The Winds of Change…Tis The Season…

What I’ve found in the time BiWifeLife has been around is that many of Us who have found these pages have been experiencing challenges and changes within ourselves over a period of time regarding our self identity and sexuality.

We ended up here looking for answers, support or even a sense of just not being alone in this.

Change is constant, self evolution unavoidable, nothing and no one stays the same forever.

In marriage that’s exactly what we’re expected to do.

Stay the same.

The same as the day we met, the same as the time when we fell in love, or the times our spouses remember as ideal in their minds.

Expectation without regard to the natural process of living life, having experiences, thoughts, feelings and ingesting new information over time as a growing person.

That goes for both parties in a marriage usually.

Expectation usually is double sided and with good reason I guess but is it fair?

Our husband’s expect Us to be the same Us they fell in love with, our kids expect us to be mom, same ole mom forever, our friends expect us, our family expects us…

There’s a world of expectations on who We, as women, married women, should be.

Well damn.

That surely is a burden to carry.

All that expectation can be kinda heavy to carry around if you ever think about it.

I have found that in moments of marital discord sexual self exploration seems to come to the forefront of people’s minds in what I believe is a subconscious effort at sabotage to be free from the relationship-with justification.

Examples: Well, my husband and I just didn’t make it when I found out I was bi. He couldn’t accept me for who I found out I was, he couldn’t love the new me.

Yea, you read that right…

We as humans period can tend to conjure up our own bullshit and drama because we’re unhappy with something in a relationship. Then all of a sudden we are finally free from all the real shit that was bothering us and we can be ourselves without limitation as we were before a relationship because our antics caused a break up.

Most people don’t even realize they’re doing it, it’s just an all of a sudden burning desire to do something outside the norm sexually to fill a void in our relationship. Most people don’t realize that either.

All they realize is, “Oh shit, I think I’m bi.”

There’s levels to this and honestly bisexuality way deeper than a feeling.

Bisexuality is a state of sexual being. It is who you are sexually.

Just as is homosexuality, heterosexuality and lesbianism.

It’s a deep, true, burning desire for both genders sexually like I need air, water, food, rest.

Now if that’s how you feel then you evidently have a basis for your sexual feelings, thoughts and desires at this point in your life.

If it’s something that just popped into your head or came about when hubby stopped handling his biz in the bedroom next thing you know all of a sudden your female coworker became super hot to you then take a step back and evaluate.

So, BiWives I said all that to say in this season of New Year’s Resolutions, Confessions and ReCreation of Selves I implore you all to think and speak wisely before making life changing decisions. 

Be sure you have pondered all there is to ponder before moving forward with change.

The winds of change may blow but some things can create a Hurricane.

-Jay Dee, Founder


3 thoughts on “The Winds of Change…Tis The Season…

  1. Where you talk about expectations TOTALLY speaks to me. Lately I’ve been feeling so much pressure, not from anyone really but myself. I’m a bread-winning wife, something my husband is really ok with, but it can be really hard for me to deal with it.

    1. Meredith, you are not alone. Many women are the breadwinner of the family and men don’t understand the pressure it creates for us as wives. Your husband is okay with it but are you? Sounds like you’re having a hard time dealing…
      -Jay Dee, Founder

      1. Jay Dee, you’ve pretty much hit it on the head. I always wanted a career that enabled me to take care of myself. I’ve never wanted to need someone else. I have that, and I would never want to give that up. But you’re right, I’m having a hard time dealing. My husband is so helpful around the house, but I get home from work and am immediately overwhelmed with what I need to get done for chores – I feel a pressure to have a spotless home. I’m working on letting some things go (especially with the holidays) and asking for more help, as well as just managing my time better 🙂


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