Feeling the Urge

There’s this guy I’ve been mentoring who has “recently” given into his bi side and, well, he’s been having the expected field day exploring things with men that, in his words, he never thought he’d wind up doing.  In a way, he did things kinda like I did them – started doing the dirt but then asked himself what the heck was he doing.  He read my blog one day, asked a question or two, and now he’s studying “Bisexuality 2.0” with me and we’ve been discussing bisexual philosophy and addressing some of his concerns, i.e., still feeling that urge to settle down with a woman, have some babies, but still wanting to explore his burgeoning sexual urges for men.

There are a lot of guys like my student and it does create a dilemma or two, beginning with finding a woman who is (a) gonna be cool with their bisexuality and (b) would allow her new beau to continue with his physical explorations.  My protege and I have talked about this for hours on end, which has had us exploring monogamy and all of its fallacies and pitfalls and how they impact a bisexual man who is looking for and needing the love of a good woman and all the perks therein.

He feels… weird, he tells me; he’s starting to see where a few of his male lovers are beginning to feel something more than lust for him and while he’s doing well in getting used to this, he feared that he was losing his desire for women and that his urge to settle down with the right woman would become a distant memory.  I assured him that unless he was really latently gay, he doesn’t have anything to worry about unless, of course, he can’t find the woman who will both love and lay that good stuff on him like it’s gonna be illegal tomorrow, but who will also understand his need to step to the side at times and satisfy that urge to be with a man.

Sometimes, he’s angry; like all of us does, he understands the heteronormative agenda and its adherence to monogamy and he’s emailed me with missives that I wish I could share with you here – he pretty much goes off on our morality and seriously questions the logic of people staying true to something that, in the here and now, has no place in human interactions and the blind obedience to a set of standards that haven’t changed in two thousand years even though humans, as a species, continue to evolve and with a different mindset about love, sex, relationships and, now, sexuality.

My Padawan learner is pretty damned intelligent; he sees the inherent difficulties bi men have when it comes to having a loving relationship with a woman and, as I do, calls for a major shift  in our thinking where monogamy and sexuality are concerned, that we need to shed the moral chains that serve no real purpose than to keep us from realizing our potential when it comes to love and sex.

He talks to me about how he feels about his interactions with men, how he  feels more alive now that he ever has before but how he fears, at times, that his new-found love for cock will replace his urges to pound a woman into unconscious bliss; in a recent email, he even felt that he was developing a sex addiction but realizes that, “…the knocking down of serious psychosocial barriers has brought with it a multiplier effect of sexual hunger across the board.”

Bi guys who are currently in a relationship or looking to have a woman by his side could learn a lot from this guy.  He’s kinda scary because he gets on his soapbox and sounds almost exactly like I do when I pull mine out and start on the subjects of sexuality and relationships and, no, I don’t think he’s been influenced by my mindset – he just sees the light and can now see things in a way that’s similar to how I’ve seen them for many decades now.

He doesn’t deny his sexuality, doesn’t downplay his need for cock; he recognizes that biological need to be very intimate with women and do the husband thing but also recognizes that emotional attachments to men are also possible.  Personally, I don’t see him settling down with a good man – he loves women too much – but as a “teacher,” I am thrilled with how well he’s handling something that a lot of men have issues with – and in a relatively short period of time.  He dove into the deep end just over two years ago and, wow, he’s gained almost a full understanding of the whole ball of wax in this short period of time and as compared to the length of time it took me to really get it, which was just about ten years to see the truth of things.

His acceptance of all of this should inspire other bi men to embrace their sexuality and then make it work in all aspects of their lives and I’ve shared some of what I know about this man to hold him up as an example so that others can see that being bisexual isn’t as big of a problem as it appears to be.

Oh, yeah, he’s told me – and in no uncertain terms – that the two of us will meet… and he’s going to eat me alive and I believe it’s safe to say that he’s gonna do this before we continue his “lessons” in male bisexuality.  When I told my wife about him, she laughed at this “notification of intent” but gave me props for taking him in hand and explaining to him what he needs to know about this.

2 thoughts on “Feeling the Urge

  1. No, you’re not unusual; there are many men who are comfortable with their woman being with other women instead of men and for quiet a few reasons, the main one being that men aren’t as threatened by another woman than they are by another man being in the picture.

    Some of us eventually learn that in order for our relationships to be the best they can be, we have to change the rules to fit us instead of always trying to make ourselves fit the rules…

  2. Ive been married to my pretty wife for 30 years. I knew my wife has a much stronger sex drive than me before we married. She had affairs with men early in our marriage and experimented with exhibitionism in her hospital environment as a way to release stress. Evidently a number coworker men would masturbate to her impromtu peep shows. I’m sure this actually helped our sex life as we produced quite a few offspring.

    I gradually became concèrned about her bringing guys home while i was at work. She told me our oldest 6 year old daughter caught my wife and a coworker male lover kissing an having sex in one of our home bathrooms.

    Another time my wife and this same guy were the cause of a freeway accident while they we’re commuting to work and sexing while driving. That was it for me. I told my wife to cut off her outside relationships and I moved our family to another town 75 miles away.

    For a while, the guys continued to stalk her, which actually frieghtened her to really retreat from her lifestyle.

    At one point during our early years my wife hooked up with one of my female co-workers at an office Christmas party i hosted at a restaurant. There was a lot of alcohol served and my wife and my co-worker snuck off to a restroom for experimental lesbian sex. After sex, her partner was first to leave the restroom. Another resturant customer came into the restroom while my wife was still reapplying her make-up. This woman asked (observed) if my wife had sex with my co-worker. The next thing my wife remembers is this new woman was feeling her way under my wife’s dress, kissing her neck and slowly undressing both of them. My wife later said this was the best sex of her life.

    This was twenty five years ago. Since then we raised our many marvelous kids. As far as I know she hasn’t had outside sex. However, after our last child graduated college, my wife announced she’d been accepted to an out of state university to complete her PHd. So without much fanfare she moved to a small apartment in a new town. One of our daughters also moved with her – to keep my wife out of trouble as my kids have some idea of my pretty wife’s attraction to men. i would also periodically stay in this apartment. However neither of us are able to travel with my wife on her long term international research projects. I presume she’s having sex on these trips particularly hearing about the rampant pot use and general promescuity in academia.

    She’s now living with me and our adult kids while she writes her disertation. Shes accepted a professorship accross the country that begins next fall. Last weekend my wife made an impromptu trip to join a younger married woman doctoral candidate a writer’s bootcamp power writting session. Of course, they drank red wine, smoked pot and enjoyed a lot of sex. They also got a lot of writing done. They can’t wait for their next writer’s bootcamp. I love when my wife is happy, satisfied and accomplished. I think it is easier and more sexually stimulating for me if her outside relationships are with women. Am i unusual?


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