Seems to be the common theme in these pages.
I haven’t written about cheating since our early days but with the high influx of comments from readers struggling with desires, urges, thoughts, feelings of cheating I feel it’s time to go over this again.
Let’s look at this from several angels.
#1- You cheat. Your spouse doesn’t find out. You win…or do you?
What’s done in the dark will come to the light. Maybe in softly spoken words in your sleep, an open, forgotten, unattended email account, a phone record, a text message, a smell, a look, an anything that can shatter your world in a millisecond can happen. Do you really want to risk your partner finding out one day…potentially?
If you’re willing to cheat also ask yourself are you ready to lose EVERYTHING you’ve built with your spouse?
Are you ready to change where you live, your friends, how your children see you, how your family sees you, how people at your place of worship will view you?
Are you ready to turn your whole life upside down because YOU ruined your marriage by cheating?
#2 You don’t cheat. You don’t tell your partner how you feel either. You become distant, you daydream, you late night internet search, you watch porn, you fantasize about your bisexual desires while having sex with your partner. Your partner notices the rift between you two, you refuse to talk about it now the rift becomes a chasm and shit gets tense in your marriage.
Why not talk about it?
How will your life change if you do talk about it?
Will talking about it yield a better possible outcome than not talking about it?
If you do talk about it how could your life improve?
If you don’t continue to talk about it will not talking about it make your bisexuality any less real?
Will your silence slowly dwindle your desires or secretly fuel them even more?
#3 You decide to talk about it and…
All hell breaks loose. Your partner can’t deal, your marriage is threatened and you feel you’ve made the worst mistake ever by opening your big mouth. In all reality, if your partner can’t love you for who you are the real question isn’t your bisexuality or your love for your partner, it’s your partner’s love for you. Nobody says your partner has to accept you sleeping with other people but your partner should love you enough to hear you out, respect your feelings and be willing to have a decent conversation about what you’re going through. If not you need to ask yourself are you really happy with someone you can’t talk to about your truest feelings?
Your spouse listens. Your spouse asks questions. You and your spouse discuss options that fit your marriage best. You take your time and work things out and your marriage improves for the understand you’ve built.
There are SO MANY ways the conversation could go. You know your spouse, you know you. You know your relationship. You know your level of communication and understanding with your spouse.
Either way it goes, it’s wrong to cheat.
You know it, that’s why you haven’t done it yet.
You also know nothing good comes of cheating in the long run.
Cheating only yields immediate satisfaction, but then what?
Think about the ‘then what’ part.
Play the whole thing out, including the part where your spouse finds out, before you do anything at all.
Are you okay with the way the story ends?
-Jay Dee, Founder