I couldn’t find the words to just sit down and talk to you so I decided to write them and, yeah, I know, it’s been a very long time since I sat down and wrote anything to you. Wow, when you told me that you’re bisexual, I admit that I was so totally floored by your announcement and that, yeah,, I wasn’t really paying attention to the other things you were telling me because I was so absorbed in my own feelings and, yeah, all late and wrong, I understood that my reaction might have hurt your feelings and for that, I am so very sorry.
After I had some time to think about it – and having to watch you walk away feeling disgusted with me made me really think about it – I had to make myself realize that what you shared with me wasn’t really about me – it was about how you feel and even why you feel the way you do… but I am also admitting that when you were telling me why, the only part I heard was what you were telling me what, as a man, I wasn’t able to do.
It was hard for me to put the hurt I felt aside and, yes, what you laid on me did hurt because I was under the impression that you were very happy with me and that I had been doing all of the right things that would keep you from becoming interested in someone else and while I’ve always had to live with the possibility that you could be interested in someone else, it just never crossed my mind that your interest would be toward another woman. I was angry at first because I just knew that I would be all you would ever need and then came the pain as I understood how egotistical I am about this, like it’s really possible for me, as one person, to satisfy all of your needs. Man, what a kick in the balls…
Even though what I’m writing to you really isn’t about me, yeah, I had to tell you these things just the same so I could tell you that because I love you, I know I have to set aside my personal feelings so that I can pay more attention to yours and that even though this feels damned weird to me, I have to step up and be the man who is willing to accept your sexuality because if I love you as much as I’ve been telling you – and I really do – I owe it to you to be accepting and understanding.
God, this is so hard for me to get my head around! But I know that in order for me to understand what you told me, I have to hear what brought all of this about for you; I have to accept that I’m probably going to hear some things I would have preferred not to hear… but this isn’t about me; it’s about me trying to understand this thing about you and, importantly, what, if anything, I can do in order for you to be the best person you need to be and, equally important, not the person I think you should be.
I realize that if I try to “put my foot down” and forbid you to be bisexual, I just might be giving you a reason to act on your feelings and out of sheer defiance, something that will only cause a great many issues that I think neither of us really want to deal with – so I’m not gonna do that, okay? I’m also not going to accuse you of cheating on me, nor am I gonna accuse you of wanting to cheat on me… but I need to keep my mind open and clear enough so that I can ask you what you might want to do about this. Since I’ve had a couple of hours to think about this – and while I’m wondering where you are and what you’re doing and, yeah, even if you could be doing something with some woman right now, I realize that maybe you don’t want to do anything about your feelings in this because you are committed to our relationship and to me… but if you do want to do something about it, some changes have to be made and that includes some big-time changes I am going to have to undergo.
No, I’m not going to be stupid and bring up that threesome thing I’ve heard other guys talk about and more so since I think I know how you feel about such things – well, at least I know what I’ve heard you say about them. I find that I have to prepare myself to not only understand but deal with whatever thoughts and feelings that you might have; I have to think more about what this means to our relationship and, yeah, I now see that I might have to put up or shut up because I did tell you, the day I told you that I love you, that I would do anything for you and that your happiness is my biggest priority.
Baby, right now, I don’t know what to do and barely know what to say about this and I hope that when you finish reading this, you’ll not only forgive me for acting like an asshole but you’ll find it in your heart to sit down with me and help me understand all of this. I will never stop loving you and I sure as hell don’t want to wind up losing you when, really, it is within my power to provide you with an environment that will allow you to express yourself in this because, damn it, I’m beginning to understand that all this time, I’ve been creating an environment in which you’re not allowed to grow and be the person you need to be and, yes, I do feel like three kinds of a fool to be hit in the with this.
I’m sorry for the way I acted and I really do want to talk to you about this so that I can do my best to understand this and to confirm to you that I do have your best interest at heart and that, yeah, I can start to prove this by accepting that you are bisexual and because you need to be. Change is so hard for me, baby, but I see now that I’m going to have to change because if I don’t, I’m going to lose your love and affection and, well, I don’t want that to happen so please forgive me and teach me what I need to know about this so I can do right by you and continue to to my best to keep the promise I made to provide for your needs.
KDaddy23, Contributing Author