How to Find A Mutual Girlfriend/Passing in the Summer Sun…

Honestly seems to be a problem we open minded BiWives commonly face. 

One who isn’t in our shoes cannot possibly understand the longing for someone we just can’t have. That special female who’s home when we get home from work, there by our side cooking dinner with us, snuggling in bed with us and our husband, taking trips during the summer as a family, picnics, holiday’s, cold winters, spring afternoon’s in the garden, dressing up for “date night” together and the list goes on.

Having a girlfriend join your marriage can be worlds of fun. If you can only find one! Many women don’t want to share, don’t want to be considered “second place” or feel like a third wheel.

What many women don’t understand is the truth is he was our husband first, but her boyfriend now! We understand this and expect there to be intimacy, emotions and maybe even love. The ideal would be for all 3 parties to love each other equally. Not one more than the other or treat one better than the other. We should form a perfect triangle as 3 equal parts of one whole.

Now all that sounded good but explaining this to a chick that’s used to having one boyfriend or one girlfriend is a tough sell.

Finding a girlfriend while married is hard enough.

Try finding one while married and asking her to join your family. 

A whole ‘nother creature, lol.

It’s Summer. I’m in perfect summer physical shape. My skin is glowing, my fashion is top knotch and the females notice.

Even my husband and daughter noticed how many looks, smiles and winks I get. Women overtly flirt with me and sometimes I don’t know what to do. Honestly.

Here’s the scenario:

Passing In The Summer Sun.

The sun is shining, I’m shining beautifully, feeling lovely in my city enjoying the summer sun. I’m walking down the block jamming to my Pandora, taking in the sites, scoping out photos (I’m always prepared to snap a shot of my amazing city) and all of a sudden I notice a gorgeous woman coming my way.

She’s radiant, the sun bathes her skin, her body swishes toward me moving in all the right directions and I flush. Yes, a black woman can flush, lol. I get all hot and excited. Instantly my mind decides if she’ll be receptive to any advance I might make in our upcoming fleeting moment. Most times I get the Erykah Badu, India Aire type of women who are just so darned naturally beautiful and earthy. Now, I was/am this kind of woman and most women of this type live a life of spiritual enlightenment. To have one look directly at you and emit that flame, send that spark your way can be a bit confusing seeing as most spiritually enlightened women don’t tend to lean toward bisexuality rather a life of sexual purity.

If she’s keeping up with it in the few seconds we’re walking toward each other I’ll either say something or I smile, blush and look away for some reason. Yes, this social butterfly, sexually outspoken woman has a shy streak. 

I’ve let quite a few slip away just this week alone. The ones I’ve hollered at honestly weren’t wifey material and I was just trying to fuck. This is New York, another home of the big beautiful asses and gorgeous ghetto broads looking to do just that. 

It’s a luck of the draw here. 

In any case, I’ve decided to present myself to these beautiful women who seem to want me to say something to them.

My question is why don’t they say something to me?

Why smile, flirt and just keep walking?

Does something about me say I’m the aggressive type that’ll say something first.

Does something in them make them believe they’re more ladylike than me and I must do the pursuing?

I don’t know but they say a closed mouth doesn’t get fed.

I can testify to that truth.

If I can get her, if I could allow her into my world, our world, if she allows me to love her and she loves me, then maybe I can introduce her to the idea of us both being in her life. 

If she gets to know me she’ll get to know him. 

She’ll see the benefits of being with us both, vs looking outside of us for a boyfriend that may or may not treat her well.

That’s how I’ve found someone else for us in the past…

I’m actively looking again.

#matingseason, lol



2 thoughts on “How to Find A Mutual Girlfriend/Passing in the Summer Sun…

  1. Haha the #matingseason cracked me up. I am most definitely stealing that. I love the way you put thoughts together. I too am a confident woman in my bisexuality. I have seen so many looking for the magic answer to meeting a soul mate. And I agree with you, if you do not try you will never know what could be. I have actually never struggled in my personal life at meeting woman. I think the key is remembering that picking up a woman is not much different from picking up a guy. You flirt, you play the game. It has been a while since I have been on the “hunt” Per say. But reading your blog over the last week has awoken a need in me. So let the hunt begin. I do not tend to concern myself with wondering whether she is open to being with a woman or not. I simply seek out attraction, if I see a woman that catches my eye then I introduce myself and start a conversation. I am a shoe hound so I generally start there, I mean what woman wouldn’t be excited to tell you where she bought her latest set of cute strappy pumps. Then I share a funny story I have about shoe shopping which gets them really smiling. I like to touch so I will make sure as I laugh to lean forward and touch their arm or hand. Nothing gropy or inappropriate, I am just trying to make a connection. Then I will focus in on something personal like a pretty ring, a braclet, a watch or their nails. Tattoos can work nicely for this also. I notice it so let’s say bracelet. “That is such a beautiful bracelet. Where did you get that?” Or “is that for special?” The entire time she talks about the bracelet, I am holding her hand and touching her wrist. I listen intently, &angling on every word. Before I release her hand I smile and give it a gentle squeeze. Before we part I will let her know how happy I was to meet her and I will give her my name and number, I will sign off with a “call me, XOXO.” And I will suggest drinks some time. Then it is in their court, with this I have done two things. One i have given them the control. They can decide if I made them uncomfortable. And choose to call or let it go. Second I have opened the door to being affectionate in the future, because I have established that I am an affectionate person and proven that I believe they are worthy of my affection. This lea e’s them feeling special. I have done this many times and almost everyone has called me back. Now the key is understanding that all this says is that she is willing to get to know you better. I never talk Sexuality I just let my actions raise the question. Next time we meet for drinks or coffee, maybe a lunch. When we meet I embrace her and kiss her on the cheek. I do not do the quick hi peck peck. My kiss lasts for a full three Count which is just long enough to feel intentional. I have already established I am touchy Feely so I continue this. Eventually she will ask me if I am into woman or do I realize I am flirty. Then I explain my desires, some say yes others say no. But I always make friends.


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