So what’s it like? In a lot of ways, it’s no different than living with a woman who’s straight; you have your day-to-day interactions and life tends to just go on as usual… but a lot of this depends on where her head is where her sexuality is concerned and how integrated it is.
I use the word “integrated” because as a bisexual man, I learned that I can’t treat my sexuality as two different things – it’s just a part of the whole – and it’s easier for any bisexual to treat their sexuality as if it’s no different from anything else that they do. Still, women deal with these things differently from men and in the years that I lived with bisexual women, yeah, you really get to see just how different bisexual women are from men when it comes to sex and intimacy.
And, yes, it does make a difference if she’s free to indulge herself with other women; if she isn’t, I’ve seen them treat it as no big deal… and treat it as a very big deal and from one moment to the next. Now, I didn’t expect “my” bisexual women to deal with their sexuality in the same way I do but I felt it was important to encourage them to explore things every chance they had because there’s just nothing worse than having to deal with a sexually frustrated woman and the reason she’s frustrated has nothing to do with the man she’s with.
I learned, living with these women, that they tend to suppress their desires for other women, taking a “If I do, fine but if I don’t, that’s fine, too…” position about it but I also spent quite a bit of time just sitting and listening to them talk about their desires. Okay, sure, I had an advantage that a lot of men would probably give their right arms for: I was part of a closed polyamorous quartet and just being able to watch the three of them interact with each other – sexually or otherwise – was just priceless.
There were many times when I got to interact with all three of them sexually and, let me tell ya, I was damned glad that they were more than willing to engage with each other because that 3 on 1 thing, when it jumped off, was usually detrimental to my health and dealing with them 2 on 1 (which was most of the time) wasn’t really any better because I got pushed beyond my limits on a regular basis. That FMF threesome thing you can see in porn? Nope, ain’t no damned way that this is as easy as it looks…
I learned that what makes living with a bisexual woman hard or easy depends on how they think about being bisexual. My current wife, Linda, is bisexual… but you’d never know it if I hadn’t told you. It’s not that she hides it or is in any way ashamed of being bisexual – it’s just not something she’s gonna lose her mind over. I learned that being able to talk about such things is important in any case because, well, it’s important to know what’s on her mind, how she’s feeling, and other related things.
Living with a bisexual woman can be fun and even more so when you’re bisexual as well because, like I said once before, it gives you more in common because you both like men and women. Even if you’re not bisexual, yep, it can still be fun to watch her girl-watching right along with you. I’ve seen couples with a bisexual woman not really “take advantage” of this bit of commonality between them and use it to deepen their bond; instead, I’ve seen them become divisive, argumentative, confrontational and a few other things that have no place in a relationship.
I learned that if you don’t let her express her thoughts and feelings, that’s a problem just like if she feels that she cannot express her thoughts and feeling is even a bigger problem. This isn’t about doing and living with a bisexual woman can get you to really understand that thinking and doing are not the same thing; yep, she might think or even say that she wouldn’t mind hooking up with another woman… but that doesn’t mean that she’s gonna do it and, sadly, there are too many men out there who don’t understand this important difference.
So, really, her bisexuality doesn’t make her all that different from a straight woman; living with her becomes easier when she’s able to just be herself and then able to do this without fear of getting her head ripped off. A lot of women will not reveal their bisexuality out of fear of reprisal so if, as her male partner, you know or even suspect that she’s bisexual, you’re gonna make living with her easier if you, again, accept this thing about her and let her know that her sexuality isn’t going to cause a problem in the relationship – and I just cannot stress this enough.
Living with a bisexual woman is only going to be as easy as you both can make it. To the bisexual women who might be reading this, becoming sexually or emotionally repressed in this just isn’t a good thing for you. I understand that when you’re with a guy, you’re supposed to be focused on him and that whole “forsaking all others” thing applies whether you’re married or not. But, to be honest, if you’re with a guy who can’t handle your sexuality, that’s not gonna make things easier for you.
To any straight man reading this, lighten up and open your mind; it’s bad enough that she has to deal with her sexuality and whatever frustrations she may have with it but if you get to “putting your foot down” because she dares to be different, you’re not gonna make living with her any easier. I’m not saying that you have to allow her to go get some coochie when she needs it – I’m just saying that you need to understand that her bisexual is a part of her and not some “extra” thing that came up.
I once again warn you that if you take her sexuality and make it about you, you’re just giving her a stick to beat you with because women don’t get mad:
They get even.
-KDaddy23, Contributing Author