I’m No Expert, But…

When It comes to “dealing” with bisexual women, I have an advantage that a lot of other men/husbands don’t have:  I’m bisexual.  I have an added advantage – an almost insatiable curiosity about all things bisexual (but my curiosity isn’t limited to just this) and this eagerness to not only learn what it means to me but what it means to other bisexuals, too.  So when I ran across a woman who is bisexual, well, here’s a chance for me to learn about bisexuality from the “girl side” of things and, yeah, learn a lot more about women.

Uh-huh, I know, a daunting task and one that’s pretty much impossible to complete because women are just some really strange creatures; just when you think you have them figured out, you find out that you don’t… and you’re not even close to figuring them out.  But if you can just sit and listen to what a woman has to say about her sexuality and ask questions that are formed correctly, you’d be surprised what you’d find out about a bisexual woman… provided, of course, she is willing to share this very personal thing with you.

As a bi guy, I’ve learned that the bi ladies share a lot of the same things in our sexuality; we share some of the same fears and other problems being bisexual can throw at you so, yeah, when interacting with a bisexual woman, I’ve got a leg up on most guys because I know what it’s like to be bisexual – and now my mission, if I choose to accept it (and I usually do), is to find out what it’s like for her to be bisexual because I really do want to know.

I’m no expert in sexology or sociology or even psychology; my expertise is in computer systems engineering and technologies but what I’m kinda “expert” with – and out of necessity – is being bisexual from the male point of view and why it’s so important to understand your woman’s unique perspective.  We all “fear” being rejected because we’re not exactly straight in thought or deed; we “fear” being mislabeled – like being called gay or lesbian when neither thing is true.  Women, egad, bring a lot more angst to the table because they despise being objectified and being bisexual can paint an even bigger target on them thanks to all the stereotypes that paint them as being the ultimate woman to be with if you’re a guy.

Don’t get me wrong – I love bisexual women (even if they’re not my woman) and not merely because they can be some pretty fantastic people to hang with but because of what we have in common, that being we both like men and women in some way… and I know that you have to look at the bisexual woman for the person she and not get stupid about the fact that she can go both ways emotionally and/or physically.  Yes, it’s damned exciting and I’ll even admit – and at the risk of drawing the ire of the bisexual women reading this – that watching them being bisexual is the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen – and I’ve seen some stuff, believe me and, yes, that includes them being bisexual with their clothes on.  You wanna learn how to best deal with women?  Pay more attention to how the bisexual woman handles her business; you listen very carefully to whatever she says about her sexuality – I just can’t emphasize this enough.

Whenever I’ve been asked to “advise” a guy about his bisexual woman, sheesh, there is just so much that has to be conveyed and that’s barely scratching the surface so I tell them to listen and to be as objective as they can be and that if they’re not so objective, um, you’d better learn quickly if keeping this woman is important to you.  Yeah, you gotta do this when the woman you’re dealing with isn’t bisexual – but if she is, you gotta become an expert in your own right and more so if you’re not a bi guy to begin with.

I’ll use my “expertise” in this to caution guys about focusing on the sexual possibilities – and I’ve told bi women to do their best not to get upset with us about this because, um, we’re guys and our minds just live in the gutter by default.  To the woman who wants to tell her man what’s going on with her in this, I “counsel” them to be fearless about it; sure, she’s gonna worry about the negative backlash… but don’t automatically assume that this is going to happen… but know that it’s not going to be easy to tell him and get him to understand and accept this.  There’s a dirty “trick” that can be laid on the table and can come into play in the form of a question:  “What happened to you accepting me as I am?”  And I “counsel” guys that they’d better be willing to accept everything about her, both the things we perceive to be good about her as well as the things we perceive to be “bad” about her because  if you can’t or don’t, um, she’s not going to be your woman for much longer.

Listen.  Understand.  Accept.  Don’t presume or assume anything or otherwise let your own prejudices and biases come into play.  Ladies, don’t let your fears make you foolish or prevent you from being the whole person you need to be and/or know yourself to be if you’ve accepted your bisexuality… and if you haven’t, if you’re still “playing games”with yourself about being bisexual, stop doing that because you’re only hurting yourself by not being yourself.  I know we don’t want to lose a partner but the cold slap in the face is that nothing is forever and, honestly, if he can’t deal with your sexuality, then he’s probably not the guy you want to try to spend the rest of your life with, sorry to say.

And I can say these things because I know what it’s like to be bisexual, the thoughts, feelings, desires that makes one feel damned good about being bisexual as well as all the things that scare us.  And whatever “advice” I might give or any “expertise” I might display doesn’t mean a whole lot because, at the end of the day, it’s up to the bisexual woman and the man who is with her make any final determinations.  I know what “should” be done in this but whether any of it works , well, your results will damned sight vary.  It’s all about being on the real about it and not letting it keep being the elephant in the room; your bisexual woman has to be the woman she is and, really, not so much the woman you want her to be and, guys, instead of focusing on that, think more about the woman she can be to you if you can get your head around the fact that she’s not as straight as she’s “supposed” to be.

Do all of this and you can be an “expert,” too; if you don’t or can’t, well, I don’t know what to tell you other than to say I’m sorry that neither of you can see that if you cannot or will not adjust to things as required (or when it becomes necessary), you will ultimately fail on many levels – and that cannot be acceptable.

Period.  I’m out… and, yes, I invite everyone to chime in and give their two cents worth because that’s the only way we’re going to learn how to handle this bisexuality thing.  Silence isn’t golden; ignorance isn’t bliss; what you don’t know (or don’t say) just might hurt you.

KDaddy23, Contributing Author



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