Am I Heterosexual?

I knew that would catch your attention, lol. I sure as heck am not heterosexual, but you couldn’t tell from my life.

I’m utterly consumed with pregnant daughters having babies back to back, back to back weddings, a crazy landlord, 3 part time jobs that all add up to the pay of one good full time job and wondering when will I get MY  life back?

Will I get MY life back?

Not only do I barely have time to blog but I don’t have anything to blog about. I don’t bring politics to this site because I like keeping this a community type atmosphere without the drama, tension and negativity political discussions can sometimes create. I don’t want this to be a space where people come to bash others for not believing as they believe others should believe, inviting in language policing and LGBTQAI hierarchy through LGBT knowledge. There goes a huge audience, and lots of controversial topics out the proverbial cyberspace door to this site.

I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t have time for one now, although I fantasize about one every day.

Every day I say I can make time, I can go on the search for, I can find a girlfriend…but I just really honestly don’t see how I’d make time without taking time away from something that requires my attention.

I’m getting older, my self confidence isn’t what it used to be since marriage and grand babies on the way. Although I’m only 36 I feel much older, they say you are as old as you feel.

I don’t feel young and attractive despite looking so on the outside. I don’t feel like I’m at the top of my prowess anymore.

I feel like a wife. Like a mother. Like a grandmother. Not like a bisexual woman hoping to have a woman to love as I love my husband.

My insecurities eat me up when I think of a triad again, I don’t have the time or finances to pursue a woman and I don’t like one night stands.

Ugh!

Am I straight? Hell no but some days it seems like I sure am living a heterosexual life. Not taking my husband for granted in the least, but he’s not a woman.

I have not had sex with a woman in well over a year, a girlfriend in 2  years.

Yea, some days I feel like I’m forced into heterosexual life…by life itself. 😦

-Jay Dee, Founder

 

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5 thoughts on “Am I Heterosexual?

  1. I concur totally. Heterosexual by default just because as married working women….we wear many hats. We are constantly on the move, the only real time i have to think about me and my TRUE wants is right before i go to sleep…..and believe me sleep comes with a vengence the im back at it all over again the next day.

  2. Love this post…I feel you on all points- wife,mother, bi, love my husband but want a girlfriend as well….and my husband is totally supportive! Problem is, I’m not exactly willing to look either….not really my style. Neither is blogging….first time ever. What’s a Girl to do..feeling Crone stage but not looking it on the outside…just turned 40 and had the epiphany that I’ve supressed feelings for females my entire life! How’s that for a kundalini rising experience? I know I’m not alone in that discovery ….thought about getting “unmarried” but realized that wasn’t the answer….I feel like I have room in my heart for my husband and a woman companion too…..not poly though….haven’t seen that work well either…..unsure 😏

  3. All I will say is that if it’s something you really need to do, you will find a way to do it. Most bisexuals I know of personally are heterosexual by default because, well, it’s not easy to find someone who can satisfy your other needs.

    But if you don’t try to find that person, they’re not likely to just drop into your lap. Of course, I know you’re up on your eyeballs with stuff but the question I’ll ask is, “When are you gonna do something for yourself?”

    Holla.

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