It has, once again, been a very long time between visits here and the only excuse I can offer is that life just gets in the way of things and, admittedly, I get so wrapped up writing my own blog, I keep forgetting my status as a Contributing Author for this site. So what’s been going on in the world of male bisexuality?
A lot of stuff! There may not be a lot of men officially coming out as bisexual but there are a lot more men than I can remember who either want to take the plunge or have already dived in to test the waters and even more men who are in relationships with women who are trying to navigate this very precarious position… and quite a few who’ve gotten some buy-in with their lady and enough to have gotten permission to handle their M2M business, and exploring things like swinging, some light D/s play, even cuckolding.
But we’re still a very long way from a more overall acceptance of male bisexuality, even with the angst beginning to lessen somewhat. I joined a couple of bisexual sites to see what my fellow bisexuals were up to and to lend my experience in this to those who had questions and needed answers and, sure, to make some new friends and I’ve seen that, indeed, the number of men who also like men has been growing but the lingering social problems continue to plague a great many men and to the point where many find themselves sitting on the bench, literally afraid to take the plunge.
Some guys talk about being “bored” with boy/girl sex and they’re looking for something different, something exciting to shake their sex life up… while many more men have given voice to their sadness and disappointment that women – and even women they’re involved with – are not all that willing to have sex as much as they may have once been and while women do seem to strive with in the state of celibacy, men have never done well here and the physical and psychological pressures of our built-in imperative to have sex makes a lot of guys turn to the only other alternative outside of masturbation:
Other guys who like guys. While this would seem to make sense, what I’ve been seeing – and writing about on my own blog at times – is how something that used to be the hallmark of NSA/casual sex is becoming more heteronormative in nature; guys are turning their backs on casual sex in favor of a more relationship-like setting, like Friends With Benefits and a relationship state that was once all about all of the perks of being in a relationship but none of the responsibilities… and that’s changed or, “If you’re not gonna be into me, you can’t have sex with me.”
If you read that last part and it sounds familiar, it should because it’s the same thing women have been telling men for as long as I can remember. Men are now concerned about the protocols of dating other men, very resistant to sex on the first date, and more unwilling to plunge with each other without some kind of commitment in place and I’ve not been sure if things are heading in a more “normal” direction on their own or it’s just that guys are going about this in the only way they know how and using what it takes to be with a woman as the model and template for bypassing Mr. Right Now in favor of Mr. Right.
In the bisexual forum community, there seems to be a great disparity: There are more bottoms than tops or, if you’re not familiar with the terms – and I mean no insult or offense – there are more guys who want to be “the girl” in all of this than there are guys who want to stay in the role of being “the guy.” And to make things even more interesting, guys go about this in a way that makes me say, “If you think women are funny about sex, men are even funnier about it.” Once upon a time, it was stupidly easy to find a guy to have sex with and all that was needed came in the form of two questions: Do you wanna do it and what do you wanna do? Indeed, a lot of guys turned bisexual just because it was easier to get a guy naked and in bed than it was to do the same thing with a woman…
And that’s changed. It’s just not enough that two guys find that they have this in common and while there are still guys who are of a mind not to engage in anything that even remotely resembles a relationship, they’re becoming a minority and favoring the long-held belief that the only good and meaningful sex is relationship sex. On top of this, a lot of men complain and bitch about not being able to find a guy to, say, have oral sex with… and I’m finding that what they’re really saying is that they can’t find the “man of their dreams” or cannot make real that perfect and most ideal situation that will allow them to explore their M2M desires; again, casual sex bad, relationship sex good and it stands to reason that there are men out there who either don’t want to be a FWB or, given their current relationship status, can’t engage like that without their female partner getting suspicious and they get outed and there’s goes the relationship with her.
Things are more confused and up in the air than at any other time I can remember and much of it is because there’s comparatively little or no acceptance of male bisexuality and more so for men who are already in a relationship – and a situation that many of the women on this very site understand as well. It’s frustrating and depressing and you’d think it would as easy as sitting down with your partner and having a very deep and serious conversation about this because, after all, if they really have your back in all things, they should be willing and able to have your back in this… but not only is that not the reality of things, it seems to be even more unrealistic that a bisexual in a relationship can have this conversation with a partner who may or may not be harboring their own bisexual feelings. So if we can’t talk about it, we’re not going to make a lot of progress toward acceptance of bisexuality as a “norm.”
Nature says it is, society says is should never be – but that doesn’t stop men or women from embracing their bisexuality but, yeah, it sure would be easier on everyone if we could just be bisexual without all the drama… and we’re just not even close to being there yet.
KDaddy23, Contributing Author