I’ve been quite quiet on here lately. A lot has been going on for me and my marriage and beyond, and I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on it and waiting for something post-worthy to actually happen. So here’s the scoop.
Backstory: In December, my husband consented to my idea of opening our marriage so that I (and he as well, if he wanted) could experience being in a relationship with another woman. He and I had been with female friends together before as a fun hookup type thing, but I was longing to have a deeper connection and a woman whom I/we could consistently be intimate with. Of the two female friends who we had been with, one is also in an open marriage but lives halfway across the country (we have lots of fun together when we actually get to see each other, once or twice a year), and the other is self-admittedly only sexually bi-curious and certainly only hetero-romantic and also has a new boyfriend (read, we never see her anymore). I became frustrated and at a loss for where to meet this woman with whom I could build a beautiful relationship with.
Around February, per the sugestion of a couple friends, I ran by my husband the idea of me making a profile on OkCupid. He consented, and I hopped online. I was obsessed with the friggin’ site for like a month. I was constantly tweaking my profile, answering compatibility questions, looking at the same profiles over and over again. In that time I chatted with a few women, talked about meeting up with some but never did. Someone I was actually very interested in just kinda floated off. I went on a first date with someone who I was excited to meet, only to not be that interested in her once we were in person.
It got very frustrating for me. Maybe I should forget this whole dating thing. It’s not worth the trouble. I shared this with my husband. While at first he was very taken aback that I would throw the towel in so quickly, he did encourage me to just let stuff happen at its own pace.
It wasn’t long after that that I messaged this beautiful woman as a “have nothing to lose” move. She quickly messaged me back, and before I knew it we were getting to know each other, then exchanging numbers and texting, then making plans to meet up.
On a Thursday evening in early April, I was greeted by this bubbly, smiling, absolutely adorable human being outside of the bar we’d planned to have a beer at. Thankfully, she talks a lot when she’s nervous (I, on the other hand, am incredibly shy the first time I meet someone), and I was perfectly content to sit on my bar stool and listen to her talk for an hour before we had to part ways.
We went out for dinner together the following week. She kissed me before I walked back to my car. It was just a peck, and I was so surprised that I just blushed and said goodnight. I didn’t even think to kiss her back. I felt guarded and awkward, like I wasn’t ready to be vulnerable with her yet.
Almost a month went by before we saw each other again. She was away on a trip, then I was, then she was covering shifts at her second job. I missed her. It felt good to miss someone like that. We finally made a date to see each other and have been consistently spending time together for the past month or so.
[In the meantime, my husband approached me about the idea of dating someone together – a way to bring us closer to each other. I loved the idea but wasn’t sure how to bring it up with my new lady friend. Dating a couple wasn’t exactly what she’d had in mind when we first met. I didn’t want her to feel that I had misled her. I was already emotionally invested in her. I wasn’t going to bring it up to her. She had met my husband once at this point, and it was a bit awkward. She texted me one morning to ask what my ideal dating situation was, so I told her both mine and my husbands. What better time, right? I had totally underestimated her. Her response was “Well, that solves it. We’ll just all spend more time together.” Be still my heart. I was so relieved.]
We’ve hung out the three of us a few times since then, and I couldn’t imagine things going any better. The two of them get along great and are getting to know each other. I’m feeling my initial walls of guardedness come crashing down for her. While we’ve yet to be sexually intimate with each other, I feel like that’s only a matter of time and having a good opportunity.
There’s a catch. There always is one, right? She’s leaving for grad school in the fall. That will take her about 300 miles from here. I struggled with this, even when it was just a possibility, before she had found out that she’d been accepted. Did I want to invest my time and emotions in someone who I would only get to date for a few months? My answer is simple. There is no other woman I would rather invest my time and emotions in than her. Yes, I’ll be sad to see her go, but this summer will be a practice in living in the present moment, something I very much need to practice. She is all that I want right now, and “right now” is the only time I have with her. I think it’s gonna be one hell of a summer.
– Meredith Lee, Contributing Author