Commonality

When we get into relationships, we consider a lot of information about  the other person, you know, evaluating, weighing, flipping that mental coin, and sometimes just throwing caution to the wind and letting the card fall as they may but once things get going, you start to look for more things you have in common with your partner and, indeed, a lot of couples go out of their way to develop more points of commonality.

Ah, but when you suspect, learn or otherwise know that your wife (or the woman you’re hooked up with) is bisexual, this opens up more points of commonality than before but, sadly, those men who have…, um, issues with their woman being bi just fail to see this and if on the odd chance they do see it, they then fail to see the plus side of the whole thing and choose to pay attention to only the negative.  Doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?  Now, a guy doesn’t have to be bisexual himself to appreciate these new areas of commonality but, yeah, I’ve found that it’s a great help toward making your bond stronger because of something that I think gets overlooked:  She knows like I know.  Think about that for a moment…

How can your woman’s appreciation for women be a bad thing?  In my mind, it isn’t; ah, man, I’d have so much fun being out with my wife (and before we went poly) and we’d both be boy and girl watching and while I’ll admit that, in the beginning, that felt kinda weird, it was something we were doing together – think about that one for a moment, too.  When we’d talk sex, we’d often sit and compare notes on oral sex styles and techniques (and you just have no idea how much I learned about doing that to and for women); we’d talk about what it’s like to be on the receiving end of intercourse and while such discussions would often lead to us have some really amazing sex, the more important thing was that it had us talking and sharing stuff about this point of commonality.

Not only did it improve our ability to communicate with each other, it was a kind of intimacy that we could share with each other any place, any time; it would make for some really nice and light moments to hear her say, “Yeah, I’d do her…” about a woman we were both looking at.  Didn’t mean she was going to run off and do what she was thinking (but because we were open, ah, sometimes she would) or she’d ask me, “What about that guy over there?” and I’d take a moment to see who she was looking at and give my opinion of him.  And that has continued with my current wife, who is also bisexual; we both look at Roman Reigns (of WWE fame) and wow, that dude is a friggin’ hunk and we both readily admit that we wouldn’t say no to being with this damned good-looking guy.  This might sound like a problem… but it really isn’t because this thing we have in common allows us to share things with each other openly and freely and that just makes our bond with each other stronger.

Over the years, I learned that a lot of bisexual women and the men who are with them don’t pay attention to this thing they have in common; it makes women hide their sexuality from their partner and if he should find out at some point, it causes division and much drama instead of doing the thing it should be doing:  Bringing the two of them closer together and because they do have some more things in common with each other and some commonality that doesn’t exist in traditionally straight couples… and I’ll let you think about that one for a moment or two.

Being with a bisexual woman is mind-opening and educational like you wouldn’t believe; the smart man not only learns a great deal about the woman they’re with but they can learn a great deal about women and, trust me, there is a lot to learn.  Instead, some men see their bisexual woman as a threat to their masculinity and it puts a lot of fear and reluctance in a bisexual woman because she won’t share this special thing about her with her man because she either thinks or knows that he’s gonna react badly to it and, sadly, a lot of men do and in some very hurtful ways and I’m thinking that some of you bi ladies who might be reading this knows exactly what I’m talking about in this, don’t you?  It makes me wonder if those women who have come out to their man has ever thought to point out that which should be kinda obvious, that being, dude, we have more in common with each other than you can ever know… and that can only be a good thing!

And this point of commonality can be shared while still maintaining one’s monogamous state because if you don’t learn anything else about her sexuality, you learn that thinking and doing are not the same things; yeah, girlfriend has this thing for women and might even have some interesting fantasies running around in her head but if she’s committed herself to you, her thoughts are just that:  Her thinking about it.  Hell, I’ve even seen situations where the man has said to her, “Go ahead and do your thing, baby!” because he doesn’t feel threatened by her sexuality… and she will remain faithful to him just the same.

To the bisexual women out there as well as to the men who are with them, if you aren’t aware of this point of commonality, you are now and you should look at this as a very positive thing instead of a negative one.  If you are aware of it, then the two of you should be exploring this thing you have in common and use it to strengthen the bond you already have.  It doesn’t mean that some kind of open relationship is going to jump off nor does it mean that the dreaded fiend, infidelity, is going to pay you a visit but it does mean that the two of you can get to understand each other better as a couple and as individuals; this thing in common can cause growth in a relationship and this is something that I don’t think happens as much as it should.  In my opinion, overlooking this commonality and not using it in positive ways only lends itself to stagnation at the personal and relationship levels and that, my friends, is never a good thing.

So if you don’t know, now you know…

KDaddy23, Contributing Author

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