Example: Love & Hip Hop Put a Ring on It S4Ep.11
Rich, a music producer has been involved in a long-term relationship with Erica.
It ends for various reasons, Erica moves on.
She begins dating another woman-Cyn (pronounced Sin). He watches their relationship grow with animosity and a cocky indifference believing Erica would be back.
He decides enough nice guy, he’s going for “his woman” (despite her being in a very public and serious relationship with a woman). Now he’s finally ready to fully commit after playing games with Erica for some time relationship wise. He figures he shows up, promises all is well she’ll come home to him.
Erica stayed with Cyn, rebuffing his attempts. She said she was very serious about her new girlfriend and didn’t want to be with him anymore, but she wanted to be in a business relationship with him. (see the Mac Truck?)
Erica now wants him, and Cyn by this time. Erica now loves Cyn…and him. She’s trying to hold on to Cyn but can’t resist Rich.
Erica is trying to keep the two apart because they argue and cause scenes.
Erica is in a business relationship with Rich and cannot avoid seeing him regularly.
Erica is now stuck between the two. Her man and business partner, and her girl.
He acknowledges and disrespects her relationship. Cyn is upset and is being hurt by being caught in the middle and being told she’s loved, by Cyn.
Erica is doing more than business with Rich after a while and things get out of hand when Cyn finds out.
Let’s stop there. *Horns begin blaring, an announcement is made…**
“BI CRISIS!!! BI CRISIS!!! BI CRISIS!!!” is blared from unknown speakers in your head followed by “BI-DRAMA!!! BI-DRAMA!!! BI-DRAMA”.
Or “Typical bi girl bullshit.” as an offhanded thought.
Either way, I so do not indulge. I say Bye-Drama just once, & I’m so serious about it. 😀
We weren’t always married women, we were single at one point. Whether we had girl on girl encounters before we were married varies widely in our community, but believe me, being bi can be very stressful and dramatic. For more than just the bi woman at the center of the triangle. There are three people’s emotions to consider. Two people in a relationship can be very hard, add one more, with just as much hormones as you!
I’ve led a very alternative sexual lifestyle, nowhere near the norm so I won’t put myself in the box with you “normal” ladies. I’ve been through tons of relationship hell…and heaven. With hers and hims. I’ve also been married 3 times. Bisexual the whole time.
Add a wedding ring and a man with the thought process of he has the right to claim “possession” over you, and bi wife can be pure hell. Marriages based on state law and religion. Ex:You had a church wedding and registered your lisc. with the state, attend services and belong to a religious community. If your marriage is religious based and you take your beliefs seriously, being bi is a thousand times worse in marriage. I don’t know a religion yet that accepts homosexuality. I’ve also yet to see a Bible, Torah or Quran verse that states woman shall not lie with woman…but that’s my own stuff right there.
Anyway, the many different ways your life can spiral out of control quickly from what I’ve experienced can be:
- He feels neglected
- He becomes emotionally unpredictable, i.e emotional
- He throws the kids in there somewhere
- Thinks you spend too much time talking about her,
- Too much time with her
- Too much time, talking to her
- Too much time thinking about her.
- He feels his marriage is threatened now
- He becomes sexually jealous of her.
- She feels like you really don’t belong to her
- She becomes more demanding of your time
- She becomes sexually jealous of him
- She becomes emotionally possessive
- She throws her kids in there somewhere (if she has any and you relate to her children)
- She argues or fights with him
- He argues or fights with her
- They talk negative about each other behind each other’s backs-to you.
- Each tries to convince you to leave the other alone
- Both or one threatens to end the relationship
- Both or one begins arguing and fighting with you
- One or both relationships begin to deteriorate
- Both or one demand an ultimatum
- You experience a painful break up with either, the existing relationship suffers.
- You get fed up and break up with both
The list can go on and on with so many possibilities & variables. Those are just the ones I could rattle off the top of my head keeping in mind the things I’ve experienced while maintaining two relationships.
We can also make our own lives hell by:
- Not being totally honest with each partner
- Not sharing our time equally
- Not putting our marriage first
- Not drawing clear boundaries-and sticking to them
- Allowing ourselves to be influenced by “feelings”
- Not prioritizing our actions
- Not respecting our partner’s or spouses boundaries
- Allowing our partner or spouse to violate each other’s boundaries
- Not keeping our spouse totally updated and “in the loop”
- Talking bad about one to the other
- Using one to replace what we feel the other is lacking
- Not promoting friendship between the two
- Keeping secrets
Another list that can go on and on.
The above example of Richie and Erica is a Bi-Crisis being fueled by Erica.
She’s playing both sides of the fence unable or unwilling to stick to her guns on either or even her own side.
When getting involved with another woman remember you are getting involved with another emotional creature. One with lots of hormones, such as estrogen which fluctuates monthly. Oh yea, PMS can be ugly on the receiving end. All the stuff she’s been cool about all month becomes exacerbated, whether she means to or not. Not every woman is like this, but most are. If your relationship with her isn’t in tip-top shape, it will get tried at least once a month. Can you deal with that, marriage and the rest of your life?
Can you just avoid all the extra stuff and keep a friend with benefits?
Can you be perfectly honest, transparent, equal with two human beings at the same time?Ask yourself this before you embark upon a relationship with a woman.
Anything dramatic can happen at any time…even without you being aware. A word, a gesture, a missed call, a too long conversation can so quickly turn your life topsy-turvy.
Being a BiWife can be one helluva ride!
Your thoughts, comments, stories?
*I hope to read some very interesting thoughts and stories below this one!*