So, all through the summer I’ve had this thing in the back of my mind telling me I was going to meet “Her” organically before the leaves turn brown again.
I refused to go online looking but maybe once or twice so far because I believe in the power of energy.
In my mind I felt like one day I was going to walk past her, she’d walk past me, we’d smile, speak and go from there. Maybe she’d sit across from me on the train, stand next to me on a bus, sit next to me on my lunch break or she may even be one of my colleagues. I love a woman with a head on her shoulders!
How can I not drive myself crazy over the hopes of finding “Her” when I crave her presence in my life like I crave food when I’m hungry or sleep when I’m tired?
I am not a heterosexual being. Being in a relationship with one gender is very difficult at times 😦
I’ve seen so many beautiful women, so many have flirted, given the indication and even stopped to speak here and there. A few times I thought I may have met “Her”. For some reason I find myself a bit too shy to organically generate a new relationship at this stage in my life.
My work can be all consuming and I barely have the time my family wants some days, let alone have the time for a new relationship.
I ask myself:
Am I in a position to develop a relationship given the position my life is in?
How much time would I realistically have for her?
How much time would I take away from my family to be with her?
How realistic is it that we’ll have the time we need with each other?
How realistic is dating when we’re on a tight budget and saving for goals?
These are all questions I rapidly ask myself as the opportunity is presenting myself, then I do what seems to be my now normal epic fail move by allowing the moment to pass without seizing it.
After the moment’s passed and the sight of her is gone (but still lingering in my mind and I’m fantasizing about what may have come if I would have just said _____) I then proceed to kick myself in the ass because EVERY SINGLE DAY I am acutely aware of “Her” absence in my life and I just potentially let “Her” walk away!
What the hell is going on with me!?! I’m a Leo, things don’t work that way for Leo’s! We’re never shy, we’re never nervous in matters of romance!
I’ve never had these kinds of issues before. I never had issues going after what I wanted. I was always the kind of girl who had no problem speaking to a female of interest.
Now mums the word and I really find myself nervous around a beautiful woman!
I don’t know what’s happening here but it’s a new twist in my BiWifeLife…
Pondering the reasons…
-Jay Dee, Founder