Poly Love & Relationship Issues *Question from Emily*

“Hello Jay Dee, Could you share your experience with the girlfriend that you and your husband shared? Specifically, how did that effect your relationship – was there jealousy – trust issues? When I look online for how a threesome effects a marriage, there are some horror stories out there. Your open relationship seems to be working well, just hoped you could share some insights.” -Emily

To be perfectly honest my husband and I didn’t experience ANY negative issues within our marriage due to the other female being a part of our relationship in either relationship we shared with another female. Both my husband and I were married before- long term. Obviously they weren’t good marriages or we wouldn’t be married to each other today. The crazy part is we both experienced hell at the hands of our prior spouses. We were the good spouses, each of us initiating divorce upon our spouses for their wrong-doings to us. No, we did not know each other during the time of our previous marriages. We were lucky to find and fit each other so well. Who knew there was hope after divorce, lol?

We are very good to each other and we promised each other to not allow the issues from our prior experiences into this new and beautiful relationship we were building when we were dating. We are adults with life experience, we are in control of our peace of mind, creators of our own drama. As long as we understand those two very important points we keep our marriage pretty peaceful and grounded. When one of us imperfect humans forgets, the other kindly reminds. 🙂

The one thing that is absolutely solid in our marriage is effective communication. Speak your mind honestly and be clear about your feelings as possible is our number one rule. When we decided to get married to each other we swore to each other we would allow NONE of the issues that were in our prior marriages (trust issues, insecurities, jealousy, anger, arguments, fights, etc) would EVER become a part of the marriage we were planning on embarking upon, what’s the sense of repeating the painful past in a new relationship? To date we’ve kept our word-even when it’s been really hard to do so.

Honestly we are almost like one person. We flow effortlessly together in most aspects and when we are with a female we think almost as one person. I am acutely aware of his every feeling and emotion as he is mine and we strive to be as in tune with her needs and wants as well as our own.

We DO NOT have an open relationship. AT ALL. We are a traditionally married couple with two kids, dog, cats, home, etc. He works, comes straight home to dinner and works from home until bed time. If the weekend comes along and we decide we want to share our bed with a female we will. If not we won’t. He doesn’t flirt or sleep with other women unless I am present. I don’t sleep with other women without him unless he gives the go ahead. Some, most women, aren’t into threesomes. I’m the bisexual partner. If I’m really into her and she’s not into being with him how can he say no? He respects my need for female intimacy. He doesn’t solicit women to bring home nor does he ask me to bring females home. There’s just no pressure between us. We mutually decide that’s what we want and that’s what we go for. We share the same taste in females so that’s great. We don’t bicker over the type of woman to pursue.  We both share the same desire for a life with a female we’re both compatible with so that eliminates all the jealousy and trust issues.

I personally love enjoying another woman’s body with my husband. He’s very loyal and I know his heart is mine, he won’t cross lines and see her outside of our mutual relationship. He’ll also tell me very quickly if she suggests they do so. It has happened, he declines and informs me, I remind her of boundaries and hope she understands. If not, she’s not for us.

What we do sexually is just sexually, and we do some hot stuff together! What’s to be jealous about? i have the home, the marriage license and his heart. I don’t mind sharing his wonderful penis. Why keep a good thing to myself when I can share the good vibrations! 🙂

If she’s our mutual girlfriend we’re very open and honest with her about our feelings, we never treat her as a third wheel or second place, . I’m not an emotional female, I don’t fall in love easily and I take a logical approach to everything I do. He’s in love with his wife and he makes that clear when we begin dating a female. He can fall in love but he’s surely a tough cookie to crack. I worked hard for his love, he did not fall easy at all, and he surely worked hard for mine…she’ll have to work just as hard as we did.

Our ideal would be to add another female to our marriage and eventually build a family with her. I cannot have children naturally any longer and my only fear is a female will bear my husband’s child which I can’t bear the thought of without bearing one for him myself. We share no mutual children although we do have a blended family with our children from prior relationships.  If a female did become pregnant at that point I would most likely remove myself from the equation. He says he would not allow another woman to bear his child before we have one of our own by always using protection no matter what. He’s proven himself to be true to his word. Our mutual girlfriend did ask over and over again for him to give her a baby, let’s stop using protection. We patiently explained we were working on finding a way to have a child together and until then we couldn’t go that direction with her. She was persistent and it pushed him away from her, he became distant and didn’t look forward to seeing her. I was just plain hurt she couldn’t respect how much it hurt me she could just make love to him and bear his child and I couldn’t.  Eventually he told her to stop asking it was upsetting us both and hurting me. She did stop asking but one day she sneakily tried to make him ejaculate in her by slipping the condom off while they were in the throes of being intimate. We noticed almost right away and stopped making love immediately. He stopped speaking to her for about 4 months. She got the point. She never brought it up again.

The only issues we’ve had within our one Triad was the female attempting to overstep boundaries that were clear.

We’re both loving, compassionate with big hearts, a love for big families, god fearing, creative & artistic, educated, fun to be around, love to travel, and on and on. We’re hoping to find someone to fit us the way we fit each other. That’s the key, creating a harmony between all three people and keeping in mind the marriage bond is sacred, so is your spouse. Respect is paramount for every single party involved so is compassion and understanding. It’s not about him and I, it’s about the three of us being equally satisfied and happy in all aspects of the relationship. If something is off kilter we address it immediately and  encourage her to do the same. If we can’t resolve it we discuss other options to deal with the situation. If she just doesn’t fit us, she just doesn’t fit. If we just don’t fit her we just don’t fit her.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. 🙂 I guess the threesome thing works for us because we understand it’s only physical pleasure, the Triad works for us because we understand the work it requires to keep a healthy relationship.

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3 thoughts on “Poly Love & Relationship Issues *Question from Emily*

  1. Thanks for answering my question so thoughtfully! Sounds like you have a very strong relationship with good communication. It’s encouraging to read a positive response.

    1. Thanks! I’m glad I could be of assistance. Any other questions ask away! I need article ideas, lol. 🙂

      Be sure to invite friends or whomever you think would benefit from OUR blog. This is a place for US. Biwives, our supporters and friends.

      I hope to see you often!

      -Jay Dee

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