The Complicated Husband…

There are many, many variations of husband’s who are not supportive. Here’s a few:





And more…*can you name any?*

They are all the type of husband I’ve had to deal with all 4 rolled in one at one point. Let me break it down to you.

We were a very spiritual couple. Active in our spiritual community, active volunteers I a religious class teacher.

Let me rewind, when I met him I’d just asked my long term girlfriend to marry me. Literally about 2 weeks before I met him. I met him and instantly he swept off my feet. His love enveloped me and I couldn’t stop it. I told her, told him about her and they both kind of just existed in my life for a while there. I lived with her, when I was with her I was with her. He and I were dating, we dated. She was willing to see him and I grow while remaining my girlfriend, holding off marriage so I could have the spiritual wedding I’d always wanted. She would still be my wife, she wasn’t going anywhere.

He couldn’t deal with his girl having a girlfriend and gave me an ultimatum after he and I got pretty serious. Her or him. I had to choose or he’d choose for me. He was perfect. Worked on Wall St., tall, dark, handsome in an elegant way, well spoken, financial wizard, excellent lover, financially stable, 2 cars, house in the burbs, wanted me to stay home and run my own business while he supported me through college. I didn’t have a degree but wanted one badly. Providing for myself took precedence and I was always to busy for school.

He bought me expensive gifts constantly provided all needs & wants. He was kind, funny-hilarious, God fearing, into his religious community, took care of his mother, younger siblings, nieces and nephew and even extended family if they called him in a time of need. Emotionally, financially he was there for everyone.

This man was a walking dream come true and he wanted to build a life with me! He’d fallen in love just as quickly as I did and he did not want to share.

He began to use our spiritual and religious beliefs to convince me to leave her alone, leave all women alone. He reminded me I was going to hell, told me to rely on God for strength to cleanse myself of this stain and on and on and on.

He was outwardly homophobic which led me to believe he was secretly bisexual but I never could find proof of it. If we saw two men or women on the street kissing he’d get angry, he’d “grill face” obviously gay men and women as they passed us on the street, made loud, rude comments to provoke fights. He even did this in the West Village, NYC, notoriously LGBT area of the city and my second home!!!

My female fiancee and I built our relationship with I being single, her being with the father of my step daughter, thier daughter. Their relationship did not work out. Her and I moved on with each other. We were happy, had plans, we were beginning to dream with each other. Her daughter literally called me Mommy Too. I shopped for the perfect ring, got down on one knee and asked her in front of friends! She was such a good woman she was willing to allow me to marry a man for my religious beliefs and personal happiness while still being my woman. I encouraged her to do the same if he could accept our relationship. Now he wanted me to leave her alone totally and completely!

I did. I suffered for many years wishing I chose her over him. She was so good. He turned out to be so not good. smh. When it glitters like that it can’t possibly be real….


He did allow me to sleep with another woman for his own personal gain-not perverted gain. It was delicious, ongoing and it benefited us in various ways. It didn’t matter to me why he let it happen I was addicted to her. She was an older southern woman with big hips, a firm round ass and a juicy pussy like ripe mangoes. Sheesh, I couldn’t wait for  her to call me and tell me to come over! He’d get upset but he’d see me to her door and remind me not to be too long. We’d stretch it out for as long as we could. I never wanted to leave from between her thighs! Sometimes I’d leave and she’d call me back the same day, a few times. I prayed for those days, God forgive me if I was wrong. I was sincere. She was like my drug..

She was the only one he let me sleep with ongoing. When it stopped serving his purpose, he put an end to it. While it was ongoing he would accuse me of planning to leave him for her, her satisfying me more than him (although she never once touched me, lol), I was secretly a lesbian, all types of accusations that were way off. I just loved her fruit. Truth is she and I didn’t get along well outside of the bedroom.

There were other relationships where my partner let me be with a woman only if he could watch or participate. The religious homophobe did that for a while. Made me get other women so he could have sex with  him. I didn’t want to share him, I just wanted to be with another woman. I did that, sometimes, most times I wouldn’t even be with her because y you can’t put a condom on a tongue and protect the entire mouth. I couldn’t just sleep with every woman he wanted to screw.

I’ve had arguments, shed tears and even lost relationships due to  my love for another woman and not always on board with threesomes or sharing my man.

The ONLY ADVICE I CAN GIVE is to decide what’s best for you, truly evaluate how you feel, take a look at the situation from all perspectives and do what you think is going to work best for you. NOBODY CAN TELL YOU WHAT TO DO AND NOT DO with your life! You have to choose your own path. Especially in major life choices

You can always ask for advice but the reality is you are just waiting for someone to tell you what you want to hear, what you already think you should do. You need to hear it from someone else.

Don’t allow someone to influence your marriage. Unless you are being hurt, are in a dangerous situation or fear for your life you should make your own decisions with your spouses heart and emotions in mind.

Marriage is between you and your husband alone.

I chose to stay married, try to pray the gay away and went along with his program with every fiber of my being screaming for freedom. I chose to remain because I thought the sacrifice was worth the life and sweet love he gave me. My sister reminded me there is no price for being who I was, my best friend said I was bought and paid for. They were probably right. I lost a huge part of my being in that marriage. I’m still recovering almost 5 years later, remarried.

He only loved half of me, the straight half. He never loved my entire being. I loved all of him.

My current husband loves all of my being, I all of his. I am free, but not without challenges. He can get jealous too, he’s human, he can be perverted too at times, he’s a man. Most times he just allows me to be me.

I am very firm in my sexuality, in expressing my needs, conceding on wants when need be for the greater good. Today I personally refuse to compensate my being for the happiness of each other

I am not anyone’s entertainment, unless I feel like being naughty and putting on a show. I’m not a long term extra-pussy-getter, unless I feel like I want to be extra  naughty want to tag team with him.

I am bisexual. I love women, I love men. Love me or leave me alone. That’s my stance. I told my current husband first date, as I did my last. He was very supportive and promised not to stand in the way of my freedom.

Most of our dates were in the West Village  and the Meat Packing District *fabulous fashion* as I gradually introduced him to my world, the LGBT community. He marched with me in the LGBT parade last year, he drove me to the Transcending Boundaries Conference to help promote BiWifeLife.

Selfishly I must admit we needed the mini vacay. lol

He is BiWifeLife’s number one supporter from conception.

He encourages me to write, provides me with a lifestyle that allows me to focus on writing and promoting Our blog.

Kudos to my hubby!

BiWives out there, where are you within you today and where do you want to be?



One thought on “The Complicated Husband…

  1. Wow! Thank you for sharing that story. I wish I could be as open and honest as you.
    I am still trying to sift through my feelings and emotions. I do know two things for certain: 1) I am bisexual, and 2) I love my future husband with all my life. While my future hubby knows about my attraction to women (we both often joke of having similar celeb crushes), I don’t think he has actually categorized me as bisexual. Or maybe he has, who knows? We don’t talk about it except for jokingly when one of us gets caught staring at another woman.
    I guess I can understand the jealousy aspect of the whole thing: could I live with my future husband having another person outside our marriage? I say I can now, but would I change my mind if the opportunity arose in real life? And could I ask him to be tolerant of my desires for that as well? …I just don’t know. But that is why I am here, right?
    I know I won’t find all my answers at one time. But I appreciate this website as a place to go while we figure it all out. Bless you all!


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