Marital Bliss Fading & Bi Cravings

When hubby just isn’t doing it right for you anymore do you find yourself looking at females more and more?

I’m talking the sex has been too quick, too boring, infrequent and/or you’ve been doing a lot of masturbating.

Next thing you know you find yourself yearning for a woman.

The intimacy of woman/woman is way deeper than M/F intimacy.

As bisexual women we can remember the soft touches of a woman, how intense the love making was.

If you have actually laid with another woman you know how deep the intensity can be.

If you have not actually slept with another woman yet do you find yourself fantasizing more when you are not satisfied at home?

If that’s the case I want you to take a good look at yourself, your marriage and your life.

Ask yourself “Is this where I’m supposed to be because I feel like it within myself or because this is what I’m expected to be?” 

I’m no home wrecker and I want to see every marriage last 50 years. Thing is, marriages can only last that long if they are really where you’re supposed to be because you feel like it within yourself.

If your marriage isn’t great and you find yourself fantasizing about a life with a woman or the sex isn’t good and you find yourself craving a woman the issue isn’t your sexuality-it’s your marriage.

In order to fix a problem you have to get to the root of it. The root being your marriage.

Here’s a few tips on how to get that spark back…

  • If he’s no longer interested-make him interested. Be your sexiest naughty you! (in private, lol)
  • Try to lighten the air in the marriage, a happy husband has a much higher libido.
  • Take a look at yourself. Are you letting yourself go weight wise? Do you always have an attitude? Do you do things that turn him off? Take inventory and ask yourself these questions truthfully. Do you ever look like the woman he dated? If the answer is ‘No’ to any of these questions try to work on yourself-for yourself first. Know that a better you in the inside can potentially create a better marital environment all the way around. If he loves you he’ll notice.
  • Make a date night, have a designated sexy fun night, have a night at home without the kids and cook a romantic dinner together for each other. Make these dates etched in stone. At least once a week if possible. If it’s not possible choose one or more dates that suit your needs but try to do them all in the same month. Keep the ball rolling until it creates sparks so to speak, lol.
  • Look your best, treat him well, watch your figure (just be a healthy you, if he wants a supermodel he shoulda married one!), be kind and remember he needs to feel wanted. If he feels wanted he may want you more 😉

What if none of these suggestions work?

Then it’s time to evaluate the marriage. Consider marital counseling. Be advised I have been through marital therapy a few times and each time we found we were not compatible. This is something you have to consider this may be your reality as well. Also, consider what would you do should that be the case.

What if you are learning through inventory that it’s not you-it’s him.

Refer to the prior paragraph 🙂

What if none of this is the issue and you’re finding you’re really a Lesbian in a straight marriage?

Then it’s time for change.

Sit him down and explain your feelings in a safe place (meaning in public or with family/friends in another room for your safety. Reactions to this kind of news can potentially be explosive).

Don’t rule out marital counseling.

You might not really be lesbian but yearning something that’s missing at home that you haven’t discovered on your own.

It’s unfair to him for you to cheat. It’s also unfair for him to not know your true feelings.

You are supposed to be his other half.

Change comes from many places. Personal inventory, life inventory, marital inventory to name a few.

Change can be scary but I’ve survived 3 marriages thus far.

I know myself, I will never marry again.

The pain of a divorce/separation is intense. The change is always refreshing for me and the outcome for me has always been better than staying. When a marriage is over for me it’s because we’ve done a whole heap of communicating and found we are better off apart.

Not everyone can say the same thing.

Some find themselves jumping from the frying pan into the fire when they divorce.

Some regret the decision.

Some love it.

Life is a toss up but you do have some control.

Start with you and work your way out. Be honest, be real, be truthful.

Why not be honest and fix some things that have broken over time within yourself?

Or real enough to your life to live your life true to yourself first?

-Jay Dee, Founder



10 thoughts on “Marital Bliss Fading & Bi Cravings

  1. I’ve brought up the subject of me having a girlfriend with my husband. The first few times, he didn’t say anything. The last time, he flat out said No, and he wasn’t sharing me with anyone. He has every right to expect me to stay monogamous, and I feel I should since I took that vow. But that doesn’t stop the cravings. So, either I’m selfish and go against his wishes (cheat) or I remain faithful. There is a part of me that feels that he’s been selfish by denying me that chance, at the same time, I respect his wishes. It’s a tough situation to be in.

    1. I suggest you read my latest post. That was an imaginary scenario I posted specifically for women who are in marriages like your own. It is a very tough situation. Think hard before you do anything Ellen. Trust me, you don’t want to loose a good thing.
      -Jay Dee

      1. I did read it. I won’t cheat on my husband, I love him too much to risk losing him just because of sex. I have just accepted that being with a woman is not something that will happen to me.

      2. I am so happy to hear that! BiWifeLife does not promote cheating as you well know. I’ve lived the same life you’re living now. Can you please share with us all how you deal? I prayed a lot, cried a lot. What do you do to get by?
        -Jay Dee, Founder

      3. I try to focus on my husband. He’s an awesome man, and a great husband. Two years ago, I fell in love with another man (someone online I haven’t met) I told him about it. He could have kicked me out, or left me, but he wasn’t willing to give up on me or on our marriage. I love him, and falling in love with someone else actually made me appreciate & love my husband even more. I won’t do anything to risk losing him. The temptation to be with a woman is strong, but my love for him is stronger. So, I just try to deal with it, and ignore it as much as possible.

      4. Thank you so much for sharing with Us! It’s funny because people get so caught up in their own feelings and wants they take for granted the love they’ve already been blessed with. Our husbands are gifts not to be taken for granted as we are to them. You are an awesome biwife and I so respect your BiWifeLifestyle.
        Kudos to you Ellen. We’re here for you any time through any joy or pain!
        Much hugs and love,
        -Jay Dee, Founder

  2. Such a deep and honest post. I have recently had similar thoughts about my marriage. We weren’t connecting emotionally or physically. We talked about therapy, we bought self-help books just we didn’t want to commit to doing any “work”. He knew that I wanted to be with women and that that would bring me happiness, (I hate to say it, but “happy wife, happy life”), and I’m so pleased to report that just in the couple days that I’ve been visiting this blog, my husband has granted my wish to truly express my bisexuality and be with women. I have seen this bring fulfillment to a friend’s marriage, and hope so much that it does the same for mine.
    Back on the topic of sex and how this will affect ours, all I’ve wanted to do since he sat me down yesterday to talk is to be as good of a wife as he is being a husband – which includes having lots of passionate sex with him 🙂 A win win for all!

  3. So what if you go to counseling and the counselor suggests – and your hubby agrees – that the best way for y’all to fix your relationship is for you (not really you) to be straight and give up your yearnings for a woman? Do you still dump him? Get him to seriously step up his game in the bedroom and if he can’t, dump him? What if his performance is kinda/sorta okay but your (again, not you) desire for a woman cannot be erased by whatever he’s doing?

    You correctly state the problem most married bisexuals have, that need and/or reason to express your sexuality but only being able to express the heterosexual side – maybe; we all know and/or have heard that as a relationship moves forward, the sex falls off the table for various reasons. So the question is does one remain ethical and moral and keep dealing with inadequate and unfulfilling sex or does one do their best to change the dynamics so that they can express their other sexual side via negotiated infidelity or straight up, plain-old infidelity?

    What do you do? What should you do?

    1. @KDaddy
      Well, in all honesty I don’t think anyone should spend their lives with someone they can’t overcome troubles with. Sexual or personality conflict. If one’s desire for another woman can’t be erased by whatever hubby’s diong to improve the marriage then it’s time to talk about those feelings. Out of my three marriages two the sex fell to the wayside somewhere between year 2 and 3. One marriage the sex was awesome all the way to the bittersweet end. I absolutely know the feeling of yearning for a woman when he’s not handling the business. I also know that’s when it’s time to work on the marriage.
      In the past I’ve tried to change the dynamics so I could express my other sexual side and it didn’t always work out well for me.
      At present my husband and I agree on my need to be with another woman despite his involvement or not.
      If this doesn’t work for you I can’t say stay or leave.
      What I can say is ponder it and make the best decision for you.
      I always recommend counseling before making a decision and giving your spouse the chance to hear/understand and maybe even support your feelings.
      -Jay Dee, Founder

      1. It took me a couple of days to respond to this and I apologize for that but here’s some thoughts…

        As a bisexual and one who has been in a relationships – and even when my bisexuality has been revealed, issues with sex – both quantity and quality – have always been an issue because, as I’m sure you know, in the beginning of a relationship, the sex is torrid, hot as the sun, and can happen several times a day for X-amount of time.

        Then things start to fall off the table and while I’ve heard a lot of theories about why this happens, you can’t ponder this a whole lot because you’re trying to correct the situation and get the sex back on track. Not only do you have this to deal with, but then there’s the other side of the coin; I know that I have a craving for dick and while this isn’t a replacement for pussy, it is what it is and doing something about it is usually prohibited by the partner who ain’t putting out. So without any sort of permission to indulge in my other sexual love, I have two choices: Do nothing or wind up having to cheat.

        From a man’s perspective, it is very difficult to get your woman to increase her availability for sex without insulting her or otherwise getting into an argument about it. Sure, you could go to counseling and the counselor can suggest a lot of things that would correct the situation… but you still have to get her to not only buy into these things but be “recommitted” to sex in the relationship and then without her getting it into her head that the only time you appreciate her as a person is when she opens her legs.

        If she consents to the sex, I know that it’s only done out of obligation, you know, to shut me up and, to me, that’s worse than a mercy fuck. She will – and in my experiences – invoke “This is MY body!” and there is nothing you can do or say about that.

        You could return to counseling – a proven waste of time and money since it obviously didn’t work the first time. Here are your choices now: Remain in the relationship and helplessly watch it devolve into a sexless relationship, leave her and hope the next woman has a voracious sexual appetite, or cheat.

        None of these choices are always ideal and more so if you’ve invested a lot of years in the relationship. I have been fortunate to have been with women who knew I was bi, was very familiar with my, ah, penchant for blowjobs, and were okay with me scratching that itch when I had to as long as I didn’t bring anything home.

        But this is me and not other bi men who find themselves in this situation and it’s a bad one to be in; this is why a lot of bi men will just let this other side of them die AND still wind up stuck in a relationship where they only get sex once a year, like on their birthday – maybe and then not very damned likely because she’s going to remain miffed that you like sex with men and instead of looking at this for what it is – read this as it has nothing to do with his desire and love for her – she’s going to take it personally as in you’ve found fault in her.

        How women deal with this is beyond me. I know that whenever my ex-wife wanted pussy, it made sense to me for her to be able to get it because I would have rather been with her and she’s happy than to be around her and she’s miserable because she can’t get what she wants and needs for her sexual fulfillment.

        But how many women have a man who would agree to this and then without any strings attached? Sorry for the length of this but this is a great topic and I wanted to provide some real life insight.


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