’ve only kissed and touched another woman.

    There have been times where I literally thought the only way to get through this, is to kill myself, until I met my husband who has given me hope. I could never hurt him, yet I crave the touch and smell of a woman. I don’t want to cheat on him. I’ve never been with a woman since we’ve been together. Imagine my frustration 😦 haha! I’ve come close to cheating, and had the other girl (married also bisexual) pushed me more, I would have devoured her!

    Anyway, would just like to hear your thoughts 🙂 Again, what a great help to women out there.

    1. It seems to me that honesty is always the best policy. Even if that means telling your husband that you’ve been too afraid to tell him the full truth about your experience with women.
      But what do I know?! I’ve recently come to accept the fact that I am, in fact, bisexual, and I have NO idea how or IF to tell my husband. What if I never feel comfortable being with a woman now that I’m married to him? Then isn’t it just unnecessary drama for me to tell him about my bisexuality? Or should he be aware of it regardless?
      I don’t know, for you or me! I’m glad that I am not alone in these feelings though.

      1. I totally agree with Leah, honesty is the best policy. Nobody can tell you guys when or how to tell your spouse your feelings, desires and needs….but if it’s something exploding inside of you and it has to get out you have to decide when and how it’s best to tell the love of your life. I feel husbands should know whether or not you plan to be active sexually with another woman. It can be a complicated and touchy situation. Remember ladies, if you think your husband my physically harm you it’s not worth telling! Some things are best kept within to protect your safety!
        @Leah thanks so much for responding to Adrianna.
        I love to see Our readers supporting one another and connecting with each other! 🙂

  22. Thanks so much for this blog. It’s so good to know I’m not alone in my situation. I’ve recently come out as bisexual to friends, my sister (who is gay) and my husband. I’m not out to his family as I don’t want to cause him embarrassment.
    I’ve always known I wasn’t straight, but I’m ashamed to say that I’ve been a coward. When my friends and sister came out, I said nothing. I was in a straight marriage and I was scared of what people would think. During high school and college I had thought I was gay, but tried to hide, which totally ruined any chance I had had with my girlfriend. It was always so much easier to date men despite my many crushes on women. I love my husband and I’m attracted to men, but I’ve always felt closer to women and regret the years I denied my feelings. Initially I felt my coming out had been for political reasons, to be visible and help the community. It’s actually helped lift a weight from my shoulders that I hadnt realised was there. I’m not quite sure what to do with my new found identity, but at least I’ve finally been honest with myself and others, and to be able to communicate with others in my position is awesome. Thanks 🙂

  23. Hello there, I do not even know how to begin to say how glad I am I found a place like this considering the existential dilemma a find myself in at this point in my life. It all began last year when I accepted something about myself that I had known but had not been willing to accept for many reasons, that being that I felt attracted to women.. I told my husband and he immediately suggested the idea of having a three some with another girl, however I have always found the idea kind of awkward because I had never even kissed a woman so I feel like I would not know what to do.. so I took this issue on my own and I posted a small add on Craigslist looking for a female friend to talk to about this issue.. The hubby still felt thrilled about the possibility of a three some or at least getting to watch me with another girl.. After several failed email responses I got from some chicks.. All of a sudden I meet this amazing, out of this world girl that I just could not have more in common with cause we would be the same person … we started texting, emailing, talking on the phone and the hubby was still interested in letting this continue.. however.. As time went by and we became more emotionally connected, my husband started to get defensive about me starting to develop feelings for someone else.. I tried to assure him that although I was becoming fond of her, I did not see this as a threat to our marriage since our marriage is incredibly solid and she is happily married as well and we are not looking for a life partner if that makes sense. We are just looking to satisfy the bisexual aspect of ourselves but the husband doesn’t understand that this aspect is more than just sexual. I kissed her on the first date we had and didn’t have the guts to tell my husband, I just told him we had had a very nice time talking about our needs and feelings. . So that was ok… we just had our second date a couple of days ago and we made out like there’s no tomorrow, it was incredibly hot, sensual and emotional… This time I told my husband that we only kissed, to try to test the waters if that makes sense.. he reacted in the worst way that I could have imagined he would, he yelled at me and made me feel really bad about it.. but he hasn’t asked me not to see her again or not to talk to her again, he hasn’t even brought up the subject again and when I try he says he’s not ready to talk about it yet.. on the other hand.. her husband was totally understanding with her since he has always known about her preferences since before they were married and agrees with her that I’m the one for her 😦 … I wish my husband felt the same way.. we both love our husband’s to death and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize our marriages.. but if we have to draw the line here it will hurt :/ i really want her to be a part of my life and I do not know how to make my husband understand that he’s not sharing the love I have for him with someone else at all.. This is a whole different aspect of me that is devoted to this amazing chick …. I hope I didn’t ramble a lot this is hard to explain so I hope I made myself clear and get, if not advice, just some words of understanding cause I feel like there’s absolutely no one who could understand my situation right now 😦

    1. There are many people that understand your situation. I definitely do. Although I’ve not yet met someone like the girl you have, my hubby and I have tested the waters similarly. Chin up. Keep being open and honest about it with your husband. 🙂

    2. if you don’t mind a mans perspective, I’d like to offer mine. The fact that he hasn’t asked you not to see her might be a good sign. I don’t think he is angry, I think he is really scared. I have been going through this with my wife the last month or so. We have been together 4 years, but this is the first time she has had a girlfriend since we have been together. Plus, she really loves this woman. It is difficult for me to understand and my emotions are all over the map. I totally support her and I love my wife very deeply, still, I am feeling really lost right now. And because I don’t really understand her feelings, I am scared that I will lose her to this relationship. I think of this way; I am a cancer survivor, the only people who understand how I feel about that is other survivors. No matter how close you may be to your husband, he will never fully understand how you feel. That doesn’t mean he can’t grow, change and adapt, but it will take care and patience from you for him to get there, if he wants to. This is what I want for my marriage, even with that desire to love and support her, I still struggle with my emotions. I ended of finding this site because I am desperate for some support. I am trying to balance not burdening her with my fears, while still trying to get some support from her. This has proved difficult because she has never had girlfriend she cares so much about. They are in love, although both married.I think my wife is more scared than she lets on, so she hasn’t said much, and that has made it harder for me too. I think her girlfriend is great though, so at least I am comfortable with her girlfriend and her husband. This is a challenge I am willing to undertake because I love my wife so much, unfortunately, its going to be slow process as we find our way. Thanks

  24. Hello there.
    First off, what an amazing website you’ve created! And this introductory message…wow! Can’t remember the last time I identified with a group so immediately!
    I don’t know that my situation is unique, but I know that it’s quite heart-wrenching for me! I am married to a wonderful man. A man I know I’ll spend the rest of my life with. I used to feel naive saying that, but almost 5 years in now, I am realizing more and more that he is the ‘real deal’ for me. It’s an amazing feeling 🙂
    Here’s the thing…I’ve always suspected that I was bisexual. Not that I find random women attractive, but rather that I’ve developed long-term intense crushes on a few girls/women throughout my life. I never acted on a single one of them, for one reason or another. Sometimes it was because the other person was straight, sometimes it was because I was with someone else, sometimes I was simply scared of ‘taking the dive’ and moving from bi-curious to bisexual. I’ve since realized that I am most definitely bisexual, and that acting on those feelings wasn’t the determiner of this identity. It’s just who I am, and I’m cool with that.
    When I started a new job last year, I found my current crush. Crush seems like such a flippant word for what I feel, but I don’t know another word for it. I honestly don’t know if she’s straight or bisexual. We’re both married, she has kids, and we both seem to have amazing wonderful marriages.
    I can’t keep her off my mind haha. I actually just woke up from a dream about her, and all I remember is that (in the dream) we were in a group setting but we kept our eyes locked constantly.
    It’s been 10 months now since I met her, and I still feel this way. “Out of sight out of mind” isn’t an option as we work in the same department. Plus, I don’t want her gone. I really would love to continue the friendship with her. And I know that we are both mature (and committed) enough to make that happen.
    I don’t know what ‘question’ I came here hoping to answer, but wow am I conflicted! Looking forward to getting feedback on this and becoming an active member of this community.

    1. Wow Leah, A GREAT BIG OLE WELCOME TO YOU!!!! I thank you for your compliments and your courage to share with us! 🙂 We are here for posts just like yours. We are glad to have you here a part of BiWifeLife 😀
      It can be tricky to have overwhelming bi desires while living a straight life. Here’s a few things to ponder to get you on the road to doing some self digging. Does hubby know? If not, how would he feel if he did know. Did she give you any indication she feels the same? Start with those two. Ponder talking to him about it, ponder moving forward with her slightly-maybe a little light flirt *workplace romances can be tricky, horrible ending and torturous if broken one day-be careful* don’t infringe on improper workplace behavior. Maybe invite her out for lunch or something outside of the workplace…if it’s okay with your husband. Don’t embark upon anything behind his back. That’s a can of worms, Pandora’s box you don’t want to open. You have a long road ahead of you and I hope you bring us along with you. Your journey can possibly help someone else who happens to stumble across OUR pages.
      In the meantime enjoy those dreams and work up the courage to explore yourself. I’m always here for you! Check out Emily as well, she’s pretty active, offers good insight. Maybe you can connect with her. You can always privately email me at if it’s something too private for public but I encourage you to write, write, write and connect. Share with us your feelings, comment on other people’s posts. Suggest articles, ask questions.
      Welcome home young lady. We totally support your quest here!

      -Jay Dee 😀

    2. I think we’ve all been in similar situations like this where we’ve realized an idea or a mere fantasy has turned into serious, intense desire. Be reassured you are not alone, and that your feelings are not wrong. First and foremost you need to be honest about your feelings with your husband. Maybe ease him into it if you think he’ll respond poorly. When I told my husband, he was surprisingly over joyed, imagining his teenage lesbian fantasies were about to come true (so not the case).

      I’ve often had intense crushes on woman I’m around, but haven’t been able to act on any of them since High School. I think it gets more complicated when you get older, more responsible, and everyone is much less drunk.

      Not sure where I’m going with this but don’t be discouraged. Knowing you have these feelings and desires is a great place to start to figuring out where to go next. 🙂

      1. Thank you both! I did feel very alone and…dirty I guess…before both of your words. This is going to be a long journey, I know. Still this seems like a positive turning point somehow. Having reached out and gotten the thoughts out of my own mind and into the air, they don’t suddenly seem as awful and unfixable.
        Jay Dee, I did send you a follow up email. Thank you for that offer.

      2. That’d be greatly appreciated! I don’t know how to make that happen but I bet you do?

  25. Thanks Jay Dee for your prompt response, personal experience and advice.

    At this point in our lives I don’t think she wants to have a regular or shared girlfriend and to be honest I think I’d have a hard time with that. Your realization of “him just being mine” is something she’s said many a time over the years. Bringing someone in on a relationship capacity may create discomfort for either of us. When she was single in her past she had relations, but not relationships with women. Before we married I did talk to her about that to understand why she would marry a man vs a women. For the most part her past was dating men with the occasional woman and she felt she was drawn more heavily to men than woman. She said, and this was about 5 years ago now, she’s attracted to woman, but has never wanted or needed the relationship side. It’s something I’ll have to revalidate with her again as she’s been with the same man for 7 years now and that’s much longer than any relationship she’s had prior.

    Once we get some kid free time and the conversation comes up again I’ll be sure to discuss the boundaries side. This has weighed on my thoughts before and I can see it being uncomfortable to talk about, but should make things clearer if we move forward with anything (no unwanted surprises). Also the post event questions on what worked and didn’t work would be helpful too otherwise we each are just assuming.

    I was surprised to see you suggest moving forward with having a threesome. Many of the posts above talk to how difficult and complicated it can be. Reading elsewhere I hear those words echoed. It sounds like for it to work you really do have to be fully in love with one another, entirely trust one another and be able to get over the jealous factor. For me I have to come to terms with it being “just sex” as everything I’ve always had has been part of a relationship.

    I’m sure we’ll tread slowly into this. With two very young kids it’s hard enough to get adult time to talk, let along date night! My wife is a very open minded and spiritual person in everything she does, so since the day she told me she was bisexual I’ve always wonder where this may take our relationship and felt the boundaries would often sit with me.

    Thanks for your help and I look forward to reading other people’s posts on here too.

    1. Hey there! Your comment actually came in yesterday while I was writing the Scared to Post article.
      I saw it and just dove in. Usually I let comments accumulate a bit then respond to all of them at once.
      In any case, I suggested a threesome because you described a woman like myself. You also described a man with thoughts very similar to my husband.
      She seems like a down to earth kinda woman, you seem the same, the type to take sex for what it is sex.
      You seem to both understand love and intimacy is a totally different creature.
      I couldn’t see how you guys would have drama from a threesome if you guys are pretty much drama free people to begin with.
      I say don’t over analyze, just go have fun so long as boundaries are respected and rules are clear.
      Finding adult time can be hard with two young kids, I’ve had more than my fair share of kids in this lifetime, lol.

      We’d like to hear how things go if they do go at all 🙂

      Keep coming around! Bring your wife, we’d love to hear from her. Has she visited us yet?

    2. The way I see it everybody wins. You get some new experiences and she gets to fulfill another natural side of her natural being.

  26. Hello. I’m actually the husband in this case. I’ve been with my wife for 7 years and we have two young children. My wife told me she was bisexual about 4 years ago. My wife has had a lot of sexual exploration through short term relationships prior to me, whereas mine has been minimal and in long term relationships. Recently my wife has been asking what I thought about allowing a women into bed with us. My typical male radar went up thinking this is a trick, but that’s not my wife’s style. She’s a very honest and open person. I told her I fantasize about it and she asked how I’d feel about it. I’ve told her parts of me are excited at the thought while parts of me are scared. The scared part is in part due to societal norms, never having done this before and the perceived risk of our relationship going downhill as a result of trying this. She said she would never go behind my back to be with someone else (female or male) because what we have as a family unit is far more important, but felt that I might be open to the suggestion.

    She’s had threesomes when she was in her early 20s and she didn’t really enjoy them, but also wasn’t with people that she’s was in a comfortable and trusting relationship with. I’ve never had a threesome myself. We love each other unconditionally and have a great relationship and she feels what we have is strong enough that trying something like this would not damage what we have. Because she’s experienced in this in the past I don’t feel her need is to explore, but more that she knows what she’s missing with another woman. Although I have fears of our relationship going downhill as a result of trying this I also have concerns that if I don’t at least give this a try 1) we won’t ever know if it’s for us 2) she may hold resentment over time for not being able to fulfill the need of another woman. Personally I appreciate the fact that she’s asking to include me with another woman instead of approaching me to say she simply wants to be with another woman (on her own and on her own time).

    With me not being bisexual it’s hard to put myself in the shoes of someone who is. I’d appreciate to hear from woman who are bisexual. If they’ve been in this situation before, how they’ve handled it and any suggestions.Than you.

    1. Wow. Seems you have gotten lucky young man. Your wife and I are of the same breed. I’m very real, honest, & have had prior relationships with women and threesomes before my marriage. My husband reacted the same way you did. He thought it was a trick to see if he’d take the bait. It was not. My girlfriend at the time and I sensually showered for him through a clear shower curtain, dried each other off and took him to the bedroom
      We had mind blowing sex and decided to do this from time to time. We did so for about a year whenever we could. Each time got better, more explosive. One time her and I made love for hours and hours non-stop while he slept woke, joined in, slept woke and joined in a few times.
      Ultimately the relationship between her and I did not work and we broke up.
      My husband and I then sought a mutual girlfriend. I found her, she got to know me first, then him, fell in love with us both and we maintained a relationship for a year. We saw each other intimately every two weeks at first, then once a month due to our schedules and home lives.
      She wanted too much too soon and we had to break it off.
      I am now single but married, we’ve had our fair share of NSA’s just to hold us over. At present I’m not sure if I want to share my husband with another mutual gf. I like having him as mine but I love what we do with a woman together sexually. I’ll sort out my feelings as I go. That’s our story. Our love is real, secure, we don’t deal in jealousy, secrets or drama.
      I am bisexual, he loves it, I love it and we have tons of fun with it.
      I also enjoy the intimacy of holding another totally separate relationship with a woman.
      I do enjoy threesomes and would hope she would be open to being with him as well from time to time but right now I think I want two separate relationships.

      My advice:
      Go for it and have a friggin ball dude!!! Seriously. Your wife sounds like the kind of wife you can have a great marriage with and an awesome BiWifeLife.

      **Clearly discuss boundaries beforehand, be spiritually open and receptive to your wife’s emotions before and during and after.
      Discuss what you liked and didn’t like afterward. Be sure to keep the communication open and honest. Discuss if she wants a mutual gf, threesomes whenever the mood strikes or a girlfriend of her own or if she even wants to do it again or not.

      Make sure you stay informed of her feelings, it’s her sexuality.

      Have fun and keep us posted! May your marriage be blessed with many good times & lotsa happiness.
      You are a lucky man. 😉

      -Jay Dee

  27. My situation is similar to many I have read here. I was searching online and came across your blog quite accidentally. But what a happy accident!
    I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for nine. We have two beautiful children, and all three of them are the most important people in my life. I love being a wife and a mother, more than I ever thought possible.
    BUT, for a long time I have been interested in women. I can’t even remember a time when I wasn’t wanting to be intimate with a woman. But I never gave myself the opportunity to explore.
    Recently it came to light that my husband whom I trusted implicitly, has been having an affair with another woman for two years. My worst nightmare came true. And guess what!? She is bisexual! She is married, has a girlfriend and until recently had my husband!
    He assures me he has ended the affair, and we have decided that we both want to try to work toward a better relationship (whatever that may be).
    Before I found out about the affair, I had been revisiting my bisexuality. Which I had all but put away for the last 13 years. I had been actively searching for a female friend, with my husbands blessings and encouragement. Not coincidently. He too is focused on the sexual aspect of me developing a ‘relationship’ with another woman. But it is NOT what I want. Although I would like the opportunity to explore my bisexuality. Right now, my relationship with my husband is my priority. Was he pushing me to have my own affair so that he wouldn’t feel guilty? He says he doesn’t consider it an affair if he is aware of it, condones and encourages it. But I see things differently. As we started out as a monogamous couple, not in an open relationship. If I were to take a ‘lover’ now. Would that not be considered cheating? I could never do that to him. Regardless of whether he was aware or not. Apparently he felt differently.
    I am wounded and crushed beyond what I ever thought was possible. I struggle to get through everyday. But I am not vindictive. I would never retaliate by having my own affair. It would be unthinkable.
    I have no idea how to proceed with my revisited sexuality. Do I put it aside for now and deny my true self? Bide my time? I have no idea what is going to happen with my marriage. We are not making any rash decisions. It has been just three weeks since I learned my husbands secret. I am just so tired and torn.
    Any comments, no matter how brutally honest, or advice would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Cheating: Lying, sneaking, hiding in my book. How could it be cheating if he knows and encourages? You have what many women wish they had, a supportive husband. You are bisexual, why are you hiding your other true self? You should be loyal to who you are no matter who you are married to.
      You should never put you aside. Bide time for what, to be yourself, to live your life? Hell no! Go be the woman you are AND work on your marriage. At least you will have someone to share your pain with, someone else to make you feel good. Sorry for a late response. Computer repair shop was holding my computer hostage. I am here any time!
      -Jay Dee

  28. Excruciatingly painful and confusing! ! I know I’m attracted to women, my fist kiss was with a girl. ..I’m married with 2 kids whom I adore. My husband would be devastated if he found out I was bi! My father is gay, he was married to my mum for 20 years before he left her for another was a heart breaking time for everyone in my family. I think even if I were single I would never never be able to tell my family that I’m attracted to men and women. I won’t leave my husband because he is a wonderful person and father, i feel he doesn’t deserve to go through pain because of what I ‘need’ sexually. I suppose my life and happiness will stay on hold as I really don’t see a happy ending. .I’m so glad I found your website. Thank you x

    1. Wow. I’m so sorry for what you must be experiencing.
      Please, email me at I don’t know if I can help you because you seem firm in the fact making changes isn’t an option. What you can do is post how you’re feeling in Our ‘Connect Here’ section, maybe make a friend to connect with regularly

    2. Kate,

      Bi Wives will be a newly discovered area of human sexuality that demonstrates many Wives are completely monogamous with their Husband and yet need either women or a special woman in their life too. In a way, it is form of polygamy in that the Wife has one and only one Husband/male relationship but has a girlfriend or girlfriends to tend to her gay needs too. Gay Wife would be a better designation showcasing their completely hetero and homosexuality makeup.

      1. I tend to not agree Joseph. I am not Gay. At all. I love women. I love men. Equally. I am bisexual. Bisexual is the exact terminology and definition for attraction for both sexes. ‘completely hetero and homosexuality makeup’ is a total oxymoron but makes sense kinda sorta, it’s your way of processing the definition of bisexual. 🙂
        -Jay Dee, Founder

      2. Perhaps but “Gay Wife” may fully explain Bi Wife more accurately but either way, recognizing that many Wives are devoted wives with a genuine need for women too is the focus.

      3. Perhaps but “Gay Wife” may fully explain Bi Wife more accurately but either way, recognizing that many Wives are devoted wives with a genuine need for women too is the focus. How that Wives can see that whether they know they are before marriage or discover the awakening while married Bi Wives need to know that is their natural state, is normal, and whether they keep it private (because private in life about many things is best) or out it is seen as part of their unique Wife sexuality.

      4. I think it varies from woman to woman her inner feelings. No two women are alike, no two processes are alike. No two sexualities are alike. There’s not one way of being a BiWife but many paths toward it I’ve found. There are many interesting stories here.
        -Jay Dee, Founder

  29. I just wanted to share my situation and seek some advice really.

    I am 25 married with Two children. I have always liked both men and women, but never gone any further than kissing with a woman. Myself and my partner have been together 4 years and although I have briefly touched on my history with girls I’m pretty sure he has no clue I genuinely fancy women too. So this is a part of me I have always kept to myself really, having crushes on girls and plenty of fantasies etc but had accepted that now I am married nothing would happen (dont think I could do a threesome!)

    However we recently separated due to his drug problem and I have moved out while he tries to put his life back together. I hope one day in the future we will continue our life together like we planned, but I’m wondering if it would be a perfect time to experiment with my attraction to women a bit more??

    I wouldnt think of doing this with guys, so I’m worried it is just as bad with girls, and would I tell him or would he see it as betrayal? And what happens if I met a girl I fall for? Or realise I prefer women??!!

    1. Threesomes can be hard, lol. I think now is a great time to explore your sexuality, as long as he knows about it. I say don’t go seeking a patch for your pain in another woman, make sure she knows you’re married and what your situation is. Once all that is ironed out in your head hell yea go have some fun! If you fall for her then she must be able to understand you are married and your family is priority…if that’s still the case. If you are a lesbian you are a lesbian. It’s time to be a lesbian if you find you’re a lesbian. Simple.
      For now, cross that bridge when you come to it. Live your life happily and explore who you are so you can be happy with every facet of yourself and who you are.
      You are young, now is the time for self exploration.
      Make sure hubby knows about all this if you are working on your marriage.
      Keep us posted!

      -Jay Dee

  30. I’m a bi-sexual woman married to a cheating bi sexual man. I knew he was bi from the beginning, and I was always fine with that thinking we could understand each other better. Wrong! All these years he is being cheating (at least twice) and looked to meet other males during the marriage. It all came out because I caught his action to meet during my last mounth of pregnancy not long ago. We are going to a therapist to help this marriage because we love each other, but I don’t trust any word and any action he does. I really do not know how should I feel or do. Is there anyone that is or been in a similar situation? I’m trying to figure out how to fix or if its just a lost cause… I’m just tired of being worry and to don’t trust who supposedly should be my partner, my lover, my confident and my best friend. I cry almost every day and everywhere. I don’t know what to do… help please!

    1. If you don’t trust any word or action he does your marriage is over.
      I have been married three times.
      That is the surefire end, unless you can trust him again.
      I think you should allow him to be with other men as long as he uses protection and you know about it. He is bisexual after all. Who are you to ask him to be straight?
      I also think you should find yourself a girlfriend, you are bisexual aren’t you?
      This way what he’s doing with his guy/guys won’t be on your mind so heavy. You’ll be busy with her.
      Bisexual couples can be married, if they understand each other’s sexuality, are honest with each other about everything (which means you both have to be comfortable enough to talk openly and honestly with each other) and support each other. Love each other for who you truly are. Two bisexual people that love each other, and the same sex. You have to give him open mindedness and true love and support.
      He is not a cheater. He is bisexual and you say he can’t be if he’s with you.
      He has no choice but to go behind your back or leave you. He cannot deny who he truly is and if you really do love him you’d love that him as well.
      Have you watched bisexual porn. It can be pretty hot!
      Have you asked about maybe watching, being present, participating even?

      I say open your mind, but don’t ask someone to deny their true selves for you.

  31. I’m glad I found this site. I’ve been reading through many if the posts and comments and it’s so neat to see others say things that sound so similar to my situation. I am married as well. To a man who was my high school sweetheart. I love him very much but like many other women on here, I miss the gentleness of a woman. I can’t imagine being stuck with either a man or a woman only for the rest of my life. Like someone else said, it’d feel like I was in a cage. Not sure yet if I want an actual relationship with another woman, since I’ve never had one before and I’m not sure if I’m more than just sexually attracted to women or not.

    1. I totally agree with all of your feelings! I cannot imagine life with just a man or just a woman. I need both! Now I haven’t been with a woman in forever but I’m damn sure working on it. It’s way overdue.
      I’m looking for fun or a relationship. Relationships can be hard and for many years I refused to have one.
      Within the past 5 years I’ve had two. It’s been almost a year since my husband and I’s last girlfriend. I’m ready for another girlfriend. My own, not shared other than sexually. I’m ready for two separate relationships. Idk, only you know if ur ready.

  32. Hello out there….

    I just wanted to share my story and struggles. I am a 28 year old bisexual female and I’ve been a relationship with a wonderful woman for about 4 years until recently I decided to try to date men. Our relationship was great in the beginning. We’ve gone through ups and downs. I struggle most with the traditional part of me that wants to be accepted, be married, and have kids the traditional way. My father was not in my life so its important for my future kids to have a father. This woman loves me madly and I do love her but I feel the fear keeps me from being able to commit to her. No one in my family likes her, but my siblings will tolerate her and my lifestyle if I so choose to be with her. My mother never will. Every time I try to let my girlfriend go, she comes back in my life.

    Now the hard part. She says she will wait for me and give me an opportunity to have kids the traditional way and maybe even try marriage to a man. In the meantime, she wants a very close friendship but wants to be intimate and date other women. She wants to this preoccupy the time I’m not with her. I’m not sure how to handle all this. She is already being intimate with another woman. I am dating a guy that I’m not too interested in. I have been sick to my stomach thinking about her and this other woman. We love each other very much, but i feel like all odds are against me. Any advice? I believe she is my soul-mate, but I feel like maybe its wrong timing and I should get married to a man and have kids first. It has always been a desire of mine. But she makes me happy as well.

    1. I would venture to say that you are gay vs. Bisexual and that is the key here. Wives who are bi are almost always completely monogamous and really just focused solely on their husband for straight live/sex. But they cannot deny their genuine need for women and lesbian love too. It is more of a dual – sexuality instead of bi. Anyhow, lesbian women are focused on finding a wife, not a husband, and that is your situation. Plus, don’t live your life on societal conventions that make you lie to yourself.

  33. Hello,
    I’ve been married to the best man on earth for the 9yrs. My husband is a special bred. He is all I could ever ask for in a man. But I’m bisexual. I actually prefer women to men. I can’t tell him about my sexuality because it will kill him. I’ve brought up discussions about homosexuality with him and I know he is totally against it. I’m a Nigerian and the society and laws totally kick against homosexuality so I can’t afford to come out. I’m seeing a woman who is also married. She makes me so happy! But I feel so guilty.

  34. I’m married to my high school sweetheart and we have been committed to each other for over 8 years. I’ve always known I was bi and when we were dating I made sure he knew how I feel and that I’ve had been with a girl before. We have a very open line of communication and even though our relationship becomes strained from time to time we always manage to talk things through. But lately I have been really missing the touch of a woman and a part of my wishes I had taken the time to explore that side more before I got married. Now in the fall I am moving away to go to law school and my husband is concerned about the time apart. He has essentially given me permission to explore my urges while at school. We are both concerned that if I do that I will find an extraordinary woman and that I will want to see how it goes with her. I’m at a loss because I love my husband and am committed to him but my urges and desire has become so strong that I can’t ignore them any longer.

    1. Hey Jen!

      Firstly welcome to BiWifeLife. We hope to see plenty more of you around! You and your husband have a good line of open communication, talk about it should it actually come about.
      Don’t worry about what hasn’t happened yet, don’t worry if it does happen. Let it flow, call Hubby, Skype him, talk to him! Be honest, transparent, effectively communicate how you feel and hopaefully your marriage will be just fine.
      It’s up to you to remember what’s most important and keep your marriage a priority. 🙂

      Congrats on your acceptance to Law school!!! You’ll be just fine-college is the time for exploring after all 😉

  35. Jay Dee,
    Thank you for taking the time out and responding to my situation. We have indeed ended the semi relationship we were having with the woman mentioned before . I have not yet told family and friends how I feel about the same sex but I’m sure it will someday be brought to their attention. It really helps knowing that there are so many other women out there that have the same feelings. It’s very comforting. My husband is still supportive and our relationship is still wonderful . Thanks for the encouragement on the fact that she whoever she may be is out there somewhere . You are doing a great thing with your blog . Thanks again.

    1. Thank you so much Ashley! It’s readers like you, women like ourselves who are bold enough to come out of our society built closets that power this blog.
      Please, comment on other posts, connect with other BiWives and don’t ever stop getting to know you!
      Change is constant.
      Thank you for your compliments, makes every sleepless moment writing and planning big things for this blog worth it!
      Lotsa love, peace and happiness to you and hubby! 😀

      -Jay Dee

  36. I know, thanks to many years of experience, that being bisexual and in a committed relationship is a difficult thing to do because when we marry (or otherwise commit), we vow to keep only unto ourselves and that’s fine… unless you’re bisexual and it lives inside of you like a caged animal that wants and needs to get out.

  37. Thank you so much. Jay Dee: I think I’m going to wait until he feels more comfortable with himself – he’s going through a bit of a rough patch between him and himself. But I think I’ll suggest that… we really don’t communicate about sexual things because I used to have issues with physical intimacy. But you’re right! I can talk about this with him, we can grow in this way too. That’s the key right? to Lizzie: thank you for replying. I can understand what you mean… I love the idea of him watching me and another woman, but at the same time I worry that it might go not well at all. I have sometime to think about it more. For your threesome – did you have ground rules? tell me your thoughts on that.

    1. Lucy: We did have ground rules. The woman we were with was my best friend…and also my ex-girlfriend. We had dated for a bit, but it just wasn’t right. We remained close friends though…with benefits. She and I could do whatever we wanted, and I didn’t mind her playing with my hubby as long as I was present. No intercourse between them though. It started alright, but it just got…..bad after a while. I lost interest, I wanted her to myself, I really didn’t want my husband involved at all. I think I wasn’t ready to jump into a threesome when it was the first time she and I had been together in a while…we needed to rekindle that connection before jumping straight to a threesome. It’s much easier to enjoy yourself when you actually really lust for the person. Natural instincts kick in. As much as I wanted her, it felt forced, and when I feel forced, I shut down. If we do another one, it will only be after I’ve met a woman, connected with her, desire her, and experiment with her. THEN introduce the idea about my husband.

      1. Wow. Awesome comment. We need more women like you here Lizzie! You said a lot and so much realness. We appreciate your perspective and honesty. You rock!
        Check out my next post “Threesome Ground Rules” It’ll be up by tomorrow.
        I’d love to hear both of your thoughts!

      2. Thank you. I plan on sticking around, and look forward to your next post. 🙂

      3. Just thought you’d might like to know that I talked to my husband tonight about how I’m feeling towards my situation. I was 100% honest about it, and he apologized deeply for pressuring me. I was able to form the exact words, and describe exactly how I feel because of everything I’ve learned from this site. He said he didn’t understand how serious this is to me, and he realizes that I’ve been trying to tell him how I feel, but he hadn’t been listen due to his own selfish desire. He will continue the conversation with me tomorrow as he had to rush back to work, but it was a definite start in the right direction to clear communication and happier marriage. 🙂

    2. Hi Lucy, great to hear back. I’m glad you can be understanding and supportive of him and his process. Just don’t put yourself to the side too long for the sake of anyone. A respectful amount of time is cool but keep in mind you have to bring it up eventually 🙂
      It’s totally awesome you can communicate with him and I’m glad you overcame your issues with physical intimacy. I know that was a tough road. I hope you two do grow in this & together. You supporting him through his time with himself, you in your time with him. You gave me a wonderful post idea for tomorrow.
      Ground Rules of a Threesome!
      Thanks Lucy :* Read it, comment, keep coming back. So glad to have you with Us! Remember, keep Us posted 😀

      -Jay Dee

  38. Hi Lucy! Forgive me for such a late reply. I experienced a computer crash 😦
    I’m back, moderating, replying and posting regularly. I do thank you for stopping by and posting your story. It’s stories like yours that build this blog and help another visitor out.
    Sounds like it’s time for you to have that explicit conversation…if you think it will go well. Honestly there’s no avoiding it if it’s become a pressing feeling for you. If the thought of a threesome makes you cringe, don’t suggest it! It will be a very ugly experience for you if you feel this way now if it does come to pass! Does girl on girl turn him on? If so I’m sure he won’t be hurt rather ultimately excited to see his girl with anther girl. Even if he is the sensitive type you have to approach and discuss the topic. Tell him you are bicurious and you want to try it. Go from there. You’re 22 so I’m sure he’s not much older…even if he is. He’s got to be understanding. You are still young and by all rights you SHOULD be exploring your sexuality in your -30 years. This way you know who you really are when you mature. I can understanding treasuring your relationship and it being a very long term relationship. Since you started dating so young you guys have grown together much. This is another part of your growth. He should be able to understand. If he’s not the type to understand you have some decisions to make.

    Please keep me updated. I’m back replying, moderating and posting regularly now. I’m here working hard to build BiWifeLife. Read posts and comments from me to others. Get a feel for what others are going through. You’d be surprised how many parallels are out there.

    Looking forward to seeing you around!

    -Jay Dee

    1. I agree with Jay Dee on this, definitely.

      My husband and I thought a threesome was the right answer, but we were SO wrong. It was ugly, and embarrassing, and made our situation worse. Since it would be your first time with a woman, I don’t suggest having your boyfriend with you…it just adds an extra amount of stress to point where you probably won’t be able to have the exact experience you need, or want.

  39. I’m in a committed relationship with a man, and I am so happy being with him. I plan on being with him for the rest of my life because I love being with him and not because I’m afraid of breaking up. I am very attracted to women, but I’ve never been with a woman. We started dating very young so I never got the chance to even kiss a woman. He knows that I’m attracted to women, but we’ve never explicitly talked about it – but he knows. I can accept knowing that I’ll probably never get to be with a woman. I thought about introducing the idea of a threesome to him – but I just can’t do it. I couldn’t stand the sight of him doing anything or having anything done to him by another woman. And I’m sure it would really bother him seeing me with someone else. OUr relationship is too important to me to risk by trying a threesome. I don’t know… I’m 22 and I fantasize a lot about being with women… but I also treasure our relationship. I know what to do – nothing, lol, but I guess it just not ideal. it sucks in a lot of ways, but this is what I want. Do you have any advice – anything at all?

  40. I suppose I’m in a common position….but maybe not.
    I’m a young wife, currently expecting my first child. I’m happily married, and there is no doubt that my husband is my soul mate. I’ve known I was bisexual since high school, and had several sexual female relationships before I met my husband. I was open about this aspect of my life from the very beginning of my relationship. Rather than disapprove, my husband encourages it. He really likes the idea of me with another woman. I know this is a common fantasy with most men. We attempted a threesome in a drunken state with my best friend, and it was the most awkward experience I’ve ever had (I wasn’t that drunk). I was not interested in doing it again.

    Anyways, the situation I’m in now is he keeps pushing me to find a woman to sleep with so he can watch. I mean, of course I miss my female partners, and that experience, but I can’t just jump on craigslist and plan a hook up. For me to enjoy sex, it was to be intimate. I have to get to the know the person, and develop feelings of at least a caring state. He doesn’t understand this.
    My other fear is that because I need to have a connection with the person, I’m afraid of it crossing the line of cheating. Maybe not in his mind, but in mine. That is something I never, ever, EVER want to do. We’re very open, and talk about this frequently, we just don’t ever seem to get to a conclusion. I think about the scenarios in my mind, and every time I imagine it, it’s without him present. I don’t think I’d enjoy myself if he were watching……I just don’t know. Either way, it won’t happen till after the baby is born. *sigh* I don’t want to disappoint him, but at the same time I don’t want to put myself in a bad situation. Help?

    1. Sorry for late response, my computer crashed.
      My my, you are in a tough situation. I’d personally say stick to your guns and keep knocking it into his head that being intimate with a woman is not a NSA type of thing for you. It’s your sexuality, it’s your way or no way I say!
      As far as the intimacy being cheating I have a totally different perspective. I feel I am 2 persons in one. One a lady loving lesbian, the other a woman who couldn’t imagine life without penis.
      I cannot imagine life with one gender and not the other, for I am two persons in one and one person inside of me would suffer should I just choose one gender.
      Now, the cheating aspect. You have one man, and plan to sleep with one woman. If you have sex with another man or another woman it’s cheating. Right now you are a married single woman in my book. Once you find Her you won’t be single at all. Married and committed is what you’ll be in my book.
      So long as you keep your marriage your marriage and your relationship with her in perspective knowing marriage comes first then it can’t be cheating.
      Wanting to be alone with ‘Her’ is only natural. Him wanting to watch is only natural. Him wanting a threesome is only natural. These are the challenges we face as a bi wife. I too face these same issues, which is why I created this blog. Right now my husband and I are at an impasse because he doesn’t want me to have a girlfriend unless he can be with her as well from time to time. smfh. The issue is the woman I’m interested in is married and not interested in being with another man.
      My battle, still fighting it.
      In any case, you have to give a little to get a little. That’s my view. Appease the Giant which is hubby and you’ll get what you want in return, the chance to be with ‘Her’ drama free. Explain to him you two need time alone from time to time or more often than not. Explain he can’t always be there and enforce it. You do have to give him what he wants though, he is your husband and he’s allowing his wife to have another relationship and sexual partner. That’s very generous on his part.
      That’s the best I can suggest. Being strong willed is a large part of being a bi wife. Laying down your do’s and don’ts is a must.
      Once again, it’s your sexuality-not his!
      Just my opinion. I hope it helps and you take from it what you can use without hurting your marriage!

      Blessings to you, your husband and little you on the way 🙂 Keep coming around. Interesting content to come soon.

    2. I read a lot of posts where the wife invites her best friend and it then becomes awkward afterwards but for us it did not. I had only three lovers in my life. The last being my wife. All three are bisexual so I spent my entire adult life without ever experiencing a relationship with a straight women other than one or two night stands. I have always had multiple girlfriends since I was 11 years old. Some say it is because I am a Gemini and do admit that I tend to buy two of everything. However, I think it is for the same reason that I always had two pets. I feared losing one and needed to know that there was another one to love in my life. There, I just saved myself thousands in therapy.

      For us, inviting my wife’s best girlfriend who I knew even longer than my wife did and had a major crush on since we were teenagers, into our bed was the best thing to happen to us. Our love and sexual relationship lasted almost 38 years and only a relocation far from her, separated us. I just talked to her today on the phone and hopefully, if her situation improves, she can come and live with us as originally planned. Right now her husband needs her and like my wife, is a loyal kind of woman in her own way. 🙂 Yeah, I know how weird that sounds.

  41. My wife and I have been married for 17 years and began dating 22 years ago when we were 16. I found this site very helpful as my wife has finally admitted that she feels she must act on her bi-feelings. I am having a little difficulty with some details and I thought I’d leave a post if anyone has any thoughts or advice.

    My wife (we’ll call her Christina) told me years ago that she was also attracted to females and we even considered acting on those feeling, but did so in the wrong way by trying the swinging lifestyle. (very briefly). After deciding to abandon that practice when she couldn’t handle seeing me do things with another woman, life went on and we expanded our family having 5 wonderful daughters.

    Recently she has had a very close relationship with a woman at work that I probably knew her attraction before she did. (or at least before she admitted to herself) She finally told me how strongly she was attracted to her just a couple weeks ago. She has not yet had a physical relationship with her, but they both have the same attraction to each other. I fully support her acting on these feelings as I think that she needs to fully understand who she is.

    Here is where I am having a little difficulty. The other woman is also married and her husband knew about the attraction first. He is adamant that he be “in the loop”. They then set up a chat to talk about it which was a day before I found out. I am upset because she did join the group and discuss the relationship with them (she says only surface discussion and I do believe her). I do not, however feel as though she should have even joined the conversation at all until I was also informed. Further difficulties are that her and I have had many difficulties in our relationship over the years and we have been working hard to break down the walls that have arisen between us, and since the start I have basically felt like an outsider, more so than the other husband. It is almost like she is afraid to share details. I see her texting her, then immediately deleting those texts although I am not trying to read them it feels as though she is being secretive about it. I also have to be very careful talking to her about it as I am not always good with words and when I tried to discuss some of my concerns she became very defensive, to the point that she just wanted to drop the whole idea. (At this I did inform her that I insisted she explore this path further anyway.)

    Another part of my difficulty with this is that I have always been the more sexual person in the relationship and we have (and probably never will) had the frequency that I would like. That frequency was as low as once a month (at best) when we were going through the worst of our troubles. This has improved lately, but now she would like to have this relationship that has already taken a portion of her attention and time away from me and I am worried that if we do not approach it correctly it will have a negative affect on our relationship.

    I do not feel as though I am in danger of her leaving me, but I am not sure how to feel that the situation is “fair”. That may sound childish, but is it ok for her to devote time and attention away from our relationship to another emotional relationship? So far the understanding I get from her is that she wants to have this while I do not get anything else. Not that I want to go out finding other women, but I need affection too and if I already feel as though I don’t get enough, how am I supposed to feel as though it will get better when her affection is spread between 2 people?

    To be fair, so far she has not had a sexual relationship with the other girl yet. It is my belief that she needs to have her first actual experience with her so that we can discuss where to go from there. This is all basically preliminary and I really want to be there to support her. She is the most important thing in the world to me and I need for her to be happy in life, no matter what.

    I am hoping that you might have some thoughts… Am I out of line? Selfish? What, if any, expectations should I have, and how do I approach my concerns without making her more defensive?

    Thank you for listening to my ramblings, I hope they are coherent enough to follow.

    Thank you for having this site.

    1. Hi there Nate. You didn’t ramble, you gave us a very clear picture of your life as you see it, your feelings, the situation with your BiWife and the state of your marriage. Thank you for being so honest and raw. Thanks for sharing with us and I’d love to see you around. A good male opinion is always welcomed around here 🙂
      Please allow me to apologize for my late response. I’ve been away for a while due to a computer crash. I’m back now moderating, replying, posting. I’m here at least 3 times a week even if you don’t see me posting. Still have to maintain the tech side of this. WordPress can be so daunting to learn!
      It would be nice of you to update us on where things are for you.

      What’s happened, if anything, since you posted this?

      It may be too late to give my opinion but here goes…

      You and your wife have had some downs over the past few years and now here she is becoming emotionally involved with another woman, while maintaining emotional detachment with you. The other woman’s husband is in the loop but you’ve been excluded from the beginning and you’re scared what will happen when the wives do finally have sex.
      You do, somewhere in there, have a concern she’ll leave you (which is why you mentioned it) and you’re only right to consider that possibility.
      Things haven’t been rosy, she’s going outside of the marriage for her needs and you don’t really know where the other husband stands.
      Your wife erasing messages concerns you and that’s totally understandable. All kinds of questions can race through your mind at that one simple action.
      What I get is you guys need marriage counseling asap! You guys need to repair that rift and then address her sexuality and sexual needs. Your marriage is always primary in my book.
      She needs to find a girl she can just fuck (fwb) without all the emotional stuff if she has the physical need for a woman. Now is NOT the time to go outside the marriage for emotional satisfaction.
      When things get rough in a marriage you turn to the marriage even more. Once you go outside the marriage you are neglecting and killing the marriage!
      She’s treading on dangerous ground and you can see/feel it. It’s scary I understand but at the same token you have to see what your wife really wants. If it’s not you why would you want someone that doesn’t want you? Love yourself more than you love your spouse. Always be good to yourself just as you would be good to her. Make sense?

      By this time I’m sure many things have played out and it would be interesting to know where you guys are with each other, where your wife is with the other woman and husband..

      I hope you guys have worked out your marital issues and she’s found a lovely woman to share her time with…that doesn’t affect you guys negatively.That would be the ideal.

      I pray your marriage has been blessed with much more sex, happiness, openness, oneness and peace since you’ve written to Us. 🙂

      -Jay Dee

      1. Thank you for your thoughts, Here is the update as it stands right now…

        First off I want to say that I don’t think that she is planning on leaving me, but I know for certain that she is very confused/conflicted right now. This woman is the one she wants and really isn’t overly interested in finding someone else. (Although she is considering looking) Further complicating this situation is the unfortunate issue that I lost my job and now have to find a new one, so she is also frustrated with that. She is having difficulty being open with me and although I don’t believe she is lying to me I have difficulty with the lack of openness. I will try to keep this understandable so that it can be followed. There is btw a woman that we met at our children’s school who would like to get together with her. I think that she is “interested” in my wife, but my wife isn’t sure. (she is also married)

        The other woman & her spouse. The other husband is adamant that nothing happen without him present, and although I am willing to give them a night so they can be together I am not comfortable with him there and not me. We did all go out and ended up at their hotel afterward. There was a little bit of fooling around between the 2 girls, but my wife was not comfortable with him watching. (She did say that she probably would have been fine if he wasn’t there.) She, like most women, has insecurities about her body and even though she is beautiful she does not feel too comfortable getting naked in front of him. This does help me at least know that she is absolutely not interested in him. What my wife is not open about is her feelings for this woman which are more than just an attraction for sure. It may end up happening that the other woman goes behind her husbands back as she wants my wife probably as much. This is something we are not sure of as well as we do not want to cause issues between them either. My wife has also never had an experience with a woman and the other girl has.

        My wife’s feelings. I firmly believe that my wife has to follow this course as I don’t believe she will feel complete until she does have her first experience. With that in mind, I am in support of her following her feelings through as I love her more than myself and I NEED her to be happy, no matter what. I may just be insecure as I have been asked to leave the house in the past and with everything going on whenever she is not talking to me I tend to fear the worst. My wife has embraced her Bi feelings, and has started wearing a bracelet with the Bi colors just to indicate her tendencies. (The pink, blue and purple colors) This is just a small symbol, but at least she is feeling comfortable with it.

        How things will work. This is something that we currently are unable to discuss as so much is still in the air. Like I mentioned above, I believe that her first experience should be just between her and the other woman, I just don’t know where it will go from there… As I mentioned in my original post, I have a very high sex drive and we have rarely ever approached the frequency that I would like. Although I need her to follow this through, how do I respond to having a part of her sexual energy taken by someone else? That is all in question anyway as we don’t know how things will work until she does follow through with an experience. Since we do not have an open dialogue right now I continue to try to put pieces together from what discussions we have had so far and what I get is that she wants a separate relationship with a woman.

        I guess I am just hoping that she can have her experience and I will find a job soon so that all of the obstacles are out of the way and we can start working on figuring things out ASAP. I need to be in support of her, no matter what right now and I am hoping that we are able to go on this journey together.

        Thank you again

      2. Wow. That’s one intense situation. It’s a lot to deal with at once. I truly hope for the sake of your marriage all works out for you.
        Hopefully you guys will give your marriage some attention, your employment situation will improve (if you can’t find a job-create a job!) and your wife will figure out what she wants to do and with whom!

        Keep us posted. Keep commenting and posting. Take a look around, read up on some of my posts, maybe you’ll read something that can help you.
        Maybe another community member can help you out if you need help.

        I’m sure there are other guys out there struggling while supporting, loving and living with BiWives that would love to connect with you.
        Looking forward to seeing you around!

        -Jay Dee

    2. Hi, Nate. I am the wife who was in this same position one year ago. I, too, had a wonderfully supportive husband who wanted me to be my “whole” self and be happy. He agreed to my exploring a sexual relationship (my first) with my close, bisexual friend. It was like waking up for me. I realized that all those “curiosities” I have had over my lifetime were truly a part of me that needed to be expressed. I can honestly say that prior to my first bi-experience, I was completely and utterly happy with my husband. We never fought, loved each other more every day, and had a beautiful life. However, after I was with my friend for the first time, I felt a whole new level of happiness that I had never imagined existed. My husband was excited that I was experiencing a complete fulfillment of my being, and we were incredibly close, open, and connected. Our sex life was fabulous – my husband equated it to having my “pilot light” constantly lit and hot.
      However, as time passed, he became more and more unhappy with my connection to my friend. Like many women, I connect emotionally as well as sexually, and the love I had already felt for my best friend grew with our new relationship. He became more and more jealous, and we began to fight. My need for living a bi-lifestyle began to eat him up. Even though he wanted me to be happy, he couldn’t handle sharing me with another person. Our relationship continued to deteriorate, and as much as I loved him, I couldn’t just stop being bisexual. I didn’t want to lose what I had found, and I certainly didn’t want to be forced back in a closet. Despite what many people assume, I did not feel like I was splitting my love between them; rather, my love grew to match the two people I was sharing my life with. Many equate it to the love a parent feels for his or her children – when the second comes along, the parent doesn’t love the first any less. I definitely discovered I was capable of happily being polyamorous. But my husband wasn’t capable of accepting that “new” me. I truly believe that if anyone would have been able to sacrifice and adjust to a new lifestyle for his wife, it would have been my husband. Instead, as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t change his needs to match mine.
      Now, we are on the verge of losing our marriage. We have been struggling for a long time to make this work, and we just can’t seem to find a way to do it. I am devastated by the loss of what I had with my husband, but I can’t imagine living without a girlfriend. He constantly tells me that his biggest regret was agreeing to my experimentation with women. My life has been a rollercoaster for the past year, and we have definitely been through hell trying to reconcile our two worlds.
      I applaud your desire to help your wife find her true self. I have also been where you are. Please encourage your wife to speak openly about her needs and feelings. In the beginning, the new relationship takes a lot of attention and energy due to the excitement and exploration taking place. You will have to have a lot of faith and a thick skin to withstand the feelings of alienation and isolation that take place. This experience will shake your confidence in yourself and your marriage to its core. Both of you have to be willing to understand the risks of what you are embarking on before making the decision to change your lifestyle…this may be rewriting your marriage and your life as you know it. My experience has shown me that this is a part of myself that I cannot live without. I would have rather proceeded down this path with my husband by my side, but it is just not a scenario that he can live with. The sharing part is incredibly hard, and you both need to acknowledge the pitfalls of the situation in order to work through the experience together.
      I wish you the best of luck. Please let me know if you would like me to share any of my experiences if you think they may help you with your current situation. Best wishes to you both.

      1. Thank you English09 and to this blog for helping me. I have always known that my wife was bi, but until recently she had never had a girlfriend while we together. We have been together 4 years and married 2. I thought I was prepared for this, but it has been far more challenging than I imagined. It is also new for her to have a girlfriend that she loves and really cares about, so that’s a wrinkle that has made this experience even harder. Honestly, I have been lost for the last month. Unable to figure out how to handle all of the emotions that have come up since she started this relationship. We do talk, but it is hard for her to hear the negative/jealous thoughts that sometimes creep in. To be clear, I love her and support her and this relationship. She is my soul mate and I expect us to be together forever. I believe this is what she wants also.
        Her girlfriend is awesome. She is married and we often all hang out. There is no sex between us as couples and I don’t expect there to be. And that’s fine. Because this relationship is new, her girlfriend gets a lot of attention and I understand this. But I can’t help feeling jealous. I can’t help being afraid a little that her feelings for me will change. Our marriage has been a little up and down. We are a blended family, meaning we both have kids from other marriages. This is extremely challenging and has made our marriage difficult at times. But we are both very committed to our family and our marriage. Still, I feel left out, or jealous or just confused. Englih09, that third paragraph really hit me. “You will have to have a lot of faith and a thick skin to withstand the feelings of alienation and isolation that take place. This experience will shake your confidence in yourself and your marriage to its core.” That is such an honest in site. I read that paragraph 20 times. My wife is also, I think, a little unsure how to talk to me. She had a really bad experience with her ex-husband and has been slow to open up. She is also much younger than me and I think that may be playing a role in how she handles this. I am so in love with my wife still and I am willing to do whatever it takes to get through this. I tried to find a place where men in my situation chat, but there doesn’t seem to be much out there. When I found this blog, I suddenly felt far less alone. I am very committed to making this work and any help you can offer is very appreciated. Anyway, Thank you.

      2. I would like to feature you this month as our first BiHusband. Are you okay with having your picture associated with your story? I can/you can blur your face a bit if need be.

        If not, totally understandable but I am featuring our first BWife of the Month this month and she will be the first public BiWife face. You’ve been very open about your situation and as a husband I know you can inspire many, many men to join us and share their perspectives and experiences.

        You have offered such a valuable perspective here. Each of your posts offers so much and I am grateful to you for sharing with Us as a Community.

        The voice of a BiWife’s Husband.

        To respond please email me at

        I don’t check it daily but when I do I’ll get right back to you.
        *I hope you say “Yes.” 🙂

      3. Gosh….you have totally described my married life at present, with the absence of a girlfriend. Me and my husband are drifting further and further apart. I met him when I was 17 and I’m now 42, have been married 12 years. I discovered I was Bisexual when I was 23. I started Uni and had unexplainable feelings for a fellow student. Turned out she felt the same. We had a fling. My then fiancé was fine with my experimentation and encouraged my “other side”. I had more experiences which were fine by my husband.
        I have 2 children and my last bi experience was in 2005. My first child was born in 2006, the second on 2009. Our married life has changed since having children. My husband has changed a lot and we have recently had counselling, which solved nothing. He is no longer ok with me fulfilling my yearnings for women and I feel that I’m being trapped/stifled, not allowed to express myself. The last 20 years of his life have apparently felt like “a lie”. I feel awful, but he was the one who said it was ok for me to have the freedom to explore. I’m really confused and really lonely at the moment.


      4. It seems like Bi Wives really are in a Catch-22. They need both their husband and their women equally. Bi Wives should be its own research area for how many Wives are and what about the Wives who wake to their lesbian side once married? Isn’t that a puzzle?

      5. I think I am making history here seriously. This is a never before explored topic like the first sexual studies ever. It’s trippy but A LOT of wives are bisexual or have yearnings for another woman. Over time our numbers will grow. They are steadily climbing. It’s just we’re so used to staying secretly behind closed doors so as not to jeopardize our marriages many women are scared to share, scared to say anything, scared to come out. It’s very hard when hubby doesn’t know. I’ve never had that issue but I can only imagine. I have had a husband who couldn’t understand, one who thought it an “abomination” and that was hard. Many husband’s feel this way.
        -Jay Dee, Founder

    3. Nate I am currently in your situation to the “T” I have a very strong caring and supportive husband. I have a coworker who is married with kids(I have kids to) and we both know we have more then a friendly interest in each other but I know my marriage sexually is already in trouble so I don’t see where I can even fix my mind to even consider taking on a “girlfriend” my biNess has gotten me In trouble in the pass(cheating) I told my husband I would nvr cheat on him again women or man I’m currently deleting text and I’m pretty sure my husband would support me but I feel selfish cause I know all my attention should be devoted to my marriage issues my husband thinks our sex problems lie with me wanting to explore sex with other men but he couldn’t be more wrong it’s with women. I’ve messed with women in the pass but I’ve nvr had a relationship with 1. I’ve gone down the threesome route b4 ended terrible I’m to jealous to share what’s mine(funny I want him to share me tho) bn watched didn’t work out well either my bisexualness is not something I want to be put on display for male fantasy this is a true part of me not a sick sex object. I’m so lost cause I wanna tell my husband how I truly feel but I feel like I would be taking advantage of him and his love for me. As of now I’ve put my love for women in a box n hopes that I’ll just 4 get about it cause I know currently there no room n my marriage for it now

  42. I identify as a bi married woman I have had multiple encounters with women and have always been attracted to both sexes. My husband whom I have been married to for 6 yrs knows how I feel and is more than supporting . He knows that this is who I am. We explore the idea of taking on a girlfriend if not for both of us at least for myself. We have encountered a woman who embodies all the things we were looking for she wants to be with both of us in a monogamish relationship however she is still married and feels that she needs time to try and work it with husband. She comes in and out of our lives when she is unsatisfied at home but this is not my real problem because I am more than happy to give her the no strings attached hot sex she wants but the issue I have is the feeling that I’m leading a double life . I’m not ready to tell the world who I am but it holds me back from doing the things that I want to do . Searching for some thoughts and wisdom ….

    1. Ashley, thank you so much for sharing your situation with Us. Please, forgive my extremely late response. Firstly I never saw your comment until this exact moment. Secondly my computer crashed and I’ve been offline for months. I’m back now approving comments, replying, moderating and posting.

      I hope you get my response, hopefully you can update Us on your situation. 🙂

      In any case, it’s a good thing you share honesty and transparency with your husband. That’s the way a marriage should be! 😀
      The married girlfriend is never a good thing. Ever. Especially if he’s not aware of her activities, plain dangerous. She is turning to you as a physical and emotional crutch which is unhealthy as well. Not only for her and her marriage but yours as well as you both have a sincere like for her and wish to be with her. But you can’t.
      You say you are living a double life, can you tell me how?
      What is it you want to do and why are you in the closet to the world still if your husband knows and is supportive?
      His opinion counts more than anyone’s when it comes to your sexual preference in my book!

      I hope to hear back. I feel this needs more conversation and a few answers to get a clear picture.
      What I see so far is you and hubby need to find your own girlfriend and stop messing with someone’s wife!

      There’s a hot single girl out there that will keep you two happy. She’s not the only one that’s open to poly 😀

      I sincerely hope to hear back from you. I’d love to talk more 🙂 Take a look around, read other stories and my responses
      to other people’s situations. Maybe you can find some insight that way. Also comment, interact with other BiWives.
      We’re here! Welcome!!

      -Jay Dee

  43. I just wanted to say THANK YOU for making this page! I am reading through all your posts slowly but it is so encouraging to know that I am not alone in my quest to understand my sexuality in my marriage. I just feel very repressed, like I want to stand on rooftops and declare my sexuality, but my husband just treats my sexuality like it is for sexual purposes only. I don’t look at my bisexuality as JUST for sex. I truly have a deep love for everything about women, and I just want to be able to be open about it. That doesn’t mean I want to have sex with one, I just want to not have to hide it. I am not out to ANYONE, besides my best friend and husband. My best friend thinks my sexuality is now irrelevant since I’m married and it’s not anyone else’s business anyway.

    Besides all that, I do have a strong desire to be able to date a woman, just because I never did so before I got married and it took getting married to really understand that I am majority homosexual and slightly hetero. My husband knew fully that I was into women before we got married, and I do put my marriage first, and that won’t change. I’m just ecstatic to find someone else who has experience with this situation, didn’t mean to ramble lol. Do you have any advice on “coming out” as a married bisexual? I’m so stuck because it seems so taboo, almost like I’m declaring that “hey, my husband and I have an open relationship” which is not true. I don’t have parents to come out to, so that at least is out of the way but friends and coworkers are a big deal because I will be around these people for quite a while.

    1. Mimi, thank you for posting to Our page! It is encouraging to know we are not alone which is the whole reason I created the BiWifeLive Community. I want us to be able to do exactly what you’re doing. Read other peoples stories, comments and the likes, post comments and replies and support each other. It’s tough being bi and being a wife! I really feel I am two persons in one.
      Please allow me to extend my apologies for such a very late response. I experienced computer issues that ultimately lead to a crash. I’m back now. Moderating, replying, posting, working the tech side to find the right feel for Our page.
      I love women as well Mimi. Matter fact I was in love with a Mimi…
      I love their feel, their voices, their taste, their softness, their smell. I love sharing my lipstick with her and doing each other’s hair on our way out for the evening…or on a date with each other (I’m a fem that loves fems).
      I miss the the entirety of woman…well except maybe PMS, lol.
      Although you’re out to the two people closest to you the way they define your sexuality irritates you. Understandable, your sexuality is so much more than their definitions and opinions. It’s very real and true feelings. Not just a physical sex act, it’s a part of who yo uare.
      You want the whole world to know this is just YOU!!! You want to date a pretty woman, enjoy spending time in a romantic way with another woman…and still have your marriage. Why that’s only natural honey, ur bisexual! 🙂

      I’m going to create a Coming Out post right now. Thank you for the subliminal suggestion. There have been a couple of other readers asking pretty much the same thing. I hope it helps. Please come around often, check back often, keep reading, posting and being involved.

      Remember, it’s readers like you that make BiWifeLife a community!

      Blessings, -Jay Dee

    2. Mimi, Your post really resonated with me. I too probably lean a little more to the homosexual side of the spectrum, but I have no intention of acting upon these feelings while married. I recently have come out to friends and colleagues. My friends have no issues with my sexuality (so far), although I’m sure I’ll be judged by some of my work colleagues (v. conservative). It feels good to be myself and honest though. I was in hiding too long. Good luck to you 🙂

    3. My wife rarely expresses her feelings to me through words. She is more of a doer than a speaker. 🙂 In our 43rd year of marriage, she informed me that she only fantasizes about women, never men, after seriously asking her why that when I asked her if she had any sexual fantasies, she always told me no. I was not upset by that as in our 5th year of marriage she invited her best girlfriend into our marriage and that lasted up until a few years ago, when we moved far away.

      My wife found the perfect way to explore her other side while including me in the relationship. We functioned as a threesome. Our g/f had her own room in our home. However, neither woman would have sex with each other without me taking part, even if just to be there and watch or tell them what I would like to see them do. It was obvious to me that they needed to feel like heterosexuals who were engaging in same gender sex as part of a heterosexual relationship. Pretty messed up but it was long ago when a bisexual woman would be considered to be a lesbian and that had serious consequences, especially for our g/f who was a school teacher.

      I just want to assure you that you can have your cake and eat it too without leaving your husband out of the picture. It takes three likeminded people who never are jealous and never feel threatened by what happens in the bedroom.

    4. Why the need to “come out?” Your sexuality, like your family finances is private business. Now to your love of women while in love with your husband, that is a conundrum. Few men see it as anything but sexual when it is sexual and relational for the woman. There is no denying your need for actual lesbian sexual activities but it is way more than that for you too. It is a bonding experience similar to married bonding, try that with your husband.

  44. I am not sure what to say here except I am so confused… I have been married a couple different times and have children from multiple relationships… I know that I am bisexual, but for whatever reasons cannot find happiness with my spouse…

    I don’t even have any questions to ask… I just don’t know how it what I am supposed to feel based of traditional relationships…

    I just want to be happy. I feel like I need someone to talk to who understands how I am feeling.

    1. Hi there Nadia, I totally understand how you feel. Thank you for commenting and being so open with us. 🙂
      I too have been married more than once, not all of my children share the same father. I’ve also been in long and short term relationships with women.
      I think people like us have lots of soul searching and honest digging to do. This thing called life can be pretty confusing. Throw in some sexual confusion and it can be downright mind boggling.
      Sometimes we need to ask ourselves questions like:
      What part did I play in my past relationships not working out?
      What can I do different in my next relationship?
      Do I need time to be alone, is another relationship right for me at this time?
      Do I want to be with a man, a woman or both?
      Once you know the answers clarification will give you the tools to find, secure and build the relationship(s) you want (with yoursef and others).
      Remember happiness doesn’t come from other people, it comes from within. We have to work on ourselves vs looking for happiness in others and relationships.
      What happens when others don’t give us the happiness we expect them to? Depression because we have no happiness outside of that person. Our happiness doesn’t exist without that person or relationship. That’s not healthy in the least.
      We should have a foundation of happiness and peace established within ourselves to share with someone, not find and depend on someone for our peace and happiness.
      People are flawed and will never cease to fail us in one form or another, especially if we set expectations.
      One of my fav sayings is “Never expect anything that way you can’t be disappointed.” -Me, age 14
      I live by it although I do slip every now and then and “expect” things of my loved ones. I am inevitably disappointed at some point finding myself reminded of my own advice. Self learning & healing never stops. Sometimes we’ll come across the same lesson time and time again until we fully understand ourselves and the situations we face.

      Much love from me to you, welcome and thanks for commenting.
      Come back anytime, comment, suggest topics and articles, connect with other readers, invite friends.
      Sarah is pretty active on here. Try connecting with her.
      We are all in this together no matter our situations! 🙂
      Hope to see you again soon.
      -Jay Dee

      1. What you say about expectations was confirmed in London where researchers found that if you have realistic expectations and find happiness in the moment, you will be happy and attract happiness. Basically they say we are unhappy because our expectations cannot be met.

        Sometimes the problem is not sexual orientation. I have know couples who have been married and divorced multiple times because they expect marriage to be like in the movies with no problems and none of the mundane and boring stuff that is part of every marriage. So many people these days expect their sex life to be like the porn they read or movies they see. Guys especially read these fantasies and then expect their partners to share them. When they do not, they are unhappy.

        We had best friends who just could not stay monogamous. Despite wife swapping and three or moresomes, they each needed to have outside lovers that they did not share. Many women and men I know marry the wrong guys. Sometimes you can tell after seeing them together for the first time. I was at a wedding once and found myself standing next to the groom at a urinal. He was very drunk and started talking about other women he had while engaged. The male of a couple that we were very friendly with started telling me about the women he had while engaged. He was bragging and thought that I would envy him. One night his fiancée and I were clean up after a party and she put my hands on her breasts and started to kiss me. Of course, they got married and then divorced in under two years.

        I do not know what chemical process blinds us to the true character of our mates but it happens very often. Maybe we need to redefine what really makes us happy.

    2. I’d like to remind you Joseph about giving advice. We never know what actions one may take because of our suggestions. Instead I’d like to invite you to share situations you’ve experienced that are parallel and share your outcomes. You can always point out some things they’ve shared that stood out to you and reflect them back. Giving advice can be dangerous. Words can have the ability to change lives. I’d implore you to not give further advice on BiWifeLife as it may not always have healthy results. We are not here to give advice but support. ‘
      Thanks Joseph!
      -Jay Dee, Founder

  45. That’s wonderful!!!
    So, does this mean you’ll stop cheating and tell him about your sexuality? If he’s into kink then he’ll almost surely be into your bisexuality.
    Did you at least ask him how he would feel if…? If he’s working hard to keep you happy I hope you do stay away from “Tuesdays”
    to preserve your marriage. Who knows where your revelation may take you guys. Threesomes, poly, or even just understanding.
    Kink is a lot more fun with 3 than two 😉
    What do you think he’ll say if you told him?

    1. My qurstion for you guys today are what are some safe sites or places to look for a girlfrirnd I havent dated since highschool. My husband and I have been together 5 years we met my freshman year of highschool and so im a little rusty. I finally told im that I missed woman and that I wanted a chance to see the other half of myself and he agreed.

      1. I always suggest go organic and local first. Try to meet someone normally as you would meet a guy organically if you were a single woman. Any friends show interest that you have interest in? Local Craigslist has worked for me. I wish I knew of other places. Try your local LGBT Center as well. Welcome to BiWifeLife. I do encourage you to browse, comment, connect and suggest. There’s great info in these pages. I’m sure you’ll find the support you need here!
        -Jay Dee, Founder

  46. I strongly believe in the sanctity of marriage with my husband. He is generous, caring, soft and patient , when we make love! But I miss the soft, smooth touch of a woman. I could never dare to explain that to him. I was involved with many romances with girls, and then, women, before we married and I miss that! I am seeing a women that I met at work, we take every Tuesday off together at her condo. I feel so guilty, I please him on the weekends more than I ever did before. It is such a rush to me, to make up for my self satisfaction in one realm, and get it in another, “his”! But I like both!

    1. Thank you for sharing your situation with us Sarah! I commend your courage and honesty. Now, its time for me to be honest. I dont condone cheating no matter the reason. I suggest you read my post “Open, Honest, Effective Communication”. Ken’s situation surely isnt yours but there’s some good stuff in there. It’s a lengthy read because it has to be. Read through it and share your thoughts with us if you don’t mind. I think you just gave me an idea for an new post, as always it’s a pleasure seeing you here. Thanks for reading and by all means stay active. Try posting in “Connect Here” see if we can get a good conversation started. Look forward to seeing more of you!
      -Jay Dee

      1. My husband came home early today, he had a card for me.
        I opened it, it was a card to me, saying he “Loved Me”!
        Also, was a Brochure for the Condo he rented, because he decided to take the week off with me.
        When we got to the Condo, there was Champagne , in a bucket, and flowers next to a “box”, nicely decorated, with ribbon on it.
        We had champagne.. “it was Fantastic”!
        “He told me the box is not to open”, until after dinner, and a hot shower, following a “gourmet Meal”, at a five star restaurant nearby.
        After a hot shower, I came into the bedroom with my robe on, he had already showered, and was in bed with the covers on.
        He gave me a wink, and said, “open the box”.
        Nervously, I tore off the ribbon and wrapper, to see “Sex Toy’s”!
        He had a variety of vaginal and anal toy’s, vibrators, rabbits, bondage, …you name it!
        At first I was appalled, but then, he pulled the covers off himself, to show a 10 inch erection, and said, “whatever you want”, I will please you!
        I smiled,… took two of the toy’s I wanted, and slid onto the bed!
        We had the “greatest sex”, I ever had, it lasted 2 hours!
        To Hell with “Tuesdays”!
        I will take a “Hot night with my New-Improved kinky husband”, anytime!

      2. Hey Precious,

        Just post! Go to ‘Our Connect Here’ page and share a short version of what you’re going through. I’m sure you’ll get responses. Also, don’t forget to browse, comment, connect, suggest. We’ve got A LOT of stories and situations within these pages. I’m telling you I knew we were out there but the magnitude of comments is overwhelming! There are tons of stories on this blog and I’m sure you’ll find someone to relate to and connect with if not a few people! Thanks for visiting and being willing to share your story. Be sure to condense it as I find more comments come to shorter posts vs longer ones. I hope you find a ‘home’ with Us. Welcome to BiWifeLife and we really look forward to seeing you around!
        -Jay Dee, Founder

    2. My wife told me several years into being married and I love it. Many men find it sexy if their woman finds other women sexually arousing or wants to be sexual with women.

      1. That’s true Mitchell. A lot of guys think it’s hot. On the flip side, a lot of guys don’t. Sometimes guys think they can handle it then find they can’t. It can be complicated.
        -Jay Dee, Founder

      2. I consider myself very lucky. Everyone of my girlfriends since the age of 14 are bisexual as is my wife. I knew no other sexual lifestyle so I am more than OK with it. My wife discovered her bisexuality during our wife swapping stage. She hated the guys but loved to watch me with the wives. The led to inviting a mutual friend to join our marriage which she did for the last 25 years. We lived as a triad and it was great. No jealousy at all. My wife’s favorite sex is a MFF three some followed by a MF twosome, never a FF twosome. Right now I am locked in chastity until my wife can find another girlfriend. That means no orgasm for me until then. I am on monthtwo and can go as long as it takes. Since she gets no pleasure from my orgasms or needs penetrive sex, she is locking me up until she can find another women to join us and that is when I finally get to cum or be teased by two women instead of one. My wife has complete control of my orgasm as I know she leans more heavily towards females and only lets me cum because she loves me.

    3. Bingo. That is why my wife and I both agree on her girlfriend and share her. She needs both of us in bed with her to have the ultimate sexual experience. We are two halves that form a whole for her sexual pleasure. We have lived with another women in our home for over 25 years and luckily enough she took care of my wife’s craving for tender and romantic live and my BDSM needs. She fulfilled the needs we both had and was a very important part of our life.


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s