Undefined ‘open’ relationships cause nothing but drama and pain.
You’d both have separate lives that don’t involve each other.
There will always be questions in your spouse’s mind if you’re not the type to volunteer information.
He or she will feel left out and unpleasant feelings within your spouse are sure to follow.
How do you have a girlfriend?
If your spouse is also bisexual how does he have a boyfriend?
Do you guys want other relationships or just sex?
Does your husband use protection for some things, and not others if he’s also having sex outside the marriage?
How will you know?
How will you protect yourself and your spouse from disease?
Here’s what my husband and I did and what’s worked for me in prior relationships.
We built our relationship to be strong & unbreakable by ANY AND ALL OUTSIDE SOURCES INCLUDING CHILDREN, FAMILY AND FRIENDS-BEFORE we involved other people in our lives.
Without a strong foundation a home crumbles over time.
My saying is:
“Nothing can come between you and I, but you and I.” -Jay Dee
We stick to that. We have been tested and tried time and time again in various ways, in different situations. To date nothing has even come close to breaking us apart…but us. One of my kids surely tried! (LMAO)
While working on building a strong marriage we talked for hours on end about our sexualities (not stating or suggesting my husband’s sexual identity in any way) and different ways to explore our sexualities.
- What would hurt the another
- What we didn’t mind
- What we liked
- What we didn’t like
- What we fantasized about
- What we wanted to try
- What our limitations were
- What our rules were
- and on and on and on.
The agreement we set before we began talking was BE HONEST no matter what.
No matter how embarrassing, painful, strange, nasty or weird the answer may be, we agreed to tell the truth.
Sometimes we had to find ways to creatively word things that may have been perceived as hurtful to each other.
Other times we had to take our time to answer one another’s questions, building the confidence and courage to share our deepest secrets.
No questions went unanswered.
Sometimes we had to ask the same question over and over again if we sensed a bit of omission until we got the whole truth from each other. In the end, we laid our sexual likes and dislikes completely bare with each other.
We have no sexual secrets within our marriage.
We set clear ground rules and went over them, imaginary situations and all.
We talked until there were no more questions to be asked. This didn’t happen in one night but over a period of months, and for some this can take over a year or more. Give it time, make sure no stone is left unturned.
Ask every question you can think of…then think of more!
You have no idea how many hot, steamy, nasty, creative nights we’ve had TOGETHER at just the thought of some of the things we discussed. Talking can be very, very hot!
We even watched porn with each other to show each other what we liked, what we fantasized about, and generallyshared what kind of porn we both liked.
Then we moved forward and decided to pursue trysts with other people.
Our rules are:
- Don’t have sex outside of the marriage without the other knowing who and why.
- If possible the other half of the marriage would be present, preferably participating.
- Let each other know when we feel the desire to involve someone else before acting on anything.
- Keep each other involved in the search.
- Keep each other up to date when communicating with someone new.
- Respect each other’s feelings regarding outside persons.
- If it hurts the other person, DON’T DO IT, if you’re already in the act of ‘doing it’ then STOP!
- Allow your spirit to be in tune with your spouse at all times when having a discussion or participating with an outside person. Vibes are real. Sense them, ingest them, feel what your partner feels. THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT. You are spiritually bound to your spouse in the eyes of God. You are now one. Be within him/her and allow him/her to be within you spiritually as you enjoy sexual trysts. In this way you’ll feel his/her energy totally and you’ll be on the same wave length. Literally.
To date my husband and I have never seen anyone independently or privately.
We prefer not to. That is our preference.
Although, I do sometimes crave privacy and intimacy with another female. I think it’s something a man could never understand.
Well, here’s a bit of Jay Dee’s experience when it comes to opening a marriage to other people and how to go about it without tearing your marriage apart.
Taking your time and thinking things through all the way to the end make the most sense.
Acting on impulse can destroy something you’ve always dreamed of and currently have. A good marriage.
-Jay Dee, Founder