That says a lot.
Like, A. Lot.
That says “I’m unavailable” “I’m taken” “I’m monogamous” “I’m loyal” “I’m with someone for life”.
That’s usually what people hear when someone says, “I’m married.” or sees a wedding band on someone’s finger.
Most single people look for wedding bands or ‘tan lines’ before or while speaking to someone of interest.
Most single people ask if their romantic interest is ‘involved’ with someone.
All my life I’ve been in poly relationships. Never just one human. Never was me and I was always pretty up front about it. My romantic interests always tried to change that but it never went well. I didn’t mind committing to one person above all people, even commit to being his or her wife…but I never promised monogamy-despite some trying by any means to change that about me. I did abstain from a polyamorous lifestyle through my entire last marriage…and I suffered the entire time being untrue to myself.
Aside from that tidbit I couldn’t see a life of pure monogamy because I love both genders.
Now, here’s where it gets complicated.
I’m committed, I’m loyal, I’m with someone for life…but I’m available to humans of the same gender, cis-gender females (women assigned female at birth) only as agreed upon by my husband and I.
We’ve discussed my attraction to trans females and he’s okay with it, as long as he’s involved 🙂
My husband and I have explored every facet of our sexualities with each other (as far as I know, but he may surprise me one day, lol) .
We have clear boundaries, clear communication and we’re okay with each other’s sexualities 110%.
Most females aren’t. That last statement may read like an incomplete thought but hear me out…
Let’s start with the rings. Females see my wedding rings, they don’t want to talk.
Makes all the sense in the world. I wouldn’t talk to someone with rings on.
I would be offended and disgusted by someone with rings on flirting or trying to speak intimately to me.
I’d be pissed off for their spouse!
Secondly, in today’s times rings can mean married to either gender so there’s no way to tell if I have a wife or a husband just by presentation alone.
Either way it goes, I’m married.
If I get far enough to talk to someone intimately with my rings on and they don’t mention it, I become weary of that female quickly.
What kind of female would be willing to flirt or engage in intimate conversation without knowing anything regarding the status of those rings she can obviously see!?
In my current work I see women every day who would assume I’m Queer by the space we’re in.
I get smiles, I get hello’s but it never goes further than that.
My rings are pretty noticeable I’d say.
I love my wedding rings.
I love my husband.
I love the life we’ve built.
I also love women…
When I do get close to a female and there’s an obvious attraction immediately I hear one of the following: “Well, I don’t want to get to know your husband”, “He can’t watch.”, “I don’t want to have sex with him.”
There’s all these presumptions about me, him, us and because of these presumptions females are understandably guarded.
Most times organically meeting a woman has so many layers to it the challenge seems insurmountable and I loose the motivation to even try, killing any hopes for Ms. Right to enter my life.
The complexity of my sexuality only gets more complex with age.
-Jay Dee, Founder
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS…
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PEOPLE WITH WEDDING RINGS ON FLIRTING…OR ATTEMPTING TO?