Coming Out at Thanksgiving?

Tomorrow’s Turkey Day. Families all across these United States are gathering over family dinner. Many family members are gathering with other family members they haven’t seen all year.

Some of you will be going home for the holiday.

Some of you will be hosting the holiday at your home.

Others will be visiting a variety of family and friends, aka house hopping.

Some of you don’t celebrate this ‘holiday’.

For those of you who don’t, this article is not for you. 

This article is for those of you who do attend family gatherings this week.

I’ve heard so many Coming Out horror stories surrounding Thanksgiving.

“This year I told my family at Thanksgiving I’m bi.” Every time I hear that statement I always think the same thing, how did that even sound like a good idea? Then the inevitable horror story follows. I’ve also heard absolutely hilarious and awesomely supportive stories. There’s a few ways Coming Out to family and friends can go no matter what time of year.

Here’s 10 questions I encourage anyone to consider and ask themselves before Coming Out at Thanksgiving Dinner.

  1. Why Thanksgiving Dinner? Folks are about to eat, eating, or just ate. Is Thanksgiving really an appropriate place and time for your family to discuss your sexuality?
  2. Am I being self centered by subjecting everyone to my sexual life at a family gathering?
  3. Will this be a difficult or easy going conversation?
  4. Will my spouse/partner be there? How will my husband/wife/partner feel sitting by my side as I Come Out?
  5. Do I really want to shift the focus off of family togetherness and gratuity for our blessings to my sexuality and sexual preference through the holiday?
  6. Why the reveal in the first place?  Is this burning desire to tell your family going to change your life in any meaningful way if you do tell everyone in attendance what you do in your private life?
  7. Why everyone at once? Does Grandma & extended family really need to know what you do at home behind closed doors? Is your sexuality really relevant to everyone at the dinner table? Can you tell those who you feel need to know individually?
  8. How will my sexuality reveal effect every single person? Seriously, consider how will folks take the news. How can/will the reveal of your reality affect others lives if at all?
  9. Will my reveal make me feel any better once done?
  10. Will children be in attendance and if so do I want them to  hear adult conversation?

I personally don’t celebrate this holiday in the traditional manner-my immediate family does not do yearly family gatherings for this holiday. I also do not have family/relatives that do not know about my sexuality. Those relatives who do not know about my sexuality are folks I don’t gather with and don’t know me personally.

If one has broke bread with me & is someone I consider family-they know about my sexuality already.

I encourage those of you who do not have family that is aware of your sexuality to  really ponder Thanksgiving as a time to Come Out.

One sentence can change your life, for the better or for worse.

-Jay Dee, Founder

One thought on “Coming Out at Thanksgiving?

  1. As always, you make a very good point. I get that there’s this great urge to come out – I’ve heard my share of horror stories, too – but those who feel the urge should really think extra hard about coming out to the whole family at Thanksgiving or Christmas and possibly causing very regrettable drama and risking being ostracized by almost everyone at one fell swoop.

    If you don’t have to tell someone, just don’t tell them. You’re not a liar if you do “the great reveal” at every opportunity because there will be a lot of people who can make your life miserable if you do: Discretion is the better part of valor but loose lips really do sink ships…


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