No marriage is perfect.
We all hear these stories about those who met, fell in love and stayed married 60 years, had a bunch of kids and grandkids and died together.
That’s the ideal for so many of us. That’s not reality for so many of us.
There are blended families, unconventional marriages, all kinds of relationships out there.
Bisexual married women have issues heterosexual women don’t have BUT our marriages are the same as any other, they require love and attention.
What about when things get touchy in your marriage?
What do you do then?
How do you work on a marriage when an impasse has been reached?
Say for instance you love women, he understands your desires and your sexuality but will not tolerate sex outside of your marriage.
You push, he pushes, no one budges.
The impasse has been reached and there’s no guide book on how to proceed.
Do you sacrifice what will make you happy to maintain your marriage?
Do you sacrifice your marriage for what you believe will make you happy?
What about a time when all you wanted was your marriage?
Can you see tomorrow not being married?
I sure can’t.
The very thought makes my heart heavy and eyes water with tears.
Then again, I can.
I remember single life and I was pretty okay with it.
The one thing I remember the most was being so lonely and wanting the love I saw in couples all around me.
Sometimes after few years of marriage that love from the early years, those intense feelings we had when falling in love seem to fade.
In some marriages those feelings from the early days only get stronger over the years.
Sometimes people change over time.
Sometimes the two people who fell in love with each other aren’t the same two people who fell in love with each other anymore.
Life can be confusing, sharing life with someone can be even more confusing.
Marriage is not easy and though there are tons of books out there on how to simplify and navigate marriage, you and your spouse are unique individuals and your marriage is unique.
Your marriage is unique in it’s joys and pains.
There is no book written specifically for your marriage.
When things get touchy in a relationship I find repetitive introspection and self evaluation before action of any sort works best for me.
I am a chess player and I know how to ‘see’ a board.
I ponder each strategic move on my part and the part of my opponent which allows me to determine my next move strategically when playing.
Through three marriages and enough relationships to last several lifetimes I’ve learned how to live strategically within relationships.
I ask myself what makes sense and doesn’t make sense. On my part first, then the part of my partner.
I also ask myself what part am I playing in my relationship issues.
Always I look toward self first. Not self depreciating in the least but rather honest self evaluation.
When things get touchy I don’t react if I can help it.
I think hard with my mind and don’t let my heart guide my first reaction to situations more often than not.
Using logic over emotion I work hard to keep my relationships healthy.
I am an emotional female and I know what life is like when I live by emotions.
It can be chaotic to say the least, lol.
When things get touchy I think before I act and that’s what works for me.
Thinking before I speak used to be a challenge for me. Some things I just can’t let slide but more often than not I just bite my tongue and ponder.
I’m no relationship guru but I’ve been through enough relationships to know what works for me and what doesn’t.
I also know how to choose my battles wisely and though sometimes I can be a slave to my emotions I work hard to control that aspect of my being for the sake of my own happiness and the happiness of my spouse.
Things will inevitably get touchy in relationships, it’s all about how we deal with it.
-Jay Dee, Founder