A Top Searches Moment

Hi, gang!  I thought I’d share something I like to do on my own blog at times, i.e., see what that “Top Searches” thingy has to say and if it’s interesting, write something about it that’s relevant… or just give out a piece of my mind about it.  So this is what I saw here, just seconds ago:  “my wife is bisexual, bisexual wife, bi wives, “my wife” ” lesbian” affair threesome” and here’s my thoughts about this search criteria.

To find or know that your wife is bisexual can either be one hell of a thrill or one of the scariest things imaginable as it represents a major threat to the relationship.  I laughed at the “affair threesome” part because one of the reasons a bisexual wife won’t tell her husband that she’s bisexual is because the last thing she wants to do is have to listen to him howling at the moon over the prospect of a salacious threesome.  She may also invoke the Fifth Amendment because she doesn’t want to face accusations of having an affair when the truth is she’s been totally faithful.

Men and women make such a big deal about being bisexual and, being a broken record and all that, it really isn’t; what can be a big deal is any actions on those bisexual thoughts and feelings.  I love the fact that my wife, Linda, is bisexual, not because I have visions of hot, sensual threesomes because, trust me, I’ve done that more times than I care to imagine but because we have something else in common with each other.  I don’t worry about her sneaking off to have an affair with some woman who has caught her attention because she’s free to do whatever she might want to do in this (not that she really needed my permission but it always sounds good to give it) and I certainly don’t worry myself about losing her to someone else because I learned a long time ago that when you’re in any kind of relationship, the possibility of losing your partner to someone else is merely an occupational hazard and, bluntly, nothing lasts forever.

I know guys who will just lose their minds to find out their woman is bisexual; they see it as a direct insult to their masculinity which, by the way, isn’t really all that different from the way I’ve seen some women ask when they find out their man likes hot dogs and buns and, trust me, I do know that none of this is what anyone would call nice; there are just some folks who don’t understand that if one is bisexual, it doesn’t have anything to do with their partner’s love and desire for them – it’s just the way they are.  Yes, it’s true that sometimes a partner will make the conditions of the relationship so difficult and unbearable that taking a trip to the other side of the fence is, for them, warranted; the non-PC version is that if one’s partner ain’t handling the business like they’re supposed to, well, someone has to.

When it comes to this, I’ve found that people tend to think more about the bad stuff connected with bisexuality or, uh, unintelligently (to be all PC), insist that their partner can’t and shouldn’t even think about being bisexual because, of course, they’re supposed to be all that they should ever need… and that’s never been the truth of things.  I looked at those search items and, for a long moment, I felt kinda sad because there are just so many people who find it hard to understand what a bisexual is about; they can’t seem to grasp that bisexuality isn’t always about doing stuff – it’s a state of mind.  Sometimes, I think people who search using these terms are looking for answers to some of these questions:  “Why is my wife bisexual?” or “I think my wife is bisexual – what do I do about it?” and, yeah, they’re looking for answers here on the Internet because, perhaps, the wife is hesitant to provide answers and clarity… or they flat out refuse to do this and out of fear of reprisal and rejection… or it’s also possible that the reason why they can’t answer these kinds of questions is because they don’t know the answers.

When it comes to bisexuality – and it doesn’t matter if it’s the wife or the husband (or both of them) who is bisexual – all too often, the subject is approached with a great deal of animosity and fear.  When we’re in a relationship, we live with a lot of fears and the biggest of all, in my opinion, is loss – any kind of loss.  That there are husbands who would accept and embrace his wife’s bisexuality is a good thing because they understand that this is just the way she is and instead of climbing in her case about anything she may have done about this in the past, he’s got the insight to ask her, “So, babe, is there anything you wanna do about this?”

Maybe there is something she wants to do about it… but maybe she’s quite content to do nothing at all about her sexuality; she’s not only quite happy with him but it’s not in her makeup to be unfaithful to her husband by doing something about it.  I know there are husbands who would lambaste their wives for having bisexual thoughts and feelings and, well, that’s just plain stupid, to be blunt.  They assume that she’s gonna sneak out on the DL for some pie, that she has no sexual interest in him at all, and since this stuff is running around in their heads, they threaten the bi wife to give up all of those perverted thoughts – or else.  The implied threats, sadly, are quite clear but for those guys who think like this, I gotta tell you that you didn’t solve a “problem” – you just created a bigger one.

She’s either going to resent you for the rest of your days… or you’re going to wind up pushing her into the arms of someone else or into a woman’s bed, to be real about it.  As I read the search items, I asked myself a question that I’ve actually asked a lot of times:  “You say you love her, that you would do anything for her… but if you’re pitching a bitch about her sexuality, do you really love her as much as you say you do?  Did you, in fact, tell a bald-faced lie when you said that you’d do anything to make her happy… but you’re having a hissy fit because your cock isn’t the only thing she feels she needs for her complete happiness?”

Having a bisexual wife isn’t a bad thing and we – husbands – should learn to stop looking at her sexuality as a bad thing.  Yeah, some of us should also learn to not think of her sexuality as being the gateway to some really exotic sexual encounters; such things tend to freak out most women, bisexual or not.  As is usual with me and these Top Searches things, I wonder exactly why the person or persons were searching for this; what’s their motivation for searching for this?  I’ve asked these things and, to date, I’ve never had a searcher respond to my inquiries… but I do kinda thank them for giving me some food for these thoughts just the same.

When it comes to having a bisexual wife, as husbands, we shouldn’t let our fears make us foolish; we should learn to understand that just because we might not be feeling her sexuality doesn’t mean that she’s not feeling it or that she shouldn’t feel it.  Yes, she’s our wife and all that implies… but we should strive to remember that she was always her own person and just because she married us, it doesn’t mean that she stopped being her own person with her own desires and needs.

And, really, if you do love her like you say you do, why can’t you accept this thing about her because, duh, it is a part of who she is; she was either bisexual before you met or, yeah, her bisexuality could have “come out of hiding” after you met and married – it does happen, you know, even if you don’t believe that.  If you do accept and embrace your wife’s sexuality, you get major Brownie points from me, hands down.

Oh, and ladies?  These same things apply to you should you find that your husband is bisexual, in case you were wondering…

KDaddy23, Contributing Author, Enthusiastic Bi Guy, and Wearer of Other Hats

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2 thoughts on “A Top Searches Moment

  1. Oh em gee, such an amazing article! I know so many men and women who should read this over and over again until they have it memorized! I love how you bring all these issues to the forefront.
    What an amazing contribution to Living Bi!
    -Jay Dee, Founder

    1. Someone has to put it out there on the real and I am the one who will do just that. You know bisexuality is some serious stuff and I’m not of a mind to sugarcoat things because lives – and relationships – can hang in the balance.

      And it helps when another bisexual is telling you what they’ve learned via their own experience, wouldn’t you agree? Now I gotta think of something else to contribute to the cause…

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