Ready for Sex? A Few Things To Think About…

Yea, there’s that topic again, sex.

First here’s a link to the CDC to review STD rates of infection and the like.

I’ve found it’s wise to keep a few things in the front of my mind when preparing to have sex with someone you don’t know.

First and foremost, I weigh how long I have known the person and if it’s wise for me to go ahead and do what I’m about to do. If it’s someone I don’t know too well I always err on the side of caution and remember to NEVER EVER EXCHANGE BODILY FLUIDS!!!

That includes kissing…anything-herpes anyone?

If it can’t be avoided during sex and I don’t know the person well, sex can be avoided until I do know the person better AND I have recent test results in hand.

I’d rather make a date of going to get tested together and exchanging results while waiting and building anticipation vs. diving into temptation and spend a life of misery dealing with a possibly permanent STD.


Now, once all that has been done and we’re about to do the do, there’s still a few things left to do.

  • Always brush my teeth and/or gargle and swish with mouthwash
  • Always clean beneath fingernails and wash hands thoroughly
  • Clean all toys, lubricant bottles, etc with hot water and warm soap before and after using
  • Make sure all linens, lingerie/underclothes and accessories are fresh and clean (a no-brainer I know, but you’d be surprised, smh)
  • Make sure there are enough condoms, finger condoms, lube, dental dams AND whatever we need to protect ourselves (if we’re using protection) is IN ARMS REACH of where we’ll be making out. Don’t want to get caught in a hot moment without protection. -_-
  • Make sure there are paper towels and hand sanitizer in the room for cleaning our hands/genitals between different acts, toys, places, lol.
  • Baby wipes in the room for when we’re done if or anyone wants to avoid the possible sticking of paper towels
  • Lastly, a garbage bag for all the wrappers, tissues or whatever.

Sounds a bit anal-retentive I know, but I’d rather be safe than sorry any day.

For me preparation is key so we can enjoy ourselves without worry or interruption.

Do you go this far to protect yourself and your lover(s) or do you just ‘go with the flow’?

-Jay Dee, Founder



6 thoughts on “Ready for Sex? A Few Things To Think About…

  1. Such important things to keep in mind. It’s good to know (having never used one) that dental dams aren’t really worth it. They seem awkward anyway, and if I already have only a small clue of what I’m doing with a woman, there’s no sense in making it worse. That said, I don’t see myself having sexual contact with anyone I don’t trust enough to be honest with, and expect (at least hope for) the same from her.

  2. *was 13 years old in 1992 so most of my teen years I WATCHED a lot, almost most of my friends die because of small mistakes they made sexually before HIV medications were advanced and sustaining life. I’m talking YOUNG people like me were dying left and right. It was scary and molded my sexual tendencies. I wanted to live. Out of all my friends about 4 of us are still living healthy without disease and I’m only 35.

  3. This is always good advice but sometimes it seems to me that if we focus on safety and cleanliness and to the point where it becomes obsessive – and I’ve seen this too many times – when do you get to the part where you’re enjoying the sex?

    I recall a moment when I was about to get busy with a woman I was really hot for but once inside her bedroom, I thought I had walked into a surgery with all the cleaning supplies all over the place. The condoms made sense (even though we exchanged lab reports) and the oral dam she insisted on just really killed the joy of eating her; watching her make faces while she sucked me with a condom on was so off-putting even though I knew the taste was messing with her… and the loss of sensation for me had me staring at the ceiling almost the whole time.

    The condom got changed for a fresh one but not before she insisted i disinfect my cock before putting it on; I got dressed and left because there is such a thing as taking this too far; sex and fear just doesn’t mix.

    If you can’t trust the person you’re having sex with, why bother? Safe is good – no argument here – but when you’re more worried about your safety than you are into having a good time, well, that says things that can be damaging to someone’s sensibilities. The best way to be safe with sex is to not have sex at all; you can’t totally discount getting caught in a hot moment because if you’re thinking hard about not getting caught, what happens to the hot moment?

    Don’t get me wrong – you’re right on point with this but there’s a downside to it as well, like allergic reactions, loss of sensation, coitus interruptus in moments when continuity is a necessity so that no one goes from 100 to 0 and the mood is lost… and now apologies are required.

    1. Everyone I know, in my age range and below is on the protect yourself kick. I do agree if you have to use a dental dam don’t do it. It so defeats the purpose. There shouldn’t have been loss of sensation with a condom, that’s what ultra sensitive or natural feel condoms are for. Unlubricated or flavored for oral sex so she doesn’t suffer from the taste of spermicide.
      The whole sanitize the penis thing was a bit much I do agree. Say for instance my husband and I are having anal sex unprotected and he wants to go from one orifice to another. Sorry – we have to take a wash up break. It’ll get hard again. Never anal to oral or vaginal. Bacterial transference is real.
      If she’s someone we don’t know like that we switch up condoms every so often cause we go hard and don’t want one to break. We don’t focus on the whole protection thing at all. It’s a part of HOW we have sex so it’s natural and it doesn’t break our flow ever. To date we haven’t had a glitch in our groove. If anything most people I/we encounter appreciate us being so conscientious of our health and theirs and took a page from our book. Seriously. I don’t know any other way but super safe. I grew up in the HIV/AIDS boom of the 90’s where sex killed.

  4. I will admit, I have not been as careful as that about protection. Since it has only been myself and my fiance for the past three years, and we get tested together, I have not had a reason. But I am sure, if I ever find my “her”, I will be much more careful.

    And you are exactly right: all that protection may not sound romantic, but neither does herpes.

    1. Nope, herpes is not too fun. I have a family member who was fingering two girls at the bar on a drunk night. Being so called “sensual” he licked his fingers in an effort to be sexy and lure these two back to his place.
      They didn’t go home with him but in a way they did. The next morning he had a cold sore on his mouth. Then another. He shared a cigarette with another family member of ours while he had these cold sores. Now they both have herpes because he decided to finger two random women in a bar one night. To this day they have to monitor symptoms and manage outbreaks. This happened in 2012. Herpes is for life.


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