My BiWifeLife Summer Fail

So, all through the summer I’ve had this thing in the back of my mind telling me I was going to meet “Her” organically before the leaves turn brown again.

I refused to go online looking but maybe once or twice so far because I believe in the power of energy.

In my mind I felt like one day I was going to walk past her, she’d walk past me, we’d smile, speak and go from there. Maybe she’d sit across from me on the train, stand next to me on a bus, sit next to me on my lunch break or she may even be one of my colleagues. I love a woman with a head on her shoulders!

How can I not drive myself crazy over the hopes of finding “Her” when I crave her presence in my life like I crave food when I’m hungry or sleep when I’m tired?

I am not a heterosexual being. Being in a relationship with one gender is very difficult at times 😦

I’ve seen so many beautiful women, so many have flirted, given the indication and even stopped to speak here and there. A few times I thought I may have met “Her”.  For some reason I find myself a bit too shy to organically generate a new relationship at this stage in my life.

My work can be all consuming and I barely have the time my family wants some days, let alone have the time for a new relationship. 

I ask myself:

Am I in a position to develop a relationship given the position my life is in?

How much time would I realistically have for her?

How much time would I take away from my family to be with her?

How realistic is it that we’ll have the time we need with each other?

How realistic is dating when we’re on a tight budget and saving for goals?

These are all questions I rapidly ask myself as the opportunity is presenting myself, then I do what seems to be my now normal epic fail move by allowing the moment to pass without seizing it.

After the moment’s passed and the sight of her is gone (but still lingering in my mind and I’m fantasizing about what may have come if I would have just said _____) I then proceed to kick myself in the ass because EVERY SINGLE DAY I am acutely aware of “Her” absence in my life and I just potentially let “Her” walk away!

What the hell is going on with me!?! I’m a Leo, things don’t work that way for Leo’s! We’re never shy, we’re never nervous in matters of romance!

I’ve never had these kinds of issues before. I never had issues going after what I wanted. I was always the kind of girl who had no problem speaking to a female of interest.

Now mums the word and I really find myself nervous around a beautiful woman!

I don’t know what’s happening here but it’s a new twist in my BiWifeLife…

Pondering the reasons…

-Jay Dee, Founder


6 thoughts on “My BiWifeLife Summer Fail

  1. My summer mirrored yours. I have been having such a difficult time meeting someone who I am both physically and mentally attracted to. My husband and I are best friends and we are pretty in shape and attractive. It has been very difficult finding that woman who can catch my interest. It seems so far most people I meet in my age group (I’m 41) have not kept themselves together whether it be physically, mentally, or financially. I’ll put that positive energy out there and hopefully sometime soon it will come back in my direction!

  2. Hi BWL,

    Hey, at least you have opportunities to speak to others in person. I wish I could say the same…

    I am currently trying to meet someone online and failing MISERABLY. It is so hard for me. My bf is telling me to keep up hope and to not quit but I’m so frustrated. Thing is, I’m not the best with people (I keep to myself and my interests – technology, music, and recreational activities – are not held by most women of my race) and as I get older I’m seeing how other women around my age or older aren’t the *best* at maintaining themselves physically.

    I feel like I’m a jerk in thinking this way. I know that the best thing for me is to just keep posting my posts on CL and keep looking on Ok Cupid, etc. But the more I reach out to others the more I feel like a picky, impatient fool.

    I dunno. Your obvious frustration communicated in this post made me think of my own situation. Lol!

    1. @One Careless Whisper, I failed miserably at online dating with women too. I can’t count how many posts I’ve put up on CL, looking for someone to understand I’m married but dating and don’t hate me for it! Inevitably I always get flagged unless it’s in MW4W Casual Encounters. Never W4W has an ad stayed and I’d mentioned I’m married. Never.
      I’m not really into Casual Encounters, I prefer to get to know someone before sleeping with her. (needless to say it’s been more than a while since I’ve…ahem)
      I’m also very isolated, work way too much, family whenever I’m not working.
      To top it off I’m just as picky with women as I am with men. Hubby did not end up hubby easily. He met ALL my criteria and that’s how I even considered dating him!
      I’m the same way with women. I’m somewhat fit, a head turner and I want my woman to be the same. I will not settle for less. My husband and I are a very sexy couple and I’d like the same to be for me and my girl as I am accustomed to. I don’t care how old I get (I’m 36) as long as I’m still maintaining my appearance I want someone on my arm who is doing the same.
      Needless to say, I am still without a girlfriend. That’s okay though. I’d rather not have a girl then be with a girl who’s not really my cup of tea. It’s okay to be picky. Don’t beat yourself up. Ask the Universe for what you want in specific and it’s okay to be patient waiting for your ideal to arrive.
      I’m working on that same issue. Picky and patience praying the Universe delivers Her soon . 🙂
      -Jay Dee, Founder

  3. Maybe you’re trying too hard to find her? It’s one of the banes of being bisexual: Trying to find someone you can be bisexual with and more so when what you have in mind doesn’t have anything to do with one-night stands or other kinds of chance encounters. What amazes me is that there are, say, in NYC, maybe 100,000 or more bisexual women just dying to be in a relationship (of some kind) with another woman… and it’s like a whole lot of ships passing each other on a densely foggy night…

    The biggest thing – and having an understand of some of the stuff you do – is yeah – when could you find the time to have a relationship with her? What are you willing to set aside or other defer to be able to engage with this new object of your affections?

    Tough choices.

    1. I don’t know that finding the time for a relationship is really plausible with all I have going on family wise and professionally…it would be great if I could work that out somehow in my mind. I’ve learned not to try too hard, I’m leaning on my energy to hopefully draw her into my life somehow in a spiritual way where we’ll just fall right into place in each other’s lives…
      Ah, the optimistic me, lol.
      -Jay Dee, Founder


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