How Do I find a girlfriend or lover?

Perhaps your first experience was with a best friend, someone you knew in college, a co-worker, or maybe just a casual acquaintance. Regardless of how it went down, somewhere along the lines, you’ve decided you’re bisexual. What kind of bisexual do you want to be? A closet bigirl who secretly sleeps with “friends?” A wild swinger girl who loves threesomes and adult parties? A secret BiWife taking risks with your marriage? It is possible to be with one woman and your husband and have “monogamous” relationships with both.

This blog is for bisexual married women who wish to have open and honest relationships with both genders. I don’t promote behaviors that jeopardize the sacred institution of marriage. With that being said, if hubby’s on board, and you’re ready to jump into the dating pool, what do you do next?

When you don’t have a girlfriend how do you get one…if you’re already married?

woman thinking

Trust me, it’s not that easy (sometimes with a stroke of luck it is ;))

Most single women are appalled at the thought of being with a married woman. Women don’t like to share. Many women think it’s wrong of us to go outside our marriage when we are blessed enough to have one.

On the other hand, there are some women who naturally lean toward married women: other married women and busy single women. Other wives, moms and career women who have their own lives like the fact that you don’t have the time to invade their lives but you can spend time with her.

Other wives or moms may be able to integrate activities on her schedule with yours so you both meet your obligations but spend quality time. Activities involving the kids are another way many married women meet each other. It’s only natural considering you two are spending time doing the same things, in the same places, sharing  the same interests, with similar situations.  Of course you’d become familiar! You’d be surprised to learn who’s bisexual and who’s attracted to you too!

So how do you meet women? How do you find a woman you can be with without disrupting your marriage or interfering with your time? Do you become friends first? Do you connect with another wife, mother or career woman?

Sure, there are many ways to meet women, but there’s no surefire easy way. It all depends on your lifestyle. There are websites, meetings, groups, social clubs and events dedicated to bisexual women. You can even make casual conversation (think grocery store, bookstore, clothing store, etc) and flirt a bit to see how she reacts.

Then there’s always the old “eye”.

girls laughing

Yup. You know the eye. The eye that says “I want you.” Be on the lookout for it because there’s lots of BiWives just like you who don’t know how to meet someone but they know you’re HOT! Their eyes just can’t hide it.


Being from New York, one of my favorite past times is people watching. I’ve been studying people visually since I was a kid. Wherever I go. You’d be surprised what you see if you actually pay attention to the people around you (and how they react to you) instead of just blindly going through your day absorbed in your own world.

Pay attention to people around you. Notice who notices you. Selectively notice back. Determine if coy or forward is the best route. Ladies, you know how to be ladies don’t ya?

There are many ways someone who finds you attractive deals with reacting to first seeing you. Body language is 90% of the communication and people say a lot when they first lay eyes on someone they find attractive, even if not a single word is uttered.

There are many ways you can convey to a woman you’re attracted to her without being lewd or rude. You know how to be sexy, attractive and enticing don’t you ladies? (if not email me, I can help with that 🙂

Maybe a little eye contact, a blush of the cheek, a nibble on your bottom lip, a bat of the eyes from across the room. See how she reacts. If she doesn’t, don’t worry. If she has a negative reaction, move your attention elsewhere, no need to be pushy. Try something different. You never know, you just might meet someone new!

Two friends
Two friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If she responds, build a friendship first.   It’s best to know her before becoming involved. Women are emotional creatures.

Make sure to tell your husband about your new found friend. Introduce the two if you and your lady get serious, emotional, decide to have sex, or if he gets curious about her. Don’t fight to keep them apart, it will cause a lot of stress and arguments. It’s best to have all parties meet at least once, speak openly, and understand each relationship and it’s boundaries. Stick to the rules and if something changes, meet again. Don’t change the rules on your own. Somebody will get hurt.

Get him involved and as excited as you are. After all, if she could prospectively be a part of your life one day, she’ll be a part of his as well. If you do move on to the intimacy, make sure you get tested TOGETHER before having sex and he is aware of your plans. Know her sexual relationship status with any other persons before you go diving in. *no pun intended* Is she having unprotected sex with anyone else? You have the right to ask and know. Your health is your husband and family’s health as well!

Choose the best time and place for your trysts. Remember sex and emotions are sometimes one and the same for women. Be ready for an emotional relationship and deeper feelings if you two make fireworks. Treat her well, always respect her feelings, stay honest, keep open lines of communication, remain balanced and equal to both partners, and respect your husband at all times. These are very important when seeking a long-term girlfriend.

Good luck out there ladies! Remember you are married and your marriage comes first in my book. Girlfriends are great but the husband is “until death do us part.” Keeping our marriages healthy and happy are paramount to longevity. In a religious marriage or one conducted in a religious institution (such as a church) the husband’s final word is law in the household – but your girlfriend’s feelings should always be treated as equally important. Nobody wants to feel like second place. Especially not your new girlfriend.

Those of you who have had a girlfriend, lover, bffwb, or are actively looking for the same, tell me about it. Care to share?

Maybe introduce yourself on our Connect Here! page.

Leave your thoughts and  comments below, looking forward to hearing from you ladies! 🙂


-Jay Dee



8 thoughts on “How Do I find a girlfriend or lover?

  1. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one feeling this way. It’s kinda hard to find someone who is willing to “dive in” when they know you’re married. But I’m still looking. I’m just now saying it, though I’ve felt it for years. Yes I am bi, yes I’m looking, yes I’ll treat her like a queen. #marriedbiandlooking

  2. Hello Jay Dee, Could you share your experience with the girlfriend that you and yoiur husband shared? Specifically, how did that effect your relationship – was there jealousy – trust issues? When I look online for how a threesome effects a marriage, there are some horror stories out there. Your open relationship seems to be working well, just hoped you could share some insights.

    1. I’m a married woman who has always been truly bisexual. My husband and I have had some girlfriends, mostly sexually. Yes, if you lay down the law and follow the rules, then I believe you can have a successful husband and girlfriend a…. well, it’s worked for us for ten years. … but now I am without female companionship and I am looking for a TRUE girlfriend, like someone who could come over and make me soup when I’m sick. . . .

  3. Great posting! I have always had terrible luck with the ladies (o: It was always so easy to meet guys. I have found that my gaydar is becoming more refined where I can fairly accurately guess. Mostly because I know it exists – I was surprised the other day by catching eye contact and a smile with a gal in the cafeteria, she ended up behind me in line and made an effort to talk. Like Ive said before Im not actually looking for someone – but I do feel fortunate to have found a lesbian friend at work.

    1. That’s so cool! Thank you for sharing! That’s just how it happens.
      I was on the train the other day and the most beautiful woman began silently but overtly flirting with me. She was so gorgeous I was confused whether to say something or not. Maybe two stops later while I was still deciding what to say another beautiful woman got on the train and began flirting as well! I was in shock. I was so stunned, both were gorgeous and I looked so average that day. I couldn’t pick which one to talk to so I just blushed my way to my stop and got off. I couldn’t rightfully give them both my number…or could I? Just imagine the fun, lmao! 🙂 totally just kidding. At least you made a friend. I’m hoping to find one myself…my bi side is so lonely. 😦
      I prefer relationships, not fwb’s.


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