The Best Advice…

…I can give anyone looking to explore their bisexuality is to never give up and never lose hope.  Whether you’re married, in a relationship, or single, you have an obligation to yourself to always do the best you can for yourself – Rule Number One has always been, “Look after your own ass first.”  Know that there will be many who aren’t going to agree with you being bisexual, let alone being eager to do something about it and they will attempt to thwart and stop you every chance they get.

And if it is within your power to do so, don’t let them steal your joy.

For many, the decision to pursue bisexuality doesn’t have anything to do with the other person you’re with, should you be in a relationship; some will really and truly understand this while, sadly, many do not and as some of you probably already have learned, they will make your needs all about them and their thoughts and feelings which, yes, should be considered but the onus upon you is to, if you can, convince them that, no, my love, this ain’t about you – but if I cannot do this, it will most certainly affect you and as badly as it is already affecting me.

In this context, there’s nothing worse than living with someone who is in a near-constant state of being miserable… and you know what they say about misery loving company.

The truth is that if you don’t stand up for yourself, no one is going to do it for you; yet another piece of sadness is that we – humans – fear loss and rejection and this fear, more often than not, makes bisexuals stay silent and do nothing and bowing to another’s point of view about this and, in most cases, a point of view that is based more on rhetoric and hearsay than any real fact and little in the way of personal experience.

Is the risk of loss and rejection worth it?  Most people won’t think that it is but I say to you all that if exploring your bisexuality means that much to you, it’s a risk worth taking; many people have said that being read the riot act by those close to them about having the utter gall to be bisexual tells them that, perhaps, these are people they don’t need in their inner circle because you want to surround yourself with folks who are on your side more than they are trying to sabotage your hopes, dreams, and desires.

And there are a lot of people who are more than willing to do just that – and to protect their own sensibilities in what many see as a very selfish, callous, and uncaring way.

You may be of a mind that what you seek to do is impossible; I say to you that it isn’t, that an untold number of bisexuals find a way to express their sexuality as they need to and that includes the friendly neighborhood contributing author who’s telling you this.  It’s not easy, will probably be one of the most difficult things you’ll ever do… but it can be done if it’s really something that has to be done to make you the person you need to be.  Yet another bad part is there is no definitive way to do this; if there was and I knew of it, I would be filthy rich beyond the dreams of avarice!  All I can say is to do whatever you can do so that, again, you can be the happy person you need to be in this.

I’ll leave you with a couple of things I’ve said here recently:  If you never try, you can never fail… and if you never fail, you will never learn how to succeed.  I will add that if you do not try – and because it will make someone else happy if you never go there – in the end, that’s not helping you any and if you are troubled now, you will be even more troubled going forward.  Being in a relationship and gaining this is incredibly difficult – but doable if you’re willing to put in the work.  For those of you who are single and looking to explore, clearly, you are free and clear to do so and I ask one very pertinent question:  What are you waiting for?

Ask yourself this question… then ask yourself if the answers you come up with make any real sense; you may discover that they don’t, that’s there no reason for you to get out there and start exploring and, in this, I offer up a suggestion:  Don’t make this harder than it has to be – keep it simple.  If you can, don’t create that “perfect person” or “ideal situation” in your head because, more often than not, you’re going to make it fairly impossible for anyone to meet such overly lofty expectations and that’s because that perfect person is either unknown to you or hasn’t been born yet; that ideal situation may never present itself and the most “hurtful” thing a lot of bisexuals do to themselves is setting the bar so high that no one can reach it.

And, yes, friends, even bisexuals who have the freedom to act make this mistake and that includes the “impossibility” of married or otherwise engaged folks.

Don’t give up.  Don’t lose hope.  Keep it simple.

KDaddy23, Contributing Author and fellow bisexual (54 years and counting)

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