Last year I wrote about Coming Out from the married woman’s perspective.
This year according to our stats LivingBi has had more views on Coming Out Day than usual. The world is changing, society is becoming more accepting and more and more people are Coming Out.
This year I’m write about Coming out from a HUMAN perspective.
I personally didn’t really have a coming out experience. My mother is a lesbian, always has been. I had a boyfriend and a girlfriend when I was in elementary school and mom knew I liked them both in the same way. I told her I was bisexual around age 11, it was no surprise she was very supportive of course.
I’d known I liked boys and girls from about age 6 or 7- mom did too. It was just a formality to “Come Out”. I never hid it before saying something about it. I knew some folks thought it wasn’t okay, I was too young to understand why but mom never got mad at me because I liked both boys and girls in the same way. I was just me and that’s the way I was.
I did come out as Lesbian in my early teens but nobody believed me despite my appearance and lifestyle. I was bisexual trying to be a Lesbian and everyone saw right through it. I loved men still and always secretly kept one on the side. It was much easier to be with women if I projected my masculine side. I never had a problem with men.
Being a feminine bisexual didn’t work to well for me.
The stigma was too much. Either I had to appear lesbian or appear straight or deal with social crucifixion.
Every single bisexual human being on this planet is different.
Each bisexual person’s sexual tastes, urges, desires and expression of their sexuality is different.
Each bisexual person’s morals, values and lifestyle choices are different.
None of us are exactly alike except in the matter of us all being bisexual.
Even bisexuality in and of itself comes in many forms and expressions just as humans do.
Not every bisexual cares to inform others of his/her/their sexual practices, others do.
The stigma of being bisexual is all encompassing with no gender lines, when one says they are bisexual the stigma is all the same.
Many bisexuals don’t want to Come Out because they fear the stigma their friends, family, coworkers, etc will place upon them. They don’t want to answer questions about their personal lives and what kind of sex they have or don’t have.
I’ve never had a problem saying I’m bisexual but I’ve seen how hard it can be for some to say those three words:
“I am bisexual.” in front of others, around others or to others.
There seems to be so much risk, so much to loose by just admitting being bisexual for some people. I personally did not have those experiences.
My perspective has always been, who really looses, you or those who may loose good person in their lives due to ignorance and judgement if they don’t accept you because of your sexuality?
I ALWAYS STRONGLY URGE anyone considering Coming Out to really ponder how sharing your sexuality with others may affect your personal, professional and social relationships if at all. Will anything change?
There’s no real way to tell what someone’s reaction to those words, “I’m bisexual.” will be. Even if you know that person very well there just aren’t promised outcomes with anything in life.
I’ve seen hearts broken by someone’s friends/family and these people who Came Out just knew everyone would be supportive, but that wasn’t the case.
I’ve seen bonds built stronger through a devout homophobic accepting the bisexuality of a close friend/loved one and changing the way they think about things. You may rejoice, you may regret after sharing something so personal.
How will Coming Out affect your life as a whole if you tell the person or people you’re considering telling?
Think about those things before you say anything to whomever you’re coming out to, and be ready for whatever comes after the words are said.
National Coming Out Day is a day to seize the opportunity, but don’t act hastily-act mindfully. This is your personal life. You don’t have to share if you don’t want to. You can share with whomever you feel safest.
Coming Out is all a VERY personal choice only you can make and a decision that should be well thought out.
Did you come out this year? If so, who did you tell and how did they react? How do you feel now that you’ve come out?
I hope you all share your coming out stories with Us. Sharing your story just might help another reader who was once in your shoes!
-Jay Dee, Founder