This a kind of PSA for any/all men and women dealing with bisexuality: You are not as alone in this as you think and feel. We are legion; we are in such great numbers that we cannot be counted. I know what it feels like to have these… dual feelings and how weird but kinda wonderful they feel and you almost can’t help getting the sense that you’re the “only one like this” when, in fact, you aren’t… and you never were. It’s a self-induced mindfuck, actually, and more so if at any time in your life, you were aware of the fact that men have sex with men and women have sex with women so if you learned this, nope – you were never alone in this.
Upon discovery of these feelings, there’s a crazy thing going on; you wanna tell the whole world about how you feel… and you don’t dare tell a soul about it since there are a lot of people who, bluntly, will think you’re some kind of freak or sex fiend because you’re not straight like they are… or not gay like they are. And even in this, you’re still not alone because there are a lot of bisexuals who are “in the closet” and feel that they must stay there and, often, at the expense of alienating themselves from friends and family, to stop being as social as they were before they discovered their bisexuality lest someone find out about it and starts reading them the riot act.
And I’m here today to tell you that if you’ve gone into some kind of shell, feel like you need to put a lot of distance between yourself and those you know, and meeting new friends is just too “dangerous,” you’re making a mistake and being your own worst enemy. Yes, I know what it’s like when you’re bisexual and you want to share this and, ah, biblically so; you want, need, and crave that carnal knowledge but being able to obtain this knowledge isn’t that easy; it’s frustrating, kinda depressing, and can just make you feel some kind of way and I say to you all, don’t let this mess with your head. Some people can do; some people can’t and it’s a for-real bummer but know that you’re not alone even in this because there are a mind-boggling number of bisexuals who want to gain that carnal knowledge and they can’t… or they haven’t yet.
I know it’s easier said than done but be at peace with yourself about being bisexual. Understand that being bisexual – and when it comes to being social and even intimate – isn’t any different from being straight or gay and trying to find someone you can be with, whether it’s just friendship, a relationship of some kind and, yeah, just to scratch that itch when it has to be scratched so any sense of frustration and even loneliness you may be feeling isn’t just you – it’s millions of people all over the world.
You were never alone in any of this. Right this very moment, there are an untold number of men and women who ache for that same-sex touch, to be able to talk to someone who is like themselves and take care of that need to be understood and, yes, to get that confirmation that you’re not alone in any of this. Bisexuality, and as I’ve said many, many times, isn’t just about doing – it’s about being and that means, by and large, just being yourself, going about your life doing the things you normally do and being aware that there are few places on this planet you can go where there aren’t any bisexuals other than yourself; you’ve probably walked past quite a few every time you’ve left home to do something – you just didn’t know that you did and, even in this, you’re still not as alone as you might feel. If you’ve always been a outgoing and friendly kind of person, being bisexual should never, ever, stop you from being that kind of person. If, by chance, you’re not the type of person who makes friends easily or otherwise have problems being social, well, maybe it’s time you find a way to change this so that the feelings of loneliness and the emotional pain it causes can get kicked to the curb, huh?
No, it’s not “that simple” but it can be done and many people have found ways to do it because they know that being alone and isolated just ain’t cutting it and that a life lived in fear isn’t worth living. And, yes, even in this, you were never alone because there are way too many people who feel that just being social is beyond them. For decades of my life, I have said that the worst thing about being bisexual isn’t discovering that you are or trying to have the sex that’s possible:
It’s not having someone to talk to about it. And, yes, you’re still not alone because there are untold numbers of bisexual who doesn’t have someone they can talk to about being bisexual and not just talk about it – being understood in this and accepted. We know that there are people who can’t understand and sure as hell won’t accept this thing about us… but there are many who will – you just have to do something to find them or, if you can and dare to, get the person you’re with to face some facts that, perhaps, they don’t want to face. Daunting, yes, I know, but I maintain that if you’re not going to stand up for yourself, who’s supposed to? Go Google sites for bisexuals and join in the discussions or just sit back in the cut and see what other’s are saying and/or doing. Write a blog and, you know, if you’re worried about it being discovered, well, WordPress has an excellent password feature that can be employed but if that still makes you paranoid, start a journal and write about being bisexual – whatever’s on your mind about it – and then, at times, go back and re-read what you’ve written to see if you’re feeling better or worse about being bisexual because, um, if you can’t “talk to yourself” about it, who else is gonna listen?
Not alone. Never alone. Clearly and obviously not the only bisexual on the planet because there’s another bisexual telling you this. Duh, huh? I say to all of you that you shouldn’t despair or otherwise make yourself crazy over this and that, again, you’re not the only one going through this – it just feels that way and this is the part where I’d suggest that you let your intelligence be in charge of things rather than to let any negative emotions you may be feeling drive the bus since, um, eh, those emotions just suck at driving. Do not be afraid or continue to be afraid to be yourself even if you have reason to keep your bisexuality hidden from those who would look down on you for not being straight because, again, a life lived in fear is a life not worth living.
Yes – it’s easy for me to say but know that I’ve been in that lonely, miserable place, have felt that I was the only one who felt like this, and that others would see me as a freak or a sex fiend – well, okay, I am a sex fiend because sex is so much fun. But I learned that I was never alone and that being lonely in this is a choice a lot of people make when it comes to this and it doesn’t make sense to do this myself – so I don’t.
You shouldn’t, either. By reading this, know that there’s at least one person who’s on your side – me – and if there’s one person, there are many more should you seek them out so that you can confirm that you’re not as alone as you think you are and I will tell you in no uncertain terms that if you need to find someone – even just to have someone to talk to – and you’re not doing it, well, that’s your fault, isn’t it? It’s not your partner’s fault, not your family’s fault, not the fault of anyone you know – it’s 100% on you because you decided to hide yourself away just because you’re bisexual and you probably don’t want anyone else to know that you are.
And, yeah, still not alone, even in this kind of self-destructive kind of thinking. Maybe you can’t do anything; still not alone in this. But I say to you all that if you’re feeling alone, the only real reason you are is that you’re doing it to yourself. Can’t talk to your partner about this? Okay – it is what it is… doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t find someone you can talk to and if you think that you can’t, well, ya might want to give some thought about that because the last I heard, it’s not illegal or immoral to talk to other people other than your partner.
You’re not alone. You were never alone. Whether being bisexual is working well for you or not, you just aren’t alone in this and you really need to take this to heart and be lifted up in spirit knowing that you were never alone in this.
KDaddy 23 – Fellow Bisexual and Contributing Author