It’s Been a While, Hasn’t It?

Let’s see… what have I been up to since I was last here, wow, almost a year ago?  Well, I had to have another repair done to the implant I had installed to fix an abdominal aortic aneurysm and the repair went well since I’m writing this.

As a member of a forum for bisexual men, I’ve been busy helping newbies get their head around bisexuality, dispelling myths, stuff like that, and I find it rather rewarding even though I can’t help but feel some sorrow for these men, many of which have yet to have their first experience with a guy.  Many of the guys are in a relationship with a woman who makes it nigh impossible for them to indulge themselves in their desires and fantasies.  They don’t want to cheat on their partner… but many think about it as the only solution available and I’m the guy who tells them that, um, if you think you can, it might be better to ask permission – who knows, you just might get it.

Still, interacting with these guys is interesting and serves to remind me that there was a time when I was a straight-up rookie in this; they have fears and concerns and a million questions about something that I take for granted so these budding bisexuals keep me grounded in reality.

The guy I’ve been mentoring, whew, he’s been busy exploring this side of the sexuality fence and he’s learning some hard lessons that he’s been having a few issues with, from dealing with how deceptive and shady some guys can be to having to deal with the guys he’s been having sex with developing deeper feelings for him than just lust – this has been giving him quite a few headaches because they are demanding exclusivity from him and giving him much grief because, by his own admission, he’s not even close to being ready to consider “settling” down with a man.

I “lecture” him about time management because he tends to let the men he’s involved with run his life, vying to dominate his free time and when he literally and barely has time to go to the bathroom due to increased workload on his job, man, do they get upset when they want to just drop in on him and he has to tell them, “No, not tonight…”  Now, I did warn him that this was gonna happen, that the pressure that’ll be put upon him to be monogamous and exclusive with a guy was going to be daunting; I’m not gonna say he didn’t believe me but I also knew he wasn’t going to take the easy route and follow the advice I gave him to minimize the impact he now feels himself dealing with.

Yeah, sometimes, you just gotta find out the hard way, dontcha?  He kinda reminds me of dealing with my children when they were growing up:  I’d tell them something for their own good and because I can easily see the mess they’re about to walk into; they’d say, “Yeah, Dad, I know, I know…” – and then fall into a mess that I either have to get them out of… or I’ll leave them in it so they can figure out how to get out of it themselves.

Mentoring is important and while some folks can become successful bisexuals without it, being bisexual is so horribly complicated that if you find you need a mentor, do whatever you gotta do to find one who’s gonna tell you the real deal about being bisexual and not just pat you on the behind and give you a false sense of security in this.  Bisexuality isn’t just a change in your sexual and emotional habits:  It’s life-altering stuff and there is much one needs to learn so that those alterations don’t become major problems.

KDaddy23, Contributing Author

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5 thoughts on “It’s Been a While, Hasn’t It?

  1. I understand. I’m a married woman and I don’t want to leave my man to have a woman. It is very complicated. I hear that it is harder for men going through this than women. Not sure how true that is, but it appears to be equal. Either way, I wish that I had a bi mentor or something to talk to about these issues. I have yet to be with a woman because I don’t want to do it the wrong way and lose my marriage of 9 years.

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