My BiWifeLife Struggles

So, in an effort to get down to the bones of things so to speak I decided to blog about my experiences since my life is pretty boring right now.

Struggles. Struggles are a huge part of why I started this blog. The struggle of finding a spouse who could love me and my sexual quirks as well as the struggle of finding a woman who is understanding enough to share me with a man.

I was blessed with a wonderfully supportive husband who doesn’t make my sexuality something I don’t like. I don’t know if that makes sense but I’ve been in relationships where I just cried and cried wishing I were straight.

I hated being bisexual. I was flawed, promiscuous, greedy, unfaithful, a sexual freak in everyone’s eyes.

I don’t know who was worse, the dudes or the chicks in my persecution.

The guys always wanted to screw my chick, my chick was always jealous of my dude. The cross jealousy was too much sometimes, especially if they didn’t like each other.

I tried to be straight. I knew I could never be a lesbian. My tang and my religious beliefs wouldn’t let me forsake penis for all of life. No way.

I tried to be a righteous woman, bowing to my husband’s will, serving God first my husband second. I tried to pray it away, ignore it and did all the torturous stuff we bi/gay folks do when we pretend or try to be straight.

It was horrible. I was haunted.

When I divorced I vowed to hold out on serious relationships with ANY GENDER unless the person was truly and fully accepting of my sexuality.

My first straight relationship out of divorce was The One. He still is.

I thought my girlfriend (who had a boyfriend/fiance) was Her. She was for a while there until her and her boyfriend broke up while I was dating my new boyfriend. She all of a sudden wanted me to go les, drop him and ride off into the sunset with her. There was no way. I was falling in love with him despite my deep and passionate love for her.

He was perfect for me, even if she wasn’t.

Her and I broke up.

Shortly after I met a woman who fell in love with both my husband and myself. She was exactly what we wanted in a female at that time. She fit us and our needs, we fit hers. It lasted a year. She loved him so much she wanted his baby and tried to go about it the sneaky way.

He ended it.

I’ve been single ever since (no girlfriend, still married of course!) and I’m just so exhausted of the extra bullshit madness that comes with the female search while being married to a man.

That’s a ride we took for a whole year. Searching for Her. #Unicorn

We met some women along the way but found it’s not always them that’s the problem. I know sometimes it can be me.

One woman we met in particular stands out in my mind. She was interested in us both, great, stable, carefree life. Good paying established career, god fearing, good family who knew her sexuality, nice home, nice car, awesome personality. She really liked us and what we were about in return.

When I met her in person she was flawless. Like perfection flawless skin, features, and gosh her shape was killer!!!

She was everything my husband wanted in a woman, they got along so well over the phone, shared so much in common. I felt threatened and I said so! He of course assured me there was no need. I didn’t believe him. We never called her back. I saw them riding off into the sunset in my mind and it scared the shit out of me. Not my husband, my perfect-for-me husband!

‘The Challenges I’ve Faced’ list could go on and on and on from finding a chill chick to renting a hotel room with 3 people.

I have no idea if I’ll ever find the woman who completes me as I’ve found the man to be my better half. What I do know is I’m tired of looking. Thus I am not. Our Universes will bring us together if we were meant to be I strongly believe.

If She’s out there.

If I get tired of waiting I’ll go looking again.

For now, I’m resting.



-Jay Dee, Founder


3 thoughts on “My BiWifeLife Struggles

  1. This blog post was so fantastic to stumble upon! I am in a situation right now were I’ve started to pursue this relationship with this girl who is also a biwife. i didn’t want to do anything without talking to our husbands, obviously, about what their feelings are and see where we can take our relationship from there.

    Her and I just started talking as pen pals who seemed to have a lot in common (my husband and I were moving to a new place and I was looking for people in the area who would maybe just help us find a good neighborhood to move to) and we got in touch with her and her husband. I got to meet her recently and it was like we knew each other forever. We went for drinks and needless to say we both weren’t shy about our affection. But I didn’t want to do anything without A. talking to the husbands and B. sobering up a bit.

    I have talked to mine and he says that it would be okay if I peruse this relationship, we talked about what he wants, he just wants me to be honest with him but doesn’t need anything else from the relationship. The conversation we had made me love my husband even more, because he understands and he was so wonderful during the whole conversation. I know that some biwifes might not be so lucky or might just be afraid to talk to their husbands about it, and trust me I was so scared to bring it up but he was wonderful through out the whole thing.

    The woman I have feelings for still hasn’t talked to hers, and I don’t want to pressure her to. I am starting to really like her though, iI liked her before when we were just messaging each other about the move but now that we’ve met I can’t stop thinking about her. And even though I have been “given permission” by my husband I still feel so guilty for getting butterfly’s when I think about her. My husband and i have been together for almost 5 years so it feels bad that the butterfly’s with him aren’t as intense. Does that make since? I don’t know I’m kinda rambling now. I’m just looking for ideas maybe women with similar experiences to ease my anxieties.

  2. The thing is, not all bisexual people need both a woman and man all the time, so the amount of bisexual people willing to share someone in a relationship dwindles when one enters a relationship. I do not think, unless I fell in love with someone else, that no matter how deep my urges for both sexes, I would even allow someone else in the bedroom while in a committed relationship, because I would feel as I was getting a free pass to cheat. Now, I have had one time things where I made everything “equal”, and I am in NO WAY putting down you or what you do, that is just how I feel,. I would also always feel like because I got to sleep with and be with someone else, that my original partner would then feel they had free rein to be with any person they felt. It really is so complicated being bisexual, but I have known since I was four that I was, and navigating it while unattached is hard enough, but when true love feelings come into play, I wish all the time I was just straight or a lesbian.

  3. Of course, I’m not a biwife… but I know some stuff and it seems to me that in order for you to find the ‘perfect’ unison with your husband and a girlfriend is to learn not to be threatened and allowing your fears to create a situation that may not even happen. It’s a bitch being bisexual… but it’s an even bigger bitch to be bisexual and polyamorous AND in a relationship because it requires a lot more work and better control of one’s negative emotions.

    Sure, you could do this without the girlfriend and hubby ever interacting with each other (and some folks handle it like this) but unless I’m wrong, this isn’t exactly what you’d want to do – you want that unity and that girlfriend who can not only be into you but is also acceptable by your husband and, at least in my opinion, this is a good thing. Alas, I know of others who have done this and set up so many rules and conditions that eventually made handling the relationships a horrible mess as they tried to protect their own insecurities more than creating a relationship environment that’s easy to manage and exist in.

    I learned, in my 20+ years of living in such a situation, that you must be fearless, that branching out into this is not for the faint of heart or weak of mind; if you have poor communication skills as well as poor management and conflict resolution skills, you (not you) will ultimately fail and more so if you also fail to throw away everything you ever learned about relationships so you can learn a whole new different way.

    I tell people this with all seriousness: Be careful what you wish for. Having that unity that blends so well with your bisexuality is such a great thing but one must understand the dynamics, the interactions that can take place – and then not only be unafraid of them but also have a plan in place to deal with it.

    Just my three cents…


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