I asked…

I was patient, I didn’t settle, I asked…and She’s here.

Like I said in previous articles I barely have time for myself. I live in New York City where it’s always hustle and bustle just to get by. Very expensive city and the rat race is real here.

My husband and I hit the bed late every night, exhausted. We have no time/energy/money for dates or vacations. We have a family growing exponentially and rapidly. We’ve even halted our own fertility process because our blended family is branching out and things/situations always come back to mom, and dad.

We have no children together and have been trying for about 5 years to conceive. I was scheduled for a fertility procedure that may have given us our dream of having a child together just this past Tuesday. Due to the recovery time, new and unexpected career opportunities (like literally as soon as 2016 came in) and the kids having kids we’re just really rethinking the best time, if any, to have a child together.

Our life has been non stop family issues from day one. Blending older children into a new family is not easy. Raising older children is not easy. We were students in our last year of college working on our second careers when we met. Finally this year we’ve been able to pursue our careers after 5 years.

When we met I was with Her. I loved Her. Really couldn’t imagine Her not being in my life. She’s as goal focused, mature, responsible, driven and motivated as I am to get where She wants to be in Her life. I love her so much for that. She’s younger than I am, but just as focused. She’s down to earth, so beautiful inside and out.

After a time She was no longer in my life. I tried to replace Her. Didn’t work. I accepted there would never be another Her, I left well enough alone and just lived with missing Her.

With the start of this year, after much heartache and pain, She has entered my life again. 😀

Our schedules are off a few hours. She has much more time to herself than I do. She lives in a rural area now. She has earlier hours than I do, gets off much earlier than I do. By the time I’m done working after I get home from work (working on presentations, books, etc), I’m beat. I do my best to make time at least a few times a week, I do love the girl, but work and family are so exhausting I’m half sleep by the time we talk most times.

We’ve never been long distance before and it drives me crazy to text and call her knowing I can’t see her.

I don’t want to talk to her on the phone when I’m exhausted.

I want to see her.

Smell her.

See her laugh, not just hear her voice.

I want to eat dinner with her, watch her mother her children (she’s such an amazing mom!)…

There’s so much we both want. But we’re married. She’s taking it slow with her husband, easing him into the idea that we could happen without jeopardizing our marriages.

My husband is very supportive of us, he knows what we have together first hand. He witnessed our bond and he hopes we have the opportunity to have dinner with her and her husband one day to discuss the possibility of her and I. So do I. She says she needs time. I say take as long as you need to.

True love never dies…

Because I have the utmost respect for her marriage I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize a happy home. It’s all in her time, with his permission, or it won’t happen.  I don’t know if I’ll see her again, or not. He may not allow her to have a friend she’s intimate with, someone else she says I love you to at the end of a long day. She’s never been married to a man and in a relationship with a female before. She’s a one woman/man kind of girl. She expressed she’s concerned it may be too much for her. I know how real and deep her love is. She doesn’t want to do anything to disrupt her home in any way, I understand.

We will see in due time what happens, if anything. 

For now, with even better opportunities before me in the coming weeks I’m struggling with loving Her from a distance, being overwhelmed with my children having children back to back (one in Nov, one in Dec, one any day now) and new professional responsibilities.

This is what my BiWifeLife looks like today.

I’ll keep you all posted with Her and I. I can only hope the Universe is kind enough to me to bring her fully back into my life.

I miss her so much.

She is the only woman I know of for me…

-Jay Dee, Founder

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “I asked…

  1. I hoping it’s possible to both love your husband and your lover and sustain that over time… If I can love all the children I have (3) – in different ways – why can’t I love the adults in my life in different ways too? When we talk of kids, we seem to agree there’s plenty of love to go around. Is it not possible to have plenty of love with adults?

  2. All I’m gonna say is this: If it’s something you really and truly want to do, you will find a way to make it happen and if you don’t, it’s no one’s fault but your own. I get the job/career/family thing and my days spent doing this makes yours look easy, given what I did for a living. Yet, I made the time for myself in these things because my sanity demanded it and, after a while, you need to answer this question: What about what I want? When do I get to have what I have to have? Given that no one is just gonna give it to you or give you two minutes to work toward that goal, you either make it happen or just hang it up and keep letting the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. It’s a very nice way to grow old and be totally unfulfilled and if that doesn’t sound like your idea of fun, well, do something about it while you still can.

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