When I met my husband I had a girlfriend.
I was married before him, she came along in the last year of my last marriage.
My ex husband didn’t allow me to have a girlfriend, it was against our religion. He was very serious and staunch in the fact he’d divorce me if I slept with another woman. So I didn’t.
I didn’t sleep with her while married although I wanted to desperately…and boy did she tease me! She knew we couldn’t be together and she loved the idea of my suffering dreaming of her.
She had a boyfriend when we met and he was against us sleeping together as well.
Both of our mates knew we were sexually attracted to each other and they really didn’t want us to even speak to each other on the phone. Both of them worked a lot, her and I were both housewives basically.
I had a lot going on working on my own professional ventures. At the time I was doing volunteer work, college, parenting teens and caring for my grandfather in his end of life process. She was looking for work and caring for her then toddler daughter.
We both had friends but there was something about her that captured me, I being older she learned a lot from me, she was like the young wild and free version of me, we had a lot in common. They knew it would only be a a matter of time before we slept together if we kept talking and hanging out.
They both worked hard to keep us apart.
She made me think twice about my marriage and if I could really remain in a monogamous heterosexual relationship. I felt so strongly for her. I realized I couldn’t just BE straight.
I was bisexual no matter how much I tried to stifle it and she was driving me crazy!
I expressed this to my ex husband and he reiterated divorce was the only way for him if I slept with her after we remarried and he’d never speak to me again if I did so before we remarried.
Both of our relationships were hell at that time. My ex husband and her boyfriend (who became her fiance during our friendship) were both physically abusive and this drew us even closer to each other. She’d call me crying, I’d call her crying. Both of our mates had lots of issues we had to deal with and it was tough on us. We turned to each other every time they weren’t looking. We had to in order to get through our situations.
We were both too embarrassed to tell our families and other friends what was going on in our relationships although some family and friends knew. All we really had was each other in a way.
I was big on empowerment and finding a way out of the cycle of abuse. We planned, we schemed, we dreamed of better lives for ourselves. We both hoped to hold on to each other’s friendship until the day we were both free and free to be with each other.
Eventually she found herself ‘single’ (even if it was only for a short time. You know, break up and make up) at the same time I was technically ‘single’ although my ex husband acted like we were still married during all of this. We weren’t. We’d divorced almost a year earlier and both still kinda sorta hadn’t let go.
My ex husband and I’s relationship was a complicated web of three marriages and divorces…to each other. During that first year of dealing with her we were divorced contemplating remarrying. I wasn’t married again yet but he still considered me his wife which was just not true. We were divorced and contemplating getting married again.
Here she was free of him, I wasn’t married again yet so we took our chances at loosing the men we loved who were no good for us anyway and we finally did it.
Technically both of us weren’t cheating. We weren’t married.
With her first kiss the earth shook. The world trembled in the short time we spent exploring each other’s bodies. We didn’t do as much as we both would have liked. We both felt kinda guilty and uncomfortable. We sure did enough though. 🙂
She and her boyfriend got back together within a few weeks.
The night we first touched each other she was actually doing my hair for my ex husband and I’s third and final wedding…which was only days away. That had something to do with us finally being with each other as well. My wedding date was coming and if we were going to do it we had to before the wedding.
By the time she got back with her boyfriend I’d gotten remarried.
She did not come to my wedding. She was pissed. As was I when she and her boyfriend got back together.
My funky ass ex husband and I lasted all of about a month before our final divorce.
It was an ill conceived plan we knew wouldn’t work, but we did it anyway hoping for a miracle. We had a wedding with all the bells and whistles, family and friends-again. While my wedding gown hung in the window of the cleaners on the corner, the same week of our wedding, he disappeared for 3 days and returned with scratches on his back and no explanation.
With a long history of infidelity behind him and all the abuse I’d suffered the decision went without a thought. It was over for good. I meant it. I walked away. Period.
She was single (again) by this time, and serious about it.
She asked me to be her wife, to commit to her, she’d commit to me, we could finally be together. I wanted to soo bad. We’d waited until the time was right to be together and it was finally here.
I told her no.
I told her I was not a lesbian. I was bisexual, I could not be a lesbian as she wished. She wanted NO men to be a part of our lives. Just the two of us till death do us part. I couldn’t give her that.
We continued on loving each other how we did, when we could and how we could given our new lives.
I met my current husband that August while her and I were still dating, before my divorce was final. We met online and he was everything I’d ever looked for in a man. Everything my ex husband was not. We became serious quickly.
During the time my current husband and I were falling in love she was still a major part of my life.
We were on the phone a lot, saw each other as often as we could. I told him on our first date I was bisexual and I had a girlfriend. He was cool with that and didn’t push the issue nor did he inquire about threesomes or any other nonsense most guys say.
I was okay with him becoming a part of my life as she was a part of my life. She understood.
Shortly after I got engaged she got back with her fiance and I was just too done.
He’d almost taken the life of the woman I loved. I couldn’t watch her go through it anymore. I’d gotten out and figured how to stay out. She had the tools to stay away but her heart wasn’t done yet.
I let her go kinda sorta and moved on.
She popped back in and out of my life a few times over the next couple months.
Eventually she said she couldn’t deal with me getting married to him, she loved me and wanted me to herself. I had to decide between her or him.
I moved on with him and after my divorce was final he and I married. Needless to say she wasn’t there for that wedding either.
A few months after my wedding she popped back into my life to inform me she felt it was time to go ahead and get married to her boyfriend, she’d accepted his ring (she told me long ago she accepted his proposal), they were headed to city hall…and they were having a baby. She was all for it hoping he’d change.
I loved her. I was addicted to her.
She had friends and family. I prayed for her….and I let her go.
I lost the woman I loved. It was over.
She was far from perfect. There were other things about her that drove me insane but that was just her, and I loved all of her for some crazy reason.
She contacted me before her wedding. I didn’t respond to her. She emailed me she was having a boy months later. I didn’t respond to that either. She added me on FB, I blocked her after a short while of seeing her posts. I added her again in a moment of nostalgia only to see pictures of him, her and the new baby living in a rural suburb of the city we with his last name. A nice place where she was hours away from all her family and friends…
They married and had a son.
My new husband and I continued to move forward.
To this day I have not found a woman who can make me laugh as she did, who energizes me as she did, who I can relate to as I did with her, who was is as attractive and insatiable as I am. I just haven’t. She was the last woman I was in love with…and I still miss her.
I’ve had a long term girlfriend after her and that was a disaster. She wasn’t for me. We were not compatible outside the bedroom nor was she sexually compatible in many ways.
My husband and I were her first triad. We remained a triad for about 2 years before it ended ugly…
But that’s another story for another day.
-Jay Dee, Founder