As a bi guy, I know why I might not want to get out there and look for another guy to play with; since I’ve talked to a lot of bi guys, I know a lot of the reasons why they don’t just as I know the reasons why they won’t. What I’ve been trying to get my head around for a great many years is why bisexual women don’t or won’t go get theirs and more so when hubby has given his blessing for her to do so. I dunno… to me, this should be a no-brainer, right? Let me tell you a story…
As a husband to a bi wife, it’s not always easy getting your head around the fact that the woman you’re married to likes girls and pretty much in the same way she likes guys. If you can get your head around this, the next thing you’d have to deal with is what, if anything, she would want to do, you know, go out and get herself a girlfriend she can play with or just be able to take advantage of an opportunity when it comes up. Now, if you’re, ah, grown up enough and trust in the strength of your love and relationship, you’re not gonna be bothered or otherwise bent out of shape when she does her thing – you’ve already come to grips with all the risks that also includes the possibility of losing her to a woman and, if you’re smart and proactive, you’ve already sat down with her and gone over any rules that have to be in place so that the risks are minimized… but keeping in mind that stuff can happen when you least expect it.
So… if she has permission – which is better than begging forgiveness any day – why would the wife (a) not do her thing and then (b) whine and complain about not being able to hook up with a willing woman? I know that trying to find someone to play with isn’t as easy as one might think; despite the many sources for playmates, it’s not a guarantee that someone would find you interesting enough to want to play with you and that’s because we all have some pretty exacting preferences when it comes to this. But, if you don’t look, you’re not gonna find what you’re looking for! Yes, yes: You can get lucky and have a playmate just fall into your lap but that doesn’t happen very often so, yeah, to borrow a saying, “You can’t win if you don’t play!”
My now ex-wife drove me nuts with this for years and would often rant and rave about giving up any hope of finding someone who’d want to be with her and not in a “casual” way (like Poly Wife #1 was – this, too, is a very long story). One day, she was ranting and raving about the lack of playmates and I always seemed to know when having sex with me wasn’t even close to her idea of fun and, yes, believe me when I tell you that it took me quite a bit of time to stop being pissed off about that. With her, man, her frustration levels would affect everything and so bad that, this particular day, I kinda lost my cool and asked her, “What the hell do you expect me to do about this? Find you somebody to play with?”
She stopped pacing, turned, looked at me, and then said, “Can you?”
Prior to this and in similar moments, I’d tell her – and I thought correctly so – that I couldn’t do this for her and that if this is what she wanted and needed to do, well, she has to do the work to get it and just like I’d have to do any such work if I needed a male playmate. But she had gotten on my nerves so much at this point that I actually went looking for a playmate for her… and found one in a couple of hours. I told this woman what the deal was – it took a lot to convince her that everything was legit and after a few hours of talking to her (and trying not to sound as if I was begging), she agreed to meet my wife for some girly fun. We set a date and time and, when I told my wife the good news, she was plenty happy… and I was sure that I’d totally lost my ever-loving mind for doing this. But, you see, when you tell your wife/woman that there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for her to ensure her happiness, finding her a playmate comes under that heading.
The “big day” comes and after I got the two of them talking to each other; I had hope to stay out of their “negotiations” but they dragged me into it; the woman I found was more than willing to do my wife but if she got a chance to do me, that would make it all better and my wife readily agreed to this and, well, I was dismayed… and I’m not really sure why I was but, okay, if that’s the deal y’all made… I go pick up her new playmate and introduce her to my wife and, after a bit of small talk, they went to the bedroom to, um, really get to know each other while I sat downstairs to mind my own business even though they both told me, before going upstairs, that when they needed me, they’d call for me.
I’m no stranger to FMF threesomes because when you’re actively involved with three women, you’d better get used to it pretty damned quick… but I wasn’t feeling this one because this wasn’t about me or any need I had (not that I’d turn down sex from a woman, mind you) so I found myself actually wishing that they’d forget to send for me or that my involvement would get taken off the table because this was supposed to be my wife’s night of fun. Everything was quiet and, yeah, I was wondering what was going on up there as I sat and read a book… then all holy hell broke out! I can’t honestly say that I’ve ever heard such… vocalizations coming from two women but I was pretty sure they were up there killing each other!
Friends, they were up there for two hours and the noise they were making didn’t abate one bit! At times, I found myself laughing aloud (I knew they couldn’t hear me) because, well, hearing their screams and curses was just funny. Then it finally got quiet – it got too quiet, actually, and I waited for like ten minutes before I decided that it might be a good thing if I checked on them. So I went upstairs and cautiously open the bedroom door and took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the darkness… and found them both naked and cuddled-up with each other… sound asleep. But I guess even in their sleep they could sense my presence because they both woke up, looked at me – then looked at each other – and both said, “It’s your turn, now…”
Since I promised Jay Dee that I’d keep my stuff clean, I won’t get into the very juicy details at this point; suffice it to say that, um, it was fun. After the fun, we all got cleaned up, I took the wife’s new playmate home, and that was that… but not really. I now get back to a particular problem dealing with bisexual women and women who are in a relationship with each other – that whole poly thing we had going on.
PW1 wasn’t happy that the wife had found a playmate who was willing to go to bed with her without any prodding. Now, the wife and PW1 were very much in love with each other – make no mistake about that – but since she knew of the new playmate, she asked me, “Why does she need a girlfriend?” I thought this was a weird question to ask since PW1 was “casual” about having sex with the wife as in if the three of us were in bed and kicking holes in the walls, she was fine interacting with the wife but wasn’t keen about going to bed with the wife when I wasn’t around – and to this very day, I’ve never figured out why and over the years we were together and whenever I’d ask PW1 about this, she’d just shrug or say that she didn’t know why. Anyway…
I told PW1 for about the millionth time that if she knew the wife wanted to make love to her but she wasn’t inclined to do so one-on-one, um, if you’re not gonna do it, someone has to and more so since we both knew how… edgy the wife got when she wanted a woman but couldn’t make it happen; it just really screwed everything up for all of us. In my mind, the solution was simple and more so when PW1 agreed with my assessment of the situation. I knew that PW1 was possessive of the wife and didn’t like the idea of the wife getting more of what she needed elsewhere; PW1’s jealousy about this never failed to keep me thinking about things. I told her, “Look, baby, if you don’t like the idea of her sleeping with other women – and I can understand why you wouldn’t – then to keep her out of someone else’s bed, handle the business; if you do it, then she wouldn’t need anyone else, right?”
And she said I was right, agreed that this was the best solution to the problem at hand… and still refused to sleep with the wife one-on-one. She did give it a go for a while – and I thought it was to shut me up on the matter… but I couldn’t figure out what was going on here. She’d let the wife take her to bed and she’d come back and tell me that, yeah, they had big time fun; she’d agree that by doing so, all the other problems went away… but she still had great resistance going forward and no explanation for it.
Ah, but when PW2 would show up, Jeez, there was more one-on-one girl sex going on than you could shake a stick at! PW2 would grab PW1 and say, “Come on, woman…” and PW1 would beat PW2 up the stairs most of the time. PW1 didn’t show any of the jealous signs when PW2 would grab the wife and tear her a new one… and I just couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on here, then or even now some eight years removed from the end of the whole relationship.
I dunno about other guys married to bi women and how they deal with such issues or even if they’ve experienced something like this. I know I went through this for well over twenty-five years with the three of them and while I never really understood the dynamic going on between the three of them, I learned some very valuable stuff. I guess I can consider myself lucky that my current wife, who is bisexual, hasn’t broached the subject of having a girlfriend to play with… yet.
Even if you’re dealing with just one bisexual woman and one who is out there doing her thing, man, even having the best conflict and problem resolution skills you can develop won’t always help you in dealing with her and the quirky way women can behave in this.
KDaddy23, Contributing Author